Chapter 9
Louis slept soundly through the ride home, not even waking up as Nick unbuckled him from the car seat and carried him upstairs. The boy was dry when Nick checked his diaper, so the man simply placed him in the bed, tucking him in nice and tight. Harry brought up a baby monitor that they had bought at YSL, wanting to have it there just in case Louis needed something while they carried all of their purchases inside. Harry’s excitement grew tenfold as he carried pile after pile of goodies inside, not sure how his life had become so perfect so quickly.
They moved everything into their vacant guest bedroom, wanting to have Louis’ nursery and playroom empty for when the painter came the following day. Harry was folding up Louis’ new clothes with a small smile on his face when he heard a small noise from the monitor. Louis’ whimper quickly turned into a full-blown wail, the boy’s loud cries heard from where they were a few doors down. Harry heard Nick running up the stairs as he opened the door quickly, heading to Louis’ room. Before they could ask the boy what was wrong, they could smell the reason why he was distressed. In the stride of true daddies, they quickly walked over to Louis cooing and going to pick him up.
Before Harry could grab him, Louis let out a scream. “D-don’t touch me, don’t touch me,” sobs picking up in full force. “Just get out, get out, get out, I’m disgusting.”
“Baby, we’re not going anywhere,” Nick said. If Louis’ brain were working, he would’ve been blushing at the man’s use of the word baby. But it wasn’t. All he could think was disgusting, shameful, helpless, over and over again as he cried.
“It’s fine. I-I’ll leave. I’m disgusting.” The boy moved to get out of the side of the bed that the men weren’t perched on, before being quickly picked up and placed onto Harry’s lap, the man careful not to have his bum on his legs as to not cause the little further distress. The boy stiffened, but didn’t make any move to try and stand up.
“Louis, love, we told you that we aren’t going anywhere. Nothing you do can push us away. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, this is your body telling you that it’s comfortable enough to regress even farther. It’s okay, we promise.” Louis just cried, body loosening up as he allowed himself to place his head on Harry’s chest. Nick left the room, miming to his boyfriend that he was grabbing changing supplies, Harry nodding as he left.
“My sweet sweet boy, you’re okay,” Harry cooed, “It’s just a dirty diaper, that’s all. Your daddies will take care of you and get you all nice and clean, then you’ll feel all better.”
Harry smiled as he felt Louis nodding into his chest at his words, the boy’s cries slowing down significantly. He continued to talk to the distraught little, wanting to distract him while Nick was grabbing what they needed.
“Let’s get you all cleaned up,” Nick said as he walked through the door. He ripped open the pack of overnight diapers that they had bought, the woman at the store praising this brand’s thickness and absorbency. He grabbed one that had Olaf from Frozen on the front, remembering that Louis had once tweeted enthusiastically about how much he loved the movie.
Louis’ sobs picked up as he was placed onto a new portable changing mat that the men had bought, not wanting them to see him like this. He felt as though all of his walls were breaking down, that there would be nothing left of gad Louis after this. He could no longer pretend that he was anything but a little as he cried for his daddies to help him after messing his diaper. He cried for all that he was losing, which, when he thought about it, wasn’t all that much after all. He cried for everything that he was gaining, what he had always wanted but never quite received. Love, affection, guidance, protection. He cried as he came to terms with the fact that 21 wasn’t too late to start over, no matter how much he had tried to convince himself otherwise.
“Hey love,” Nick said from where he was sat by the boy’s head, “can you look at me?”
Louis’ eyes opened, looking at Nick while the tears poured down his face as he heard Harry opening the tabs on his diaper.
“I have something for you. I saw it today at the store and it reminded me of you. Do you want it?”
The little nodded, unable to quench his curiosity even in the worst of times.
“You can name him or her whatever you want, but they reminded me of you. A little lion cub, so very brave and fierce; just like you, hm?” Nick handed Louis a soft looking lion cub plush, the little’s face lighting up in wonder before he started crying more. Nick’s intuition told him that the tears weren’t falling because he was upset, but quite the opposite.
“N-no one has ever bought me a plushie before. My mum always told me they were for girls Th-thank you.” Louis barely spared Nick a glance, unable to stop looking at his new friend.
“Of course, my little cub. Anything for you,” Nick answered honestly.
“Look at that,” Harry exclaimed, “we’re all done! You were such a good boy Louis, so very good.” He had been able to change Louis, throw the used diaper out and wash his hands before coming back into the room, the little completely caught up in his lion. He blushed at Harry’s words, not giving him a verbal reply.
Louis let out a perfectly timed yawn, sitting up on the plastic pad. He let out a disgruntled noise as he felt the padding of the diaper he was in, not used to being in such a thick diaper. He found himself kind of liking the way that it made him feel, worlds better than the pull-ups he had used what felt like centuries ago. He stood up before walking over to the bed, crawling back in, careful not to crushing his new friend.
