Chapter 11
Eleven days was all he got. Eleven days of Nick and Harry’s undivided attention, eleven days of slowly becoming comfortable with who he was. Eleven days of figuring out who he was, slowly, but surely. Eleven days with a new phone, no sign of his mum’s negative influence. Eleven days of figuring out how he was going to tell the boys, the most important people in his life. Eleven days of realizing that he didn’t want the world to know until after tour. Eleven days.
And on the twelfth day, the headline LITTLE LOUIS TOMLINSON: Mother Tells All appeared on the front page of The Sun. He woke up like he normally would, Harry coming in to get him as Nick was already at work. He still blushed when he was being changed; he wasn’t sure the small bit of embarrassment he felt would ever go away. Rehearsals with Helene had begun and Louis couldn’t be more excited for tour. Once downstairs, the boy was placed onto the couch with his phone as normal. Louis was finding himself wanting to deal with his phone less and less, and Nick and Harry were more than happy to reply to his emails and keep in communication with Alberto. As tour hadn’t started yet, there was not much dialogue needed to be had with their management. They were planning on sitting down with the relevant management and PR people before they left for tour; it was a conversation Louis was scared to have, but he knew it was necessary. And his daddies would be there, so he knew he’d be okay. His daddies, something he had taken to calling them in his head, but he couldn’t out loud. It was like he was waiting for the right time, for the perfect moment to spring up where he could start calling his daddies just that.
Louis’ stomach dropped when he hit the home button on his phone, seeing that he had myriad missed texts, from the boys, management, Alberto, essentially everyone who had his phone number. Scared to check his texts, he went to twitter, knowing that his timeline would tell him everything he needed to know. He let out a pained cry after reading the first tweet he saw, unable to comprehend what his eyes were seeing. There was a picture of The Sun’s front cover exclaiming: LITTLE LOUIS TOMLINSON: Mother Tells All. It happened. It shouldn’t have happened. He couldn’t breathe.
His ears couldn’t hear, his eyes couldn’t see, his brain felt like it was going to explode. All he could think was about everyone’s reaction when they found out that he was a little. That he lied to them for years. His life was over. The band was over. Everything good in his life was coming to a close right before his eyes.
Harry felt like a fucking idiot. He checked his phone for the first time while making Louis’ morning bottle, seeing texts fly in from Nick exclaiming that he was coming home, that he needed to see Louis.
FUCK
Just got word of the suns headline. Louis’ mum ratted him out.
Released it around thirty min. ago.
Don’t wake him up yet. Freaking out.
About to leave work. Text u on my way home.
He heard a pained scream as he was finishing up reading, quickly running into the living room. Louis’ face was white and his body was shaking, the boy having a panic attack. Harry moved over to Louis, starting to coach the boy through his breathing. It took over ten minutes for him to have his breathing return to normal.
Louis couldn’t stop crying, he felt like he was being stabbed all over his body. He couldn’t handle this. He was going to tell the world on his terms, in the way that he wanted, but now everyone knew. And it all happened at the hands of his own mother. How was he handed such a bad hand in life? He couldn’t comprehend what he did to deserve this no matter how hard he thought about it.
“Louis, love, look at me please. It’s going to be okay, I promise it’ll be okay,” Harry repeated over and over, rubbing the boy’s back softly.
The little opened his eyes, looking up at Harry, breathing heavy. He’d never looked more distraught, tears falling in streams down his face, cheeks blotchy and red.
Harry took the time to continue speaking now that the boy was looking at him: “It’ll be okay, my sweet boy, everything will be okay. Nick and I are here, we’re going to make sure everything’s okay.”
Louis’ sobs picked up at his words, throwing himself into the man’s lap with a cry of “Daddy”.
He finally said it, he’d finally granted Harry the highest honor that a p-dom could receive; a name from their little. But Harry didn’t feel any excitement at it, not when his baby had called him it out of distress. He knew that his boy needed him, and he would live up to all of the expectations that the word daddy came with.
“That’s right, daddy’s here,” Harry soothed, moving the boy into a more comfortable position on his lap. There was nothing that Harry could do besides speak gently to Louis and hold him tightly, and that was the worst part of all of this. He wanted nothing more than to go back in time and send Louis’ mum money, just so that his baby boy wouldn’t be suffering as much as he was right now. The garage door sounded, and shortly afterwards the front door opened and closed quickly. Harry looked up at Nick’s pale face, eyes alight with worry for the little boy that was bundled on his lap.
Nick moved to sit next to Harry, cautiously placing a hand on Louis’ back. The crying boy looked at Nick, his expression breaking the daddy’s heart. He reached a hand out, wanting to feel both of his daddies surrounding him. He needed them.
The past eleven days had shown him that he couldn’t do this alone, and he wasn’t sure what had ever made him think he could. He knew that the men would provide him with everything he needed, be it help, love, or guidance. That was who he was, like it or not. It had been eleven days, a small number that felt like a lifetime in a way. He knew that he had a long way to go, but he was getting there.
With both of his daddies shrouding him in cuddles, Louis continued to cry. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do.
Once his crying slowed a while later, Louis sat up in Harry’s lap, addressing the men.
“Everyone knows. I was supposed to tell them! It’s too soon, it’s too soon.”
Nick sighed before answering, “Sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to, and this is a very big thing. I wish we could turn back time, but we can’t. Do you trust your daddies to help you?”
Louis nodded, eyes wide.
“Good, because we will do everything we can to make you comfortable, love.” Harry promised, “Now there are a few things we can do. Do you want to talk to the boys right now? Rehearsals start in forty minutes. We can do this one of two ways: we can both go or I can go so they don’t suspect anything going on with the both of us. Take some time to think about it.”
