Chapter 6
Harry could tell you he didn’t wake up with an ear-to-ear grin, but he’d be lying. He woke up, moving quietly to the bathroom, as he didn’t want to wake Nick up. He rummaged through the drawers until he found two extra toothbrushes, using one and setting the other out for Nick. He headed downstairs, wanting to cook breakfast for the men. He was cautiously optimistic, hoping that Louis would wake up and realize that Nick and Harry were what he needed in his life. He knew that it was foolish, but he wished it could be that easy.
Nick came downstairs thirty or so minutes later, kissing Harry, breath minty from the toothpaste he had just used.
“Morning love, just making some eggs,” Harry said. Nick smiled in reply, not wanting to let his concern at Harry’s happiness show. He knew that the second that Louis walked down those stairs he was going to be embarrassed and reject the comfort that the two men wanted to offer him. He knew from Harry that the boy didn’t get angry, but he knew that there was a chance that he would be hurtful in his rejection of the men. Nick knew that he could take it, but he was worried about Harry. His sweet, sweet Harry who just wanted to please Louis and give him the life that he knew he deserved.
If Nick was being honest, he had a feeling that Louis would be theirs eventually. The keyword being eventually, because there was no way of knowing exactly how long it would take for the boy to come to terms with who he was.
Nick and Harry pretended to ignore the pitter-pattering of feet on the stairs, continuing their conversation until Louis walked into the kitchen.
“Hi Lou, did you sleep well?” Harry asked, continuing to plate the eggs and toast that he’d made. Nick rolled his eyes at Harry’s feigned nonchalance, acting as if there wasn’t a universe-sized elephant in the room.
“Um. Yeah.” Louis replied eloquently. He seemed to think for a moment, gathering his thoughts before replying.
“I- thank you for last night. I was acting stupid; I don’t know what got into me. Sorry for acting like a baby and making you guys deal with that.”
It took all of Harry’s strength not to scream as loud as he could that Louis had no reason to be sorry. The past few weeks had Harry thinking about the way that Louis acted and how insecure the boy really was. He was always apologizing to everyone for almost every action that he took. Whether it be to a fan for not smiling wide enough in their picture, to one of his bandmates for being thirty seconds late, or to an interviewer for not giving them the exact answer that they wanted to hear. He never wanted to offend anyone or upset anyone and it broke Harry’s heart.
“Lou, you have no reason to be sorry. We wouldn’t have come if we didn’t want to help, okay?” Harry answered.
“I know that, but I’m 21. I should be able to handle this kind of thing myself. ‘M a gad not a little, I shouldn’t be this useless.”
Nick sighed. He knew that Louis would rest back on his story of being a general. How naïve did he think him and Harry were? He took to answering Louis before Harry could.
“Louis, love, I know this must be hard for you, but we know you’re not a gad. I’m not sure who made you think that being a little was embarrassing or shameful, but they were wrong. You don’t have to believe me right now, but if there’s anything we can do to get you to that point please let us know.”
The little was sat at his kitchen table, letting out small cries that were muffled by the hands that covered his face. Nick and Harry exchanged a heartbroken look, not making a noise. They would let Louis process the information that his secret was out, they couldn’t even imagine the thoughts going through his head.
Breakfast went to waste, the two daddies not wanting to eat while watching Louis in such a distressed state.
Louis’ cries died down, and he slowly looked up at the men with red-rimmed eyes. They weren’t sure what he would say, not knowing where his mind was at.
“So what now? I get embarrassed in front of the world on your radio show? What approach are you going to take to broadcasting the news? Are you going to tell everyone that I’m a baby, that I don’t even know when I’m going to the bathroom anymore?” Louis replied, in a tone that he would’ve considered mean. But Nick and Harry didn’t hear someone who was speaking maliciously; they heard and saw an insecure, scared little boy who didn’t know how to handle the situation he was in. And it broke their hearts.