“All good, baby?” Nick asked the boy, moving to tuck him in for a second time that night. Yep, Louis heard it that time. He blushed happily at the man’s use of the word, liking the way it sounded.
“Yeah… um, thank you,” he said quietly before repeating it louder, looking into both of their eyes, “thank you.” They smiled softly at him before shutting the light off and walking out of the room.
Once out of the room, the men returned to the spare guest room to finish organizing everything they had bought.
“That was a big step, right?” Harry asked, looking to his older boyfriend.
“Definitely. It isn’t to say that it’ll be easy sailing from here on out, but I think that this was a big hurdle. Proud of you.” Nick stepped towards Harry, lightly gripping his chin and pulling him in for a kiss.
“Love you,” Harry sighed, placing a quick kiss on Nick’s cheek.
“Love you even more,” Nick said, rolling his eyes at their ridiculous sappiness. He had to admit that his life couldn’t get much better, not with his two boys by his side.
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Nick woke up to his phone ringing the next morning, immediately inciting a panic in him that he was late for work. He calmed down when he realized it was Sunday, but picked up the phone, curious to see who was calling him.
He coughed before he answered, clearing his throat, “Nick Grimshaw speaking.”
“Hi Mr. Grimshaw, I apologize for the early morning call. This is Suzanne from Your Sweet Little. We had a moved appointment and are able to bring your furniture over today when your painter comes. Would you like to switch appointments, or would you still like your delivery to be tomorrow?”
“Thank you for calling Suzanne, today would definitely be convenient.”
“All right, Mr. Grimshaw, we will see you around 1pm, don’t hesitate to call if you have any questions. Have a wonderful day.”
Nick hung up before turning to a wide-awake Harry with a huge smile on his face.
“It was the woman from YSL; they can bring everything we bought today instead of tomorrow. The rooms will be painted and full of stuff for our baby… today.”
Morning breath be damned, the daddies’ lips met in a sweet kiss. Nick tangled his fingers in Harry’s hair, pulling himself closer to Harry. A rustling on the baby monitor had them pulling apart.
“This is what being a daddy is, hm? Always getting stopped before it gets good?” Harry joked, standing up. Nick laughed, both men walking to brush their teeth. They listened to the sweet sounds Louis made as he woke up, loving every second of hearing their boy.
Once ready to start the day, they went to the occupied guest room. As it was the morning before, his thumb was in his mouth. While Harry thought it was one of the cutest things he’d ever seen, his germaphobe mind was a bit freaked out. He thought to himself to grab a pacifier for the boy before he went downstairs, knowing that it was a lot cleaner than his thumb.
“Good morning lovely,” Harry sang with a bright smile on his face. Louis smiled around his thumb, making no move to get up.
“Guess what, cub?” Nick asked. Louis looked at him curiously, still not speaking. The men were a bit alarmed by Louis’ lack of vocalization, wondering why he wasn’t speaking. Thinking back on the emotional diaper change that Louis had experienced, they were wondering if he had regressed. They decided to tread lightly, knowing that only time could tell.
They moved over to the bed, sitting on the side gently. To the daddies’ surprise, Louis reached his free hand out to Nick, tangling their fingers together. Both men cooed at the action, Harry saying, “oh, our sweet boy. Does someone need some love this morning?” Louis let out an excited gurgle behind his thumb.
If Louis were to look back on all of the other times that his mind had regressed, he would have laughed at ever thinking that he was feeling truly little in any of those instances. After his revelation last night, he woke up feeling little. Really little. It wasn’t something he could quite pinpoint, but he knew he was regressed. His happiness at Harry and Nick entering the room was out of this world. He never knew that he could feel happiness like that, ecstatic over the simple act of seeing two people enter a room. His mind was cloudy, he couldn’t really focus in on what his daddies were saying to him, but he saw their smiles and heard their excited voices and that was enough. His daddies. His Nick and Harry. His.
He sat up, feeling a bit wobbly. Odd. He whimpered at the feeling of his wet diaper, unable to put his feelings into words. It was as though he had no control over his emotions, tears flowing without even thinking about it. He just felt icky and wanted someone to do something about it. He knew his daddies would help him.
“Oh, love, no need to cry,” Harry cooed, gently picking the boy up, “we’ll get you all cleaned up in a nice, new diaper and you’ll feel a whole lot better.” Louis pushed his tear stained face into Harry’s neck, wanting to be as close to him as possible.