Thinking about it, Louis realized that there was no way the boys would believe him, not if his own mum ratted him out.
“Maybe you go. I-I just don’t want them knowing everything yet. It’s too early. I need to feel like I have some bit of control over my life, you know? I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings.” Louis’ stomach clenched at his own words, scared that he’d offended Harry. Him and Nick were doing so much for him and he didn’t even want the world to know, could there be a worse little?
Harry was quick to reply, “Lou, baby, of course that doesn’t hurt my feelings. We are willing to wait as long as you need to tell people.”
Louis looked up at him gratefully before wrapping his arms around the man from where he was seated on his lap.
He took a deep breath before whispering, “Thank you, daddy”. He liked the way his stomach swooped when he said the word, the way it made him feel warm inside.
Harry cooed, feeling his heart soar at the use of the word. “Anything for you, my sweet boy.”
Nick wasn’t upset; he really wasn’t. Logically, he understood why the boy would give Harry a name first. He had been close with Harry for five years; he knew Harry on a friend level, he trusted Harry. It wasn’t to say that he didn’t think Louis trusted him, he knew he did. It would just take him time to get to that level with Nick. And the man was okay with it, he knew the day Louis gave him a name was drawing closer and closer. He could wait.
“All right, love, I’m going to have to get up now to get ready to go. My phone’s buzzing, I assume it’s Dale out front. I’ll take care of everything, okay? Just try and relax with Nicky.”
Louis crawled into Nick’s lap, needing to feel the comfort of a warm body. Harry leaned over, pressing a kiss to Louis’ cheek and one to Nick’s lips.
“Nick, just check your phone, I’ll let you know what’s going on. Love you both.”
Once Harry left, the two remaining men just sat snuggled up in a comfortable silence. It was what Louis needed, and Nick was more than happy to give it to him. The boy allowed himself to relax his mind; there was no reason for him to be big, his daddies would take care of everything. The silence was broken when Louis’ stomach grumbled loudly, the boy realizing for the first time how hungry he was.
“Baba?” Louis asked in a soft voice, rubbing his cheek against Nick’s t-shirt.
“Of course, little cub, you stay right here and I’ll go make you one.”
When he came back armed with a warm bottle, Louis crawled onto Nick’s lap and positioned himself, eager to drink the formula. It was quickly growing to be Nick’s favorite activity, giving the boy a bottle. It was a time when Louis was completely dependent on him, looking up to him with wide eyes, letting out snuffly little breaths. It allowed him to truly bask in the perfection that was their little boy.
Nick felt the boy wetting his diaper while he drank, something that was becoming a normal thing. He figured he’d just give Louis a bath after he finished up his breakfast, knowing that the boy’s mood would brighten at the prospect of bubbles. He knew that bath time was Louis’ favorite activity, loving the ridiculous amount of toys that he had. Louis’ first full on tantrum was the result of Harry not being able to find the pirate ship that they had bought at YSL when Louis asked for it. The boy screamed and cried until he had a new one, courtesy of Alberto running out to Baby, Baby and getting one at Harry’s request. It was apparent that no one could resist the little’s charm; Nick couldn’t blame them.
Once Louis had finished up the bottle Nick burped him gently, humming a tune.
“Guess what time it is?” Nick sang.
Louis let out a little gasp, turning to look the man in his eyes. “Bath time?”
“That’s right! Bath time!” Nick answered. Louis clapped his hands together, pressing a quick kiss onto Nick’s cheek. The boy was getting less and less hesitant with his affection as he became more regressed. It pained Nick and Harry to watch the way that he would lean into them and move away quickly as if he’d been burnt. The daddies learned quickly that praise and returned affection helped the boy become more comfortable. Louis liked knowing that the men were happy with him, and they were willing to give the boy their approval whenever he needed it, even though that turned out to be quite often.
Baths were probably the best thing in the world, Louis thought. Warm water, nice smelling bubbles, and fun toys… what could be better? Louis was quickly figuring out that his little space was everything he needed in life. It allowed him to take a step away from the worries of the world and the pressures of being a world famous singer and just feel. If someone were to ever ask him how it felt to regress, he doesn’t think he could answer. It was something fluid, there was no “adult” mindset that transitioned to a “little” headspace, it was just something that happened. He found himself living in what would be considered his “adult” headspace less and less, more content being little. It was what he needed.
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Harry hopped in the backseat of the car, and less than a millisecond later Alberto started firing questions at him.
“Where’s Louis? Is he okay? What the fuck happened?”
He braced himself for a day full of questions.
“He’s about as fine as you could expect him to be. Obviously, he isn’t coming to rehearsals today. He doesn’t want the boys to know, but I know I don’t have to tell you to keep it quiet.”
Alberto let out a pained sigh, “God, that kid deserves so much better than the shit card he’s been handed. Hopefully things can only go up from here.”
Dale let out a noise of agreement, not wanting to interrupt. As a bodyguard he’d learned the beauty of knowing when to talk and when to listen.
“Nick and I are going to do everything we can to make him happy, it’s what he deserves. I just need you to make sure the media and fans stay away from him when he decides to go outside. I mean, tour starts in less than two weeks, so he doesn’t have that much time. We just need to make it easy for him.”
“Anything he needs,” Alberto answered, knowing that he truly would do anything for Louis.
Harry guessed that there were around a hundred fans at the studio, way more than would normally show up on a day where they knew the boys wouldn’t come out to take photos. Paparazzi had pushed their way in front of the fans, something that always served to make Harry irrationally pissed off.
“Looks like the circus has arrived,” the daddy said irately.
