Faith
Almost ten years ago...
"What do you want, ginger nerd?" Carmilla growled without making eye contact. She kept watching her fingers plucking the guitar strings.
LaFontaine had seen her across the street in the center of town. They were finishing their shift at the market and noticed the girl had been playing there for hours. "Your fingers must be torn to pieces," they commented lightheartedly.
The brunette shrugged without looking up. "Could be worse. I was using a pick for a bit."
The ginger rested their hands in their back pockets while shifting their weight back and forth from their heels to their toes. "You know... If you need someone to talk to-"
Carmilla finally looked up at them with dark eyes. "Save it. Don't pretend like you know anything about me."
"We've grown up in the same town, Carmilla. Believe it or not, I know more than you think. Plus, you've actually spent a lot of time around me."
The brunette glared. "It wasn't on purpose."
Laf rolled their eyes. "You're not the only one upset. I'm sad too."
"You don't know what I'm feeling."
"I know you love her."
Carmilla's eyes widened, her throat tightening as well. Then, she frowned. "No one in their right mind would ever love Laura Hollis."
Laf shrugged. "Never thought you were a sane person."
"Fuck you."
"No, fuck you," the ginger shot back, catching the guitarist by surprise. "She thinks the world of you."
Carmilla scoffed. "Yeah, I'm sure."
"Did you even say goodbye to her?"
"She came to my house earlier."
"And?"
Carmilla roughly pulled the guitar off of her lap, standing it up on the ground as her hand gripped tightly on the neck. "And then she left. What else matters?" she replied more aggressively.
"It matters if you sent her off without any kind of support. To her, you matter."
"If I mattered, she wouldn't have run off like an idiot to get herself killed!"
"Who said she's gonna die?"
Carmilla paused and really searched LaFontaine's eyes. "She's not well, LaFontaine." The ginger felt the heaviness of the girl's words. The nicknames were ditched. "She witnessed her mother kill herself. Right after her mother shot her." Carmilla got to her feet and stood firmly in front of Laf. "A mother shot her own daughter. And now that daughter is an emotional mess, who is going off to do the last thing she ever wanted to do; she's joining the army. That's dangerous. And her father is in no place to see the danger because he's stuck in his own emotional bubble."
Carmilla shook her head and strapped her guitar onto her back before locking eyes with Laf again. "Excuse me for trying to be the voice of reason." She brushed past the ginger, who turned and spoke after her.
"Since when has anyone ever been able to stop Laura?" The brunette froze. "Did you really think you could have?"
Taking a deep breath, the guitarist turned halfway around. "I had to try," she answered with exhaustion.
"And she probably loves you even more for that."
"How are you so okay with this?!" Carmilla turned fully around and felt tears threatening to build.
LaFontaine calmly looked at the girl in front of them with a sad half-smile. "I have faith in her," they answered with a shrug.
The brunette scoffed. "Faith isn't good enough," she said before spinning around and walking off. She headed down the sidewalk, away from the center of town. She paid no attention to where she was headed until recognizing her high school in the distance. She rolled her eyes at the building. She had recently graduated. That was the last place she wanted to head back to.
But then, she spotted the familiar stone path. Her heart warmed at the sight of it as she began making her way toward it.
"Carmilla Karnstein, if you don't kiss me right now, there's gonna be hell to pay," Laura warned from the cafe owner's bed. The brunette was currently hunched over a desk in her bedroom. She was trying to organize order forms.
"One second, I'm almost done," she answered as she straightened the piles of paper that she was going to have to fax tomorrow morning. When she turned around, she found Laura sitting cross legged, her arms crossed over her chest and a pout on her face. Carmilla smirked as she slowly approached the bed. "You're so needy."
The soldier frowned even more. "I was busy all day writing articles, and then my dad made me help him with his truck, right before helping him paint almost the entire house. Excuse me for wanting to do something enjoyable at the end of the day."
Carmilla still smirked as she stood at the foot of the bed, arms crossing over her chest. "And what is this enjoyable thing you want to do?"
"You had your chance to find out. Time limit is up. That ship has sailed, Karnstein."