“Louis, love. Can you look at me? Thank you. I would never do anything to embarrass you. Ever. And I know it is hard for you to understand, but there is no reason to be embarrassed about your classification. There’s no shame in being a little, just like there’s no reason in being ashamed for being a pet, or a master, or anything. Do you make fun of Harry and I for being daddies?”
The boy looked affronted, sputtering, “Of course not! Being a daddy is special. All littles need daddies and mommies!”
“There you have it. Harry and I feel the same way about littles; there’s no point for daddies if there aren’t littles. You’re special, Louis.”
“I don’t know. I’ve been told that I was a baby my whole life, that no one wants a helpless baby. And I understand. My hands shake so hard I can barely eat by myself. I can’t even tell when I’m going to the bathroom anymore. Why would anyone want to deal with that?” for Louis, it was so simple and easy to believe. Why would anyone want a little, especially one as helpless as him?
Harry answered, “In the same way that you need help, p-doms are there to help you. They want to help. Everyone has a different set of needs, be it a little or a parent. Say, for instance, that Nick and I were looking for a ten year old little girl; there is a girl who fits exactly what we are looking for out there, and eventually we’ll find her and be able to take care of her in the exact way she needs.”
Nick shot Harry a murderous look that he was completely oblivious to as he continued to look at Louis, knowing that his boyfriend just fucked up any chance that they had at Louis becoming their little. For someone as ridiculously insecure as Louis was, it was hard enough to admit that he wanted something, let alone something as intimate as a parent/little relationship. Nick wasn’t sure if Louis would even want to be their little, but when Harry made up their hypothetical dream little, a person who was nothing like Louis, there was no way he’d even ask.
Louis felt his stomach sink at Harry’s words. Right before he went to bed, he would sometimes let himself have the pleasure of thinking about life as Nick and Harry’s little. There was no doubt that they were good dads; he loved Harry, he had always looked up to him and thought that it was a perfect arrangement. That one day Harry would find out that he was a little and ask him to join their family. Of course he wouldn’t want Louis, why would he? He was a baby. Yeah, Harry was a p-dom, but he wanted a ten year old, not a little kid who needed diapers. He felt stupid, heart breaking as the one tiny piece of solace he found at being a little was ruined.
“Yeah, of course. You guys deserve the perfect girl, I’m sure you’ll find her,” Harry tried to interrupt, understanding now that his hypothetical situation was taken out of context, but Louis plowed on, “I understand if it’s too much to ask, but. Um. Sorry, this is just embarrassingly hard to talk about out loud for the first time. I guess I was just wondering if you could help me? I just- I’ve never done this. I think I want to find a dom, I just don’t know how to do it. And don’t really want anyone knowing?”
Nick clenched his fists tightly, wanting to rewind time so that Harry would have not made a comment that could potentially have ruined the chance at them having Louis as their baby. Harry looked at Nick frantically, unsure of what to do. On the one hand, he could tell Louis his comment was truly one that was hypothetical, that their perfect little was a very young boy. But on the other hand, he could look like a domineering jerk if he were to do so. He knew how insecure and people-pleasing Louis was, that he would feel so terrible telling Nick and Harry that he didn’t want them as his daddies that he’d go along with whatever they wanted. So he stayed silent, waiting for Nick to continue the conversation.
“Of course, Lou, anything you need. I’m not sure if you know Jesy from Little Mix and her fiancé Jake from Rixton, but they’re looking for a little boy. I can introduce you to them if you want, I think you’d love them, and I know that they’d be over the moon to meet you.”
Louis looked down, trying to figure out how to phrase what he wanted to say, “I- I don’t know if it’s weird, but I guess I don’t really want a mommy? I have always pictured myself with a daddy. I don’t know how this works. But if you think I should meet them then I will. I trust you.”
Nick truly was going to kill Harry.
“No, no, no, Lou, you don’t need to meet them if you aren’t interested. It’s not weird to only want a male or a female. It’s completely normal. Just like I said, everyone has a personal preference when it comes to their classification.”