“Let’s get you inside,” Dale said, stopping the car. There was a gate separating them from the fans, but the second that the door opened the screams picked up. The paparazzi automatically started shouting questions once they realized it was Harry in the car.
“Harry! Where’s Louis?”
“How long have you known?”
“Has he asked you to be his p-dom yet?”
“Does he wear diapers or his arse naturally that big?”
Harry would’ve killed the paparazzi that asked the last question if Dale and Alberto weren’t pushing him inside. Once the door shut, he let out a groan, running his hands through his hair. Was there no such thing as respect?
“Do they just have no regard for the law?” Harry asked, frustrated. The law required that there be no picture taking of any littles in an unorganized setting, similar to the laws that were in place for true children of celebrities. Pictures were allowed to be taken at red carpet events and awards shows, but not random places. It made sense; while a little was in their headspace, just like a true child, paparazzi would be frightening or disorienting.
“Of course they don’t; this is breaking news, the amount of money that they’d make from this overrules any sense of remorse they’d feel at taking pictures of an exposed little. It’s disgusting,” Alberto fumed, shaking his head.
Harry walked into the open room of the studio to immediately be surrounded by his three bandmates.
They all spoke at once, but Harry decided to answer Liam’s simple question, “Is he okay?”
“Um, he’s not really doing well. I called him a million times this morning until he finally picked up. He’s not coming, obviously.”
Liam furrowed his brow, “So it’s true then? He’s not a gad?”
“From what I could tell, yeah. It’s true.” Harry was surprised at how easily his lies came, internally laughing when he thought about how far his acting had come since Icarly.
Niall, ever the calm one, clapped his hands together exclaiming, “Well, it kinda makes sense once you really think about it. He’s sweet, little, and innocent; no reason to think too hard about it, we’re gonna treat him the same way we always did. Time to rehearse?”
The boys all laughed at Niall’s rationale, standing up and walking to where the band and Helene were waiting to begin. Harry was relieved; that was easier than he thought it’d be.
Rehearsal went well until Jackie from PR and Timothy from Modest busted in like the villains in a James Bond movie. Harry had mentally prepared himself for their management to come, but he was hoping it wasn’t them. Let’s just say that they are very good at their jobs, and are about as terrifying as a great white shark swimming under you while a huge wave is coming up as you’re trying to run out.
The band stopped playing their instruments as the two walked in, everyone quickly leaving the room besides the four bandmates. They walked over to the couch that sat in the corner of the room, Liam pulling up two chairs for the executives. Sitting was a good idea; it looked like it was going to be a long afternoon.
“So, who knew?” Jackie asked them, voice sharp. She was everything that a public relations director should be; sharp, quick as a whip, and scary enough to get every publication to do her bidding.
The boys sat and stared at her, all of them shaking their heads.
“None of you knew? I find that extremely hard to believe.”
Liam answered, “We were just as in the dark as you were. When someone works that hard to hide something, they aren’t going to tell anyone.”
Timothy cut in, “Where is he?”
The boys looked to Harry to answer, “He’s at home. I called him a good amount of times before he answered; he’s distraught and embarrassed, which is understandable.”
Harry held his breath as he waited to see their replies to his words. He was shocked to see what could be considered a sympathetic look on Jackie’s face.
“Poor kid, I can’t even imagine what he feels like. I can’t imagine my little girl’s mum oppressing her and then exposing her. What a disgusting woman.”
The boys all looked shocked, none of them knowing that Jackie was a p-dom. It kind of made sense, the way that she was always harping on the boys and making sure that they were following her instructions to a T.
“So you’re not mad at him?” Zayn asked, wanting to clarify what they were all thinking.
“Why the bloody hell would we be mad at him? He’s a lost little boy who was closeted by his own mum. I wouldn’t be a decent person or p-dom myself if we blamed him. Sure, this is going to be a lot of work to figure out, but we can do it.”
Harry wanted to cry in relief at her words. He had preached to Louis endlessly that his mum was of a small, small group of people on earth who classification shamed, and he would’ve hated to have lied to the boy. To hear the people in charge of their fate as a band be on his side was heavenly.
“I guess what we want to see is if there’s anything we can do for Louis. Obviously, we would like the tour to occur in November as it is supposed to, but we can push it back,” Timothy said.
The boys looked to Harry to answer, knowing that the daddy knew Louis better than anyone else, and that he was the only one who’d spoken to him.
“It’s all pretty standard stuff from our end, I think. Making sure there are no paps, no rude signs at shows, not that I think our fans would have them, but just in case. No interviews until he’s ready, nothing that would stress him out more than necessary. He obviously wasn’t ready to, you know, tell people, so I can’t imagine how hard this is for him. I think you’ll have to ask him what else he wants to do.”
“All right, well, you have our information. Whenever one of you talks to him just call us. We can meet here or at the office when he’s ready, just give him our best,” Jackie said, standing up.
After the two had left, the boys stood up and stretched.
“Well, I think that’s good for today, right boys?” Liam asked, seeing that the band and Helene had left.
“Agreed,” Zayn said, “do you think Lou will still want to come to my house on Saturday?”
Niall answered, “Shoot him a text and tell him it’ll be low key and you want him to be there. He’s never liked making any of ya sad, he’ll show up. Ya know I’ll be there, already have my costume and everything.”
Harry hoped that Louis would want to go, already having bought his costume for him. He was happy to finally be on the way home, excited to see how his boys were doing at home. It was hard to be away from them for so long; Harry didn’t want to think of how difficult tour would be once it started, in less than two weeks, nonetheless.