The brunette raised a delicate brow as a fire began to burn behind her eyes. "Oh really?" She then bent down onto the bed and began to slowly crawl toward the soldier. Laura's breathing became ragged as her girlfriend crept closer. A ratty t-shirt and cotton shorts that had seen the washer machine way too many times was apparently good enough for the blonde. Carmilla never had trouble getting her hot and bothered.
The brunette was on her hands and knees, hovering over Laura's lap. Her palms pressed into the mattress on either side of Laura. The soldier had the strength to keep her arms crossed as if she was unaffected by the woman on top of her. Laura clenched her jaw before speaking. "I know what you're trying to do. It's not gonna work."
Carmilla grinned before leaning forward and positioning her mouth right next to Laura's ear. "Oh it's definitely working, cupcake." She placed a kiss right under the soldier's ear and noticed a shiver run through Laura's body. Carmilla grinned even more as she began to kiss along her girlfriend's jaw.
"You missed your chance, Carm. Sorry. Your loss," the blonde breathed out with her eyes slammed shut. The feeling of Carmilla's lips trailing down her jaw was making her brain lose focus.
The brunette hummed against smooth skin before finally hovering over Laura's lips. She then lifted a palm from the bed and began tracing the blonde's collarbone. Her fingertips grazed down Laura's chest; falling into cleavage before the tank top started. But Carmilla continued to drag her fingers down Laura's crossed arms, then down her torso, before making the slightest contact with the now aching area between Laura's legs. Her palm was placed against the mattress again, right in the middle of the soldier's crossed legs.
Laura breathed out heavily against Carmilla's lips. She forced a swallow; her eyes still tightly shut. "What are you... waiting for exactly?" she managed to articulate. The scent of Carmilla was beginning to paralyze her.
"My orders, Cap," the brunette answered, unable to hold back a chuckle.
Laura let out a laugh, leaning back slightly to stare at the brunette. "You already pursued your superior officer after being told the mission was aborted."
"Sooooo... punishment?" Carmilla smirked as she wiggled her eyebrows up and down.
"Yeah," Laura agreed with a smirk of her own playing on her lips. "One hundred push-ups and sit-ups."
Carmilla frowned before rubbing her index and middle finger up along Laura's center. The blonde hissed in response, earning another smirk from the brunette. "Do me a favor, Cap," she started as she leaned back in to hover over lips. "Shut up." She then kissed her. It was forceful and heady. She grabbed Laura's waist and pulled her further down on the bed; pushing her shoulders back down to the mattress.
"Is that anyway to talk to your superior officer?" Laura questioned with a raised brow as she stared up at her girlfriend swiftly removing her t-shirt. Black bra against sleek pale skin. Her mouth began to salivate.
"I think you've been given too much power over the years," Carmilla replied before lifting the blonde's hips slightly and yanking down on the soldier's pajama shorts.
Laura let her girlfriend throw her shorts across the room as she watched with a grin. "Feeling a need to prove yourself?"
The brunette scoffed as she began to pull Laura's legs over her shoulders. "As if you don't already know how this is going to end."
"You're so cocky," the blonde commented as she shook her head.
Carmilla looked up from in between legs. "Actually, there is an extreme lack of cock happening right now."
"Oh my God."
"What? It's the truth!" the cafe owner chuckled.
Laura glared despite her slight smile. "Just get to work."
That infamous smirk appeared suddenly. "Yes, ma'am," she answered with a wink before ducking down and running her tongue along Laura's center.
"Jesus," Laura breathed out.
"Nope. Not Jesus," Carmilla corrected as she began to place kisses against her clit.
"Carm," the soldier whined at her girlfriend's humor.
"Much better," the brunette answered before putting her tongue to work.
"Ugh!" Laura groaned from both annoyance and pleasure.
After a few rounds, the two ended up cuddling in bed. Carmilla spooned Laura, peppering light kisses against a visible scar on the blonde's shoulder. Laura sighed in contentment from the small signs of affection.
