I won’t give up on him
“My Queen, the Council requested to have a meeting with you as soon as possible” Fand said, almost regretting speaking. Jude had been ignoring the Council for the past five days. Did they not understand her priorities? She was sure she had made them very clear, yet they still insisted on seeing her.
She knew that as Queen she should take over the Kingdom alone if the King was unwell. But as a wife… she couldn’t make herself leave him when he was on his deathbed. Not when the physicians had not found a cure. Not when she was unsure if those would be the last moments she would share with her husband.
Hell, she didn’t even make a visit to interrogate the traitors who had poisoned Cardan herself because she refused to exit their quarters for anything. No matter how much she hated them.
Yet, she knew at some point she would have to take responsibility over her duties as High Queen, even if the love of her life was slipping through her fingers quickly.
Jude sighed heavily and hesitantly gave her husband a last look before standing up. “Fine. Tell them I will be there in ten minutes” She watched as her guard exited the room and before going, she gave Cardan a soft kiss on his forehead. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
She made her way to the council once she was somewhat decent and left The Bomb watching over him. Jude hadn’t been taking care of herself actually and Liliver had been insisting on her taking a rest, she knew deep down that he would be truly upset. Still it didn’t seem important to her.
When she entered the room everyone stood up, they looked genuinely surprised that she had actually agreed to meet them. They greeted her and took a seat.
Randalin was the first who spoke “Your majesty, we… understand that the High King’s life is on line right now, and we are very worried. However, we need you to make intelligent choices, my Queen.” Jude frowned, she wasn’t in the mood for a conversation about that. She had thought that they were discussing an important matter regarding the kingdom.
“What could you possibly mean by that?” she asked.
“Well, we’ve talked to the healers. They said it was unlikely for the King to… survive this attack. And no matter how much sorrow it might cause us, the Kingdom must move on quickly, you have to take over it once our King is gone.” He announced, as if it was nothing. Of course, she would move on from the soon death of her husband for the sake of Elfhame, how could she not?
The fact that everyone had already accepted that Cardan would die made her heart break, she could feel tears welling up in her eyes, but she would not give them the power of making her cry.
She stood up, furious and slammed the table. “How could you all take for granted your King's death?! The medics are still looking for the antidote. This is a great disrespect to the crown!” Jude didn’t care if the entire palace heard her yell. How dare they say something like that? She couldn’t believe it, and if her expression showed more sadness than anger, she did not care anymore. “My husband will not die…” She whispered finally, walking towards the door with the council’s astonished eyes on her. Cardan didn’t care a lot about showing affection in public, even if it was just a kiss. He always showed how much he loved her to everyone. Yet, she preferred doing it when they were alone in the privacy of their quarters, it was rare for Jude to initiate them in public, especially if they were in a meeting with the Council. However, this fit of rage had probably erased any doubt as to whether the queen loved her husband.
It had been a waste of time, precious time she could have spent with him. But when she arrived at her room she found The Bomb outside talking to a healer.
“My Queen, we have some news…” The healer announced, her voice was insecure and her expression showed concern, but Jude was almost sure it wasn’t for the King, but for her. She waited expectantly but the healer seemed afraid to tell her.
“We hadn’t been able to… find a cure. There’s nothing else we can do at this point” she said.
What?
Nonononononono…
“No… it can’t, there has to be something.” Jude said desperate, her voice breaking without her permission. She felt like she was choking, her vision got blurry with tears she refused to shed. She hadn’t allowed herself to cry since Cardan began to be examined by the medics. She had tried so hard to convince herself that he would survive, that she would be able to explain herself and apologize for their fight. To tell him how much he meant to her.
She felt Liliver embrace into a hug, it was as though she wanted to prevent Jude from crumbling down right there in the corridor. They’ve always been close, but this was the first time in years since she hugged her so tight. The Queen hugged her back after a few seconds and let herself cry silently on her shoulder.
“I’m not going to let you alone on this, alright? I really wish I could do something like you did when Van was on the verge of death, I am truly sorry. I am so sorry…” Liliver whispered, only for her to hear.
Then it hit her. She could do it. She could heal him.
Jude broke from the hug and wiped her tears at the realization. “That is what I have to do.” she whispered. “I can save him.”
“My Queen, your magic is still an unknown territory. And besides, the King is severely ill, it could not work” the medic tried to tell her, but she was already rushing into the room where her husband was.
The Bomb followed her inside. “Jude… please listen. Didn’t you hear what the medic said?” Of course she did, but it didn’t matter, it was a possibility that she was not going to waste just because of what the medic said. She sighed as she seated by her husband’s side and took his hand. “I have to try, it might be the only way…” Tears began to fall without her noticing.
She looked at Jude with frowned eyebrows and her lips pursued in a thin line. She had accepted that she would do it no matter what yet she was still worried. “I know you have to, Jude. I’m just asking you to take care of yourself, it might be draining for you to try and heal him. Not to mention that it could fail.” she said.
“I won’t give up on him like them, and if I drain myself to death to save his life, so be it.” It was weird how she could sound so determined and broken at the same time. Liliver didn’t protest this time, she just gave her a sad smile and left.
Once she was alone, Jude held her husband’s hand even tighter and she let herself cry. Everything from the past days was catching up with her, she couldn’t control herself anymore. It felt like an eternity since the last time she had kissed him softly, since the last time they hugged, smiling. “Please hold on a bit more, okay? This is the last thing I can do and if it doesn’t work—” she paused and wiped her tears furiously. “I know you were mad at me for hiding the curse from you, I really wanted to wait until you were better to explain, but I guess I should do it right away.” She sniffed her nose and took a deep breath.
“I’ve loved you since before I could even admit it to myself, and when you became a serpent, I—” her voice broke once again, “I genuinely felt like I would lose you and I thought that the curse had finally reached me and my beloved ones as well. I was so mad at you because, why would you make me love you to just leave me one day? It was unfair. Everyone kept telling me to make the deal to keep you forever with me, but I knew, you would never be happy that way. And I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I had to let you go…” She felt she was breaking, yet she continued speaking. “When you came back, god I was so glad to hear your voice. I hugged you as though you were the only thing that mattered in the entire world. It felt as though our time together would be infinite. Maybe sometimes you don’t realize how much you mean to me, but even if I don’t tell you as much as you do, I love you more than anything, I never thought I would love someone so immensely. I cherish every moment I have spent with you, you manage to complete me in a way that no one could ever replicate and there is not a day you fail to make me smile. I'm so grateful for having you in my life and I might not be able to live without you. I am so fucking sorry for not telling you more often. If you decide to stay I promise I will, I swear.” She got closer to kiss him on the temple, with hot wild tears falling down her cheeks.
“The moment you came back I swore to myself I would never talk about the curse again, because I didn’t want it to come true, I didn’t want to be so close to losing you again.” She couldn’t stop now, she had to tell him everything she hadn’t in the past days. Jude took his hand to her month and kissed his knuckles softly. “I’ve had the most wonderful time ruling by your side, my sweet loving husband. But I guess, this was all burrowed time anyway. Still, I really wish it was me instead.” She confessed as she wiped her tears once again. “I really wish they planned to kill me instead and that you could be fine, and I really need this to work, because I can't do this without you.” She whispered finally, and once she was calm enough she started to use her powers to heal him.