He walked inside the house, closing the door quietly. Knowing that it was around Louis’ usual naptime, he didn’t want to wake the boy up if he was asleep. Walking into the living room, he saw the cutest sight on the face of the earth. Nick was laying on his back asleep, arms wrapped around a passed out Louis who was laying on his chest, clothed in only a onesie, diaper puffing out around his legs. Harry couldn’t help but take a picture, or fifty, loving how sweet his boys were. Not wanting to wake them up, he went to start on dinner. Louis was starting to show small changes in his diet, veering away from harder foods that were harsh on his stomach and wanting to eat softer things. He’d been loving all types of noodles, and Harry was more than willing to make whatever the boy wanted. Harry had started to make two different meals, one for Louis and one for him and Nick. It was no problem, as he loved cooking and just wanted to keep both of his boys happy.
As he was plating up the food, he heard Louis start to cry from the living room. The boy would wake up disoriented from his naps, crying until him or Nick picked him up. Harry walked into the room quickly, cooing at his little boy.
“It’s all right, sweetheart, I’m right here,” Harry picked the sniffling boy up, immediately realizing that he needed a diaper change. Nick started to wake up as Louis was lifted off of him, unsure of when he’d fallen asleep.
Louis nuzzled into Harry’s neck, letting out a small yawn. As he was placed down on the changing table, he asked a question quietly. “Are they mad at me?”
“Love, no one is mad at you. The boys wanted to make sure you were okay, you have lots of nice texts from them waiting on your phone if you want to read them. Tim and Jackie even came to see if you were at the studio today; everyone is on your side, they love you.” Harry realized that there were two mindsets that Louis was falling into. He was either completely little, not really understanding what Harry and Nick were saying, or in a middle state, understanding what was being said to him, but responding as though he truly was a toddler. It was getting easier for the daddies to figure out which mindset he was in, his actions making it evident where exactly his mind was.
“Okay. Can I have Lacy?”
“Of course, just let me finish up.” Harry finished taping up his new diaper before grabbing a pair of sweatpants, not wanting the boy to be cold while he ate dinner.
The boy snatched Lacy out of Harry’s outstretched hand, cuddling her between his chest and Harry’s shoulder. Once downstairs, he was strapped into his highchair. Louis wasn’t sure what he’d thought of it at first, but he’d grown to love it. He could put Lacy on the little tray and so she had the chance to watch him while his daddies fed him and he loved it.
“Hi love, we had a good little kip, didn’t we?” Nick asked, walking over to sit down next to Louis. The boy’s highchair was placed in between the two men’s chairs so that he didn’t have to choose who he would sit next to. They’d quickly found out that he didn’t want to make any decisions that would hurt one of their feelings. He was too sweet to comprehend.
“Yeah!” Louis answered, “Didn’t get to finish guppies, though.”
“That’s all right love, I’m sure you can figure out another time for us to watch it!”
Nick and Harry could not stand Bubble Guppies. If they had one wish granted, it would be to go back in time so that the show was never created. It featured a class of fish-children, whatever they were, and their adventures. Their voices were high-pitched, the outcome of the show was obvious, and they sang awful songs. But Louis, Louis absolutely LOVED the guppies. It had quickly grown to be his favorite show, much to Nick and Harry’s chagrin. The men had ordered him pajamas, shirts, sippy cups, pacifiers, diapers, and toys featuring the characters that they had gotten custom made at YSL a few days ago and were waiting for them to show up. They may hate the show, but they couldn’t wait to see the little boy’s face when he received his presents. They were officially wrapped around Louis’ finger.
“Here we are,” Harry exclaimed, setting dinner on the table. He’d made chicken macaroni and cheese for Louis and a pot roast for him and Nick. Louis drummed his fingers on the plastic tray attached to his highchair in excitement, ready to eat his daddy’s yummy food. He took a big sip of juice out of his sippy cup while he waited for one of his daddies to start feeding him. He was nervous to see what his daddy would have to say about what had happened at rehearsal, even though he said that everything was okay.
Nick quickly fell into their normal dinner routine, feeding Louis a bite and then feeding himself. Curiosity killed the cat, Nick thought, unable to stop himself from asking about what had happened that day.
“How were rehearsals?”
“They went well, we’re essentially ready to start touring. Everyone was worried about Lou, someone from Modest! and our PR firm even came in.”
The men gauged Louis’ reaction to this, waiting to see if he’d reply before resuming their conversation.
“Do I still get to tour?” Louis asked, looking at Harry with a concerned expression.
“Do you want to tour?” Harry asked.
Louis nodded vigorously, “Please, I really wanna tour, daddy! I got to write songs and now I want to sing them.”
Harry chuckled, “Such nice manners, Loulou! Of course you can tour, everyone would like that very much.”
Louis smiled, opening his mouth for more food. Well… that was that, it seemed. The men knew that tomorrow would be a different story when Louis was expected to be at rehearsals, but they’d cross that bridge when it came.
Bubble Guppies was turned on while Harry and Nick cleaned up the kitchen, Louis sitting on the couch with a pacifier and Lacy to keep him company.
“So it was fine?” Nick asked as soon as they were alone, desperate to hear how the day had gone.
“Truthfully, it was perfectly fine. I was a bit shocked; when I saw Timothy and Jackie from management walk in I thought they were going to freak out. Turns out that Jackie is a p-dom, so she was disgusted by what his mum did.”
“Thank God,” Nick breathed a sigh of relief, “I’ve been a bit panicky all day. Do you think he’ll want to go tomorrow?”
“Knowing him, yes. He won’t want to let anyone down. I think we should read a few texts from the lads out to him so he sees that they’re not upset with him and he’s less nervous to go in tomorrow.”
Nick walked to where Harry was standing by the kitchen counter, turning the man around and kissing him. “You’re a good daddy, love. I am eternally grateful that fate brought us Louis and each other.”
