three
Gerard hadn't returned any of Josh's calls. He hadn't come to school on Monday. Or Tuesday. No one had answered the front door. Josh called Mikey, but Mikey was thirteen and was in Florida with his parents until Friday. Josh was a mess.
His mom had finally made it home on Sunday night. She had a bad commute and worked long hours, so she usually wasn't home on weekends. It was nice having her on Sunday, even though she was exhausted. Josh had hugged her for five minutes and made her the green beans Mrs. Joseph gave him the recipe for. He told her about Tyler.
"Is he your boyfriend?" she asked, her eyes practically lighting up. Josh had grinned and said, "not yet, momma."
He was worried as hell about Gerard, though. No one knew where he was.
Tuesday night he got a message from Tyler.
TyJo: are you okay?
Spooky Jim: Sure, why?
TyJo: you seem sad
TyJo: and nervous and worried and like you haven't slept
Spooky Jim: I haven't
TyJo: what's wrong?
Josh didn't know if he and Tyler were on the level of friendship where Josh could talk about his problems, yet, but Josh needed to talk, and Gerard was the only person he ever talked to.
Spooky Jim: Do you know Gerard Way?
TyJo: he's in my english class
Spooky Jim: He's my best friend
Spooky Jim: He was really upset Saturday night and no one has seen or talked to him since then
Spooky Jim: I guess I just really hope he didn't do anything stupid
TyJo: he seemed sad on Friday, too
Josh hadn't noticed that.
TyJo: he didn't pay attention to anything brendon said. he just seemed distracted.
Spooky Jim: I dunno, I don't want to put up with Brendon's shit either
Spooky Jim: Do you want to come over and record the song tomorrow? I'll drive you after school, we can get Taco Bell or something
TyJo: sure
-
That was how Tyler ended up making up a stupid excuse not to go to basketball practice on Wednesday and going to Taco Bell with Josh Dun, and then eating Taco Bell in Josh Dun's basement. Josh still seemed on edge. Tyler wished he could help.
Josh set up Tyler's keyboard and mic for him. Tyler tried to help but Josh insisted on doing it. Josh was really sweet. And muscular. Tyler was in awe. He also almost slapped himself for thinking about Josh's body- but it was hard not to. Tyler kept noticing things about Josh. The piercings that he had overlooked before, the defined biceps, how cute his smile was. Tyler was praying for an hour every night trying to stop thinking about Josh.
"Alright so you can edit this video, right?" Josh asked, chewing his lower lip.
Tyler wished he'd stop that. "Yeah." They were using Tyler's camera to record. Tyler was nervous. He was also excited. It only took three tries to get the song done correctly. Josh was an amazing drummer.
They ordered pizza after recording the video, and sat on Josh's couch watching X-Files and making dumb jokes. Josh was all sweaty from drumming. Tyler thought it was really hot. He slapped himself for that when Josh wasn't looking.
Tyler couldn't take it.
He knew it was wrong. That thinking about another boy was wrong, or at least, he and Blurry thought it was. But Josh was nice and always asked how he was doing and Tyler thought that everything he did was incredible.
Josh looked over at Tyler, to make a joke probably, but stopped when he saw Tyler looking at him. Looking at his lips, technically. Their noses were nearly touching again, and Tyler's heart was beating a hundred miles a second. Tyler hesitated to do anything. Josh didn't. He closed his eyes, and the gap, pressing his lips against Tyler's and bringing one hand to Tyler's cheek.
He was so steady. Tyler was so scared, and so nervous, and Josh was so steady, and calm. It felt okay because it was Josh.
Josh pulled away, turned back to X-Files and grabbed another piece of pizza. "I've been wanting to do that since Friday, by the way," Josh said nonchalantly, not taking his eyes off of the screen.
Tyler didn't know what to do, so he picked up more pizza, pulled his knees to his chest and focused his attention on X-Files. He was scared. Scared of admitting he was into Josh and scared of telling his parents and scared of what Blurry would say. But Josh's presence next to him was so comforting that he barely felt afraid.
