But It Has To Be Done Together
When Clarke had first gotten angry about the placement of the Omega tent, Lexa had been beyond confused. She had thought Clarke would be impressed with how much trouble her people had gone to for Clarke’s friends. For her people. But, when Clarke had explained the problem with increasing amounts of anger, it was all Lexa could do to try and appease that anger by explaining her motives and defending her people’s beliefs of equality among the statuses, even if she did understand Clarke’s point of view. She could see now how terrible her decision must have felt for the Omegas. She had failed them. She had failed Clarke. And she needed to fix it.
Unfortunately, when she tried to tell Clarke she understood, that she was sorry, and ask how she could fix it, Clarke wouldn’t even listen to her. Instead, the blonde Omega turned and started walking away from her before Lexa could even finish getting the words out. Lexa’s inner Alpha howled at the rejection and her heart sank.
Clarke was walking away from her.
Clarke wouldn’t let her apologize.
What if Clarke never came back? Had she just lost her forever?
Instinctively, Lexa felt herself moving with the Omega, following behind her in a desperate hope that Clarke would forgive her and come back to her if she managed to stay close enough to show the girl how much she cared.
Clarke’s pheromones had been an overwhelming swirl of anger, frustration, and, to Lexa’s complete bafflement, guilt. Each wave of the scent felt like a stab to Lexa’s heart, further severing the connection she thought they had been building. But, just before Clarke reached the tent’s entrance, Lexa smelled a slight shift. It was almost like the girl was relieved and calming and Lexa felt her heart soar in her chest. Maybe it was working. Maybe Clarke would forgive her.
Suddenly, Clarke spun around on the spot to face Lexa and, for a moment, Lexa would have considered every prayer she had ever muttered in her life as answered if this was Clarke turning to tell her she forgave her. But then, another wave of even angrier pheromones hit her and Lexa felt as if every last shred of hope in her heart had just gone up in flames. Especially when Clarke snarled in her face, “Don’t even think about following me in. You’ll terrify them. Just wait here. You’ve done enough.” The words rang in her ears like a death drum. You’ve done enough. You’ve. Done. Enough. She had. She knew she had. She’d failed and made it worse. Lexa swallowed and felt the blood drain out of her face in shame as Clarke spun back around and disappeared into the tent.
Lexa stood completely frozen. She’d actually lost her. Clarke would talk with the Omegas. She would decide to live with them. And then she would come back out and tell Lexa their mating was off. That she didn’t feel Lexa could be trusted to protect her and her friends. That this failure had destroyed her love for her. And then she would leave. And Lexa would let her go. Even if she loved Clarke with all of her being, she would let her go if that was her wish. She had failed the blonde after all. She had promised to protect her friends and only ended up making them more scared. Maybe she really couldn’t be trusted.
Lowering her gaze to the ground, Lexa tried to control the emotions overwhelming her. Taking a few deep breaths, she prepared herself for what was to come. As much as she wanted to turn, run back to her own tent, and disappear where no one could see her, Clarke had told her to wait where she stood, so she was going to wait. She had brought this on herself and she would just have to accept Clarke’s rejection with as much strength as possible. Although, that strength probably wouldn’t last very long. Her only hope was that it would be long enough for her to listen to all Clarke has to say and then leave. So, she took several more deep breaths and tried to prevent the tears that were building up in her eyes from spilling over.
But, the longer Clarke stayed in the tent, the more time Lexa had to think about what she’d lost, and the harder it became to keep the tears in check. After about an hour, when Indra came and informed Lexa that the proper people had been gathered and were ready to go whenever she was ready, Lexa couldn’t hold it in anymore. She didn’t even have the strength to tell Indra the ritual party was no longer necessary. Instead, she just nodded and listened as Indra said she would have everyone wait. Then, as soon as the general walked away, the tears tipped over the edge and from that moment on there was just a silent stream of tears running down her face. She didn’t try to stop it. She knew there was no use. So, she stood, chin held high, tears streaming down her face, and she waited for her Omega – No. She shook her head slightly and mentally corrected herself. She had lost any hope she’d ever had for the right to call Clarke hers – she waited for the Omega to come back out of the tent. Anyone who saw her tears respectfully averted their gazes, thinking it best not to ask or do anything to provoke the clearly already upset Alpha.