Harry wrapped his arms around Nick, squeezing him tightly. He whispered into his boyfriend’s ear, “Me too, love. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Right before Louis was fed his night bottle, Nick pulled the boy onto his lap on the couch. His eyes were slowly drooping, a telltale sign that the little was close to falling asleep.
“Can you stay awake for me, love?” Harry asked, rubbing his hand up and down the boy’s arm. Louis nodded slowly, looking at Harry.
“We just wanted to read you some of the nice notes that the boys sent you. You can decide whether or not you want to go to rehearsals tomorrow, but I know they’d want you to hear what they had to say,” Nick said, pressing a kiss to Louis’ cheek.
“This one is from Zayn: ‘hey Lou, just wanted to let you know I love ya and that’s never gonna change, okay? You could have yellow skin, purple hair, and fifty eyeballs and I’d still think you were the greatest person on earth. Love ya, kiddo. Hope to see you soon.'”
Louis giggled at Zayn’s words, blushing softly. He leaned back into Nick’s chest, grabbing the man’s hand and moving it to his stomach. Over the time he’d spent with the men, he’d found out that Nick gave the best tummy rubs. Nick let out a small chuckle before starting to rub Louis’ tummy, loving the happy hum the little let out at the feeling.
“All right, this one’s from Liam. Lots of spelling errors, as usual, but I think I’ve the gist of it: ‘hiiii Tommo, I hope you know that you’re the greatest person I know. I’ve always admired how brave and strong you are, and now that is even more true. This doesn’t change anything, I love ya forever mate’.”
The little was smiling at his bandmate’s words, happy to hear that they weren’t mad at him for hiding such a huge part of himself from them. There were only a few people on this earth who Louis could say truly mattered to him, and his bandmates existed as the majority of that few. This was the best news he could ever hear.
“Well… Niall used a lot of naughty words in his texts, so I’ll read parts of it. ‘Louis, Tommo, mate, you’re not a gad? I apologize for the times I asked you if you wanted to go get some…’ all right… next text it is. ‘But really, I love ya mate. I think I’ve always kinda known, in a weird way. You’re sweeter than anyone I’ve ever met, and ya have those Puss in Boots eyes, so cute and innocent. If you ever need someone to watch Shrek with, just let me know. That’s what littles do, isn’t it? Watch good movies? I like good movies, too. Love ya Lou babe, hope to see you tomorrow.'”
As Harry finished reading, the three in the room burst into hysterics. Niall’s honesty was absolutely hilarious and heartwarming. He had such good intentions, but he never knew how to say what he wanted to say. It was part of his charm, Harry thought.
Once they stopped laughing Louis spoke, “Tell them I love them, please.”
“Anything for you, lovey,” Harry said, typing to Zayn, Liam, and Niall in a groupchat.
“Don’t need anything, daddy,” Louis yawned, “Just my baba.”
Harry chuckled, “I’ll go get your baba right now, sweetheart.” He would never understand how he was blessed with the sweetest and most innocent little boy on earth.
Louis woke up feeling calm the next morning, but more coherent than he was yesterday. It was quite odd to be able to feel himself be in a different headspace but not be able to really do anything about it. He didn’t really mind, but it was just something he didn’t think he’d ever be able to understand.
Like clockwork, his daddy walked into the room.
“Morning love! Did you sleep well?” Louis nodded, sitting up so that Harry could pick him up easier.
As Harry changed his diaper he asked him, “As we said yesterday, it’s your choice, we won’t be mad either way; would you like to go to rehearsals today?”
Louis nodded, having thought of his decision since yesterday afternoon. “Yeah, but I don’t want anyone to see me.”
“All right, love, let’s get you dressed and downstairs for your bottle and then we can figure it all out.”
Harry dressed Louis in a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, knowing that no paps who got a picture of him would be able to tell he was wearing a diaper. Once downstairs, Harry set Louis up on his lap with a bottle. He dialed Alberto’s number, wanting to figure out if extra security would be available.
“Harry? Everything okay?” Alberto answered, speaking quickly.
“Yeah, everything’s okay. Lou wants to come today, he just wants to make sure that no one can get near him. Do you think we could figure something out?”
The guard replied almost instantly, “No problem; I’ll have Basil, Paddy, Phil, and Preston come out. Phil wasn’t going to work today, but I told him to be on call just in case. We’ll get him in easily, tell him not to worry. I’ll see you guys in twenty five.”
After thanking the guard, Harry hung up. Louis was looking up at him as he continued to drink his formula.
“Alberto said not to worry, that he’ll take good care of you. Everything will be fine, I promise!”
Louis looked at him with uncertainty in his eyes, feeling anxious about what was to come. It wasn’t as much having the boys know, but it was the fans and the media. The media had always been something that frightened Louis, the way that they would twist stories and ruin celebrities’ images with one single story. He was naturally a very positive person, so to see such a negative industry made him upset. He didn’t want to know what was being said about him, and he was going to try to keep it that way. He would trust his daddies to let him know what he needed to know, and that was good enough for him.
Once in the car, Louis felt like he was going to throw up. Alberto and Dale kept looking back at him, concerned looks on their faces.
“I can’t do it,” Louis choked out, breathing heavily.
Harry quickly pulled the boy on his lap, cooing softly. “It’s okay, love, we can turn around.”
“They’re gonna hate me, the fans aren’t ever going to come to see us again,” Louis cried, rubbing his teary eyes on Harry’s shirt.
“That’s not true, babe, when we get to the studio you will see how many fans are still here. And they’re here for you! They think you’re just as brave as I do, I promise.”
Niall had sent Harry a picture of hundreds of fans stationed outside of the studio, all of them carrying paper signs that proclaimed “LOUIS WE LOVE YOU” in the shape of a heart. The daddy’s heart felt like it was going to explode with love for their fans. He knew that was what Louis needed to see.
