Difficult decisions.
The next day went by rather quickly. Joan left early to gather her work clothes, as Vera prepared herself for the day. Not much was said, not much was needed to be said. Vera went about her day as normal, yet her stomach had been turning all day, thinking of the night before. She had butterflies, knots, fear, all these emotions that needed to be contained. Not at work. Walking the halls of Wentworth Correctional Centre, Vera had turned into someone different then she used to be. She grew more hard, more cold. She had lingering hatred that had balled itself deep within her. Not sure who to hate, or what to hate, just hating the fact of what she was cursed with now. She knew who did it, she knew who threw her up against that glass and stuck her with a needle, before locking her in the slot. Yet the brunette couldn't do a damn thing about it.
Vera was at her post, near the end of her shift. She was nervous. Just wanting to hide at work, she began to think of everything again. The way Joans lips tasted, the way her tall frame felt against hers, the way those skillful hands caressed her body. She closed her eyes at the sudden chills of arousal she got just thinking about it. Quickly coming to realization, she opened eyes within a blink. What good could come of this? Joan was a germ freak, and Vera was tainted. Joan would come to the realization of what Vera carries and she would just throw her aside. Vera knew Joan too well, she knew that she toyed with people, playing with their emotions, feeding off their weakness. Yet she saw a side of her governor last night, that she never saw before. She saw tenderness, kindness, love. She saw a romantic side of the freak she so dearly loved. She felt the taste of her lips, the scent of her hair, mmm...the way those larger hands took hold of her body. She felt the feeling of being held all night, in the arms of this monster. After Joan had fallen asleep, Vera turned over just to look at her. Noticing how she slightly snored, but not loudly, the way her hair fell into her face and her body went limp due to sleep. She couldn't help but to look over Joans body, the way the tight night gown gripped itself tight against the pale skin, how it curved in all the right places. She took in how Joans uniforms hid all the wonderful things about her. Her perky breasts that she wanted to just reach out and touch. The way her hips formed. She just stared for what seemed like hours.
The deputy couldn't believe that she had seen that side of the monster she knew Joan to be. The one she helped, kept secrets for and even enabled. She so badly wanted to love Joan, and take this farther, make something of it, but she didn't see it going far. Her sickness would one day kill her, and put others in the way of harm as long as she lived. She couldn't risk it. She couldn't risk getting hurt by Joan once more. She couldn't handle anymore lies. Vera didn't know if she could forgive what Joan did to her, neglecting her, but she hate the fact that there was reasoning behind it. She hated the fact that she couldn't hate her long because of it, knowing that, for Joan, it was the right thing to do.
Veras mind was a cluster fuck, to say the least. Her train of thought was disrupted as she heard yelling among the inmates. Great, she couldn't handle this shit today. She was near her end. Especially with Juice, who she knew, stabbed her.
“Stop!” She screamed, walking between Juice and newbie. Juice was making sexual advancements and comments. 'Disgusting pig' Vera thought to herself. “Gambaro, Take your advancements where they are wanted, ya? Leave the girl alone.” She said with a snide look in her eyes.
“Yeah, Yeah.” Lucy said with a hand towel over her shoulder. “I'll catch you later.” She said, with a lick of her lips.
“You alright?” She asked the new inmate, not really caring right now. “Yes, i'm fine.” “Good, carry on.” She said as she threw her hand up, gesturing towards the kitchen. Vera hated being on Kitchen duty. Her eyes caught the door, as she walked Joan Ferguson walk through the kitchen door. Every now and then, the Governor would patrol the halls, just to scare the inmates. She had no emotions on her face, her shoulders stood tall, proud. Vera couldn't help the way she strutted as she walked, with her well formed tight ass. Six feet of deliciousness that she wanted to eat up. 'Snap out of it.' Vera told herself. 'You know what you have to do.' Vera stood tall, hair slick back, tight bun, as the governor approached her.
“Everything alright?” Joan asked, confidence in her stance.
“Yes, Guv'na. Just Gambaro trying to seduce one of the new ones.” Shuddered at the thought. She was nervous to look Joan in the eyes. “I have everything under control.” She said with a nod.