After about another hour, the tears had finally begun to slow to only one or two every few minutes and Lexa suddenly started hearing movement and then, oddly enough, giggling approach the tent flaps from the other side. She couldn’t hear what was being said, but her heart constricted in her chest when she heard the melodic sound of Clarke’s laughter drift to her. She barely had another moment to prepare herself before Clarke’s golden hair appeared through the flaps, quickly followed by the rest of her, and Lexa’s breathing died in her chest. Clarke was so beautiful. Always so beautiful. She loved her so much. And she’d lost her forever. Lexa was suddenly unsure if she even had enough strength to make it through one second of Clarke’s rejection without breaking forever, let alone the whole thing. But she remained where she was and braced herself anyway.
When Clarke stepped out from the tent and her eyes landed on Lexa, the small smile that had been playing at the edges of her mouth fell away completely into one of shock and horror. Lexa’s heart sank even further, if that were even possible, and she prepared herself for the renewed burst of anger she was sure to follow that expression. But, Clarke merely remained frozen for several seconds.
Clarke didn’t know what to do. When she first saw Lexa’s face as she exited the tent, she had assumed that something terrible had happened. She had never seen Lexa openly cry in public like this, so she waited in shock for a moment because she assumed that Lexa would immediately launch into whatever the issue was. Her mind raced for answers. Had there been an attack? Were her friends ok? But when Lexa simply stood there, looking at her with that distraught expression, and seemingly waiting for Clarke to speak first, Clarke dismissed the possibility of a terrible event.
So, while internally trying her best to figure out what had Lexa so upset, Clarke took a hesitant step closer to the Alpha, but then immediately froze when she saw Lexa tilt back slightly, almost as if the other girl had attempted to suppress a flinch by locking her muscles.
It was a movement Clarke recognized from the time she had spent when she was young, before she had presented as an Omega, helping her mom work. They would see it in Omegas who had particularly aggressive Alpha mates who liked to beat them and would only beat them harder if they flinched. The Omegas had developed a way to stop flinching by locking their muscles down, that way they would only be able to sway slightly, not flinch completely.
Even when they came into see them, usually after they’d had an especially bad beating, they would still lock down this way if her mother made too fast of a movement. Which had happened a little too often for Clarke’s liking. Something she really should have paid more attention to at the time. Maybe if she had, she wouldn’t have been so surprised that her mom turned out to be an Omega-hating control freak when Clarke finally did present.
But now Lexa had made that movement. She had made THAT movement. An Alpha had made that movement. In response to her, Clarke, an Omega, her lover – or, soon to be lover. And Clarke felt as if her whole world had tilted on its axis. Why was Lexa afraid of her? What the hell happened? Clarke thought back to the few moments before she had entered the tent and couldn’t think of anything she’d done that would cause this reaction. Confused, she decided to try and relax the Alpha.
But, she’d never been on this side before. She’d never had someone she loved afraid of her before. She had no clue what to do, what would work. So, Clarke did the one thing she could think of that was sure to make an Alpha feel more secure – she submitted. She dropped her shoulders and her eyes, turned her head to the side and down so that her neck and throat were completely exposed, and started pumping out the most calming and submissive Omega pheromones she could manage. And then she waited.