“Sorry to interrupt lads,” Dale said, “but we’re pulling near to the gates now. Give me the word if you want to turn around.”
“No, no, no, we can go, I just don’t want anyone to see me.” Louis repeated, wiping tears off his face with shaky hands.
“The security team is already outside, bud, no one will see you, promise.” Alberto said.
“Look out the window, Loulou,” Harry said. Louis’ jaw dropped when he saw hundreds of fans with signs for him, all of them reading the same message of “LOUIS WE LOVE YOU”. They didn’t scream as the escalade drove by, simply standing and holding their signs up. Harry couldn’t help but choke up, overwhelmingly grateful for the show of respect from the fans. Once the car was parked Louis felt like he was going to throw up. Dale, Harry, and Alberto got out of the car first, walking around to Louis’ side with the extra members of the security team. They formed a wall around the car door before Alberto opened it, gesturing to Louis to hop out. The boy jumped out on shaky legs to silence.
Once out of the car and almost to the door, he heard a man’s voice scream. “Come on, Louis! Just one quick photo!”
The voice was automatically shut down, their fans yelling at him to shut up and show some respect. Louis couldn’t be more lucky, he really couldn’t.
Stepping inside, Louis let out a huge breath. He sat down against the wall, tucking his head in between his knees. Harry sat down beside him, rubbing his back gently. He didn’t look up until he heard an Irish accent exclaim, “There ya are! Thought the fans were gonna kill that dick who was hootin and hollering, would’ve been funny wouldn’t it? Wait? Does that mean I can’t cuss in front of ya anymore? No promises, here.”
Louis looked up at Niall, letting out a laugh. The gad was absolutely insane, and that’s what Louis needed right now.
“Let’s get ya up,” Niall said, extending his hands to Louis, “there we go. Now gather in lads, time for a group hug.”
Zayn, Liam, and Harry joined in and the boys all squeezed together around Louis.
“Love you,” Louis whispered, unable to stop tearing up. His heart felt full of love and relief; the people who meant most to him in the world didn’t care what or who he was. Nothing could be better.
The boys were a bit surprised at how normal practice went, much to their shame. They weren’t sure what they were expecting, but Louis seemed to be the same Louis, just a bit more distracted and childlike. He had never been much of a talker, and that was okay. It was a learning experience for all of them, they had to learn who Louis really was, and Louis had to figure himself out all the same. They were all in it together.
Louis wanted to cry of relief when Liam called for their lunch break, the boy in desperate need of a change. Liam, Zayn, and Niall went off to the sitting room and Louis walked over to an expectant Harry. He reached on his tippy toes for the man’s ear so that he could whisper, “Daddy, ‘m wet.”
Harry simply responded by patting Louis’ bum and walking over to grab his backpack. He gestured for the bathroom, Louis checking to make sure no one was around before following him in. Harry set up the plastic changing mat on the ground and Louis laid down on it easily.
“Are you good, love?” Harry asked, wanting to make sure the boy wasn’t overwhelmed.
“Mhm, ‘m hungry though, daddy.”
“Would you like some chicken nuggets? I’m sure Alberto would run out and get you some.” Harry absolutely detested all things fast food, but he knew that it would be a good treat for his brave boy.
“Yes! Yes! Yes! Please,” Louis nodded excitedly, overjoyed at the prospect of getting Mcdonald’s.
“Of course, anything for my brave boy.” Louis blushed at Harry’s words, feeling a sense of pride at his daddy thinking he was brave. He loved making him happy.
After a lunch of Mcdonald’s, the boys got back to practicing. They had essentially finished up their stage show by that point, and would be doing full run throughs at the studio tomorrow. Next week would begin practices with the actual stage which they all were excited for. It made the tour seem real, not like some far off event that they’d eventually get to. It was only a week and a half until they’d be leaving to start the tour in Australia, doing three dates there before heading off to the US.
In the middle of Fireproof the band suddenly stopped playing, leaving the boys to wonder what had happened. Their answer appeared as Jackie walked in front of them, looking as sharp as always. She scanned the boys’ faces until she saw Louis. To everyone’s surprise, she ran over to Louis with a gasp and hugged him tight, patting the boy’s head. Niall couldn’t help but laugh, Liam slapping his arm and giving him a stern look. The sight was hilarious, Louis standing rigid while their terrifying PR head doted over him. Harry felt his stomach tighten at someone else hugging his little boy. He realized that he had never had to deal with people knowing Louis was a little up until this point, and seeing someone give Louis affection made him sick with jealousy. He’d never been a jealous person, but this brought something out of him that he didn’t know existed.
“All right, all of you are free to leave, I’m just going to have a talk with Louis,” Jackie said, pulling away from the boy. Louis’ face was pale and his breathing was labored, Harry could tell how nervous the boy was and knew he sure as hell wasn’t leaving. The little looked up at him with pleading eyes, and Harry gave him a soft smile as to say he wasn’t going anywhere. The room cleared out quickly, leaving Jackie, Louis, and Harry. Harry had pretended he was picking up his bag as to not cause suspicion to the other boys and members of the band, but they were all too quick to leave, not even noticing that Harry was staying.
“Have you two ABCed yet? I assume Nick is a part of this as well?” Jackie asked casually, sitting next to Louis on the couch.
Harry spluttered, “What?”
Jackie laughed, shaking her head. “Love, this is what I do for a living, do you think I would have been placed with your band if I wasn’t good at it? All it took was one look at your face when I asked how long you’d known to know that you were his daddy. Safe to say that you’re not the best actor.”