“Good. My office, end of your shift.” Joan said. This was not a question. This was a demand. Vera kind of liked it. She loved the roughness of Joan, the rowdiness of her. Vera bit her lip, “Yes, Guv'na.” She replied. She could feel her insides started to ache, pules rushed through her center. 'Vera, fucking stop it.' She said to herself. 'You can't do this to yourself.' And she couldn't, it would only make things worse. Joan nodded, and took her leave, brushing her pinky up against Veras hand as she left. Subtle, Joan gripped her pinky to let Vera know it wasn't on accident. The deputys heart started to flutter. She watched Joan walk out of the kitchen, unable to take her eyes of that sexy strut that turned her on so bad, the say of those hips and that ass. 'Mmff' she thought to herself before composing herself.
* * *
At the end of her shift, she made her way to the break room. She walked with her head stood tall, heels clanking on the hard floor. Fletch was sitting at the table. Just looking at him made her sick to her stomach. She walked past with a nod, grabbing a plastic cup and filling it with water before she made her way to her locker. She opened it, putting her hands in, trying to hide pills she was popping out of their plastic casing. Pills she was forever going to have to take. Her stomach dropped again. Waves of depression seemed to come and go. She took the three different medications with a slip of her hand. Hoping no one would notice. She contemplated about going to Joans office, whether it was a good idea or not. Maybe she would just go home, and Joan would leave it at that. She knew that wasn't going to hold. Joan would just show up at her house. She couldn't do this, she couldn't go through this. She was about to do something she would never forgive herself for, just to protect herself, because it seems she always gets hurt. No matter what.
Not once has anything ever gone right for Vera. She grew up with a fucked up mother who always told her she wasn't she wasn't enough. She was never allowed friends, she was never allowed to grow up. She was manipulated into always staying home. She was hurt when fletch humiliated and degraded her, then turned around and and wam-bam, thank you m'am. Just another fuck, not caring how precious and amazing she was.Then told her to fuck off. Linda tried to be a friend, yet she fucked fletch and talked shit behind her back. The only good thing that happened is when she was given a special task by her governor and that ended up with a phone call saying she was disappointed in her. Not once, as anything good happened to her. She got the short end of the stick no mater what, always hurt, always broken. This time, she was going to protect herself, Because when it came to Joan, she wouldn't be able to physically nor mentally handle any more heart break with her.
Right before Vera went to place her walkey-talkey down, she heard that sexy voice call over it. “Siera 3, In my office, now. “ Joan didn't even need to make it clear that it was her. She picked it up to her mouth, with a quick slide of the button on the right, she replied. “Yes, Guv'na. I'll be right there.” She put it down in it's rightful place. Gripping her clear bag, blazer still on, belt hooked around her waist. She walked confident down the halls, perfect starched uniform.
Slightly knocking, she opened the door, closing it behind her. “Yes, Guv'na. You wanted to see me?” She said, walking to the center of the room where she normally stood, hands behind her back.
“Yes, I did.” Joan stood, straightening her blazer, pulling on the last button, making sure there was no wrinkles in it. She walked towards Vera, before turning and sitting on the desk. Vera couldn't help but to watch her, God she was sexy. The way her tight ass creased on the desk, her long legs outwards, her hair in a tight bun. Such a strong and powerful woman, yet she lowers her guard around Vera, it didn't go unnoticed.
“My house tonight?” Joan spoke sweetly, the side only Vera got to see. “Let me make you dinner. I know last night-” She stopped, not knowing what she was going to say. “Let me make it up to you, yeah? I'll cook you what ever you like.” Joans heart was racing, knowing something was off.
“I don't think that is a good Idea, Guv'na.” She said professionally. Trying to stand tall, but ended up looking at the ground, not able to face Joan.
Joans heart stopped. “Do you have other plans? Maybe tomorrow?” She was now fishing.
“I-i um, I have plans tomorrow, guv'na.” She lied through her teeth and Joan knew it. She knew Vera had no social life, she was just making an excuse not to have dinner with her.
“Well, maybe I can take you out instead, we can-” Joan was cut off by her deputy.
“I don't think it would be wise if we pursued anything, Guv'na” Her eyes burned, holding back tears. It wasn't a total lie, she just wanted to protect herself, but god she was so in love with Joan.
“I see.” Joan said crossing her arms for a moment. “So we shall forget last night had happened?” Her words were cold piercing. That side of Joan that she got a glimpse of last night and today, wasn't there anymore.
“I-I-I think-I think it would be for the best.” She stuttered out, trying to keep her composure hands behind her back. She dug her nails into her own hands.