An episode of X-Files later Tyler heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and felt Josh freeze.
Tyler looked at him. "Is it your parents?"
"They're at work," Josh murmured, standing up.
And then a figure appeared at the bottom of the steps. He looked exhausted, sad, a little beat up, and had a new haircut.
Josh practically launched himself at the boy. "Gerard," he yelled wrapping his arms around the taller teen. Tyler saw Gerard's arms go weakly around Josh. "Holy fuck I was so worried don't ever pull that shit on me again, oh my god, Gerard, what happened?"
Gerard finally pushed Josh away, shrugged, and said, "stuff happens." Gerard walked to the couch and sat down, next to Tyler. "Hey Joseph," Gerard said, looking over at him and arching an eyebrow, then looking at Josh and grinning.
They're making fun of you, Blurry said. Tyler ignored him.
"Hi Gerard."
Tyler had never spoken to Gerard before. He was always around Brendon Urie, so Tyler never even considered it, even though he'd always wanted to compliment Gerard's writing- he was one of the few people who actually volunteered to read what they had written in language arts, and while it was always blasphemous and depressing, Gerard's writing was incredible.
"This show fucking sucks," Gerard noted, looking at Josh expectantly.
"Shut up Way, all you watch is like, Clockwork Orange and Batman."
Gerard grinned. "And it's better than this shit, Dun." He then looked over Tyler. "So should I go? I feel like I'm," he coughed, "interrupting."
Tyler could feel himself blushing. Did Gerard know something? This made him internally panic. Maybe Josh was just playing him and making fun of him to Gerard and Brendon and Pete Wentz behind his back.
"Hey, kid," Gerard said, putting his hand on Tyler's shoulder, "it's okay."
He must've shown what he was thinking on his face.
"Anyways, I should go home. I have cats and shit to feed, if they didn't die while I was gone," Gerard announced, standing up. Josh stared at him as he walked towards the steps. "Gerard, where were you?"
Gerard whispered something in Josh's ear as he passed him, and Josh's face looked a little grim.
"Goodnight Dun!" Gerard called.
"Be careful Gerard," Josh said, sighing. Josh seemed distracted after that, so Tyler had his mom pick him up.
He didn't message Josh until midnight.
TyJo: i think i'm gay..
Spooky Jim: I got that from the kissing
TyJo: i'm scared.
Spooky Jim: Of kissing?
TyJo: of being gay. telling my parents and everything.
Spooky Jim: You don't have to tell them right away. It's hard, but coming out usually goes better than expected
TyJo: when did you?
Spooky Jim: Two years ago
TyJo: wow.
Spooky Jim: They didn't care. My family has more important things to worry about
Spooky Jim: You have to break up with your girlfriend, though
Tyler knew that was true. He also knew Jenna was still awake.
TyJo: jenna?
jBlack: Hi Tyler
TyJo: we need to talk.
jBlack: Are You Breaking Up With Me?
TyJo: i'm sorry.
jBlack: Why?
TyJo: honestly...? you won't tell anyone, right?
jBlack: Of Course Not.
TyJo: i'm gay.
Those words hurt to type.
jBlack: Thank God
TyJo: what?
jBlack: I Thought You Cheated On Me Or Something. We Can Still Be Friends, Right?
TyJo: i'd love nothing more.
Tyler didn't go to school the next day. He told his mom Jenna had dumped him and he wasn't feeling very well. She had taken the first half of the day off to make him soup and make sure he was okay. He'd never meant four words more sincerely than when he said, "I love you momma" when she left.
The next day in language arts they switched seats. Tyler walked into the room and the desks were arranged in pairs. They were starting a unit on partner writing. Tyler hoped one of the basketball or football guys wouldn't sit next to him. Then he would get stuck doing all of the work.
Thankfully, a jock didn't sit next to him. A surprise did.
"What's up, Joseph?" Tyler heard after the distinct pop of bubblegum as Gerard sat down next to him.