Realizing that Louis had regressed overnight, Nick and Harry slipped into full daddy mode. They were sure it was a product of his stress last night and didn’t think he would stay down for long, but wanted to make him as comfortable as possible while he was. They wanted him to realize that he could trust them; this was a pivotal moment in both Louis’ development and their dynamic as a family. Harry and Nick couldn’t believe that Louis could be any cuter than he was normally, but they were proven wrong by the way they fell more and more in love with the little boy with every single second. Louis’ reservations against Nick, the little bit that still existed, seemed to still be in place while he was regressed. The boy seemed a bit wary of Nick, cuddling close to Harry as they got everything ready for his diaper change. Nick went to go get something for Louis to wear, figuring one of his new footed sleepers would do the trick. Who ever said that pajamas are only meant for the morning? He grabbed one that was a light green, covered in little sleeping puppies. Absolutely adorable, just like their boy.
When Nick walked back in Harry was undoing the boy’s diaper, speaking to him softly. The older man walked back over, taking a seat next to Louis’ head. The little looked up at him with wide, shy eyes before averting them quickly. He shoved three of his fingers in his mouth, making a happy noise as he sucked.
“We’re going to get you a paci after you eat breakfast so you don’t have to suck on your yucky fingers anymore,” Harry said, giving the boy a smile. Louis simply stared up at him with a smile on his face, happy to just lie there and be talked at. Once he was changed, Harry picked him up and carried him downstairs to the couch, settling with the boy in his arms.
“Nick, will you grab a bottle, please, babe? They’re in the drawer to the left of the sink and the formula is where the cereal is. Thanks,” Harry asked, looking down at Louis who was blinking up at him. His stomach let out a small grumble, the little startling at the noise.
Harry let out a chuckle, reaching one hand down to rub the boy’s stomach. “Looks like someone’s hungry, hm? We’ll get something into your tummy in just a minute, sweetheart.” He was a bit surprised at how easy it was to fall into his role as a parent. One look at Louis’ trusting eyes and he was gone, he knew he had to do whatever he could to make the boy smile.
“Look whose breakfast is ready,” Nick exclaimed, walking into the room with a warm bottle in hand. He had prepared the formula that they had bought at YSL, and was curious to see how the boy reacted to drinking it the first time. Something they had learned through researching littles was that the younger one’s mind had them regressing the more infantile their body would become. Nick didn’t really understand how it happened, how one’s body changed once realizing they had begun to regress, but he wouldn’t question it. All he knew was that they were to feed Louis formula in place of at least one meal a day, if not more, and had to be extremely careful in regard to the food that they were feeding him or he would get sick.
Harry grabbed the bottle from Nick’s outstretched hand, setting it up in his hands so that Louis could comfortable drink from it. He placed the nipple in Louis’ mouth, the boy looking up to Harry curiously as he bit on it, letting out a noise of joy at the way it squeaked in between his teeth.
“No, no, silly boy, you drink from it!” Harry laughed, tipping the bottle back to allow milk to enter Louis’ mouth next time he bit down on the rubbery nipple. He let out a soft noise when the milk entered his mouth, closing his eyes. The daddies fell in love with the way that he made snuffly breathing noises as he drank, eyes closed in relaxation. Harry and Nick talked quietly as Louis drank, figuring out the plans for the day. They decided that Harry would take Louis to his place, allowing for the painters and movers to come to the house and not stress the little out. It would also give Louis the chance to decide whether or not he wanted to continue staying with Nick and Harry or stay at his house.
Once the bottle was empty, Harry sat the boy up facing over his shoulder. He wasn’t sure if anything would come out, but he figured he should try and burp the little. It was the first time he’d really remembered that he was just as new at this as Louis was. Patting the boy’s back softly, Louis almost instantly let out a burp. Nick cooed, telling the boy how good he was.
“How does a bubble bath sound?” Nick asked, more to Harry than to Louis. Harry nodded, standing up with the boy in his arms before taking him upstairs. They followed Nick into the bathroom that they had designed with a little in mind. They had a huge bathtub installed, just in case they ever had someone to use it for.
Harry put the boy on the counter, making sure he was safely pressed against the wall before going to turn the water on. Maybe they’d gone a bit overboard, just maybe- Nick returned with six kinds of bubble bath before placing them on the counter next to Louis.
“All right, cub, which bubbles do you want to use?”
Louis looked at them thoughtfully before picking up a fluorescent pink bottle that boasted about the MEGA bubbles the container held. A few minutes later the tub was full of warm water and bubbles, and it was only missing one thing. Standing Louis up and unzipping his sleeper and undoing his still clean diaper, Nick grabbed him and placed him in the tub. The boy let out a pleased noise at the water.
“Warm,” Louis said, speaking for the first time since waking up.