The feeling of Laura safely in her arms made Carmilla's heart swell. This was how things were supposed to be. This felt right. Livie had always made her life complete. There was no argument there. But having Laura as well seemed unreal. How was it allowed for someone to be this happy?
"Move in with us," Carmilla breathed out against her shoulder blade.
Laura's eyes opened immediately. She blinked a few times before turning around slowly in Carmilla's arms. "Did I hear you-"
"Move in with us."
The soldier opened her mouth to respond. She was having a hard time thinking. It wasn't fair to have just gotten multiple orgasms and then be asked something as important as this. Her brain wasn't functioning at an appropriate level.
"Did- Did you even ask Livie if-"
"I brought it up a week or so ago. She started jumping up and down."
Laura's blank expression made Carmilla chuckle.
"Don't hurt yourself, cupcake. You don't have to answer now. Just think about it. And if you're not ready for it, then fine. I'm just letting you know where Liv and I stand," she pulled Laura in to hold her close; kissing her forehead.
Laura wrapped her arms around Carmilla tightly. "I don't know if I'm ready..." she whispered into the brunette's chest. "Aren't you scared I'll flash in front of Livie?"
"You've done it before. Back when you jumped into the street to save her. And you managed to keep it together until I got you alone." Carmilla then chuckled. "Jesus, you threw yourself in front of a truck to protect my daughter. You made it impossible not to fall in love with you."
The soldier found herself grinning against her girlfriend's bare skin.
"You're doing your therapy. You're doing everything you can do. I leave you alone with my child. I think that says a lot."
"Maybe you shouldn't be leaving her alone with me."
"Are you questioning my parenting skills? Should I be offended right now?" Carmilla began, jokingly.
Laura pinched her side, earning a yip. "I don't want to ruin anything," she admitted with a sigh. Her grip on Carmilla grew tight again.
"You don't have enough faith in yourself."
"Maybe you have too much faith in me."Carmilla sighed before Laura continued. "I don't think I'm ready."
The cafe owner kissed the top of her head. "Then we'll wait."
The soldier furrowed her brows as she pressed her forehead into Carmilla's chest. She hated it. She hated living in fear that she was going to mess everything up. But it wasn't wrong to be cautious. It's better to be safe than sorry. She loved this tiny family, which is why she needed to be sure. She couldn't risk hurting them. She wouldn't forgive herself.
Not yet. That's what she told herself.
Not yet.
Two weeks later, Laura sat in the cafe watching Carmilla go from table to table. Then, she'd start wiping down the counter. Then, she'd check in on the kitchen. After that, she'd start fixing the books. And then, she'd do it all over again. The blonde was trying to write an article, but her girlfriend's behavior was distracting. Obviously something was bothering her. The brunette wouldn't stop moving. Carmilla was trying to distract herself.
The cafe owner began to pass Laura's table on her way to do some other unnecessary task when the soldier reached out and grabbed her arm. Carmilla looked down at her hand on her forearm and frowned.
"What is going on with you?" the blonde said with the hint of a smile.
"What do you mean? Nothing's-"
"Oh please. You're running around here like everything keeps catching on fire. What's got you spooked?" she asked leaning her chin on the heel of her palm.
Carmilla took a deep breath and forced a smile down to her girlfriend. "I'm trying to get everything done on time today. I'm just stressed. Don't worry about it, beautiful."
"Whoa. Beautiful? Now I know something's up," Laura jested.
The brunette rolled her eyes. "Fine. Everything's great, you grotesque human being."
The soldier glared. "Seriously, Carm. What's wrong?"
"Nothing, Laura. Just let it go," she urged in annoyance before walking away. Laura frowned at the retreating woman.
The blonde finally managed to focus on her article some time later. As she finished reading it over, the seat in front of her was pulled out.
"Hey, L. How's it hangin'?" Laf greeted.
Laura looked up at them and then at the clock on the wall. It was close to the end of Perry's shift. "Hey, Laf. It's been a relatively long day," she answered with a deep breath.
"Boring article?"
"Eh, kinda. Mostly just distracted."
They lifted a brow. "By...?"
Laura furrowed her brows and considered opening up or not. "Carm's a bit off today."