Gerard kind of made Tyler nervous, in all honestly. He was loud, smart, talented, and could probably kill someone just by looking at them. Tyler also kind of got the vibe that Gerard was even more miserable than Tyler was himself. After he'd gotten home, Tyler started thinking about the differences he'd seen in Gerard throughout the couple of months in school- his stories and poems got sadder, he got skinnier, his tolerance for Brendon's comments had gone down. Tyler wished he could see more into Gerard. Even if he made him nervous, Tyler sort of wanted to be friends with the kid.
He still had to ask, "why aren't you sitting with Brendon?"
Gerard snorted. "I only put up with his bullshit because he's a goddamn nut job and if no one looked after him he'd probably kill someone," he replied, looking up to the front of the class where Brendon had plopped down next to one of Tyler's teammates. "I'll bet fifteen bucks that guy complains to you about him at practice," Gerard told Tyler, looking over at him.
Tyler couldn't help but chuckle. "Sure, I'll bet on that."
Near the end of class, Gerard snapped his fingers and pulled out one of his earbuds. "Hey, a couple of people are hanging out at my house tonight-it's next to Dun's- and I think you should come."
Tyler liked the idea, but the thought of Gerard's friends made him nervous. He knew they were partiers. His nervousness clearly showed.
"It's just gonna be me and Dun and Patrick Stump. Brendon and Pete are doing something fucking stupid that the rest of us elected not to do," Gerard explained. "Come whenever practice is over. Seriously, it'll be good for you. And for Dun."
That left a smile that didn't leave his face. His grin only widened when Josh locked eyes with him from across the room and winked.
Tyler was actually, well, sort of happy. Happier than he'd been in a while.
He really hoped God didn't think that was a sin.
Also, Gerard was a genius. Joe walked up to him after practice and said, "Brendon Urie is so annoying. I'm pretty sure he was high. And hitting on me. Try to get the emo kid with you to switch. I can't deal with that shit, even if he throws kick ass parties." Tyler said he'd ask Gerard. He really had no intention of doing so.
Tyler had rechecked the Way house about ten times to make sure it was the right one, but eventually he left his mom's car (he didn't have his own yet), locked the very stylish soccer mom van, and went to ring the doorbell.
A tall, lanky, blonde kid opened the door. Tyler immediately felt scrutinized by his gaze.
"Don't you play basketball or something?" the kid said, squinting.
"Um- I, uh- yeah," Tyler said nervously, shifting. Maybe he had the wrong house.
"Mikey, let him in the fucking house!" Tyler heard Gerard yelling.
The kid rolled his eyes and let him in. Tyler saw Gerard there, looking pissed.
"Sorry about my brother. He can be a little shit," he said, deadpanning and looking at the kid-Mikey- with a simultaneously bored and angry expression.
Tyler followed Gerard up the stairs and into his room, where Josh and a ginger guy were already sitting. Gerard's room was surprisingly and immaculately neat. Band posters were hung all over the deep blue walls, stacks of comic books, a desk that was bare except for sketchbook, a CD player, and a rack of CDs. It was almost cozy. Tyler went to sit next to Josh.
Josh shot him a smile and said, "this is Patrick, by the way."
Patrick gave Tyler a little wave and Tyler returned it.
"Anyways, opinions on bringing back sideburns?" Patrick asked to no one in particular. Josh winced. Gerard groaned as he put a Ramones CD into the player.
"Sideburns are fucking disgusting."
Josh nodded. "Pete Wentz will never be into you then."
Patrick made a noise of frustration. "Do. Not."
Tyler felt like this guy needed a rescue. "I think sideburns are okay," he mumbled, and he saw a look of joy dawn on Patrick's face.
"I told you!"
"The kid wears shorts in the middle of fucking winter," Gerard said, snorting. "You're gonna take fashion advice from him?"
"That's a fair point," Tyler said, giggling.
When Patrick and Gerard were arguing about sideburns, Tyler felt Josh lean in, hot breath on his ear. "Your laugh is super cute," he whispered. "Also, we should make out in Gerard's bathroom.
Tyler really fucking hoped God would forgive him for what he did ten minutes later.