Bye Bye

The Holidays were really stressful. She tried to spend time with her mom, which she loved, she never feels any pressure in spending time with her. She just appreciates her presence. So this part of the Holidays were great. Her mom cooked a really nice dinner (and this was like the first real food Beca ate in days) and they just talked about everything.

But the stressful part came right after this, visiting her dad and stepmom, or stepmonster as she likes to call her, but she had to learn very quick that the usage of this term is not appreciated. The time with her dad always feels so forced, because she doesn´t want to be there, but a good daughter visits him anyways. And Beca knows that he is trying. Trying to get through to her and trying to get back the old times when they could genuinely talk and laugh together. But when he left her and her mom it cut such a big hole in Beca´s heart, she can´t fully forget him. Even if she´s pretending that this hole isn´t there anymore, she filled it and built a shield around it, so no one could break it like this again. Some people said that she is so lonely and she pushes everyone away who tries to get near to her, but Beca is convinced that this is for the better.

So after visiting her dad she wasn´t so eager to stay in New York much longer. It reminded her of all this sad childhood memories and now it also reminded her of that beautiful redhead she would never see again.

Beca tried to distract herself from all this with work, since she got home in LA. She even spent New Years Eve alone in her apartment, listening to music, watching the classic ´Dinner for One´, counting down the last ten seconds and watching all the nice fireworks she could see from her window.

But her loneliness didn´t hold much longer in the New Year, because someone got worried about her. This someone is her best friend from College, Jesse. He is that one person on her “list” of special people. He knows her best, so Beca isn´t really surprised when he showed off in front of her door, holding a DVD in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.

“You do remember after 5 years of friendship, that I hate movies, yes?”

“Of course Beca, but look at the bottle of wine! Because I also remember that you never liked my popcorn, which is such a shame by the way, so I thought something that I like -the movie, and something that you like -the wine.”

Before she could answer anything, Jesse lets himself in, gets undressed and falls on the couch while putting the DVD in the player.

“I know, I know. I´m the best.”

Beca rolls with her eyes, closes the door and sits down next to him.

“So Jesse, why did you come without at least texting me before?”

“Because I know you. You barely talked to me since you came home from New York and I bet you spent all your days alone. If I would have texted you, you would have said no.”

“But what if I already had some plans for today?”

“Do you?” Jesse grins, already knowing the answer.

“Well... no.. but”

“Okay stop discussing then. Like I said, I know you. You always do that.”

“Do what?”

“Pushing everyone away and closing yourself, especially when you have a problem and you think you have to deal with it alone. But guess what, I´m your best friend and I won´t watch you how you get lost in your little bubble. So just tell me... what happened in New York? What´s going on in your head?”

Beca couldn´t believe him. She looks at him, startled, wondering once more how much luck she had calling him her best friend. She knows she was never easy or really nice to him, but somehow he managed to stay with her and spending time with her because he wants to, not because he is forced. So she couldn´t help but smile and placing her head in her hands, running her fingers through her hair.

“I don´t know Jesse... there was this girl and I was just a total mess and now she must think I am such a loser. But it shouldn´t bother me so much because I never see her again anyways, but still...” She didn´t look up while speaking, her head is still resting in her hands.

“Wait wait.. what? All this because you´ve met someone? I really thought some serious shit happened between you and your dad.”

Jesse throws his head back laughing what earned him a light smack from Beca. She groaned.

“Ugh Jesse, no! You don´t understand. And you ask yourself why I never tell you anything...”

“Okay okay okay...” He tried to compose himself, but there is still a little smirk on his face.

“At first, ouch. This hurt.” He pats the spot at his head where Beca hit him.

“I´m sorry I just had to laugh, because you are such a mess. So tell me now... what don´t I understand? I will be listening, quietly, no laughing. I promise!” He crosses his fingers like a kid to show that his promise is real.

So Beca tells him everything, how she sat in the train, saw a beautiful woman coming in and to her and her free seat and how she wasn´t able to talk to her, not even after the other woman finally said something. When Beca finished her story she throws her head in her hands again, making little crying sounds like a cat.

“Do you understand now?? Normally I don´t have a problem with talking to people, I just don´t want to. But when I want to, I suddenly can´t? What is wrong with me?”

“Wow Beca... That poor woman.”

“Wait, what?” She looks up at Jesse, confused.

“Oh yeah, poor you too, of course. But imagine being in her situation... She wanted to talk to you the whole time but -same as you- was too afraid to say something. And when she finally speaks, you just sit there and say nothing. She must feel like a complete, rejected idiot. That poor girl probably never makes the first move ever again.”

“Oh my god Jesse.. !! “

And that was it for Beca. She gives up her sitting position and falls off the couch, lying on the ground now, with the face on her carpet, speaking through it.

“I am such an idiot!”

“Beca don´t you think you´re acting a bit over dramatically now?”

He laughs.

“And I am sorry but I don´t know how I could help you...”

Beca groans into the carpet, making no attempt to get up.

“I mean.. if we were in a movie you would travel back to New York, walk around there without any destination in mind... and when you want to give up, you see her. Standing in front of a shop while she´s deciding if she should buy that dress or not. And you walk towards her, tap her on the shoulder and without any explanation or something, you just kiss her the moment she turns around to see who tapped on her shoulder. BOOM. Million dollar movie, I swear.”

Beca slowly turns her head just so she can make eye contact with Jesse.

“You know you are like, super weird. You should really stop watching this stuff.”

“Thanks. But I really think this is not a bad idea..”

“Are you kidding me?” Now Beca sits up again, but stays on the ground.

“No. I mean, okay without the ending maybe. That was just my cliché ending, as you would call it. But... you could totally go back to New York and search for her.”

“And just this isn´t cliché or what? And..!” she makes a pause “you do realize how big New York is, right?”

“Yes I do... but don´t you remember which train station she got out? I thought you said, that she said that she´s living here and that´s why she had to go?”

“Oh my god, you are right!”

“I know, I know..” Jesse waves his hand at Beca and runs his fingers through his hair, acting like he planned this from the beginning.

“But... I don´t remember.” again Beca groans.

“Wait! I don´t really remember which station it was... but it was like an hour before I had to get out! So we just need to look where the train stopped at this time!”

“I like the way you´re thinking. So let´s do this!”

Jesse held out his hand, waiting for Beca to high-five him, but she ignores him, gets up and together they spend the rest of the day talking about a trip to New York, searching for the mysterious redheaded woman. Beca can´t help but thinking that this sounds like a really bad movie she would never watch.