FRIGIDITY CONVERSATIONS
Vera was needless to say, caught off guard by the words that rolled out of Joan's mouth. 'Deep care' was the statement running through her head the most. How deep did that care go exactly? Vera wondered. Tingles started to form up and down the brunettes body, certain areas that were usually foreign to the deputy. “I—I' Vera's nervous stutter began, not knowing how to respond or what exactly to respond with. “What do you mean? Define exactly.” She grew more stern, not wanting that nervousness detected and used as an advantage by her boss.
Joan's top lip lightly curled and then formed into a small grin knowing she had her deputy at the edge of her seat with this situation. Not exactly a rightful thing to feel but, that was Joan. An emotional cripple. “They would do anything, and I mean anything to you, Vera, If they knew.” She said, taking another generous gulp of her wine and in the process decided to finish the entire glass. Letting out a small cough as it went down the wrong pipe, face turning red but, actually she was growing bashful. “You just aren't truly aware of anything are you, Miss Bennett?” Joan Ferguson questioned with her raised left brow towards Vera. In a way, this was Ferguson's slow fade of letting it known her true blue emotions towards her deputy, all along.
Vera was tongue tied at how to retort, nonetheless at how to process this. What was Joan implying exactly? This was the real question pondering throughout the small deputy's brain. Did her governor have the same tingles as she? Did her care go as deep as it did within Vera Bennett? All these questions unanswered, but too embarrassing to forwardly ask in a blunt manner. So to gather a few more silent seconds, Bennett gulped down the rest of her own wine, glass now empty and no more escape goats to restrict her response. “Instead of asking me how 'unaware' I am, why don't you just tell me already?“ She responded, eyes intensely looking into Joan's, feeling those tingles grow increasingly broad yet, hate filled up inside her veins.
Joan grunted with an uncomfortable clear of her throat before she began. The Governor knew she had to be the one to explain things, show Vera the way and that was not going to be easy if it was even doable. But, it had to be. Tonight was a must, that Joan break the mold her father had branded onto, into her since young child. Joan had to allow emotions to peek, even if it was just ONE time, just one.“Vera Bennett...we have an unexplained bond that, you and I are well aware is different. Mr. Channing can see it, Linda, Jackson, Fletch, all can see it. “ She started, her skin gaining goose bumps from getting so nervous, tingles of her own just by enduring the look of Vera sitting next to her. Vera's blue eyes, soft face looking straight into her very own. Joan's heart began to pound like a pair of drums, blood pressure rising more and more. “You my dear, would be an incredible asset to those who would want revenge on me and there's no way, I'd allow that to occur. “ Ferguson stated firmly, slapping her hand on the couch as a dramatic effect due to reflex. “You really think, I knew what the syringe held inside? Do you? Do you know, how I felt moments prior when you told be about what you now have forever? Hm?”Joan's voice grew intense, eyes glaring, anger boiling inside of her. She wasn't going about this the way she intended to.
Vera was speechless. This wasn't a lie, this wasn't an explanation to try and get out of feeling guilty, this was something more. Something Miss Bennett wasn't expecting. Her heart started to pound harshly against her chest, almost feeling as though it would fly out of her mouth. “Wh---” She paused, gathering herself so she wouldn't stutter and look like a bafoon. “What exactly are you implying Ferguson? Eh?” She questioned quite sternly. “Just spit it out! Do you think I cannot see the struggle you have right now with your wording? There is something more you want to say, so instead of being a bloody coward, “Just say it for Christ sakes, would ya!” Vera's voice expectantly raised. Watching Joan's eyes grow wide at even she being shocked at such a response from her deputy. Vera was an adorable little mouse in her eyes. She adored Vera with all her heart.
Joan's frame slightly jumped from Vera's retorting. She knew this wasn't going to be easy and Vera wasn't going to sit around and wait much longer either. Her little deputy whom she mentored for so long now had grown into a beautifully stronger woman than she had when their first meeting took place, Joan was proud of her even if it didn't seem like it. “Vera, Vera, Vera...” Joan's words trailed off slowly and softly. She stood from the couch, adrenaline taking its course making The Governor grow frigidity. Her brown hues locked with Vera before her, leaning herself downward to have their faces a few inches apart now. “I'm not a coward. You, just don't understand how hard this is for me” she said, picking herself right back up into a stern stand.
Vera's eyes peered up at Joan in confusion, wonder. “I'm so tired of this 'you don't understand' crap!” she yelled, herself now standing inches away from Joan, looking up at her intensely. “Make me understand, if you can be how you are at work, and to others, then you can surely spit out whatever it is you are attempting to say” Vera demanded firmly, hands sitting on both sides of her hips now waiting for a real answer. “I'm not asking either. Or else, I will walk out that door and that will be it. You're lucky I even allowed you to restrict me to begin with” The deputy spat out, not even expecting to sound so harsh as she did. Joan staring, a look of interest almost yet shock.
Joan cleared her throat, looking down at the floor for a moment and then lifted her head back up and placed two hands upon Vera's shoulder's firmly and quick. “I love you!” flew out in response, almost yelling. Shakily, she retracted her hands right away and took a step back giving both of them room when a look of pure shock struck Vera's face. “I—I--” Joan didn't know how else to put it, what else to say. This wasn't something planned, something she knew how to say, do or feel. But, those three words was the mold breaker she hoped wouldn't backfire.
Miss Bennett's mouth fell slightly open being completely shocked by the three words that rolled off Joan's tongue, seeing her boss's own shock from said words. “You WHAT” Vera replied, a shake of the head almost in disbelief. Did she hear her correctly? Or was she hearing what she wanted? “You—you love, me?” Vera asked slowly, quite nervous actually at what was going to be said next. Was this finally going to happen? Or was this some kind of test.
Joan's mouth trembled with tension, not knowing how to continue or what to say. She was struck with her own shock and confusion, emotions being so hard to bare. A sigh fell from the taller woman's mouth, looking down at her own feet trying to muster what to say and as a moment of silence took place, inside her head she said 'the hell with you dad', her head rose up and her structure straighten taking a step forward again towards Vera looking into the eyes of the smaller one. “Yes, Vera. I do. I always have. I know that you, had to of held some type of clue all along did you not?” Left eye brow raised as her question was asked, hoping she was going about the situation more correctly now as she was finally letting go.