“Okay, good, that makes me feel better. I didn’t know if there was something wrong with me. Thank you for listening to me. I know you guys have better things to do. I’m just gonna lay down and go on the Quench I think. I dunno, it’s like, I spent so long keeping it to myself, it feels kind of good to have people know. Not that I want everyone alive to know, but it’s a start.”
“We’re very proud of you,” Harry said, “If you need any help with setting up your profile or anything at all, just let us know. Remember that whomever you are interested in on the site is under the discretionary policy of the law. No one will know you saw or met up with them until you want them to know.”
Louis nodded, giving the men a small smile as they stood up. Nick walked over to Louis, grabbing the boys’ hands and standing him up before pulling him into a tight hug. Louis let himself relax into the embrace, feeling protected and small against Nick’s strong frame.
He eventually released his hold on Nick, knowing the couple had better things to do than stay with him all day.
Harry moved in, hugging Louis tightly. The smaller man swallowed his pride, standing on his tippy toes to whisper in Harry’s ear, too ashamed to ask what he needed to ask out loud. He was proud of himself; this was without a doubt the biggest step he’d made in the past 3 years regarding his classification. Asking for help when he needed it. If he were to get a daddy, then he’d need to be able to ask them for what he needs, right? Louis told himself that this was just practice, that it didn’t matter that it was Harry he was asking.
Harry stilled when Louis cupped his small hand around his ear, bending down so that it’d be easier for the boy to reach him.
“I- um. You can say no, but could you maybe show me how to change my… yeah.” Louis couldn’t feel embarrassed about his lack of eloquence; he’d been having a harder time forming coherent thoughts as of late, something he attributed to the embarrassment and stress that he’d been experiencing.
Harry nodded, waiting for Louis to lead him upstairs. He was overjoyed at the prospect of being able to help Louis, but felt a sense of dread at the fact that it could be the last time he had a chance to help the boy before he found a daddy. A daddy that wasn’t him or Nick. He looked back at Nick who waved him off, understanding where Harry was going having heard Louis’ loud whisper.
Louis hurried ahead of him, having set down a towel on the ground before Harry had made it to the room. Harry looked down at the towel, confused at why Louis had set it out until he saw the ashamed blush on Louis’ face.
“You can leave, sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking asking you to help. Sorry, sorry. I just- I went and don’t really know how to change it.”
Harry felt sick to his stomach listening to Louis’ apologies. He thought back to the days where he just thought that Louis was a people-pleaser, and that was that. He now saw that Louis was extremely insecure and just looking for someone to give him praise and tell him that he was doing things right.
Harry reassured him, “Lou, of course I’ll help. It’s pretty easy, just lay back and I’ll explain it to you.” Louis let out a breath, lying back onto the towel. Harry tried not to think about the changing table he would get for Louis, dark brown wood with a changing pad covered in his favorite Marvel characters, but he couldn’t help himself.
“First, you’ve to take your sweats off,” Harry joked, pulling down Louis’ sweatpants and tickling his stomach to make him giggle and ease the boy’s tension. He smiled when his efforts succeeded, Louis’ eyes crinkling in joy.
Harry unstrapped the wet diaper, continuing to talk as he did so, “Next, you have to make sure you wipe everywhere. Rashes can get pretty nasty and you don’t want to have to deal with that.”
Louis couldn’t help but blush as Harry cleaned his most private parts. Harry pulled a new diaper out of the pack, opening it up with one hand while the other continued cleaning Louis. The little couldn’t help but marvel at the way that Harry was so comfortable changing him, wondering why he wanted an older little instead of one he could use his expert changing skills on.
“All done! If you have any questions or ever need any help, just know I’d be more than happy to. The boys won’t know until you want them to, they won’t be hearing anything from me. Promise.” Harry stood up and took the used diaper to the bathroom, washing his hands before coming walking back into Louis’ room. The boy was stood up, giving Harry a small smile that seemed to say thank you.
