Chapter 12
Glinda wakes up in the dark. The ground beneath her is cold and hard, and no matter how hard she blinks, she can’t see a thing. She sits upright, fumbling blindly around herself.
Her fingers brush something smooth beside her—Elphaba, she thinks—and her heartbeat slows down again. She blinks a few more times and looks around. She can see, now that her eyes are beginning to adjust. It’s just dark outside, and she’s tucked deep inside a secluded cave.
Glinda’s head spins, but she forces herself to breathe deeply. She looks over at the green girl, but Elphaba’s eyes are closed.
“Elphaba,” Glinda whispers, reaching over to grab her shoulder. Elphaba gives no response. Glinda shakes her. “Elphie.”
Her eyelids flutter, but remain shut. Glinda slides her hand up and presses two fingers to her neck. It takes her a moment, but eventually she feels a pulse, faint but even.
Elphaba must have carried her here. After fighting off the alliance and releasing a blast of magic so intense it very well could have killed her, she carried Glinda to this little hidden cave. And then probably passed out.
Glinda feels her eyes sting. This cave is just big enough for there to be cameras, but she can’t bring herself to care. She puts her hand over Elphaba’s and squeezes her eyes shut, letting a tear escape down her cheek.
“You really need to stop saving my life,” she breathes, brushing Elphaba’s hair back with her free hand. Elphaba sighs in response, her face relaxing. Glinda gently lifts her palm away and sits back against the cave wall, looking curiously around them.
Elphaba is lying between her and the cave’s entrance, curled up so tight that it’s uncomfortable even to look at. Behind her, the ground slopes steeply up, and Glinda can just make out the dark outline of branches covering the mouth of the cave. It’s nighttime, but she doesn’t have any idea how late it is. She wonders if the sky is clear enough to see the lights, but she has no desire whatsoever to leave Elphaba’s side.
She hears another quiet sigh and looks down. Elphaba is blinking awake. She tenses and inhales sharply, but Glinda places a hand on her arm.
“It’s okay,” she whispers. Elphaba nods, still blinking. She sits up, wincing a little. “You should—”
“I’m fine,” Elphaba says. “Are you…?”
“I’m good.”
“Your head?”
As if on cue, the back of her skull throbs. Glinda flinches, and Elphaba’s hand immediately reaches for her. Her fingers brush lightly across her scalp.
“There’s definitely a bump there.” Elphaba’s eyes crinkle with worry. The edges of her lips turn down.
“It’s fine,” Glinda says quickly. “Just a little tender. I’ll be fine.”
Elphaba looks like she wants to argue, but she lets it go. What can they do, anyway? Glinda slumps further against the wall, suddenly tired again.
“How long have you been awake?” Elphaba asks.
“Just a few minutes.” Glinda looks outside again. “I wish we knew what time it was.”
“The sun was just starting to set when I…” Her voice trails off.
Glinda studies her for a moment. “So…what happened, exactly?”
Elphaba presses her lips together, focusing on the opposite wall. “He was going to kill you.”
“I know,” she breathes. She shivers, and Elphaba scoots just a tiny bit closer.
“I…I saw him, about to…and…” Elphaba takes a deep breath. “I don’t know. I just…lost control. All I know is that he was going to kill you, and I couldn’t…”
Glinda puts her hand over Elphaba’s and squeezes.
“What happened after?” she asks.
“They ran off. Well, most of them…” Her eyes turn almost black. “The Vinkan girl…she was closest to me when…when I…”
They stay quiet for a long moment, listening to Elphaba’s shaky breathing. Glinda remembers the way her blade felt as it went through Jeron, how he jerked above her before falling still.
She shifts, scooting off the wall to lie down again. The soft rustle of her clothes seems to calm Elphaba, who lets the blonde guide her down beside her.
“You carried me here?” she asks quietly. Elphaba looks down at their hands, still clasped together.
“Yeah.”
Glinda inches closer, nearly pressing herself into Elphaba’s side. Her hand lets go of Elphaba’s and instead settles on her stomach, gripping the material of her jacket.
“Thank you,” Glinda whispers. Elphaba covers her hand with her own and rubs her thumb once across her knuckles.
“I don’t think anyone will find us here,” she says. “The only reason I found it was because I nearly fell in it.”
Glinda smiles and rests her head on her free arm, gazing up at the green girl. “Then we should sleep.”
