And so it Begins
Lexa woke suddenly, gasping at the most amazing, tantalizing, irresistible smell she had ever encountered. Her whole body ached and yearned in response to the cloud of pheromones surrounding her and it was all she could do to keep herself in check as she frantically tried to remember what was going on. It had been so long since she was this close to an Omega that she was interested in during their heat that her normally sound resolve was wavering slightly as her body screamed at her to find the Omega it already considered hers and officially claim them. Which is when it hit her. Suddenly, she remembered Clarke, her heat starting, the panic she had seen in her eyes, the sky people’s ridiculous beliefs, the whole situation, and although the extreme form of desire she felt was still there, it was as if a cold pale of water had been poured on her and she was able to regain her control out of concern for the Omega she cared so greatly for.
Their bodies had shifted apart on the bed of furs while they slept, but she could still feel the Omega next to her, currently writhing in agony as she slept. As she turned to observe the flushed beauty, Lexa was immensely glad that Clarke’s heat hadn’t woken the other girl yet. Clarke looked to be in the middle of a rather strong heat and Lexa wasn’t sure if she would be able to resist the girl if she tried offering herself to her once again. When she turned down the girl’s repeated offerings of submission earlier that day, it had nearly been the end of her and Clarke had only been in the early stages of her pre-heat at the time.
So, Lexa slipped from the bed of furs as quickly and quietly as possible, hoping not to jostle and wake the Omega, before making her way to the entrance of her tent. When she went to walk, however, she was distressed to find that her sleep pants were now quite tight in the crotch and it made walking comfortably a slow process. She did, however, eventually make it to the entrance where she found her two night guards. She couldn’t suppress the low, threatening growl that built up in her chest when she noticed that they were panting and their postures were abnormally straight. Clearly they could smell Clarke’s heat as well.
Internally, Lexa thanked her ancestors for the fact that her culture respected their Omegas enough to train Alphas to control themselves. Otherwise she would have had no choice but to tear these Alphas to pieces simply for being competition standing too close to her Omega. But, they knew better than to make a move and Clarke was already in Lexa’s bed, whether Lexa would ever get the honor of being her mate or not, which was good enough for the Alpha inside of Lexa to calm down for the moment. The Alpha had resigned herself long ago to the idea that, although she could often smell Clarke’s body’s reactions to her, Clarke had no desire to pursue a relationship with her. She hadn’t known if the Omega’s disinterest had stemmed from what happened at the mountain or simply a stronger desire for another, potentially even continued heartbreak and resentment over the loss of the murderer Finn, but Lexa had accepted it. No matter how strongly her body had screamed at her to try another attempt at courting the Omega it craved, she respected Clarke’s decision. And now that she had learned she had even the slightest bit of chance at winning Clarke’s heart, the Alpha was ready to be the one to do anything it takes to keep Clarke safe and provide her comfort, especially after seeing how scared Clarke had been the night before.
Lexa made a mental note to herself to further discuss why Clarke’s fearful and shame filled reaction had been so strong as soon as the girl was in her right mind again. Although Lexa now understood that the Sky People seemed to believe that an Alpha who had smelled an Omega’s heat would be a slave to their instincts and therefore nearly unstoppable in their quest to claim, it didn’t make sense that Clarke would be quite so afraid of Lexa’s intimate contact. Surly the Sky Girl knew that even in a crazed state Lexa would never hurt her, not again. It made Lexa wonder if something had happened in Clarke’s past. Something bad. Potentially with someone Clarke had trusted. But that thought made Lexa growl to herself again, which made the guards she had been standing behind whimper slightly in fear and submission, breaking her out of her thoughts.
After snapping out of her stream of thoughts, Lexa realized that the guards had snapped to attention after her first growl and then waited in an ever increasing state of fear as Lexa had stood there, staring them down as she thought. Shaking her head once again, Lexa tried to relax somewhat to put the other Alphas at ease before asking them to send word to the night healer to bring a supply of the strongest heat suppressant herbs they had. The men obeyed at once and Lexa glanced back into the darkness of her tent. She debated on whether or not she should go back in, but decided against it for the moment. Clarke still seemed to be sleeping, albeit fitfully, and the fresh air that the tent entrance provided her was making it much easier to control her desires, so she decided to wait there for the healer.