The second that Harry and Nick had walked into their house Harry started crying. Nick was surprised that it had taken Harry so long, especially when Nick didn’t start up conversation in the car. Nick’s anger at Harry came second to his love for him, quickly embracing his boyfriend and walking him to the couch.
“I fucked up,” Harry choked out in between sobs.
“It’s okay, love, we’ll figure this out. All we can do now is wait for Louis to realize that we’re perfect for him.”
“But, he doesn’t even think we want a little boy! How can we convince him that he should give us a chance?”
“By being there for him and giving him time. He needs time to come to terms with being a little before he can even think about getting a daddy.”
“Or daddies,” Harry chimed in, quickly returning to his cheeky self.
“Or daddies,” Nick agrees, “We can show him that we’re good daddies and that we’d be great for him. I mean, you’re around him more than I am, you can retract your hypothetical and let him come to the conclusion that he wants us. We aren’t making a move towards him, that’s not what he needs right now.”
Harry nodded. “But we can show him how good we’d be for him, right?”
-----------------------
Louis’ intercom was buzzed in at about 5:30 that night, and he was confused as to who it could be. He accepted the call, and opened the gate for Dale after he revealed that it was him.
He was flustered as the guard handed off his favorite sandwich and drink from his favorite sit down restaurant. Dale left after letting him know that the meal was from Harry and Nick, bidding the man a goodnight.
Louis’ heart fluttered at the thought that Harry and Nick were thinking about him. It was the nicest thing anyone had done for him in a long time. He took the food upstairs, settling in his bed and pulling out his laptop. As he had watched football that day, his mind thought up questions that he would look up when he settled in his room for the night.
He let out a moan at the food, not having had a chance to go to the restaurant in months due to their busy travelling schedule. He grabbed his phone, starting a group chat with Harry and Nick and texting them thank you and how much he appreciated them thinking of him. He put his phone down, turning back to his computer and pulling up Google, ready to start searching for the answers to his questions.
He started by typing in “Tips for l-subs on the Quench”, wanting to know how to attract daddies to him. He’d never gone farther than the login screen of the website, scared to see what the website actually consisted of.
Clicking the first item that came up after hitting enter, he saw that it was a sort of blog post from someone who called themselves “Good Girl Gracie”. The page was entitled: “The Quench: A How-To For Littles”.
If you’re on this page, I assume you’re a little who isn’t quite sure how to use the Quench or hasn’t had much experience with a p-dom. I welcome you with open arms! After reading this post you should have most of your questions answered and understand the process of using the website a little bit better. I’ve included more resources at the bottom that can hopefully answer the questions that are left unanswered for you when I’m done here!
First, we’ll go into a little history of the Quench. It’s set up by the government, and your user login came with your classification when you turned 18. If you don’t have your login information, don’t fret! Type in your last name and the first two initials of your first name, and your password can be setup with the forget password button. The point of the Quench, formally known as Governmental Classification Matching System (that doesn’t sound quite as fun, now does it?), is to provide all classifications with the chance to meet people of their opposite classification and to explore yourself in a safe environment with someone who knows what they’re doing. Whether you’re 18, new to where you live, or have never had an experience with a p-dom, there is no reason to fret. We’ll get into it later, but there is a chance to state your experience level when you’re setting up your profile on the site. I can tell you from personal experience, there’s absolutely no reason to worry- this site is made to help you, and it will.
Second, we’ll go over how you actually set up a profile. Just like any other website where you make a personal profile, you’re asked to post a picture. Post one where you can see your face. An important piece of advice- smile! People love to see someone who’s happy, so show them your pearly whites! The government’s records department already filled out most of the information such as your age, eye color, and hair color. If you have your hair dyed, or any of the information is wrong, feel free to change it! Most of the setup is pretty self-explanatory.