“We should sleep.” Elphaba’s eyes are already fluttering shut, but Glinda speaks anyway.
“Elphie?”
“Yeah?”
She loses her nerve. Elphaba holds her gaze for a long moment, and Glinda wonders if she even has to ask. If she even should.
After a while Elphaba turns onto her back, and a while after that, she starts breathing deeply. Glinda’s fingers tighten in her jacket.
“Do you still not trust me?” she asks softly. She doesn’t expect a response, but Elphaba’s hand grips hers gently, the corner of her mouth quirking up.
***
It’s still dark when Glinda wakes up again. Elphaba’s thumb is rubbing absentminded circles across the back of her hand, and from the way her skin tingles, she’s been doing it for a while.
“Are you awake?” she whispers. Elphaba nods. Glinda sits up, pulling her hand away to stretch. Elphaba follows suit, and it’s only a moment or two before their fingers are intertwined again. It feels too natural to question, so Glinda doesn’t.
The temperature has dropped since they woke up the last time. Glinda’s hand twitches, automatically reaching for her bag before she remembers she lost it when the mountain lion attacked.
“Dammit,” she mutters, bringing her knees to her chest.
“What is it?”
“My bag. All of my supplies. It’s gone.” She buries her face in her hands. “And I lost my daggers when Avaric…oh, Oz.”
Elphaba frowns, but she reaches for something beside her and holds it out. “Here,” she says, offering Glinda the dagger. “I still have it from when…”
From when she first stole it from Glinda, the first time they met. “But you—”
Elphaba scoffs. “Please. You’re unarmed, and I’m terrible with a blade. Take it. We’ll both feel safer.”
She smiles slowly. “Miss Elphaba, you do trust me.”
Elphaba just shrugs and hands her the blade.
“I still have food, too,” she says. “It’s not much, but I’m sure we can manage.”
“I guess.” Glinda shivers. “I miss the blanket, though.”
Elphaba shifts closer. She’s gloriously warm, and Glinda can’t help but lean into her. The two fall still and silent, comfortable enough that, for a moment, the rest of the arena seems to fade away.
Glinda closes her eyes, losing herself in her thoughts. She supposes she should be freaked out, since a week ago she wanted nothing more than to kill Elphaba. Or maybe she should be despairing, because despite the peace of their little cave, they’re still in the Games, and all too soon at least one of them is going to be dead.
But though all of this occurs to her, sitting next to Elphaba doesn’t feel anything but…right. There’s something about them that just seems to fit.
It does seem strange, though, how far they’ve come. Ever since the beginning, from even before the reaping, Glinda was set on winning. She would be the last one standing, no matter what it took. Now, amazingly, winning is the last thing on her mind. There’s still a need for survival, but it’s overshadowed by something much more pressing.
She looks sideways at Elphaba.
Her memories of the green girl in training seem vague, as if they’re from years ago instead of just days. Still, she remembers, and she realizes suddenly that she isn’t the only one who has changed.
“Hey, Elphie?”
“Mm?”
“Can I ask you something?”
Elphaba shifts around next to her but doesn’t say anything. Glinda thinks for a moment, trying to come up with the right words.
“You’ve…never wanted to be here.” Elphaba raises an eyebrow, but Glinda hurries before she can interrupt. “No, let me continue. I mean…from the start, you resisted this whole thing. You were indifferent at best, but usually angry or even defiant. But you also…I mean, you were confident, too. Morrible—my mentor—she warned me not to underestimate you. You…”
Elphaba watches her, waiting for more. After a moment or two, she gently nudges Glinda’s shoulder. “None of that was a question.”
“I know, I know. Sorry. I just…” Glinda takes a deep breath. “You could have done it, you know. You could have won—I mean, you still could, I guess.”
Elphaba snorts. “Somehow I doubt either of us are Emerald City favorites right now, what with me being the green freak from a troublesome family, and you being the ruthless killer turned soft just to befriend me.”
“Yeah.” She untangles their fingers, then clasps them together again. “But…you could have been. And you didn’t. Why?”
“Why what, exactly?”
“Why did you act like that in the Emerald City?” Glinda asks. “You didn’t try. You didn’t even seem to care.”
“What was the point?” Elphaba says, shrugging. “I wasn’t going to win, so why bother?”
“You shouldn’t have counted yourself out like that. The Emerald City would have loved you if you played it right. And your magic gives you an edge.”
