two
Mrs. Joseph only had five other people to feed, but she cooked like she had twenty. Not that Josh was complaining, or anything- her cooking was amazing. She'd piled chicken and mashed potatoes and green beans onto Josh's plate and handed it to Josh without even consulting him. Josh hated green beans. His mom only ever had time to heat them out of a can.
"These green beans are amazing."
A sentence Josh never thought he would say. The meal was worth the cringe-worthy prayer beforehand. Josh didn't really have a problem with christianity- he had been raised christian. He wasn't violently against it like Gerard. Josh just didn't really subscribe anymore.
Mrs. Joseph insisted on Josh taking home leftovers. And her green bean recipe. And some cookies. Tyler walked Josh out to his car. Josh could feel how nervous Tyler was- the kid was practically shaking in his boots, and Josh wondered how a kid who could look so confident playing basketball or answering a difficult calculus question or leading a sermon could look so nervous just walking next to Josh.
"I'll try to get at least a basic drum beat by Monday," Josh told Tyler as he hovered next to his car door.
"Okay," Tyler replied, staring at his shoes. He looked like he wanted to say something else, so Josh hesitated in opening the door. "Thanks for uh- thanks for coming, and everything, it was uh, cool," Tyler stuttered. "And the way you were so nice to my mom was really cute-"
Josh could see Tyler freeze, tense up. "I mean," he added hastily, "she likes you, she probably thinks you're cute or whatever, dude." Tyler paused before saying, "night Joshua," and scurrying back into his house.
It was half past eight when Josh made it to Brendon's house, and the second he walked into the basement, Gerard's face went bright red. "You fucking man whore!"
Gerard yelled at Josh a lot. It was his way of showing he cared. He was used to it. He didn't expect Gerard to slam him against the wall. "That kid is probably crying himself to sleep because he thinks it's a fucking sin for him to like dudes, and your dick is just looking for a new home!"
Josh could hear Brendon and Pete drunkenly laughing.
"I didn't even flirt with him," Josh muttered. "He's cute, alright? And really smart. The kid writes poems- they're awesome and," Josh thought what he was saying was stupid. "he's cool, alright? I'm not trying to fuck him."
This was enough for Gerard to let go of him and mumble, "sorry, Dun."
The apology surprised him. Josh swallowed hard. "It's cool, man. Where's Halsey?"
Brendon and Pete shouted something about being a kiss ass, and Patrick sighed and looked at Josh with a 'I hate this' expression. "She's on a date."
Patrick and Josh hadn't known each other for very long. Patrick and Pete were best friends, so when Patrick transferred to their school district, Pete had been delighted and dragged Patrick to every party and every hangout. Josh got the feeling Patrick didn't really like being there, but he was incredibly invested in Pete. Josh was pretty sure Patrick had a major thing for Pete. Pete seemed oblivious as hell.
"I want to get out of here," Gerard said after three hours of watching Brendon and Pete get wasted out of their minds. Josh had to agree. He didn't drink, at least not often. He didn't like feeling out of control. Gerard had some history. Josh wasn't sure why Patrick didn't drink, but it probably had something to do with having to look after Pete.
After another fifteen minutes Gerard started getting antsy and Josh left and drove them both home. Before getting out of the car, Josh looked over at Gerard- he was going to make some stupid comment or something, but the idea left his mind when he saw his friend. He'd been unusually silent on the ride over, and now he was practically zoned out. Gerard looked sad, actually, and it almost broke Josh's heart.
"Are you okay?"
Gerard just shrugged.
"Hey, how about you come chill with me tonight?" Josh offered. "I just got these weird comics from a thrift store and I don't really get them, maybe you could look at them."
Gerard still looked sad as hell when agreeing to the offer, but at least Josh knew he wouldn't be alone.
He didn't press Gerard on what was wrong. If he wanted to talk about it, Josh knew he would eventually. So Josh just tried to work out a drum beat for Tyler Joseph's song and watched Gerard carefully while he read comics. On one of Josh's water breaks, Gerard asked softly, "you like him, don't you?"
Josh shrugged. "He's cool."
"You know what I mean. You never would have defended someone you just wanted to have sex with."
Josh swallowed hard. Relationships weren't really his thing. Being tied down wasn't really his thing. But Tyler Joseph was cute. And smart. And talented. And Josh wanted to know more about him. "Yeah. I guess so."
"I think he'll be good for you."
Josh stared at him. Gerard had been his best friend for, well, his whole life. They'd lived next to each other, snuck out together, wreaked havoc together, stole porn magazines together. Sat through depression support groups together. Other than when he was in the hospital, Josh didn't think Gerard had ever been so quiet. So he went to sit next to Gerard on the bean bag chair. It was a bit too small for both of them to be on, but Gerard just leaned on Josh and sighed.
"What's wrong, Gerard?"
"I don't know. It kinda just hit me," he murmured. "I'll be okay."
"You always say that when you aren't."
"Goddamnit Dun, I will be," Gerard said, then stood up. "I should go home."
Josh wanted to protest. Knew he should have. But Gerard made up some excuse about his mom that Josh didn't really believe, and he let him go.
He felt like shit and didn't do anything but drum for a while. It was three thirty in the morning when he finally showered and went to lie on his bed. He'd texted Gerard eight times since he left. No response. His heart practically stopped when he saw his phone light up, but the notification wasn't from Gerard.
TyJo: doubt you're awake joshua, but i really have to thank you again for
TyJo: everything today, i guess
Why the hell was Tyler awake?
Spooky Jim: I'm here. What are you thanking me for?
TyJo: i guess talking to someone who likes more than basketball is refreshing. why are you awake?
Spooky Jim: I was drumming. Almost finished with the beat, actually. Why are you? Don't you have church in the morning?
TyJo: couldn't sleep. are you a christian, josh?
That was one of the first times Josh wouldn't have to correct him. What a shame Tyler wasted his name on that question.
Spooky Jim: Not so much anymore. I believe in God or whatever, but I don't really subscribe to the church, I guess
TyJo: god condemns suicide, right?
TyJo: does he condemn suicidal thoughts?
Josh swallowed. The kid was so nervous all the time. Josh didn't really expect him to open up about his depression, or something. Shit.
Spooky Jim: Are you okay, Tyler?
TyJo: absolutely fine.
TyJo: i was just wondering, you know. so many people turn to god in times of need. it would be awful if god turned them down just because they went through a rough patch.
Josh didn't know who the hell didn't ponder the deeper questions of life at three in the morning, so he believed Tyler was only wondering.
Spooky Jim: I guess as long as their faith pulls them out, it's okay. I'm gonna sleep. Night TyJo
TyJo: goodnight joshua.
Josh groaned and closed his eyes.
-
Tyler hadn't had a night so bad in weeks. After Josh left, Blurry started in on him.
It's wrong that he makes you happy. It's a sin. We shouldn't feel like this. You have a girlfriend.
Tyler hated Blurry. He hated himself. Hated himself for blushing when Josh got close to him or when he complimented Tyler's poems or when Josh's foot accidentally nudged his at the dinner table. He hated himself at three in the morning for the way his heart soared when Josh texted him back. He hated himself for feeling empty when Josh went to sleep.
Tears wracked Tyler's body. He couldn't be gay. He liked Jenna- his heart didn't race when he saw her, or anything, but she was nice and had the same values as him. His dad said that was what he needed.
But Tyler had known Josh for two days and he had butterflies when he saw him, and looked at him when Josh wasn't paying attention, and Josh made Tyler giggle with his dumb jokes and kik username and Tyler knew he had to stop thinking. He had to start writing. He had to start hurting.
He was a wreck at church the next morning.