Thirdly, now we get to the good stuff. After filling out your basic profile and hitting enter, you’re taken to a questionnaire. Make sure you have a lot of time on your hands when taking it, as you don’t want to rush through it. It starts with basic information such as your education level, family life, and job. Then it moves into classification specific questions, so as a fellow little I can explain pretty well the main points of what they ask. I will give you one caveat; be honest. You are looking for someone who fits you well, and if you aren’t honest then you won’t find him or her. There is no reason to be ashamed about your regression level, likes, dislikes, everything. Remember that the people you’re given as potential matches are on the same page as you! There is no shame in being who you are.
Fourthly and finally, is the actual conversation. I won’t lie to you and tell you that some people aren’t a bit weird. There are weirdos in every classification, in every corner of the world. That’s just how life is, unfortunately. But it’s easy to weed them out based on the conversations that you have with them. Ask yourself if they are truly trying to get to know you and get a good read on you before asking you to meet up. You can reply to someone as much as you want or as little as you want- you don’t need to feel the need to please anyone, this is for you, not for them. Everyone who is featured on the Quench has no criminal charges; at the first allegation of a criminal record they’re taken off the website. You are safe and the website provides you with the discretion that you need. Your computer cannot screenshot the webpage, and if a person is caught with any of your conversations on your phone or elsewhere they are forever banned from the site. The government worked to make this site as safe as possible, and to provide people with comfort while exploring themselves.
I found my mommy on the Quench, and I couldn’t be happier. I bid you goodbye and good luck! Happy hunting, my fellow littles =)
Her post hit just about everything that Louis was wondering, and he slowly typed in the web address for the Quench. It was time. His hands were shaking slightly, but it was more manageable than a lot of the tremors he’d been dealing with. He logged on to the site without issue, and posted a picture that someone had taken of him on stage. He cropped it so that it was only his face; not wanting the person to know what he did before he told them. He changed his name from Louis Tomlinson to just Louis, not wanting his last name to be public knowledge. He began the questionnaire, the questions starting out as basic questions, as Gracie had reported, moving into invasive questions. Some were answered simply by checking yes/no, others had him choose an answer out of a list of given replies.
Have you ever had a p-dom before?: No
What is your comfort level with your status? (Rating 1-10, 10 being most comfortable): 1
What is your estimated age of regression?: Infancy (ages 0-2)
What is your preferred gender of parent-dominant: Male
What is your level of sexual experience?: Little
Would you prefer one parent-dominant or a couple?: Doesn’t matter
Would you like a sibling? (Either a biological child or another little): No
What ages are you looking for?: 20-35
Choose 3 adjectives to describe you: Shy, Quiet, Bashful
Anything else you want to share?: No
The questions blurred together in Louis’ mind, having answered over 70 by the time that he was done. He clicked submit, and a message popped up that the page would refresh as soon as his answers were matched up with dominants who he could be compatible with. He took the time to check his phone, seeing that he had three new texts.
Nick and Harry had replied to the group message her started, telling him they hoped he enjoyed the food and had a great night… along with a ton of random emojis, of course, because it wouldn’t be a text from Harry if it didn’t include them.
His other text was from Niall, and he could already tell you what it said. “Let’s go out tonight!” Whether he was just oblivious to the fact that Louis denied his request to go out every single time he texted him or he just didn’t care, it could be said that Niall was persistent, bless his heart. He was almost completely dead on with his guess as to what Niall’s text read.
Let’s go get sloshed, mate!!!!!! Got some fit girls ready to come out!!!!!
Louis sighed, feeling a pit form in his stomach. He replied to Niall and told him that he was busy and that they’d have to go out some time next week. The talk of anything sexual made him upset, it was something he tried not to think about often. He wasn’t sure what the boys or the fans really thought of him in terms of being a guy, what they thought his sex life consisted of. He truly didn’t want to know. He’d never had the chance to have a long relationship, being plucked into a life of fame at age 16. He made up excuses for the reasons why he never had the relationships or hookups that his bandmates had, but the truth was that he just didn’t have a desire to be with someone in that way.