Elphaba shakes her head. “I don’t care. Like you said, I didn’t want to be there. I hate the Wizard, and I hate everyone who goes along with what he does.”
“But…you could have won. You could have gone home.”
“At what cost? I never wanted to hurt anyone. Even if I won—even if I win now—how much of myself would be left behind, with all the people I killed?” Her words echo Ama Clutch’s, and Glinda shivers. Elphaba lets out a quiet sigh and—somewhat awkwardly—wraps an arm around her, pulling her closer.
“So…what changed?” Glinda asks eventually.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re trying now. The way you fought yesterday—first with the mountain lion, then with the alliance—you’re trying to survive. What changed?”
Dark eyes flash up to meet her own, and Glinda knows the answer even before she hears it. Elphaba squeezes her hand almost painfully tight and takes a shaky breath.
“I found something to fight for.”
Glinda feels as though her entire body is flushed. She shifts, leaning up to press her lips to Elphaba’s cheek, and notices that she’s not the only one blushing. She lingers for a moment, both needing more and terrified of what is already there, but eventually she settles back against the wall.
“I’m still tired,” she whispers, after the silence and the tension have made it hard to breathe.
“It’s still late.” Elphaba’s hand is shaking in hers.
“Are you tired?”
“Yeah.”
Neither of them lay down again, but Glinda leans against Elphaba’s shoulder, and after a moment she feels the soft weight of Elphaba’s head resting on top of hers. Glinda’s eyes flutter shut. She can feel Elphaba breathing, her shoulder rising and falling steadily, soothingly, beneath her head. This time it’s Elphaba who speaks, just before Glinda drifts off.
“What are we doing?” she breathes.
Glinda just squeezes her hand, letting the question fade back into the night.
***
When she wakes the next time, she doesn’t open her eyes. She’s laying down again, but her head is resting on something much softer and warmer than the floor of the cave. Timid fingers run through her hair, and that’s when she realizes her head is in Elphaba’s lap.
Her eyes open.
The cave is brighter than before, the moonlight shining in on them. Glinda sits up slowly, and Elphaba’s hand falls from her hair to her back and then, as Glinda meets her gaze with something close to daring, her waist.
The air seems charged. Maybe it’s the moonlight, glowing clear and silver. Maybe it’s the intimate position they were just in. Maybe it’s the way Elphaba manages to look simultaneously stoic and vulnerable. Or maybe it’s just Glinda herself, who always knows what she wants, but for the first in her life wants something worthwhile.
Whatever it is, she makes her choice, and with a boldness she’s not entirely sure she possesses, Glinda slides wordlessly onto Elphaba’s lap.
Elphaba tenses, her eyes frantically searching Glinda’s. Her hands drop to her sides, but Glinda gently grabs her shoulders.
“It’s okay.” She isn’t quite sure where her courage is coming from. Maybe it’s the peacefulness of sleep lingering at the edges of her mind, making her feel invincible. Maybe it’s the thought of the Games, urging her on, telling her that if she doesn’t act now, she’ll never get the chance.
She reaches up to cradle the back of Elphaba’s neck. Her fingers massage gently, and some of the tension dissipates. Elphaba sets her hands, ever so lightly, on her hips. Glinda leans closer.
“It’s okay,” she says again, but Elphaba shakes her head, looking down.
“They can see us.”
Glinda’s eyes flicker around the cave. “Probably.”
“The others…” Elphaba’s breath shudders in and out. “They could—”
“No,” Glinda breathes. “You said it yourself. No one will find us here.”
Elphaba looks up at her, and for a moment Glinda swears she’s close to tears. “What are we doing?” she asks, even more desperate than before. “There’s no point. You know how this is going to end, why—”
“Shh. I know, okay? I know. But this…” Glinda blinks hard for a moment, then reaches up and cups Elphaba’s cheek in one hand, the other tangling in her hair. The green girl trembles beneath her. “If this is all we have…”
Elphaba’s eyes flutter shut. Her teeth clench, her jaw jumping beneath Glinda’s palm. The blonde tilts her head back and leans in until their lips brush. Elphaba jerks away and sucks in a breath.
“It’s not much,” she whispers, eyes still closed. “It’s hardly anything.”
Glinda rests her forehead against Elphaba’s. They fall still, breathing in each other’s air. “It’s not much,” she agrees. Her lips touch Elphaba’s again, lightly, and this time she doesn’t pull back. “But it’s ours.”