It only ended up taking a few more minutes for Nyko’s new second to appear with a bag full of supplies. Lexa was too tired and worked up to remember his name, but he was only a Beta and therefore didn’t further stress her nerves, so she listened attentively as he gave her instructions for the medicine before he handed her the bag and left. Lexa nodded to her guards, who were still cowering from her slightly, before she took one more deep breath of slightly-less Clarke filled air and reentered the tent, the bag of suppressants clutched tightly in her hands.
The closer she got to Clarke the more and more choked she felt by the heat pheromones. The wonderful smell surrounded her, infected her, and called out to every part of her Alpha, begging her to give up her control. Lexa had never felt anything like it. But she held strong and gently sat down on the edge of the bed next to the blonde.
Clarke’s sleep seemed to have only gotten more fitful while Lexa was away. The girl’s hair was completely wild and strewn around her head, her entire body seemed to be flushed and sweating (if the way Clarke’s shirt seemed to cling to every inch and curve of her had anything to go by), and her face held an expression of pure need. Lexa had to bite her lip to control herself, it was the sexiest thing she had ever seen. Lexa braced herself one more time before reaching forward and gently squeezing Clarke’s shoulder while calling her name to wake her. Clarke’s sleep had been so disturbed already that it didn’t take much for her to wake and, as soon as she did, her eyes shot open and she began to scan the room frantically.
As Clarke assessed the situation, Lexa saw nothing but pure panic in her eyes. It was exponentially stronger than it had been the night before and Lexa’s heart froze in her chest once again as that thought about Clarke’s past tried to push itself to the front of her mind once again. But, she fought it off and did her best to comfort the Omega by stroking her hand up and down Clarke’s arm, up to her face, and back down to repeat. The action made Clarke’s eyes snap to Lexa as if she hadn’t really noticed her presence yet. Upon seeing her, Clarke tried to shrink in on herself and pull away from Lexa’s touch at the same time. All air left Lexa’s lungs as her inner Alpha howled at the rejection until Lexa managed to reason with it that Clarke was still groggy and confused. She had woken up in heat, which was obviously something that terrified the girl in general, and she was in a dark, semi-unfamiliar place with a mysterious, but powerful smelling Alpha looming over her. It made sense that Clarke would be scared.
Calmed slightly, Lexa did her best to seem non-threatening as she leaned forward slightly, maintaining the light touch on Clarke’s arm as the girl curled into herself and inched away. Lexa whispered to her calmly, “You are safe, Clarke. It is me. It is alright.”
The Omega’s reaction to her voice was immediate, making Lexa’s chest puff out in response. Clarke relaxed as soon as Lexa had started talking and she looked up to make eye-contact with the Alpha as if to make sure it was really her. Once she did, Lexa watched with barely contained glee as the fear drained from Clarke’s eyes in an instant. Smiling slightly, Lexa continued her stroking of Clarke’s arm as she spoke again, “Your heat has fully arrived, Clarke.”
The girl seemed to freeze under her touch as her eyes drifted down to Lexa’s hand, which was still running up and down her arm, before snapping back up to take in Lexa’s position over her. Then, she nodded slightly without meeting Lexa’s eyes again, as if she had resigned herself to a decision, and tilted her head slightly to expose her neck. Lexa’s body jolted forward a few centimeters before she could think in response to the act of submission, but once she realized what Clarke must be thinking, she immediately froze herself and cursed her stupidity. She should have known Clarke would react this way. Slowly, she removed her hand from the Omega, causing a slight whine to leave Clarke, which was almost enough to break Lexa. But, she held strong, backed off slightly, and said gently, “No, Clarke. You don’t need to do that, remember? You’re safe here.”
Slowly, Clarke seemed to process her words before eventually turning her head to meet her gaze again, leaving her head cocked in a pose of half submission that Lexa was confused to find adorable while it turned her on to no end. Then, Clarke nodded shakily at her and said, “Right, I’m sorry, Lexa. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m so-“
“There is no need to apologize,” Lexa interrupted softly, while wishing that she could remove any fear, doubt, and/or uncertainty from Clarke’s mind for the rest of her life. She prayed for the day that Clarke trusted her completely. “I understand completely. I was just waking you because I had the healer bring some suppressants for you. I figured we would both sleep more comfortably if you took them as early as possible in you heat.”