Not that he’d ever tell anyone, but he had never even kissed someone before. 21 years old, in the biggest band on the planet, and he’d never even kissed a girl or a guy. He was always a bit confused about anything that related to the sphere of sexual activity. He’d hear the boys, not Harry, though, never Harry, talking about fingering and blowing and boning girls and he’d laugh when the others laugh, aw when they awed. Truth be told, he had no idea what they were talking about, and he had no desire to find out. He knew that he was most likely the most innocent and sheltered 21 year old on the planet, but he was okay with it. Kind of. On one hand, he was content with living in his own nonsexual world. It was what he was comfortable with, it was how he felt safe. But on the other hand, he couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong with him. Everyone he knew had been in relationships or had one-night stands, that’s just how the world worked, wasn’t it?
He looked back to his computer, seeing that his matches had loaded. His stomach clenched, worried to see what kind of daddies his answers had conjured up. The website listed the matches, having a small picture and biography of each in a list format. There was a percentage next to their picture that represented how compatible they were. He was pleased to see that there were eighteen 100% matches for him.
He was surprised by how normal most of them looked, he wasn’t sure why. In his mind he’d never thought that he deserved a daddy who was attractive, someone kind and loving. It was a product of his insecurities and lack of confidence, but this website gave him some renewed hope. He looked through their profiles, getting a read on them and what they were about. Even though the site had said they were a 100% match from the information that Louis had given them, it was clear that some of them just would not fit his lifestyle. He resolutely shut the computer, wanting to see if any of the daddies would send him a message first. He was patient; he had waited years to even tell someone that he was a little, he could wait a day to see if anyone wanted to be his daddy.
Louis woke up in a cold sweat later that night, having dreamt of Harry and Nick asking him to be their little, only to post embarrassing pictures of Louis sleeping in only a clearly soaked diaper on Instagram. Good or bad, he needed to stop thinking about Nick and Harry. They wanted a little girl. They told him. They wanted someone who was potty trained, someone that could feed themselves and do fun stuff with them. Not him. They didn’t want him. They would never want him. He needed to get it through his head, but he couldn’t. His mind inevitably went back to them, he constantly found himself thinking about them holding him, bathing him, feeding him, playing with him. He hoped that he would find someone who made him feel even remotely close to what Nick and Harry made him feel. He doubted it, he was bound for a life of misery and unhappiness, it’s what he deserved. He shook his head; the middle of the night was no time for such negative thoughts.
The next three days sped by in a blur of more diaper changes than he would have liked to do, footie, pointedly not checking the Quench, and Harry and Nick having Dale deliver him food. His nightmares didn’t go away, progressively getting worse as the week dragged on. He woke up Tuesday to Alberto knocking on his bedroom door, telling him that it was time to go back to rehearsals. He had thought long and hard over whether or not he would wear a diaper, but at this point it wasn’t even an option not to. It had gotten to the point where he couldn’t even tell when he was going to the bathroom until he was done; complete loss of control. He changed into a clean diaper before he left, throwing on a pair of sweats and a crewneck over it. He looked at himself from every angle, making sure that the extra padding wasn’t obvious. He made sure to grab a couple extra diapers and the pack of wipes just in case he needed them. He wasn’t sure how long he’d be at the studio, but he could never be too careful.
He handed them off to Alberto when he got down to his kitchen after brushing his teeth. The guard raised his eyebrows at them, surprised that the boy had regressed so quickly, but didn’t say anything. He pulled Louis into a hug, “I missed ya, bud, glad to be back.” Louis squeezed the man, letting him know he missed him as well.
