Bye Bye

She sits in the train, headphones on her ears and music is playing. She´s getting warmer now that she is in the train, because it´s very cold and snowy outside, so she takes off her jacket. Once she´s sitting again, she lets out a big sigh. She is so relieved that the Holidays give her distance from work, because she was super busy the last few weeks, she barely saw her friends or even had time to eat properly. Thank God for food delivery.

But now she has 2 hours of sitting in a train ahead, with nothing to do. Nothing to do... she doesn´t even remember how to do that. She leans back and looks out of the window, but there is nothing to see. Just landscape, which can be beautiful, yes, but it´s not that exciting. So she looks around her. The train is full of people, the seat next to her is almost the only left free seat. For what she is very thankful for, having strangers next to her is not her favorite thing. Because the space between the seats is so small, you have to sit really close to someone you doesn´t know. This is too intimate for her. She doesn´t even let her friends hug her, only very, very close friends can do that. And the list of that friends is small. There is like one person on it... so it doesn´t really count as a list. But still, Beca likes it to be for herself.

The train stops at a station, some people get out, other people get in. She starts freezing again because of the open door and hopes that the storm of new people will be over soon.
She wants to change the song as she sees a woman with a lot of bags heading towards her and her free seat, so she stops the music instead and slips her headphones off her ears. Beca can´t believe what she sees. The woman is so beautiful, her red hair shines and the little snowflakes on it make it look like it glitters. She is coming closer and Beca can see her eyes better. They are so bright and blue... they look like the ice outside, shiny and sparkly. Beca can´t help but think that she looks like a winter angel. But suddenly she gets ripped out of her thoughts by a high but nice voice.

“Is this seat free?” The woman smiles in Beca´s direction and she is so flustered, she just nods.

The woman smiles again and lets herself down on the seat. And this is the situation Beca didn´t want to happen. A stranger next to her. But it doesn´t bother her anymore. Instead, she is very happy that the woman chose her seat, because she might be the most beautiful girl she´s ever seen. And this is her chance. Her chance to talk to her and getting to know her. How often in your life does it happen that you see someone and you are blown away from the very first moment?

But there is that one thing that gets in the way when you are blown away by someone... The sudden lack of words.

Beca doesn´t know what happened to her. Normally she doesn´t have a problem to talk to people. But nothing... She doesn´t know what to say, her head seems like it is full of words, but nothing´s coming out of her mouth.

´Come on Beca... You can do it. Maybe just ask her what her name is. But what after that? I wouldn´t know what to say next and there would be just awkward silence after it.

Ugh... Why me? I am such a loser, I can´t even talk to a girl.´

So she´s just sitting there, looking at the woman and the only thing she can hear is her own heartbeat.

Bump... Bump... Bump...

 -------------------------------------------------------------

It´s very cold and the snowflakes fall on her hair, but that doesn´t bother her, because she loves winter. Everything about it... The snow, Christmas, that it gets dark outside soon and even the cold. Because it is so nice and warm when you come home and you can cuddle yourself under a blanket with a hot cocoa... So yes, Chloe loves the winter and waiting for the train outside is nothing that could change her good mood into a bad one. The train should come in the next few seconds anyways.

She went for a bit christmas shopping and her way isn´t really long, like 15 minutes with the train to be honest, but the packages are too heavy she didn´t want to carry them the whole way.

She hears and sees how the train is coming and lifts her bags as the train stops and some people get out. She patiently waits until everyone is out before she gets in. The train is so full that she decides it would be useless to walk around with her heavy bags, searching for a seat. So she just stands there and looks around if maybe she can see a free seat, not that she has any hopes. While she´s scanning the train, someone catches her eyes.

A brunette sitting at a window with headphones on, what looks so cute because her head seems too tiny for them. Chloe doesn´t know what it is, but for some reason she feels herself attracted to that woman and she wants to get a closer look of her, so she takes her bags and walks towards her. She does not know what she is doing, because what next when she´s standing next to her? Looking at her like a creeper? But the solution comes fast and Chloe almost believes that this must be fate: The seat next to the brunette is free. She walks straight to it, the only thing in her mind is the woman she wants to see closer.

