Try
"Mama! Stop! I can't breathe!" Livie giggled on the couch as Laura tickled her ruthlessly.
"Are you gonna do your homework?"
"Okay! Okay! Stop! I'll do it!" the little girl laughed as tears filled her eyes. Laura grinned, stopping her attack. She kissed the top of her messy brown hair.
"What are you two doing?" Carmilla addressed with a raised brow, but her tone playful. She had walked through the apartment door and stopped at the sight of her family in a wrestling match.
"Mama yelled at me!"
"Did not!"
"She said I had to do my homework!"
Carmilla held back a smile. "And you think I would have told you differently?"
Livie shrunk in on herself. "No... But Mama is my friend."
Carmilla openly laughed at that. Laura frowned. And when Carmilla saw her fiancee's reaction, she cleared her throat and put on a frown. "Mama loves you just as much as I do. We both know what's best for you. You have to listen to us equally."
Livie bowed her head sadly. "Sorry." She turned to Laura and wrapped her arms around the soldier. "Please don't hate me."
Laura's eyes grew wide before she wrapped her arms around Livie. "I could never hate you, squirt," she said with a chuckle and kissed the top of her head. "How about you do that homework and we're all good?"
Livie pulled back and nodded rapidly before running off to her room. Laura looked up at Carmilla, who was smirking at her.
"You're such a mom," the brunette teased.
"You love it," Laura threw back with a knowing smile. Carmilla closed in on her fiancee with a grin.
"I might love it too much," she answered as her arms wrapped around the soldier's waist. She kissed her slowly and sighed against her lips.
"Mmm. That's nice. But I've gotta go."
Carmilla frowned as Laura pulled away and walked toward the door. She pulled on her coat with a smile. The blonde found her fiancee's confusion too amusing.
"Where the hell are you going?"
"I told my dad I'd have coffee with him."
Carmilla groaned. "You frustrate me."
Laura giggled as she zipped up her coat. "Only because I'm marrying the horniest person alive."
"I don't always want you for your body, ya know."
"Oh, of course! My sharp tongue gives you enough of a challenge on its own."
"You're sexiest when you're quiet."
Laura's jaw dropped. "Carm!"
"I'm kidding! I'm kidding!" she added urgently with a desperate smile. "I want you no matter what! You're beautiful, smart, sexy, adorable- please don't make me continue..." she groaned with regret lacing her words.
"You should continue until I tell you to stop, to be honest," Laura threw back bitterly despite her amusement.
"But I love you! And you know I'm an asshole!" Carmilla pouted to her surprise.
The soldier frowned. "I hate that you're so cute when you feel guilty."
Carmilla then grinned. "I'm the worst and I don't know why you love me, but I swear I'll keep trying to make you happy."
Laura shook her head with a smile as she stepped forward into the brunette's space. She wrapped her arms around her waist and rested her forehead against her fiancee's. "I am happy, you goof." She kissed her quickly on the lips before pulling away and opening the door. "I expect dinner to be ready by the time I get back."
"Wowwwww."
"Get to it, woman," Laura added with a grin, shutting the door before Carmilla could reply.
6 Years Ago...
"I don't know if I can do this," Carmilla admitted with eyes slammed shut. Livie was crying in the crib next to her. She was one of the unlucky babies to get colic, and no matter what Carmilla tried, she couldn't get Livie to calm down. The poor baby was constantly in distress, and as much as she had friends and family around to help her, she was still alone.
It was the early morning hours now. The brunette stared down at her little girl with a sad smile. A tear fell down her cheek as she watched her daughter's red face scream from suffering. She then bent down and picked her up, rocking her slightly and trying to shush her tenderly.
"Mommy's here. I got ya, kiddo. It's okay. Shhh..." She still cried, so Carmilla began to sing softly. Her voice cracked a few times as she sniffed away oncoming tears. She kissed Livie's soft head, mumbling into her skin.
"I'm sorry," she started. "I'm so sorry." She held her a little tighter. "I wish I could offer you more. I wish you had someone else to kiss you goodnight and tell you how beautiful you are." She sniffed. "But I'm all you got now. It's just you and me." She kissed the little girl's head again as the crying began to die down. "I'm sorry if I make mistakes," her voice cracked again. "I'm sorry if you grow up feeling like you missed out on a family." Livie was barely whining at all now. "But I swear I'll never stop trying to make you happy."
Present Day...