Louis’ mood picked up when he got to the studio, finding himself excited to be practicing songs from FOUR. It was his favorite album by a mile, finally having the chance to write the songs he actually wanted to write. They were headed out on what their management called a world tour, but Louis thought that the title was a bit generous. The tour only had 15 dates across the world; 7 in the US, 3 in Australia, 2 in the UK, 3 in Europe. They were all at huge stadiums that had sold out in minutes. Fans were obviously upset, and Louis didn’t blame them. Their management wanted them to have a month of touring, six months off, before strapping in for the long haul. They wanted their fifth album to be the best one yet, and they wanted fans to be excited for it. It wasn’t that they weren’t excited for this tour, but it was right after the Where We Are tour and they weren’t left wanting for much. Louis wouldn’t complain about having time off, but he wanted to give the fans the best tour they possibly could before taking their break.
“Lou, what’s up man?” Zayn said, pulling him into a hug.
“Not much, Z, just spent the past week chillin. You have a good time off?”
“Yeah, mate, met a girl, you’ve got to meet her.”
“I’d love to- happy for you, Zayn, it’s about time!” Louis said jokingly, but gave his bandmate a sincere smile. He was happy for Zayn, he deserved the best sub in the world.
Louis thinks that it would be impossible to be sad while being surrounded by his bandmates. His good mood lasted for the first week of rehearsals before everything went downhill. He woke up in the middle of the night, unsure of what had woken up him until he shifted in his bed.
“No way,” he breathed, starting to hyperventilate. This couldn’t be happening, it really can’t be happening, he thought. He got up slowly, every step making the realization that he’d messed his diaper more terrible. He didn’t think that he’d ever get to this point, that he’d fully lose control of his body functions. After a shower and a lot of tears, he hopped back into bed. At least he knew that his life couldn’t get any worse than it was.
But he was wrong. Of course it could get wrong; it was like as soon as you thought that the world couldn’t hand you any more terrible cards, it did, just to prove you wrong. He woke up the next morning quite early, grabbing his phone to check twitter. It wasn’t something he did often; it kind of ruined his perception of the fans when he looked too much. They would fight with other fans constantly, sending hate to anyone who was even remotely connected to the band. It wasn’t something that Louis understood completely, but he tried to stay away from it. His timeline was full of tweets that contained the words Harry and Nick. He went to an update account that he found to be pretty reliable and almost threw up. Harry and Nick were pictured inside a restaurant and leaving the place with Taylor Swift. Louis tried to keep his breathing steady, hands pulling at his hair in anguish.
Louis considered himself to be a pretty calm and loving person, but one person he couldn’t stay was the blonde haired she-devil, Taylor Swift. She was the darling of the universe, the best selling pop singer of the century. Louis personally didn’t understand why, her voice wasn’t that strong and her songs were average. She was photographed with a different man every week it seemed, and it didn’t matter what their classification was. That was the mystique of Taylor Swift; no one knew what her classification was. No one knew what subset she fell into, hell, no one even knew if she was a dom or a sub. And that’s why Louis absolutely detested her. She made a mockery of the classification system, acting like it didn’t even matter. Someone who used the system for their own gain as a celebrity was disgusting to Louis. It wasn’t something to be made a joke of, it wasn’t frivolous; it was the way that life worked. She provided a terrible role model for all of her fans, telling them that their classification was irrelevant and that they could be with anyone they wanted. Any adult who’d dealt with classification problems, like Louis had, understood that. To see Harry with her was a stab to the heart. To see Nick laughing at whatever she was saying made him want to drown. He knew he wasn’t good enough for them. Maybe she was a little; he could see it, he guesses. The childish way she acted, the way that she was always vying for the attention of people. He would place her around 10 on the regression spectrum. His heart sank, realizing that she was the little that they’d always wanted.
He texted Alberto, telling him that he wasn’t going to rehearsals that morning because he was feeling sick. The bodyguard told him that he’d let their choreographer, Paul, know. He cried himself back to sleep, hoping that he’d wake up and it’d all have been a dream. He knew that life didn’t work like that though, no matter how much he wished it did.