When Clarke had taken a step toward her, Lexa was ashamed to admit she had to hold herself back from dropping to her knees and begging for forgiveness. Every cell in her body had screamed at her to throw all caution to the wind and do whatever it took to get Clarke back. But she knew she couldn’t. She’d never forgive herself if she manipulated Clarke in that way. So, she’d locked her body down and held in the urge in the same way she had learned to avoid submitting to the bigger Alphas all those years ago when she was just a skinny thirteen-year-old who had just presented. And yet, Clarke did not advance on her. She didn’t start yelling. She didn’t even talk. Clarke froze and stared at Lexa for several long seconds and Lexa had no idea what to do. And then Clarke submitted.
Clarke full on submitted.
They were in the middle of camp, right in front of the tent housing all of the Omegas from her own people, and Clarke completely lowered her walls for Lexa.
Lexa found herself completely surrounded in the sweetest, most submissive Omega pheromones she had ever smelled. It was calling to her to protect and claim the girl in a way that was so warming and different than it had been during Clarke’s heat that Lexa felt as if it was the first time she had smelled the girl all over again. And Lexa was so lost about what was going on that she actually whimpered.
Whimpered.
Clarke’s eyes snapped back up to Lexa’s face. Whimpering was something else she never would have imagined the commander ever doing in public and, to be honest, it scared her. What the hell was she doing that kept upsetting Lexa so much? She wasn’t sure what else she could do to make Lexa feel more comfortable, so she decided to try talking to her instead. Quietly, so as not to seem threatening, Clarke said, “Lex? What’s wrong, Lexa?”
Clarke watched as Lexa’s eyes scanned her face. Searching for what, Clarke wasn’t sure, but after a moment the Alpha seemed to find it because the brunette took a slow step forward, so that she was standing only a few inches in front of Clarke, and then, to Clarke’s complete and utter horror, the commander dropped to her knees.
Clarke gasped and immediately looked up to scan their surroundings for potential witnesses. Oddly enough, not many people were around. In fact, other than the Beta guards standing behind her and the half of Indra she could see poking out from behind a tent not far away, there was no one around to see this. Which was strange, considering they were in the middle of camp, but Clarke didn’t give it that much thought because the sound of Lexa clearing her throat slightly before talking had Clarke’s eyes shooting right back down to Lexa’s face. Frantically, Clarke’s mind was trying everything in its power to understand what was going on.
Lexa cleared her throat one more time, really hoping that it wouldn’t be too affected by her tears from earlier, and then whispered, “I understand that I have failed you again, ai hodnes. I understand that and I am sorry. Truly, truly sorry. I will do whatever it takes to fix this problem, you must only tell me what that is. And I would like to beg you to give me one more chance to prove my worth. Though I want you to know that if you decide to leave me ov-“
Lexa was stopped mid-sentence when Clarke suddenly dropped to her knees as well and surrounded Lexa in soft, yet strong arms, a cloud of loving and happy pheromones, and a wave of blonde hair that hit Lexa in the face as Clarke tucked her head into Lexa’s neck while hugging her.
Now realizing that the problem was that Lexa thought she was going to leave her, Clarke immediately began to speak, “I’m not leaving you. I’m never leaving you. I’m sorry I yelled earlier. I’m not mad anymore. You were only trying to help and I couldn’t see that because I was feeling guilty about something else. It’s okay. I love you. I’m here.”
After a few seconds of being held and soothed by Clarke, Lexa felt the tears spill over her eyes again and seep into the blonde hair still covering her face. In all honesty, she was glad the hair was there to hide her weakness. But at the same time, she just felt incredibly grateful that she had been forgiven and clutched at Clarke for several long minutes. Clarke kept whispering reassurances in Lexa’s ear the whole time.
Eventually, when Clarke felt Lexa’s tears dry up, she pulled back slightly to rest her forehead on Lexa’s. Then, she slowly pulled a hand from behind Lexa’s head so that she could gently wipe away the tear tracks, suddenly really glad Lexa had decided to go without the war paint for the day.
After another few minutes of staring into each other’s eyes and taking deep breaths, Lexa spoke quietly, her voice scratchy from the crying, “It seems it was my turn to jump to a drastic assumption, my love.”