"Do you think I'm gonna be a good mom?" Laura asked as they sat on the couch one night after Livie was tucked into bed. Mr. Fox was purring on her lap as her hand subconsciously ran through his fur.
"What?" Carmilla replied in alarm. She looked away from the television screen and shifted her weight to face her fiancee. She let a hand rest on the soldier's thigh. "Where did that come from?"
Laura shrugged. "I've just been thinking about it a lot lately. I don't want to let her down."
"Cupcake," the brunette began with a tiny smile. "You're already a mom to her. And you're doing just fine."
"A week or so ago, she barely listened to me when I told her to do her homework," she stated in frustration.
The cafe owner let out a tiny chuckle before squeezing Laura's thigh. "It's all new territory. You're not just her friend anymore. She's starting to get that more and more."
"So now I'm going from being the fun loving friend to the rule making mom. She's gonna start to resent me!"
Carmilla openly laughed as she shifted her position even more and grabbed one of Laura's hands, pulling it into her lap. "She's going to respect you more. Stop freaking out. You're scared of a seven year old right now."
"She's scary! I don't want her to get upset with me, and I don't want to ruin her life!"
"She's bound to get upset with you. It's in the job description. It's inevitable. But how would you ruin her life?"
"I don't know!" Laura flung her arms up in the air, pulling her hand out of Carmilla's grip in the process. She jumped to her feet, scaring Mr. Fox, and started pacing in front of Carmilla. The brunette was trying hard not to smile at the love of her life.
"What if she tries cutting an apple with a knife and I'm not watching and she loses a finger? What if I develop a drug problem and start treating her badly and stealing her piggy bank money for my next dose? What if you realize marrying me is a colossal mistake and we fight all the time and she grows up in a broken home?"
"Laura-"
"What if I forget she's allergic to shellfish and feed her crab cake?"
"What seven year old would even want to eat crab cake-" The blonde was still pacing, and ignoring Carmilla's input as her mind raced.
"What if I disapprove of her first boyfriend, or girlfriend, or significant other, and she hates me forever?"
"That's hopefully a long fucking time from now-"
"What if she finds out about my past and it scares her?"
"Laura-"
"What if I become my mother?" The soldier had stopped in her tracks, facing Carmilla; worry etched in her face.
There it was. The constant fear that Laura had lived with.
"You think your mother ruined your life?" Carmilla asked softly with sad eyes.
"Yes!" Laura answered harshly. "No," she corrected before huffing. "I don't know!" She flung herself down on the couch again, hunching over with her face buried in her hands. Carmilla's hand came up and began rubbing up and down her back. She saw Laura's stiff posture deflate from her touch.
"What if I'm destined to mess it up?" she asked with her words slightly muffled from her hands. She sat up a little. "Isn't that like some self-fulling prophecy kind of thing?"
"Have you been reading one of my books?"
"Carm," she said in a tone telling her to stay focused.
"Your mother loved you, Laura," she said gently. The soldier bowed her head down toward her lap as Carmilla continued. "There were only two things that woman was guilty of: not asking for help, and loving you too much."
"It still screwed me up, didn't it?" she asked as her gaze remained in her lap.
"She was sick," Carmilla tried to point out easily. "But she still loved you," she added, ducking down to try and see the blonde's face.
Laura clenched her jaw to try and stifle her emotions. She looked up into dark, caring eyes. "Then maybe I don't want to end up giving Livie so much love that it burns her if it get's ripped away." She shook her head with watery eyes. "I don't want her to feel what I felt losing my mom. That kind of power... It's-" she shook her head again as a tear fell down her cheek. "It's terrifying."
Carmilla smiled warmly, bringing a hand to the soldier's face and wiping away the tear with her thumb. "You're afraid to love someone?"
"I was afraid to love you," she admitted, her voice weak.
"So what changed?"
She shrugged. "I was too afraid not to."
Carmilla sighed. "Being a mom is terrifying. I'm scared all the time." The brunette reached down and grabbed Laura's hand; the blonde interlocked their fingers immediately. "But that fear doesn't matter when I see her smiling at me every day. Loving her has made my life fuller." She squeezed Laura's hand a little with a kind smile. "You can't predict what's gonna happen. And you're gonna end up making a shit ton of mistakes," she chuckled. "But you've never been one to give up, cupcake."
Laura bowed her head, but Carmilla lifted it back up with a hand beneath her chin.