For a moment, Clarke’s eyes flashed as if she wanted to apologize again, for what Lexa wasn’t entirely sure, but the reaction had spiked somewhere in the middle of her last sentence, so she assumed it had something to do with Clarke’s fear that she was being a burden on Lexa. Wishing to make it clear that nothing Clarke could do would ever be too much trouble for her, Lexa reached out to stroke her arm comfortingly again as she said, “It’s alright, Clarke. It is my honor to help you. Alright?”
After a moment, Clarke sunk into the touch and nodded shakily again without saying anything. Lexa sighed and said, “Good. Now let me get those suppressants.” Lexa stood to retrieve the medicine and returned as quickly as she could. Then, as she carefully measured the proper amount of the liquid mixture for the first dose, she carefully recited for Clarke the instructions she had been given for the medicine. Clarke nodded along and only let out a mildly disgusted groan at the taste, accompanied by a sharp grimace, which had Lexa’s body flushing and pants straining once again. That deep, rumbling groan had been too close to another, more pleasant moan, which Lexa was ashamed to admit to herself she had imagined Clarke making repeatedly in the past.
Shaking her head at herself, Lexa stood quickly to return the medicine to the table, not noticing the way Clarke’s eyes had locked in on her body’s responses. After setting the bottle down, Lexa turned around, intending to make her way back to bed, only to be completely surprised to find Clarke standing directly in front of her with less than a foot of space between them. Either Clarke was getting quieter or Lexa was more distracted by Clarke’s pheromones than she had thought because she had no idea the girl had followed her. But, that didn’t concern her for long when Clarke took another step closer to her and Lexa noticed the desperate look in her eyes.
She was about to ask Clarke what was wrong, worried the medicine had reacted badly, when Clarke began to plead with her, “Lexa, please, I need you to claim me. I need you. Please, I want you to claim me. Mate me. Take me. I can see you want me. Lexa, please. Lexaaa.” Clarke ended her plea with an extended moan of her name and Lexa snapped. Clarke’s pheromones were everywhere and there was now the distinct smell of Clarke’s normal arousal mixed in, driving her crazy. Add that to Clarke’s pleading with her and Lexa’s will shattered. She launched herself forward the remaining few inches it took to close the distance between them in order to bring Clarke into a passionate kiss. It was nothing like the gentle, calm first kiss they had shared all those months ago. Clarke’s skin was burning as Lexa wrapped her in her arms, Clarke melting into her without resistance, and the Alpha in Lexa tried its best to consume the girl.
Lexa’s hands roamed everywhere she could reach, finding every exposed inch of that amazing, sinfully smooth and hot skin as the kiss continued to get hotter and more passionate. Before Lexa even fully comprehended how it had happened, Clarke had pulled Lexa’s shirt over her head, along with her bindings, before completely stripping herself of her shirt, pants, and bindings, leaving her in just her clearly soaked under garments, as she attempted to lead Lexa back to the bed of furs.
But, it was as Lexa was staring, helplessly engrossed by the beauty of mouth-watering curves and deliciously soft and pale skin that had been revealed before her, that she regained some form of her senses and remembered that this was the woman she was in love with. She couldn’t take advantage of her. Not only was it forbidden by her people, but she had sworn to Clarke that she would be safe with her, she owed it to Clarke.
Closing her eyes in shame for a moment, Lexa felt like she could cry for the first time in a very long time. How could she have been so thoughtless and stupid? Clarke would never trust her, want her, outside of her heat after this. All traces of the overpowering desire were gone as she realized the consequences her slip would have and she had to swallow several times to keep the lump in her throat down before she opened her eyes to look at Clarke and beg her forgiveness.
Lexa cursed herself again at what she saw. The Omega who had been confident and determined a moment ago now had her arms crossed in front of her chest, shoulders slumped, head down, tears streaming down her face as she started to shake. She had clearly interpreted Lexa’s hesitation as a rejection. Lexa realized she might even think it was in response to Clarke’s appearance, if the way the Omega was attempting to cover as much of herself as she could while unable to function enough to find her clothes again because of her sobbing, and Lexa felt as if she could throw herself into a fire in response to the pain she had caused her love. Why did she constantly seem to hurt this woman who her only desire for was to take away her pain?
