Pelvic Thrusting
Thankfully, the reason that Clara was not picking up phone was not due to her being in any form of danger or because she had lost it in the bustling streets, but because Jack Harkness had grabbed it off of her and appeared to be twerking along to the chorus of Immortals. That was an image that Me really did not want to see ever again. Evidentially the inhabitants of this planet were just as confused as Me was by Jack’s re-enactment of the Anaconda music video as they had all stopped dashing around and were stood staring transfixed at the scene before them. It was a relatively bizarre scene mind you, a six foot tall man in an enormous coat badly twerking along to a Fall Out Boy song whilst a girl who was at least a foot shorter than him was trying, and failing, to retrieve her phone from him, while it was pouring with rain. Me could not help herself and burst out laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of the two so-called adults in front of her. She hung up on Clara in an attempt to put an end to Jack’s mildly scarring dance moves and smirked when she heard him over dramatically sigh and moan about how someone had interrupted his ‘brilliant dancing’.
‘Oi Miley Cyrus are you quite done?’ Me yelled over at him, earning even more confused stares from the aliens who had apparently not seen the clusterfuck that was the 2013 VMA’s ‘We don’t know where we are, hell we don’t know when we are, and you are trying to twerk? Really?’
‘Me there you are! We were wondering when you were gonna show up.’ Jack exclaimed ‘You see I figured that if I made a big enough scene you would eventually find us.’
‘No I’m almost entirely certain that that’s not at all what just happened there’ Said Clara, who had finally managed to get her phone back and was now changing Me’s ringtone to something that wouldn’t excite Jack so much.
As the three of them stood discussing what they wanted to do on this planet and the crowd around them started going back to whatever it was they were doing before Jack ever so rudely became a massive distraction, no one noticed the rather ominous group of aliens making their way towards the group. That is until the three of them were being handcuffed and dragged off, and not even in the fun sexy way either.
~
While they were being taken away in handcuffs, Clara managed to extract some information from their captors. She learned that the name of the planet was Andrangia Major, in the constellation of Saundradine, which was roughly seventeen and a half million miles away from Earth. She also found out that they had travelled forward in time to the year 14027. And that they were being arrested, which strangely enough she had already worked out, unfortunately the creature would not disclose the reason why they currently found themselves getting lifted.
~
‘Twerking!?’ Clara yelled throwing her arms up in despair, ‘We are being arrested for twerking!?’
‘Yes Miss Oswald. The high court of Andrangia Major recognises pelvic thrusting as an act most despicable and the perpetrators of such a heinous crime must be punished.’ said the judge, or at least Clara assumed it was the judge. It was difficult for her to tell the seven squidgy blob things in the court room apart much less rank them in order of importance, ‘Therefore I sentence you all to three lunar cycles in the dungeon.’
‘Wait you’re sentencing the three of us? No you can’t! It’s not like we formed the time travelling twerk team it was just this moron here decided he wanted to shake his junk about!’ Clara moaned gesturing wildly towards Jack who was the reason they were in this mess.
‘While that may be true, I cannot ignore the fact the three of you are clearly travelling together and neither of you made any move to stop this man from blatantly disregarding our laws.’
‘But we didn’t know that was a law your honour. How were we supposed to know that on this planet it’s against the law to shake it? It’s a nonsensical rule and-’ She was cut off by Me elbowing her in the ribs, trying to get her to shut up before they all got in even more trouble. Thankfully Clara got the hint and swiftly clamped her mouth shut.
‘We are truly sorry to have offended your culture and we shall be happy to comply with whatever punishment you deem fit for our behaviour’ said Me calmly bowing her head, a gesture which Jack and Clara both copied sensing that Me was probably the most sensible one and it would be wise to follow her lead.
‘Thank you Lady Me. This decision is final and you shall be led to the dungeon promptly’ the judge with a sense of finality that was not to be ignored before turning and leaving the court room with five of the six remaining blob aliens. The other one who stayed in the court made its way over to the group and told to follow it. The three of them walked in silence as the creature led them down a long narrow corridor that was dripping liquid from the ceiling and stunk of decay. Finally the alien stopped in front of a large door made out of what looked like reinforced steel, man this place didn’t fuck around when it came to keeping prisoners imprisoned. It pressed a slimy hand against the control panel beside the door and suddenly the sounds of gears moving and metal against metal could be heard as the door unlocked itself. The door slowly opened to reveal a large cave like room which had liquid dripping down the walls into huge pools on the floor. There were large ten foot posts in a line going across the floor and on each posts there were ropes to tie around the prisoners’ ankles and wrists and at the top there was an odd contraption that could only be described as a head shackle.
One by one the alien tied each of them to the posts ensuring the knots were tight enough that no one could escape and attaching the head shackle to them which was a long process as there were multiple straps and buckles so that by the time it was on everyone resembled something out of a really extreme bondage porno.
‘So how long are we stuck here for?’ Jack asked, or at least attempted to as the head shackle was limiting his ability to move his lower jaw.
‘Three lunar cycles, or in earth years, you will be here for ninety years’ it replied before turning away and locking the door to the dungeon behind it.
AN: I have been informed that the link in the last chapter didn’t work so here it is again http://archiveofourown.org/works/5389688/chapters/12449060 and in case it doesn’t work it is called Space and Time in an American Diner. Also this chapter is over a thousand words oh my god. Anyways hope you enjoyed and I’ll see you soon with the next update :)