It didn’t go away when he woke up. What he did wake up to was a soiled nappy, and he couldn’t help but sobbed as he changed himself, wondering when his life had gotten so terrible and bleak. Once clean, he curled up in his bed, hands shaking as he checked his phone. He had texts from Liam, Niall, and Zayn, telling him that they hoped he was okay and to let them know if he needed anything.
He had fifteen texts from Harry and Nick in the groupchat that he’d started only last week, even though it seemed like years ago.
Are you okay??
Where are you?
Sorry, just got off air. Are you good, Louis?
????
Do you need anything?
Louis?
Looooouis?????
We’re coming over there if you don’t answer.
Do you need us to send you any food?
Louis???
This isn’t funny
Can you reply?
Maybe he’s asleep
Harry, you just said this to me out loud……… you didn’t need to text it here??
Louis, please reply when you see this!!!!!!!
Louis’s shaky hand hovered over his iPhone, unsure of whether or not to reply. He ended up replying with a simple: I’m fine, just sick. I don’t need anything, thank you.
His tone was impersonal, but he didn’t owe Nick and Harry anything, and they didn’t owe him anything either. It was when he was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, feeling numb, that he decided to check his messages on the Quench.
He opened up his laptop, quickly typing in the web address before hovering over the red inbox icon. He clicked on it, surprised to see that he had 57 messages, 17 of the being from the 100% matches that the website had shown him. Those were placed on top, as the site gave them priority, and he looked through them slowly. He saw one that caught his eye, the picture of a man who looked like he was in his late 20s. He had a nice smile, light blond hair, and hazel eyes. He read his message:
Hi Louis, my name is Carter. I live in London and, if it wasn’t obvious, I’m a daddy. Your gorgeous face caught my eye, and I definitely thought that I should send you a message. I don’t know what you’re looking for, but I’d love to meet up with you. Please let me know when you’re free and if you’d like to meet.
Louis started to reply almost immediately, letting the man know that he’d like to meet up with him on Friday night, two days from then. He didn’t heed Gracie’s warning of talking to p-doms before deciding to meet up. He was desperate for someone, in need of someone’s affection. He blushed at the way that the man called him gorgeous, never having heard it outside of a fan’s use regarding his looks.
He yawned, allowing himself to fall back asleep. He was anxious to see what the man would reply, unsure of whether or not he would change his mind about whether or not he was willing to meet up with Louis. Louis understood if he changed his mind; he knew that there were a lot of littles who were a lot better and more experienced at this than him.
When he woke up again it was pitch black out, Louis blindly grabbing his phone to see that it was 11:30. He noticed that Harry and Nick never replied to his text glumly. He decided to check twitter, thinking that he could make a few fan’s lives a bit better than his was by following them. He realized it was a mistake when he logged on and saw more pictures of Harry, Nick, and Taylor on his timeline. He knew that it was serious by the way that they’d been publicly photographed two nights in a row. Harry was never one for being photographed, not wanting his private life to be shared with the world. He must really like Taylor to be going out on such public outings, letting her love of being photographed come in front of his desire for privacy. Louis must be missing something when it comes to her personality. She must be great if Harry and Nick both like her. He could be happy for them. He could. He loved Harry with his whole heart, the boy had done so much for Louis over the past five years. And sure, he didn't know Nick extremely well, but the man had never done anything wrong. He was always there to help he when he needed it. There was nothing he could do to change who he was and what they wanted, that's what he kept telling himself. There was nothing he could do to make himself more appealing to them. He couldn't help the childish hurt that he felt at being rejected. For Harry to be a daddy, someone who knows him so intimately well, and not want him... well, that hurt. It made him look at all of his flaws, all of the things that would make them not want him.
He couldn’t allow himself to think about it anymore without going absolutely insane. Opening his computer up, he lit up when he saw that Carter had replied to his message. It was brief, but included a time and location for their Friday meet up. It was a restaurant that Louis had never been to, but it seemed nice enough. He forced himself to be excited, unsure of why the prospect of having a daddy didn’t make him happy. He hoped that the meeting would bring the excitement that he was lacking right now.