After asking if the seat is free, she sits right next to her now. And Chloe was right. She is beautiful. But still, Chloe doesn´t know what it is about her. She suddenly feels the need to talk to her, she wants to know her. She asks herself if it is possible to get a big crush on a complete stranger within seconds. Because that is it what she´s feeling right now. Her stomach is tickling and her palms are getting sweaty. She feels like a teenage girl again, god this is so distracting.

But the other woman doesn´t look that interested in her. She didn´t even answered her, she just nodded. So maybe Chloe should just keep it for herself and not bothering the woman with questions. People are stressed enough during the Holidays. But then again, she didn´t look away from her since Chloe sat down. Her first thought is that she has something at her that looks very stupid. Maybe the snow ruined her mascara or the snow in her hair looks weird. Chloe´s blushing, looking down to her knees and hopes that this isn´t the case.

Thinking more about it, Chloe remembers that the brunette was listening to music when she got in the train, but now she just sits there, with the headphones down and looking at Chloe, while pretending not to. But it is pretty obvious to be honest. So what made her stop listening to music? Chloe isn´t able to figure her out. Her lack of speaking indicates that she isn´t interested in her, or any contact at all, but her acting tells something different.

Chloe wishes the brunette would say something. Just anything, she doesn´t care what it is, just something that shows her that maybe she is interested. Because if that is the case, the rest will be rolling once they started talking. But nothing. And this really frustrates Chloe. She never felt this for a stranger before and it looks like it´s gonna end before it even started.

Chloe´s station is the next one which means she has like 3 minutes left before she has to go. She stands up, grabbing all her bags and is ready to walk towards the doors. But this isn´t how she wants this to end. She can´t get out of the train without even said something to her. And because she doesn´t have much time left, Chloe talks straight forward.

“Um... so sorry, but I have to do this now. Hey, my name is Chloe. So nice to meet you.”

The brunette looks startled and Chloe sighs because it doesn´t look like she is gonna say something.

“To be honest, I saw you from back there” She points to the doors where she came in
“and there was something about you, I had to go here. The free seat was just luck. And you watched me the whole time, I started thinking if... maybe... well... you thought like the same about me? But you said nothing, so I am not sure... but I need to know. I can´t just go without I even tried it.”

Chloe feels the heat rising up in her. She has no problem to talk to people but this was so different for some reason. And she maybe just made a total fool out of herself and she swears, if the brunette doesn´t say something now, Chloe would be totally fine to fall through the ground immediately.

And just in the moment, when the woman really opened her mouth, the announcement that they arrived at Chloe´s station drone through the speakers.

Her heart sank. This is it. Her chance was over. Why didn´t she said something earlier?

“Oh my god. I am so sorry. Please just forget everything, I live here, I have to go now. So, bye.”

Chloe waves and doesn´t want to look at the brunette again as she just turns around and heads to the doors. Knowing that she might have missed a great opportunity to get to know someone special.

 -----------------------------------------------------

Beca watches the redhead as she grabs her bags and gets herself ready to go. She´s still feeling like she is in a tunnel. The only thing she can see is the beautiful redhead and the only thing she can hear is her own heartbeat. She hates herself for being such a loser.

But suddenly she gets ripped out of her tunnel, because the woman started talking. To her.

It happened so quick and out of a sudden, Beca couldn´t compose herself fast enough and the redhead lets out a sigh. And when Beca wanted to start crying that she missed the chance to talk to her, the woman started again.

She couldn´t believe what she heard. The other girl seems like she is interested in Beca. She came to her not because of the free seat in the first place, but because of her. How can this be happening right now? Beca starts thinking that this might be just a dream and she wakes up any moment.

´No no no. Focus Beca. Now or never. You need to talk... Now.´

And in the moment when Beca wanted to say ´hi, my name is Beca´ and something like ´oh my god sorry! But yes... I just didn´t know what to say´, the speakers drone through the train, announcing they arrived at a station. The whole expression of the redhead changed quickly from happy and nervous to just sad. Her eyes lost that shine they had before and she didn´t give Beca the chance to answer her already because she apologized and walked away so fast, Beca didn´t know what happened.

She sat there, in the train, feeling completely startled and sad. Very sad, the word depressed would describe it better.

She can´t get rid of the feeling that this woman could have been someone special, like the love of her life, and she won´t be able to see her ever again.