Harry blushed at her words, knowing that they’d been caught. “No, we haven’t ABCed, haven’t even talked about it. It’s a bit too soon to think about that, and anyways, it’s up to Lou.”
ABC, or Asset Bonding Ceremony, was the equivalent of marriage for nonsexual pairings. It allowed for littles, pets, slaves, and even regular subs to merge their assets with their dominants. It was something that was taken very seriously, as it was considered to be on the same level as marriage, bonding two or more people together for life. The point of the ceremony was to show a trust between the members of a relationship and for the dominants to show their sub’s family that they could be trusted with the money and possessions of their sub.
“And Nick?” Jackie asked.
“Yeah, Nick and I are both Louis’ daddies. I think it goes without saying that no one knows.”
Louis spoke up for the first time from where he was sat on the couch, “’m gonna tell them this next week. Want them to know before tour.”
Jackie smiled at the boy, rubbing his arm softly. “That’s very brave of you, Louis. You’re handling this all so well. Is there anything we can do for you to make this easier?”
The little thought hard before speaking, “Um. I guess I don’t want anyone being mean. And no interviews until I want one? Is that okay?”
“Of course it’s okay! This all about you. I know I may seem a bit scary sometimes, but it’s because I want what’s best for you all.”
“We appreciate that very much,” Harry said.
“That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it? Trust me that there will be no mean people anywhere, no crude signs, nothing. You can think about this for a bit, as it doesn’t matter until tour starts, but we still have fans who’ve paid ticket brokers for meet and greets. They paid a lot of money, but it can be returned if you don’t want to meet them. Just have your daddy let me know when you make up your mind, okay?”
Louis nodded, and the woman was off.
“Ready to go?” Harry asked, standing up and offering Louis a hand. They headed out to the main room where Dale, Preston, Alberto, and Phil were waiting for them.
“You good, bud?” Alberto asked before they headed outside. Louis nodded. He buried his face in Alberto’s back as he walked to the car, hearing the yells of paparazzi this time. It seemed that the crowd had grown immensely while the band was practicing, and there was no show of respect this time around. He breathed a sigh of relief once he was in the car, happy that he no longer had to deal with anyone besides his daddies for the rest of the day.
Once home, Louis felt worlds better. He knew that within the confines of the home- HIS home- there would be no judgment, just love. It was what he needed, and he knew that his daddies were more than willing to give it to him.
Nick was too anxious to see how Louis’ day had gone. He had checked twitter almost constantly, scoping out accounts that proclaimed themselves as “Louis update accounts”. He saw how respectful the fans had been that morning and wanted to cry. He was glad that their fans saw just what their boy needed and didn’t overwhelm him. He was impatiently watching TV when the garage opened and quickly ran over to open the door. He couldn’t find it in himself to care that the bodyguards in the car could still see them as he ran to his boy and picked him up, peppering kisses all over his sweet face.
“Hi, little cub! How was your day?” Louis giggled at the feeling of Nick’s lips all over his face.
“Good. Got Mcdonald’s!” Louis grinned at his own words, excited to have gotten the fried deliciousness even though he knew what health fanatics his daddies were.
Walking into the house, Nick chuckled, “I’m sure that was yummy, hm?” Louis nodded, nestling his head into Nick’s shoulder. It was honestly like clockwork, the way that Louis would start falling asleep at three every afternoon. The man carried his little upstairs, changing his wet diaper and putting him into a pair of puppy covered footie pajamas.
“Night night, Nicky,” Louis whispered as he was placed inside his crib. Nick kissed the boys forehead, placing a pacifier in his mouth. He watched as the boy curled up with his stuffed lion before exiting the room.
He walked into his and Harry’s bedroom where he saw the man lounging on the bed and laid down next to him, pressing a soft kiss on his lips.
“So it went well?”
“Surprisingly well. Jackie came again, called us out on being Louis’ doms the second we were alone in a room with her… she asked if we’ve ABCed, and Louis told her she wanted to tell the boys before we let for tour, so that was something new.”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. But now… we have a few hours alone, no baby, no work, just us.” Nick started to press kisses down the younger man’s neck, unable to not grin at the breathy moans Harry let out. He was in dire need of some time alone with his boyfriend, and he wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip away.
------------
The next day of rehearsal went much the same, thankfully, Louis becoming more comfortable being himself around the boys. Everyone couldn’t believe how adorable the boy was, and Niall joked that he wished he was a daddy just so Louis could be his. The little blushed at all of the attention, unsure of how to react to it. He was never one to like being in the spotlight, always willing to take a step back and let others do the talking.
As they were leaving for the day and Zayn was hugging Louis goodbye he hesitated. “Hey Lou, I’m not sure if you wanna come to my get together tomorrow night still, but we would love to have you. I’ve my Frankenstein costume ready, it’s gonna be sick. If you don’t want to come it’s okay, though, no hard feelings.”
“I wanna come,” Louis said, giving the dom a smile, “I’ll be there.”
Zayn pressed a kiss to the boy’s hair, letting him know he’ll see him tomorrow night. He was excited to introduce Perrie to all of the guys as his sub; she was the first girl that he’d ever found himself serious enough about to bring around.
Once in the car, Harry looked at Louis with a smile on his face. He and Nick had a surprise waiting back at home for the boy, but with the way that his eyes were drooping he knew it’d have to wait until after Louis’ nap.
The men anticipated the end of Louis’ nap, excited for the boy to see what they had set up downstairs. Finally hearing the rustling of the boy waking up on the baby monitor, they both walked to his room to get him. As was becoming a common occurrence, the boy was crying a bit as he woke up.
“It’s okay, love, don’t cry,” Nick cooed, picking the boy up.
