Chapter 1
Awkward tension, nerves bouncing, emotions falling. Vera was aware this dinner was going to be the center of Joan's verbal expression on how her deputy was acting lately and what she had spat earlier that day, questioning whether or not they were a team due to information the small deputy was given not only by Linda but, Channing as well. Mr. Channing is when the information on behalf of Joan's disagreement to negotiate with the prisoners during the riot that caused Ms. Bennett to gain an illness that would follow her, to her grave because so. In her mind and eyes at least, that struck her horribly and cut deep.
“I've always wanted to be more, then just a mentor to you Vera.” Joan began, her tone calm and collective, already prepared of what she was going to say and, how she was going to say it as always. “I value our relationship, and how we see things eye-to eye” Joan continued, in that sophisticated held together tone and self hold of hers before the small brunette had enough after it proceeded on as if Joan did nothing that was wrong in the slightest.
“St—stop, Jus stop!” Vera interrupted. Eyes glaring, blood boiling, skin even growing a tad red from such heated emotion. “I would never do, what you did to me” Vera said, coldly, emotionless.
Joan went to protest of course, acting as though she was unaware of said words being told in which Miss Ferguson knew exactly what was eating at Vera but, Joan being Joan she just couldn't face those occurrences nor face what Vera clearly was going to want. The fact Mr. Channing made the deal breaker, Joan wanted to avoid that situation ever since. Feeling defeated in that sense, a feeling she didn't take lightly. She wanted to be the one to save Vera, not Channing! Vera's voice almost echoed inside the black haired woman's mind, before hearing the words “You don't care, you've never cared about me!” coming from her.
Joan hesitantly yet, quickly placed a palm against the deputy's hand assuring her, with a rub of the thumb against the brunettes hand, affectionately something that “just friends” usually don't do. “I DO, I do care” Ferguson stated, the best she could. Being one not good with emotion at all, it was hard for her to even barely state that and, not out of self righteousness either. But then her words backfired once hearing that her little deputy she molded, created in her eyes was given a forever illness because of that day, the riot. Hep C. Joan's palm snatched itself from the hand of Vera's, squeezing her own napkin nervously and not because it was fear of germs. It was anger of what had been done, that could clearly never be fixed. Joan hadn't known about this until now, and had no words, no emotion, nothing. Her heart pounded, feeling like it was sinking into her stomach hearing those words and then, watched as Vera rose to her seat, still unable to gather even a small word to escape her lips.
Vera was hurt beyond repair at that point it felt, rising from that seat, seeing that hand snatch itself away and mold itself into the napkin. To Ms. Bennett, she assumed that Joan had acted in response to her confession of getting Hep C from the riot as disgust and fear of getting it. A muffled scoff escaped the small brunette's lips, heading for the front door, eyes burning with fresh tears about to spill out as her hand latched onto the doorknob, turning it sideways, opening the door before all of a sudden it was shut by force, turning around to see Joan Ferguson, breathing a little heavier than usual, face reddened, hair a little out of place, with a firm hand in the center of the door which made It shut to Vera Bennett's surprise, not expecting it. Not knowing what Joan was about to do, or say.
It took a moment of silence before Ferguson began. “V—Vera” Is all that came forth. Her face showing obvious signs of nerves and tension. “You cannot leave like this” Joan demanded, lifting her head up in a prideful way, trying her best to keep herself at bay with this new-found information and this situation itself. Emotions lead to weakness' began to thump inside the Governor's head trying to shake it, get her father who had branded himself into her head, out at this moment.
Vera wasn't pleased nor passive and tried to pull the door open “Joan, I will be going now. There are no further discussions needed nor will be said...sincerely” the brunette paused a moment, to look the Governor up and down in a condescendingly manner before finishing her sentence “anyhow so please, remove yourself” she ended, brows kinked up waiting for her boss to allow her dismissal so she could get away from the toxic woman who stood before her.
Joan cleared her throat, not budging “No” was the response. Simply and flatly spoke out, glaring at the deputy intensely “You cannot leave like this...l—let me explain” she said, almost nervously. This was no question or beg, it was a demand. Ferguson had always been taught to avoid emotion, never give into it and, never allow it to enter her no matter the reason and that lesson, wasn't one that did her justice. She was molded into someone that her father obviously wanted, and succeeded for the most part. That mold had to be broken, and tonight had to be the night it did or else Ferguson would forever lose her only friend, the only person she allowed any type of kind like emotion to pass over on, the one person she cared for and more then just a friend but, that would be a whole new ball park to be even remotely hinted or especially, shown!
This was dissimilar, Vera wasn't expecting an 'explanation' attempt. Her anger told her to proceed with leaving, ignore Joan and not give her the time of day or satisfaction of listening but, as always she complied with her Governor in a matter of seconds, sincerely curious to know what it was wanted to be said. Even if she didn't allow herself to show that much, but Joan would catch it. Joan could always read Vera like an open book. Having a somewhat small glimmer of hope within her, that it will justify anything in any way for Vera, to have clarity and not be so hate driven even though that wasn't likely in Vera's mind. A simple nod of the head and clear of her throat was the only type of respond given. Not able to verbally say 'yes' or 'okay', too emotionally struck to and she wasn't going to cry, or be seen sad in any-way so her Governor could prey on the weakness. No. Not happening.
Joan waited until Vera swiftly moved herself away from the front door and towards the kitchen, making sure she wasn't going to have the ability to leave. Why Joan was so hell bent on Vera staying? She herself was trying to figure it out, contemplating the right words to say.
Vera stood awkwardly, eyes looking over at Joan who was now grabbing a few shot glasses out of her freezer, pouring vodka into them and then drinking one down quickly.“ I feel as though we have a lot to speak about, and you rushing out won't do either one of us any good as a team” Joan said sternly and almost confident sounding.
The small brunette couldn't help but to let out a small chuckle, feeling like Joan looked at her as a real fool. “You really believe this is something just to speak about?” Vera retorted, eyes glaring as Joan's tension filled gaze dropped as she went to swallow another chilled shot.
Being Russian, she could handle her liquor, liked her vodka and it took a good bit to do the job. “Listen to me, Vera. Sit down, and listen.” she demanded, waving a hand towards the living room couch “That is an order, and one I would think you'd respect and most of all want, is it not?” Joan's brow kinked up, condescendingly, knowing Vera wanted answers, some type of an apology which Ferguson wasn't good at. So getting everything gathered and remotely verbalized was going to be difficult for the tall, broad black haired woman. Joan truly wanted to explain things more thoroughly to her deputy, make her realize her truth and see it. How could she explain such things when being so foreign to emotion and especially the ones she had for Ms. Bennett, feelings that were more the likely, not reciprocated.
Joan waited until the deputy allowed herself to sit upon her couch, moving towards her direction and thoughtfully, putting a glass of wine in front of Vera as a kind gesture, or an attempt at one. With a big sigh she carefully sat down next to her, crossing her long legs, a finger upon her chin thinking a moment before starting.
Vera's mouth went to open, to Joan's assumption thinking, she was going to speak and wanted to cut it off immediately so no more shame could be done in her direction. “When it came to the riot you see, I had to do what I did” She began, her own glass of wine sitting next to her, taking a nice big gulp before continuing seeing from the corner of her eye Vera's lips placing back together. “Do you have any idea, what anyone would've done if it was known I had any type of immediate and deep care towards you, hm?” she questioned, another brow kink then catching herself. She had said 'deep care' not even planning on it.