“Hmm, okay.” Joan said, as she stood up, six feet of a goddess. She spoke slowly, achingly yet firm. “You think, or you know Vera?”
“I-I-I know, Guv'na.”
“I see.” She said as she walked closer, Vera started to back up a bit.
With a sudden intrusion, the door opened, her Linda was at the door. Fuck.
“Everyone is leaving, except for the night guards. Are you closing this section tonight?” Refering to the hallways that led up to her office, which were protected by several doors that needed a swipe card to enter.
“Yes, Linda. I'll lock up once i'm done.” Joan gave her a piercing look, dismissing Linda with just her eyes. Joan had that way about her. She was stern, cold and sexy. They way she intimidated people, even herself sometimes, was a turn on. She got off on how Joan scared damn near anyone who approached her. As Linda walked out, Joan walked over to the door, flicking the light off to the outside hall. She pulled the blinds over the window that allowed her to see who was coming and going, before making her way back over to Vera.
Joan had a way about her that you just couldn't say no to. Vera wanted to jump her bones right then, but knew that it would just end up hurting her in the end. She was always hurt in the end. She was tired of being a doormat.
Joan walked confidently to Vera, who still stood in the center of the room. “So last night, You didn't feel anything? Between us?”
Vera looked down a moment, thinking of the best like she could. “We were both emotional, tipsy. I think we let our emotions get the best of us. I think it would be wise if we didn't put ourselves in that position again, and kept our relationship strictly professional.” She coughed a little, the words literally burned coming out. The lies she just spoke, crushed her.
Joan stood in front of her, tall and sexy, the way her uniform curved over the right spots, how it tightened over her ass. Mmfff Godd, Vera was so turned on. 'Stop!' She punished herself inside her head. Joan crossed her arms, stern look on her face.
“You didn't answer my question. Did you feel anything between us last night? I'm not going to ask again.” Her voice demanding and strong. A shock of pain entered her gut, through her heart. Making it hard for her to breath, but she kept her composure.
Vera knew that tone of voice, she knew that Joan was hurting on the inside. She couldn't break, and give it. It was best for them both. She was tainted, infected. She was going to die a slow and painful death, even if it was years down the line. She would one day grow sicker and just bring Joan down with her. That is if Joan didn't toss her away like Fletch did. He fucked her, took her virginity and made a mockery of her, as if she was some common whore.
With a sharp inhale, audible gulp, she lied once more. “N-No-no, Guv'na, I didn't feel anything.”
Joan read her like a book, knew she was lying, but why? Why was she doing this to both of them. Hadn't she hurt enough? Was this payback, revenge for her getting stabbed? Joan was furious. Her heart was breaking. Herself, too, always ended with heartbreak. She never had anyone. She moved closer to the deputy, speaking in a hateful, spiteful tone.
“So, let me get this straight. When you told me you loved me, after I let my guard down and expressed my feelings to you, you just said it to what......because you thought that is what I wanted to hear. You wanted to tell me what I wanted to hear? Was it to hurt me because of my actions at dinner?”
Tears started to swell up in Veras eyes, She looked up into those chocolate hues that were now broken. “No, no...I meant what I said, Guv'na”.
“Stop being so bloody professional with me!” She shouted. “Stop acting as though last night didn't mean anything to you! Bloody hell, You kissed me back, I felt it, Vera. You told me you loved me. Wanted me to stay with you.....”
Vera cringed at the shouting of her governor, slightly frighted, her shoulders tensed up, held tilted to the side as if she was expecting a blow to the face.
“I-I-I do love you, Joan.”
“Oh, you do, do ya? You love me, yet you felt, feel nothing?” Joan cocked her head to the side. Vera ould see the pain in her eyes, she wasn't sure what to do. God she wanted to love Joan so bad, and she did, but she didn't want to end up heartbroken again.
“Joan...It's complicated”
“Doesn't seem complicated to me. Either you have feelings for me or you don't.”
Vera stood there silent, she was shaking, and that didn't go unnoticed from the Governor. Veras hands now placed on hips, one cupping her mouth, trying to contain the emotions that were building up inside of her. She couldn't handle this, rejecting her boss as she herself was rejected. If the Governor really did have feelings, She couldn't imagine how bad this hurt her.
“I....I....I don't.” She lied once more, to protect herself, afraid that Joan would see it and she would know. Afraid of what will happen next. Afraid if she didn't lie, how she would hurt afterwards.