"You are flawed," she said with lifted brows and a slight curve of her lips. "And struggling, and uncertain." Honey eyes stared back with a vulnerability that made Carmilla's heart ache. "But it is so beautiful the way you try," she smiled a little more. "Don't stop trying on me now."
Then, Laura flung her arms around Carmilla, burying her face into her shoulder. The brunette held her in a tight embrace for a moment until Laura pulled back. Their eyes met with understanding. The blonde leaned in and captured the cafe owner's lips. It was gentle and slow.
They pulled away only to rest their foreheads together. "Thank you," Laura whispered onto warm lips.
"I think becoming a parent gives you the right to have a mini freak out." Laura let out a single chuckle. "It's all gonna be okay," Carmilla reassured, earning another kiss from the soldier.
Laura took a deep breath as she walked back into the cafe after her run. She wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand as she greeted Perry. After a bit of small talk, she made her way back into the apartment. She went straight for the kitchen to grab a glass of water, but came to a stop when she saw Carmilla standing there. She was leaning back onto the kitchen counter, gaze settled somewhere on the floor, drinking a beer.
"Carm? You're drinking? It's like ten in the morning."
Carmilla's brows furrowed, but her eyes didn't move from their spot on the floor. "Needed it," she said with an edge to her voice.
Laura hesitated as she walked further into the room. "Is... everything okay?"
The brunette took another swig from the beer before taking a long, deep breath. "Ell's dead."
The soldier's eyes widened. "Oh... Carm-"
"Don't start," she grumbled as she took another sip.
"But you're obviously pretty upset," Laura pushed as she took a step closer.
"I'm upset because even when she's dead, she still just does whatever the fuck she wants!" she growled before slamming the bottle down on the counter.
The blonde narrowed her eyes in confusion. "I'm not following."
Carmilla turned harshly toward her fiancee. "She left Livie a shit ton of money."
Laura's brows rose in surprise. "Oh. Well that's... nice?"
"No, it's not nice, Laura," she spit back. "It's her trying to buy forgiveness! I don't want her fucking money!"
"Carmilla, she's not giving it to you."
"Well I don't want Livie to have anything to do with her!"
"Even if it helps Liv in the future? Don't let your pride get in the way. This isn't about you. Shouldn't you be thinking about your daughter's best interest?"
"Our daughter," she corrected sharply. "Do you want to be the one to tell our daughter where this handful of money came from? 'Oh, this is from the woman that ran out on you when she was supposed to help raise you. She died with a guilty conscience. Go buy yourself a convertible, kiddo!'"
"Well since she's my daughter, fine! I'll be the one to tell her one day."
"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Carmilla stared at her incredulously.
"That could be her college money, Carm! She won't ever have to worry about those soul sucking student loans! Is it so wrong to let a dying woman have her last wish?"
"Yes."
Laura rolled her eyes. "Why are you still so angry?"
"I don't know!" she yelled as she gripped the edge of the counter. She took a deep breath and sighed; shaking her head. "I don't know." She locked her eyes with Laura. "I don't want Liv to know she exists. I don't want her to think that someone didn't want her in their life."
The soldier walked up to stand right in from of her. She smiled sadly before pulling Carmilla into her arms and holding her close. The brunette sighed into the embrace.
"Do you really not want her to have it?" Laura asked softly into Carmilla's shoulder.
The cafe owner sighed. "I don't know anymore." She turned her head to kiss Laura's hair. "You stink."
The blonde pulled back instantly. "Hey! I was just exercising! What do you want from me?" She pouted.
"How 'bout a kiss?"
Laura smiled sweetly before stepping close and kissing her. She pulled back and searched dark eyes. "Are we okay?"
Carmilla smirked. "Yeah, cupcake. This whole thing isn't something we need to worry about right now."
The soldier nodded in response. "Are you okay?"
"I'm not really sure how I feel, but I'll let you know when I figure it out."
The blonde gave a nod before kissing Carmilla on the cheek. "I'm gonna go take a shower."
"Need company?"
Laura furrowed her brows. "Well this took a sudden turn."
"I need a distraction and I'm all tense," the brunette explained with a shrug.
She rolled her eyes before walking off toward the bathroom. When she didn't see Carmilla following, she lifted a brow. "Coming?" The brunette grinned as she started removing her shirt and making her way toward the bathroom.
Yeah, they were pretty okay.