“We have a surprise for you!” Harry said, smiling when Louis perked up and turned to look at him from where he was laying on the changing table.
“What is it?” Louis asked curiously.
“Let’s get you changed out of these pajamas and we’ll show you!” Nick exclaimed. The boy was changed out of pajamas and put into an black onesie with a pumpkin on the front. Nick buttoned up the buttons of the onesie under the boy's diaper and pressed a kiss on his cheek.
Once in the kitchen, Louis gasped. There were four big pumpkins sitting on the table that was covered in newspaper. There were bowls of glittery rhinestones, paints, and supplies to cut the pumpkins with.
“Pumpkins!” Louis said excitedly, wriggling to be put on the ground. Harry couldn’t help but take a picture of Louis staring reverently at the pumpkins.
“I’ve never had a pumpkin,” Louis said sadly. It broke the men’s hearts to know that their boy had been deprived of so many important childhood memories, but it made them even more determined to give him everything that a little boy deserved.
“Not anymore, cub! You have your very own pumpkin right here, you can do whatever you want with it and we’ll put it outside of the house!”
“I want that one, please,” Louis said, pointing to a tall, skinny pumpkin. Nick moved it over.
“Are you okay with sitting at the table to decorate your pumpkin? Your highchair tray won’t hold the weight of the pumpkin.” Louis nodded, quickly sitting in a chair. Harry couldn’t help but coo at the sight the boy made, sides of his diaper peeking out of his cute Halloween onesie. He was as cute as pumpkin pie, all puns intended.
Nick and Harry worked to carve their own pumpkins while Louis focused on using the paints that the men had given him. A combination of little artistic ability, an infantile headspace, and lacking motor skills attributed to Louis’ pumpkin looking like it was made by a toddler. In essence, it was as though a toddler had painted it, and Louis was proud of it nonetheless.
He placed rhinestones on it with no rhyme or reason, simply loving the way that the sparkles looked on the pumpkin. He drew a black cat surrounded by flowers on it and was working on a family of bats on the other side of the pumpkin.
“Do we have anything to bring over to Zayn’s tomorrow?” Harry asked, looking to Nick.
“We have that bottle of pinot we bought last month, don’t we?”
“You’re right, that’s perfect,” Harry said, happy to hear they had something to bring over and he wouldn’t have to go out shopping tomorrow.
Louis looked up, confused at the conversation. “Why are you bringing Zayn presents?”
“It’s nice to give someone something when they invite you over to their house, just to say thanks. It’s something that a good guest does,” Harry explained.
The little frowned at this, close to tears. “I don’t have anything for Z.”
Nick gave Harry a look as to say, you said it, you fix it. “It’s okay love, you don’t need to bring him anything! He’ll just be happy to see you there.”
Louis looked at his daddy, eyes wide, “I make Z a pumpkin!”
Unable to break the little boy’s heart and explain that a pumpkin wasn’t the customary gift to bring a host, they told him what a great idea it was.
The boy took care making the pumpkin, placing all of the rhinestones perfectly. He wanted Zayn and Perrie to love his gift. He didn’t know what peanuts his daddies had gotten Zayn, but he knew that his pumpkin would be a way better gift. He drew Zayn and Perrie holding hands on the pumpkin and hoped they’d like the drawings. To finish off the pumpkin he wanted to write Zayn and Perrie’s name, but he’d noticed that he was having some trouble with writing lately. It was something that really scared him when he researched littles online, learning that the younger one regressed they’d have the chance of losing their writing and reading abilities up to a certain extent.
Louis sat with his marker poised against the pumpkin, tongue pressed between his lips for a few minutes, wanting to write their names but not wanting to mess it up. Harry was off in pumpkin carving heaven, but Nick had been watching the boy, unsure of if he would upset him if he offered to help. Eventually he forgot his reservations and asked.
“Are you good, my little pumpkin?”
Louis shook his head, pouting. “Can’t do it.” He said, looking down.
“What can’t you do, lovely?” Harry asked, butting into the conversation.
“Write Zayn and Perrie’s names,” his lower lip began to wobble at his own words, getting frustrated that his pumpkin wouldn’t be perfect.
Nick cooed, “It’s okay love, would you like if I helped you?”
The little looked up to him with large eyes and began to nod.
“All right, cub, why don’t you budge up?” Nick took Louis’ seat before pulling the boy on top of his lap.
“What color do you want to use?” Nick asked, grabbing the sapphire blue marker that Louis handed to him. “All right, make sure you grab onto the marker so we can write it out!”
Nick positioned his fingers under Louis’ so that he could help the boy write. He took it slowly, making sure the boy on his lap felt like he was contributing instead of Nick writing the whole thing out. Harry was absolutely enthralled by the sight, taking tons of pictures. He was eager for the day to come that he could finally post pictures of their boy on his Instagram, already sure that the addition of the boy to his feed would make it that much better.
Once the pumpkins were finished up, Harry lined them up to take pictures of them.
“Zayn and Perrie are going to love your gift, baby, that was so thoughtful of you to make one for them,” Harry said, pressing a kiss to the boy’s hair.
“I hope so,” Louis said, “Paci, please?”
Harry grabbed him a pacifier from a drawer, bopping it on Louis’ nose before placing it in his open mouth.
“Do you want to go watch TV while we cook dinner?”
Louis nodded, trudging over to the couch. He was excited for Halloween the following night and couldn’t wait to wear his Thor costume. Nick and he had spent hours searching for the perfect costume, and it truly was perfect. Harry and Nick were dressing up as people from Game of Thrones. Louis had no idea what that was about, but he knew that his daddies thought their costumes were pretty cool, so he was excited to see them. He couldn’t wait for tomorrow.