“That’s right,” Harry praised, “would you like to draw?” He asked, holding out bath crayons to the boy. Louis grabbed the brown one and started scribbling on the wall. Louis’ artistic abilities would never have been considered impressive, especially when his motor skills were not where they normally were. But looking at Louis’ drawing of a lion, Nick and Harry felt like they could have been looking at the Mona Lisa.
“Is that your new friend?” Nick asked, happy to see that the boy had been so taken by the lion he’d gotten him.
Louis nodded, answering simply with, “Lacy.”
“Lacy, is that her name?” Harry asked with a smile. Louis nodded his head, smiling proudly.
“Lacy the lion, what a great name!” Nick exclaimed.
“Thanks,” Louis said, giving him a curious look as if he didn’t know what to make of him. Nick realized that he had to work a thousand times as hard as Harry to gain Louis’ complete trust, but he would do whatever was necessary to get there.
All washed up and back in his pajamas, Louis was sitting pressed against Nick’s side as a cartoon played in the living room. He liked how warm and big Nick was, the man’s large hand rubbing his side gently. He was rubbing his fingers over Lacy’s soft mane, loving how her fur felt on his fingers.
“All right, Loulou, let’s get you your first paci!” Harry said excitedly, walking over to the boy. He placed a pacifier that looked like a dog’s face at Louis’ lips, waiting for the boy to open his mouth patiently. Louis opened his mouth, tentatively sucking on the new object. It felt weird at first, having something in his mouth that wasn’t food or his fingers, but he quickly grew to like the feeling of the rubber in his mouth. Louis had always loved chewing gum, content with the feeling of something in his mouth, but this was definitely a better alternative, he thought.
“The people painting your room and bringing your furniture over are coming this afternoon, isn’t that exciting? Harry is going to take you over to your house for a few hours, and when you come back everything will be all set up! Does that sound good?”
Louis thought for a few seconds before plucking his pacifier out of his mouth, asking, “I come back?” with a worried look on his face.
Nick rushed to answer, “Of course you can come back! Do you want to come back?”
The little nodded quickly, looking like a bobble head. “I sleep here?” It seemed as though the boy was a lot more open in his regressed state, something that relieved both Nick and Harry. They found it hard to know what he was thinking sometimes, so it made them feel a bit better to know what was going on in the boy’s head.
“Baby, you can sleep here and stay here whenever you want. This is your house too, now.” Nick answered honestly, waiting to hear Louis’ reply, but it never came. Instead, he felt a small set of lips pressed against his shoulder, Louis turning to kiss him before nuzzling into him. Nick’s grin was huge, ridiculously happy at the small show of affection the boy gave him. It was a start, a very, very good start.
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Once at Louis’ house, Harry set the boy up on the couch snuggled in a blanket. When asked what he wanted to do, he answered that he wanted to watch Inside Out. Harry told him to holler if he needed him, and set out to do a bit of work. He wasn’t trying to intrude, he really wasn’t. But he was Louis’ daddy now, wasn’t he? It was his job to help Louis when he needed it. And maybe Louis didn’t ask him for help, but he knew he needed it.
Harry opened up Louis’ phone, which he didn’t have locked for whatever reason, and went to his texts. What had originally caused him to worry was the fact that Louis’ phone, which was left on their kitchen counter after they picked Louis up from the restaurant, was constantly lighting up with calls and texts from his mum. There were 29 texts from her, and what they said made Harry’s stomach drop. What the hell had Louis been hiding from them all these years?
Pick up your phone, NOW.
Are you ignoring your own mum?
Really Louis? after all I’ve done for u?
Stop being a baby and pick up the phone.
nevermind.. you can’t stop, because you are one.
After all I’ve put up with over the years of living with u. a helpless baby. And now my credit card doesn’t work? The least you could do is support your mother. Shameful.
Maybe I’ll have to go to the papers and tell them how big of a baby you are to get the money you aren’t giving me.
I would think hard about this.
Harry couldn’t look at the rest of the texts, sick over the way that Louis was being texted. It was awful for anyone to speak to Louis this way, let alone his mum. To threaten him with outing him to the world over her overspending the credit card that he was paying for? He had no words. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but he needed to do something.
“Hazza,” Louis called out, prompting Harry to put the phone down and head into the living room.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Harry asked, looking at the boy all snuggled in a blanket, lion tucked under one arm.
He smiled shyly, “just want cuddles.”
Harry cooed, walking over to the boy and sitting on the couch. He pulled him onto his lap, Louis instantly curling into him. Harry stroked the boy’s hair feeling fiercely determined. He would protect this little boy, HIS little boy, at all costs, from whomever he needed to. Be it his mother, his bandmates, or the scrutiny of the world, Harry would not let any harm or hurt come to his baby. And that he was sure of.