Choices.
Vera looked up into Joans chocolate hues, not believing what she was hearing, what was happening before her eyes. The taste of her governor still lingered on her lips. The feeling of being wrapped in Joans arms created goosebumps that traveled throughout her body. Her breath was heavy, hard to catch. Looking into Joans eyes, trying to catch the breath this woman took away, she tried to collect herself.
“It isn't 'not being loved', I'm worried about, Joan. It's not being loved by you, that I fear the most.”
Joan concentrated on her deputys face as she listened to the words that were spoken. She was captivated by Veras face. The nervous twitch of her lips, the crinkle in beside her eyes, the tender yet sternness in those words. Her heart dropped, scooping Vera tighter in her arms, she just smiled. Gently cupping her deputys face, she grazed her thumb gently over the tear stains.
“Oh, Vera, Vera, Vera...” Joan spoke softly, trailing off as she lost herself in those blue eyes begging to be loved. Loved by her.
“Don't fret. I do love you. I brought you to dinner to tell you, but I always seem to screw things up.”
“Yes, you do.”
The next kiss was surprisingly initiated by Vera, her lips timid but firm. Her lips connected with her governors sweet, thin lips, that she desired for so long. Too long.
Joan was surprised at the initiation of the younger woman, but pleased. She found her self embracing that lower lip, that damn lip. Something about it made her weak all over. Their lips met, fitting like a perfect puzzle piece, Joan pulling Veras lower lip in between her own, gently sucking on it. Her tongue trailing over it, taking in the taste and feel of it all. She loved the way her little mouse tasted, and couldn't get enough. That warm, moist tongue, pushed through those supple lips once more, finding Veras soft tongue. With pleasure, her tongue was eagerly waiting for Fergusons, needing to drink in every bit of her.
The kiss became more passionate, more heated. Their tongues fighting for dominance, their hands gripping one another. A slight moan escaped Veras lips as they caught their breath, before their lips met once more. For a moment, she felt shy, but it felt right.
Joan drank her in, needing more of her. She ran her right hand down the younger womans back once more, moving her fingers against the smooth skin before moving it under Veras tight shirt, her nails trailing towards the bra teasingly. Veras head slightly went backwards, letting out a pant of pleasure, feeling those fingertips trail up her back. The pleasure Joan gave her was like nothing she felt. They were just kissing, merely exploring each other slowly, yet she felt herself overwhelmed with arousal.
Not even Fletch gave her these feelings, these desires. Vera was inexperienced in the department of sexual aspects. She gave herself away once before, but it was the worst experience one could have. She was used and thrown away.
Joan moved her left hand that was cupping the younger womans face, down the smaller frame, slowly pushing Vera backwards. Slowly laying her deputy on the floor beneath them, she ran her fingers slowly up the brunettes shirt, leaning in and kissing the warm exposed flesh. Joan needed her now.
Vera complied, as her body lay on the wooden floor, looking up at her governor placing kisses on her stomach. Oh god, this is what she wanted, needed. She had dreamed of this, desired it for so long. Yet her paranoia started to take its course. She began to lightly shake, not sure what to do. Would she be cast aside due to her disease? The last time she allowed herself to be taken in this way, she was used. Joan wouldn't do that, would she? Would she change her mind about loving Vera once it settled in that she had this horrible condition?
Veras eyes started to glisten with tears. She enjoyed this so much, and wanted it so badly, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to go that far just yet. She wanted her governor, she wanted her now, needed every bit of her. Although she was too scared of what might come after. What Joan would think of her. What if Joan was disgusted in the middle, and left? Vera couldn't get these thoughts out of her head.
Joan looked up, placing one more butterfly kiss as she made her way towards Veras broken face. Cupping one cheek, she spoke softly.
“Whats wrong?”
Joan then started to think her advancements wasn't wanted, she pushed to far. She took more then she was given. She gently pulled the younger woman up, scared to look into her eyes.
“I-I-I'm sorry Vera, I shouldn't have—” She was cut off by a tender touch to her lips by one of Veras fingers.
“Shh...” She said, with a sweet smile, finding Joans eyes. A tear escaped the her eyes.