"'Off' as in weirdly cheerful?"
"No."
"Grumpier than usual?"
"Kinda."
"Jumpy?"
"I don't think so-"
"Sad?"
"Um-"
"Wait, what day is it?" Laf asked before taking out their phone and checking the date. They mouthed a silent 'oh'. "Um, don't think too much into it," they said with a smile.
Laura frowned. "Why?"
"Just stay out of her way until she comes to you. That's my advice."
"But why?"
"You're dating a complicated lady, Laura. Just take my advice."
"I will if you give me a little more to work with here."
"Trust me, Hollis."
"Honey, I'm five seconds away from collapsing," Perry's voice came from a few feet away. Laf jumped up from their seat and ran over to wrap an arm around their pregnant wife.
"Then stop pushing yourself so hard!" Laf argued with a sigh. "Our baby needs you to stop stressing yourself out. Carmilla has told you a million times to take it easy."
"Yes, but-"
"No, 'buts'!"
"But-"
"No! None!" Laf interrupted. "We're going home, and you're sitting down and not moving for the rest of the night."
"But you've worked all day too!" Perry debated.
"I said no 'buts'!" Laf replied as they began to guide her out of the cafe.
"Ugh! Bye, Laura," Perry grumbled as Laf sent a wave and continued to push their wife out of the door.
Carmilla then walked up to Laura, rubbing the back of her neck in discomfort. "Hey, uh, I'm gonna go pick up Liv from my mother's. I'll be back in a bit, okay?"
The blonde's brows furrowed as she gave a single nod in response. Carmilla took a deep breath before leaning down and pressing her lips to Laura's temple. Her lips remained pressed against her skin a few seconds longer than expected. Then, she walked out of the cafe... in the opposite direction of her mother's house.
Laura immediately frowned. What was going on? Was her girlfriend lying to her now? That didn't make any sense. Why? Everything was going great. Was it because she didn't agree to move in with them? Carmilla seemed understanding in that regard, but Laura felt like the question still loomed overhead. Maybe she was just looking too much into everything.
Or maybe not.
So Laura, being the journalist that she always had been, stuffed her belongings into her bag, approached the counter and threw it on the other side of it. Then, she rushed out of the cafe in pursuit of Carmilla.
Ten years ago...
"You know we love you, right?" Laf asked Laura as the soldier stood in full uniform in front of them and Perry.
The blonde gave a sly smile. "Yeah. Of course. I love you guys too."
Perry reached forward and grabbed Laura's forearm; an expression of worry etched on her face. "We do, Laura."
Laura forced a swallow. She felt her emotions bubbling up, and she was desperate to get through this without breaking. She placed her hand on Perry's and smiled sweetly; her eyes glistening with potential tears. "I know," she replied softly. Her eyes moved back and forth between the two gingers before finally clearing her throat. Perry dropped her hand.
"Who's left?" Laf asked with a sniff. Perry had tears freely falling down her cheeks.
"Uh, just one..." Laura answered, looking down at the ground. "I've kinda been avoiding it."
A moment of silence settled between them. "Weren't things sort of... bad the last time you spoke?" Perry asked hesitantly.
Laura let out an exhausted chuckle. "Incredibly."
"You know she's only being like this because she cares," Laf explained. "We all do."
"Then why is she making this so much harder than you guys are?" Laura urged.
Perry reached down and interlocked her fingers with LaFontaine's without removing her gaze from Laura. "I think you know why," she answered with a sad smile.
Laura stared at their joined hands and felt her tears building up again. She forced a swallow and slammed her eyes shut for a moment. After taking a deep breath, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around them both.
They held each other for a few seconds before Laura spoke again. "I know it might be a lot to ask, but... Can you maybe keep an eye on her for me?" The blonde pulled away to look back and forth between the couple's eyes. "I want her to be okay."
Perry smiled sweetly, another tear falling down her cheek. "Of course."
Laf nodded slowly with furrowed brows. "Yeah, sure... But let's be honest, L. She isn't a huge fan of us..."
Laura's watery eyes shined back at them. "Do you trust me?"
The two gingers nodded in sync.