Thinking frantically, Lexa tried to figure out how to fix the situation. After a moment, she came up with a plan that she hoped would work and slowly took a step toward the girl, reaching out to wrap her arms around the shaking body. Although Clarke flinched almost violently at the touch, she seemed too distraught and conflicted to know if she wanted to pull away or not, so she let Lexa hold her. Lexa did her best to comfort her by stroking her, purring softly, and whispering all sorts of apologies in between words of praise and attempts at an explanation into the Omega’s ear. After what felt like an eternity of getting nowhere, something Lexa said seemed to have an effect on Clarke, or maybe it was the suppressants finally helping calm down her scattered, extra-strength emotions, because she finally stopped crying and relaxed slightly in Lexa’s arms.
A moment later, Clarke pulled her head back enough to see Lexa’s face. She didn’t look her in the eyes though, they seemed to be trained more on her chin/left cheek, but Lexa took it as a good sign and immediately began to speak, “Clarke, I was not rejecting you. You are the most beautiful, amazing, most desirable person I have ever encountered and I would like nothing more than to mate you. Nothing. But I can’t. I promised you I would not and I will keep this promise to you, Clarke. No matter how much I want to worship you right now, I can’t. Please, understand. Don’t cry anymore, please.”
Clarke patiently let Lexa talk herself out before nodding slightly, seeming to consider her options and build up her courage, and asking in a voice so fragile Lexa was worried one wrong move would shatter the girl forever, “You weren’t repulsed by the sight of me? Because it seemed-you looked-it looked like that’s what happened.”
“No!” Lexa said with so much force she felt Clarke momentarily tense in her arms again before melting more and more into her with every word Lexa followed it with. “I swear, Clarke, I am honestly not sure you aren’t a goddess who has fallen from the sky in disguise. It is taking every ounce of control I have to hold back. Every. Ounce. I have never felt a pull this strong before.” It was at that moment that Lexa suddenly realized she was holding a mostly naked Clarke in her hands and an extra strong spike of desire shot through her body as if to prove her words true.
Clarke hummed happily into Lexa’s bare chest in response and Lexa had to hold down a shiver. After a moment, Clarke’s body continued to slacken in her arms and Lexa realized the suppressants must truly be kicking in, calming Clarke’s swirling emotions and rampaging hormones and allowing the Omega to relax enough to sleep in the comfort that Lexa’s arms, luckily, still seemed to provide. Although, Lexa was still quite certain that Clarke would never trust her again once she was thinking properly and remembered Lexa’s unforgivable actions.
Closing her eyes for a moment to hold back tears once again, Lexa held Clarke until the girl seemed completely and utterly relaxed. Then, she shifted so that she could lift Clarke and carried her back to the bed where she laid her down and covered her up gently. Pulling back, Lexa was preparing herself to sleep on the floor across the room with a spare pillow and fur, thinking Clarke would prefer to find her there and not in bed with her, mostly naked taking further advantage of her, when she woke up in the morning clear headed. But, Clarke woke slightly and stopped her from pulling away.
Clarke grabbed Lexa’s wrist and pulled Lexa down into the bed with her mumbling, “Hold me, Lexa,” into Lexa’s chest as soon as she was close enough.
“I do not think that is a good idea, Clarke,” Lexa said carefully, doing her best not to make Clarke think she had rejected her yet again.
Clarke just frowned at her and said exhaustedly, “Why? You promised you’d hold me through my heat.”
“I do not wish to take advantage of you more than I already have this evening,” Lexa explained.
“You’re not. I want you here. I’m already yours, have been for months,” Clarke whispered through a yawn.
Lexa wanted to believe her with everything she had, but reasonably she knew that this was just Clarke’s heat addled brain speaking. Once Clarke could think properly again she would retract that statement without hesitation, Lexa was sure. But for the moment, it felt so good to pretend, to hope, that Lexa sighed and let herself relax into Clarke’s hold. She would probably never get to sleep with Clarke held tightly in her arms again. It’s possible Clarke would never even want to be close to her or alone with her again after this, so Lexa let herself be selfish for this one night and tightened her arms slightly around the blonde while whispering a quiet, “Alright, Clarke. I’m so sorry. Ai- ai hod yu in.” Then, she let herself shed a few tears as she settled into a long night of restless sleep.