Clarke chuckled and leaned forward to place a slow, loving kiss on Lexa’s lips. When she pulled back, she looked into Lexa’s dazed expression and whispered back, “Normally, I’d say it’s about time, but I really think we need to stop this pattern. Did you really think I was going to leave you?”
Lexa nodded solemnly. “When you walked away and then told me I had done enough, I thought you meant overall. I thought that was it. I’m sorry, ai hodnes. I agree, we must find a way to break this pattern.”
Clarke hummed sadly and nuzzled the side of Lexa’s face softly. “You don’t have to apologize for this Lexa. You did nothing wrong. And I completely overreacted about the tent. You were only trying to help. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’m sorry for overreacting and I’m sorry for putting you through this pain.”
Lexa’s hands, which had been locked in the front of Clarke’s coat for several minutes, suddenly broke free so that she could cup both sides of Clarke’s face. She shook her head, “You do not have to apologize either, I understand why you reacted that way and it is not your fault I reacted this way.”
Clarke chuckled again and shook her own head slightly. “Alright, then. If neither of us have to say we’re sorry, maybe we should just focus on figuring out how to keep these assumptions from happening more.”
Lexa nodded, thinking hard.
Clarke watched Lexa’s face as she thought and it was one of the best sights she had ever seen. Even better than Earth from space. Even better than Earth from Earth. After a few seconds, she realized she was supposed to be thinking too, but couldn’t seem to tear her attention away from Lexa’s stunning features long enough to really try. Luckily, a moment later Lexa seemed to come up with something.
Her eyes locked with Clarke’s and she asked in a hesitant, almost shy voice, “Do you think it is possible we both keep reacting this way because, even though we feel like we are already each other’s, we are not officially so? So we feel insecure about our connection and overreact when the small things threaten it?”
A large smile broke out across Clarke’s face. That would certainly make sense to her. She had felt really insecure about the status of their connection to each other in her assumptions. “I think that could be it, yeah,” Clarke replied.
Lexa let the ghost of a smile appear on her face as she nodded once more. “Very well. Then, as soon as we are finally mated, that should go away. Until then, we should agree that if we suddenly start feeling unsure, we will immediately seek out the other person and talk it through, no matter what, so that we can avoid these scenes.”
Clarke nodded earnestly. “Yes, I think that is a good plan. Which reminds me,” Clarke paused and looked around for a second. Then, she carefully pulled both of them into a standing position before whispering into Lexa’s ear, “Don’t we have a ritual to get to?”
Lexa would have replied, she really would have, but as soon as Clarke was done speaking, the blonde pulled her into a kiss that just went on and on until Lexa had completely forgotten the question, her own name, her title as commander, and anything else that wasn’t Clarke’s lips. When they finally broke apart, Lexa was completely flushed and out of breath, but she somehow still wanted more. She even tried to follow Clarke’s lips as the blonde pulled away, but Clarke only laughed softly, making Lexa’s heart melt further, and pushed Lexa back gently by a hand on her shoulder. After a second of staring at Clarke’s lips and wondering why she had been separated from them, Lexa remembered that she had been asked a question, although she had no idea what that question had been. Slowly, because she was still in a swirling daze of pheromones, love, and lust, Lexa looked back up to Clarke’s sparkling, mischievous eyes and asked a simple, “What?”
Clarke laughed again, long and loud this time, before she shifted her hands so that she was grasping one of Lexa’s. She began pulling the Alpha toward the Beta general scowling at them from behind the tent Clarke had seen her waiting near earlier. Lexa followed without resistance, even if she was still clearly out of it, and Clarke looked over her shoulder one last time before they reached Indra and said, “Come on Lex, you’ve gotta make me yours.”
Lexa’s Alpha roared at the thought and she couldn’t suppress the dangerous smirk that appeared on her face as she snapped out of her haze and matched her stride with the Omega’s, a new mission in sight.