"Then have some faith in her." The soldier sniffed and smiled. "The best people I know deserve to know each other." She then chuckled to herself. "Carm will definitely make you work for it though."
Laura followed Carmilla down the sidewalk at a safe distance. There were a few people passing them by, but Carmilla seemed deep in thought. She didn't look around unless she was crossing the street. Her head was tilted downward; hands pressed firmly into her pockets.
As time passed, Laura's thoughts raced. She didn't understand what Carmilla was doing. Maybe she was just going for a walk? Maybe she just wanted to clear her head?
But why lie about that?
Then, Carmilla made a significant turn. She was headed for the stone path that led toward the small pond. Laura's brows furrowed as she followed her, hanging back just enough. She stopped for a moment when she spotted her on the old bench beside the water. She remembered countless number of times she stumbled upon the brunette, sitting in that exact same spot, strumming on her guitar.
But now, the cafe owner sat bent over on the edge of the bench; her elbows rested on her knees as her hands clasped together. Her head then bowed down.
"You probably didn't expect to see me here," Carmilla started. She let out a chuckle. "I didn't think I needed to do this anymore." She shook her head with a bitter smile before looking up toward the sky. "Ten years... I've been talking to you for ten years now." She looked back down at her folded hands. "She's safe." A genuine smile spread across her lips. "I'm honestly still not sure if you even exist," she said, looking back up at the sky. "But after a decade of begging," she paused. A small smile was now aimed toward her lap. "She's finally safe."
Laura clenched her hands into fists at her sides as she watched Carmilla take a deep breath.
"I guess I didn't want to jinx anything by not showing up," she said with an annoyed chuckle. "Now that she's back..." that small smile came back to her lips. "I don't need you to keep her safe anymore." She bit her bottom lip quickly. "I've got that covered."
The soldier watched with her heart pounding heavily in her chest.
Carmilla took a deep breath through her nose, and exhaled slowly through her mouth. Her brows furrowed. "Please, just-" she forced a swallow. "I just want her to be happy."
Laura frowned. She stepped forward to make her presence known. The brunette's head shot up in alarm after hearing the rustling behind her.
"Laura! What are you doing here?" she asked with wide eyes. "Were you following me?" she added in disbelief.
"Yeah," the blonde admitted sheepishly as she stepped closer. "I'm sorry, but you were acting weird, and you know I'm nosy!" she tried to defend. "What were you doing?" she asked softly.
"Talking to myself," Carmilla answered monotonously.
"Carm."
"I'm writing a play. It's helpful to say the lines out loud."
"Seriously?"
"This kind of judgment is not very supportive-"
"Carm, stop."
"You're preventing art from happening."
Laura rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. "And you're preventing this conversation from happening."
"Says you."
"Okay, now you're just being childish."
"Am not!"
Laura's brows rose to her hairline. Carmilla scoffed and turned her head to look away. "How much did you even hear?" she asked in annoyance.
The blonde bit her lip. "Um, all of it?"
Carmilla groaned as she leaned forward to bury her face into her hands. "You can be such a pain in the ass," she mumbled into her hands.
"Why? Because I care?" Laura asked incredulously as she stepped closer. She shook her head at the brunette, who was still avoiding eye contact. "Do you think I'm not happy?"
Silence fell between them. Carmilla bowed her head toward her lap once again. "I..." The cafe owner paused and took a deep breath. Her shoulders sagged. "I don't know."
Laura then stepped in front of her girlfriend and knelt down on one knee. She placed her hand under the brunette's chin and tilted her head for their eyes to meet.
"How could you think I'm anything but happy? I have you," she explained simply with a small smile.
Carmilla swallowed back her emotions with a shrug. "I wasn't enough before," she argued weakly. Her eyes glistened.
The soldier's eyes widened. "That's- That wasn't-"
The brunette pulled away from Laura and looked down toward her lap again. The blonde's nostrils flared. She then cupped Carmilla's face with both hands, forcing her to look at her. Her honey eyes searched dark abysses.