“Don't apologize, Joan. It is...very much wanted.” She said with a shy smile. “I'm just, well i'm very inexperienced when it comes to this. I-um-,” She trailed off, embarrassed to explain her reasoning. “I have only done this once...well it was attempted once before that...with the same person. I couldn't because it, well it hurt too much. I guess I wasn't.....wet enough. And afterwards...” She looked down, feeling highly embarrassed. Her cheeks turned bright red. Joan stopped her, gently placing a her hand under Veras small chin, bringing it up towards her.
“Look at me.” She demanded softly. Pleased once her deputy complied. “You don't have to explain. I'm not going to make you do something you do not want to do, Vera.”
“It's not that, I do want to, with you.” She paused, taking a breath, trying to find the right words.
“What if you change your mind afterwards? Once it settles in that i'm a danger...a contaminated problem? You only found out tonight, what if your feelings change for me? And then you don't want me anymore?”
Joan wasn't good at expressing her emotions, which is the reason they were in the position they were in. Every time she tried, she failed. She didn't want to fail Vera.
“My feelings will never change, my Vera.” She said sweetly, before moving to her feet. She extended her hand, lifting the younger woman up with her. She pulled Vera into her arms swiftly, letting her arms extend around the smaller frame.
“We can take this slow, my dear.” She tried to comfort the younger woman, leaning in to kiss those supple lips once more, deeply. Giving out a slight moan as she felt those warm lips against hers.
“I'll take my leave. I don't want to over extend my welcome.” She smiled softly, as she softly kissed Veras lips once more. Letting go of Vera, she took out the keys that made a place in her pocket.
Vera had one arm wrapped around her own waist, other hand on her lips. Still tasting the governor, her touch still radiating through Veras body. “Wait.” She said, walking closer to her, gently yet firmly, gripping the older womans arms.
“Don't go. Stay.” She blurted out nervously, not sure if the older woman wanted to just leave and get away from her.
Joan turned and smiled. “I'm not one to intrude.”
“You're not. If you can-, I mean if you want, will you stay with me tonight?” She stuttered a little bit, putting one hand at her side, other wrapped around her own stomach. Not sure what to say, nervous as hell.
“I'd rather not be alone.” She confessed. “But, if you have other-” She was cut off, with a lift of Joans hand.
“I'll stay.” She said with a sweet smile. “I'll sleep on the couch.” she spoke, putting her keys on the table next to the door.
“Y-yo-you don't have to sleep on the couch. My, uh, my... The couch is quite small, I think you would be too long for it.” She let out a nervous chuckle. Vera loosened her grip, running her small hand up Joans arm slowly. “I'm sure my beds big enough for two.” She smiled.
They made their way up to Veras bedroom, both silently smiling. Vera found a night gown for Joan to wear, too short. It slightly tightens around those sexy thighs, not leaving much to the imagination. Vera looked up those thighs, glancing at her bum, noticing how well formed it was. Arousal was peeking once more.
She found her own gown. Climbed into the bed and pulled the cover down, gesturing for the tall, beautiful woman to crawl in with her. She felt shy, nervous but this all felt right. No one had ever been in her bed before, she has never slept next to anyone before. A smile formed across her lips as Joan crawled in. Oh man. The way her black hair flowed down her shoulders, silver lining glistening through. Slight dim yellow light peering through the window, allowing Vera to see the slight lip bite of Joan.
Joan slid under the covers, laying next to the smaller woman. She herself had never laid in the bed with someone before, nor has she slept next to someone. She moved next to the smaller frame that had already turned on her side. Not sure what to do, she turned on her side as well, facing the brunettes back. Without thought, she slowly wrapped her arm around Veras stomach and to her surprise, Vera shuffled backwards, pushing their bodies together as one. No space between them.
Vera lay, for the first time, feeling at peace. Feeling Joan Ferguson hold her, was a feeling words couldn't describe.
“Joan,” Vera whispered lightly.
“Yes?” A voice near Veras ear whispered back.
“This doesn't fix everything.”
“I know.”
“I still hate you.”
“I know.
“I hate, hating you.”
There was silence, Joan moved her head behind Veras, nuzzling into her neck.
“It's okay.” Joan whispered. Kissing Veras neck slightly, she felt a twinge of guilt for what she has done.
They lay in a moment of silence, their bodies molded as one.
“I love you.” Vera whispered, running her hand over Joans, intertwining their fingers tightly, she pulled Joans hand up to her chest, holding it near her heart.
“I love you too.” Joan whispered, kissing the younger womans head, before kissing her shoulder. She nuzzled back into Veras neck, as they drifted off to sleep together.