The comfortable darkness
The darkness didn’t feel cold, on the contrary it was a weird and unexpectedly pleasant warmth.
It was nice, he was quite comfortable. He felt light, though there was a dull ache all over his body, which was strange, since he didn’t seem to remember what had happened.
Cardan had been there for a while. He wasn’t really aware of how much time.
One would normally associate that hollow darkness with horrible experiences and fears from their past, but all he could do was hear a faint but beautiful voice talking to him.
Her voice.
It was soothing and calm, though Cardan could somehow perceive the overwhelming sadness that it carried. He wished he could make that go away, he wondered who had made her so miserable. But despite that, he loved listening to her.
He couldn’t totally figure out the owner of this voice, he wanted to, so badly. The one thing Cardan knew was that he cared for her deeply. It was beyond love, he could sense a connection even stronger, as if she knew him way more than he did himself.
He had spent all this time trying to remember her but everything was blurry and fuzzy. He had put all his effort on it, but it seemed impossible. At least he could always notice her by his side, even if she wasn’t in the darkness with him.
Maybe that was the reason why he was so comfortable. Not because the darkness was different for him, but because she made it like that.
Suddenly he listened to a door opening abruptly and quickly steps, then he perceived a cool hand taking his, and immediately he knew whose hand was that.
She heard her sigh with a broken voice “I have to try, it might be the only way…” she whispered, her voice filled with concern, but this time not towards him.
Another unknown voice answered, softly. “I know you have to, Jude. I’m just asking you—”
Jude.
Whatever the other person was saying didn’t matter anymore. It hit him suddenly. Of course. He could remember her, how could he not? That lovely voice belonged to his beautiful wife. Cardan wished he could hug in that precise moment. His darling, his sweet nemesis.
Then he felt her hand squeeze his hand even stronger, as if he were going to go away. Didn’t she understand that the last thing he would do was leave her? His love for her was impossible to—
Oh.
She started to cry. Cardan could hear her sobbing, loudly.
He had seen her shed tears, silently. Always biting her lip making herself be seen as strong. Sure it was rare to see her like that but it had been in the safety of their bed while sharing intimate things. Information that she trusted him with, trust he always had treasured. Yet, he had never listened Jude crying so openly like that, it was heartbreaking.
He decided then that he despised that sound, who had dared to make his lovely wife cry?
She sounded so… broken. It was unfair, she didn’t deserve to feel so awful. If only he could find the cause and fix it… Cardan just wanted to hug her until Jude felt better. But he realised he couldn’t do anything for her, not while he was trapped in the darkness, he could not reach her no matter how hard he wished to.
He wanted to scream, to call her name. But he wasn’t able to do anything. Because no matter how much he tried he couldn’t make himself move or talk.
He could only listen.