The soldier shook her head with furrowed brows. Carmilla looked so vulnerable. It was such a rare sight, and it took everything Laura had not to scoop her up into her arms. But right now, she needed to make sure Carmilla heard her.
"Me leaving had nothing to do with you." The cafe owner began to turn her head, but the soldier pulled her back to look at her. "You tried, Carm. Fuck, you tried so hard." Laura felt her eyes start to water. "But I wasn't good for you then," she tried to explain; her voice cracking. "I would have destroyed any chance for us."
Laura caressed Carmilla's cheek with her thumb. The soldier then smiled softly. "After everything I've been though," she began, tucking wavy locks of hair behind Carmilla's ear. "It's safe to say this is the happiest I've ever been."
The brunette's brows furrowed, but Laura smoothed them out with gentle fingers. She then dropped her hands to Carmilla's lap, taking her girlfriend's hands in hers. She lifted them up to her lips, kissing Carmilla's knuckles before resting them back down onto her lap. "Now, can you tell me what you were doing here?"
Carmilla took a deep breath and then exhaled in defeat. Her eyes met Laura's weakly. "Ten years ago, you left Silas. Ten years to the day." A new weight settled on the soldier's chest. "I came here the day you left. Asked whatever possible omniscient being there was to keep you safe." She took a deep breath. "And I continued to every year after."
Laura felt her heart throb. She didn't understand how it was possible to love someone so deeply. How was it possible for Carmilla to make her feel like this? She was so overwhelmed. And before she could process anything further, she was surging forward and capturing Carmilla's lips.
Their lips moved together in rhythm. It was natural. Kissing Carmilla was like breathing. After experiencing it once, it seemed necessary to continue living. And after a decade of not kissing her, Laura was oxygen deprived; gasping for that breath of fresh air.
Then, Laura pulled away. She stood up, and took a seat beside Carmilla on the bench. She grabbed the brunette's hand and smiled sweetly at her before looking up at the sky.
Carmilla stared down at the blonde's wrist for a moment. She smiled at the old bracelet her girlfriend refused to take off; the cupcake pendant in clear sight.
"I've never been a big believer. I won't pretend to be," Laura searched the sky, bringing Carmilla's attention back to her. "But whether or not you exist, Carmilla and Livie deserve a lifetime of happiness." She then looked down to see Carmilla staring intently at her. She smiled back at the brunette. "And I intend to make sure that happens."
"Lauraaaaaaaa!"
"Livieeeeeeee!"
The little girl threw herself against the blonde; clutching onto her waist. "But you promised to read to me!" she whined with a pout.
"I know I did, squirt. But I forgot my computer at home and I need to send in work," she tried to explain. She got an email from her editor that her article needed to be in by midnight, instead of nine in the morning. The look in Livie's eyes was tearing her apart though.
"Why didn't you bring your computer?" she asked in the same sad tone; her grip on her waist not letting up.
"I was planning on going home early in the morning," Laura continued to try to explain despite knowing Livie would still not be happy with the outcome.
"You should just live here," the little girl grumbled into her.
Laura's eyes widened; her head shot up to stare at Carmilla. The brunette raised her hands up as if to say, 'I had nothing to do with this.' The soldier then looked back down at the little girl and then crouched down to be at eye level. She rested her hands on her tiny shoulders.
"If I lived here, it wouldn't just be you and your mom anymore," she explained gently.
"I know," Livie reassured with wide innocent eyes. "But I'm always happy when you're here! Mommy is too, she just tries to hide it," she said with a giggle.
Laura attempted to hold back her smile. "But if I live here, you might get sick of me."
Livie shook her head rapidly. "Mommy says if you love something, you shouldn't let it go." The little girl then launched herself onto Laura; wrapping her arms around her neck. The soldier's eyes widened in surprise. "I'm not letting go," Livie finished proudly.
Laura stared over the tiny Karnstein's shoulder at Carmilla. The mother's mouth hung open from the exchange. Her hand raising to lazily cover her gaping mouth.
Then, the blonde wrapped her arms tightly around the little girl. "I guess I better start moving in then, huh?" she replied with a smile as her eyes stared back at Carmilla. The brunette was grinning in response.