Deep End
Haru watched Aomine's eyes narrowed dangerously at the door before he started towards it. Haru's death grip on his hand tightened, abruptly stopping the man. Aomine's questioning glare met his eyes and Haru simply shook his head. "No." He murmured firmly. "I should get it." He said with more confidence than he felt as he squared his shoulders, back straightening.
He drew in a deep breath through his nose and quickly expelled it through his mouth. "I have to confront him eventually." He uttered lowly, although he'd rather do anything else, as his grip on Aomine's hand slackened. Haru watched dark blue eyes flicker searchingly over his face before the baller nodded even as his lips pulled into a thin line, displaying his displeasure with the idea. Regardless, he let his hand fall from Haru's grip.
Haru walked stiffly past the cooling mackerel on the table as they left the dining room, heading for the front door. The yelling had faded but the banging hadn't ceased and the closer they got to the door, the tighter Haru's fists would clench and unclench at his sides. He was distantly thankful for his naturally stoic face because at least his nerves weren't obvious. By the time they reached the door, they could still hear yelling beyond the door but it wasn't directed at Haru.
"Rin quit it! We don't even know if-!"
"Cut the crap Makoto! He didn't come home and Kuroko said this is the likeliest place he'll be!"
"That doesn't mean you can go and break down the door you psycho!"
"HAH!? Say that again Kagami I dare you."
"Alright you wanna go Matsuoka then let's go-! OW! Kuroko what the fuck!?"
Kuroko's soft voice drifted over the vocal chaos and while it soothed some of Haru's nerves it did nothing to stop his hand from shaking as it grasped the door. "We're all worried about Haruka-senpai. Aomine-kun said he might be here but-" Anything else Kuroko said faded to static white noise to Haru as he whipped around to stare disbelievingly at Aomine, his grip tight on the door handle.
Aomine quickly held his hands up as he took half a step back. Haru opened his mouth to lay into him but Aomine beat him to it. "He just asked if you were staying here," He whispered quietly yet quickly. "And I said maybe, why? I was busy waiting for a reply when you came in, I didn't directly tell him and I didn't know this would happen." He stressed, gesturing to the door.
"Why would you not think this would happen?" Haru all but hissed, the static white noise in his ears giving way to the deafening thrum of his heart beat. "Why else would Tetsuya ask?"
This was a mistake. I can't do this. I- I need-
"Because Tetsu cares about you Haru." Aomine's voice had risen to a loud whisper but nothing that would be heard above the arguing outside. "People care about you and we are not going to let you hurt."
Haru stared at the dark hand on his shoulder, feeling the wild urge to flee slowly start to ebb away with only one, simple thought. If nothing else, to him, Aomine was...
Safety.
The swimmer nodded slightly. Aomine was right, Kuroko would never do something to deliberately hurt him. None of his friends would. But that didn't mean he still wasn't scared. Haru turned back to face the door. You can do this. He let out a slow breath as he steeled his resolve and straightened his spine before he paused. No. The muscle in his jaw jumped as it clenched.
You have to do this.
And the door handle turned in his hand and clicked open.
***
Rin tore his gaze from the other redhead, that Makoto and Rei were doing an impressive job holding back, and rounded back on the door - fist raised. Imagine his surprise when the door flung open inwards and he came face to face with those overly familiar blue eyes. It felt like it had been too long since he'd seen him. Except...
He'd never seen that look in Haru's eyes before. It was almost enough to make Rin forget his anger.
Almost.
His gaze slid from Haru's to meet the glare from darker blue eyes of the taller man behind him and his anger immediately flared back into life. "So this is where you've been, huh? Haru?" He all but growled. His glare faltered as he watched Haru's frame jerk with an aborted half step back, but his verbal onslaught continued. "We're here for a competition! Not so you could go off and enjoy a tryst-!"
"RIN!"
The redhead caught himself, his breathing harsh and fast as his glare snapped over to Nagisa. "WHAT!?" The blonde was more distressed than he could ever remember seeing on the teen's normally smiling face. The younger male tipped his head towards the door and Rin glanced over.
He stopped dead and silence descended on their group and Rin found himself wondering, not for the first time, why he found it so hard to let go of his grudges, of his anger. He was the one who was used to being teased about being emotional and crying all the time, but he was no way ready to silent tear steadily dripping down Haru's pale cheeks.
"...Haru... I-" He didn't know what to say. He was angry. Furious even. Haru had been checked out for so long, withdrawing more than normal. He had this defeatist attitude about him that Rin absolutely detested. Especially from someone at Haru's caliber. The man was amazing at what he did. He was everything Rin aspired to be and eventually surpass and to see him giving up like this. It made his blood boil. But seeing him like this, the man he'd always written off as unfeeling, cry?
Rin had never regretted anything more in his life. And he had a lot of regrets.
"Haru," He tried again, but words were not coming. He'd known as he was saying them that it was wrong, that he should stop, maybe hear him out. But that time had passed. He'd said them with the intention to hurt and he had succeeded.
But at what cost?
***
Haru blinked, surprised at the dampness of his lashes. He touched a hand to his cheek and inspected his fingertips. Oh. The warm flow continued down his cheeks. I'm crying. Haru continued to stare at his wet fingertips. He could count on one hand the number of he's cried. Even fewer the number of times he'd cried in front of others.
Motion in his field of vision drew his gaze and he closed his eyes, brushing off Rin's hand reaching for him. "Haru... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it- I was just angry I-"
He shook his head as he raised a hand, cutting Rin off. "You were clearly thinking it. And whether or not you meant it," he continued softly, only pausing to draw in a quiet shuddering breath that sounded almost deafening in the silence. "It was said." He swallowed thickly and wiped his face from tears, although they still clung to his lashes.
"...... I just..." Haru met Rin's gaze and saw his own inner anguish clearly reflected back at him. "Why didn't you come home? You've been running since you got here, avoiding us- avoiding me and I just- I was frustrated. Angry." He corrected and Haru watched as he slide a glare over his shoulder in response to Aomine's quiet scoff from behind him. He watched the man drag a hand through red locks and took several paces back. "I-" Rin cut himself off as he pressed the back of his hand to his eyes. "Sorry." His voice was thick and heavy and it make something deep in Haru's heart ache. He shook his head again. "I should go. Makoto," He trailed off, not needing to finish as Makoto, forever psychic, nodded with a gentle pat to Rin's back.
"We'll see you at the hotel." He murmured and Haru watched as Rin all but ran from the Aomine property without so much as a backwards glance.
A long, severely awkward and tense moment passed before it was broken by an even more awkward statement from Kagami. "Should we also go? Cuz I feel like we're also intruding and we could just- OW! Would you stop that??"
Kuroko sighed, withdrawing his hand from yet another jab to the man's torso before stepping up to stand beside Makoto in front of Haru. "Haruka-senpai." The man barely managed to look up when addressed, bright blue eyes almost grey and distant. He couldn't stand to watch as Kuroko's lips tugged downwards into a small frown. Haru didn't want their pity, yet in every set of eyes he looked into it was all he could see. With the exception of the man standing immediately behind him. "When you first arrived you were running, Rin-san was right. I asked you why then and you said you'd tell me later. We're all worried about you. Will you tell us now?"
Haru breathed in deeply again and dragged a hand over his face. This shit is exhausting. He flinched but immediately relaxed into the feeling of Aomine's hand pressed firmly to the small of his back. A very welcomed grounding presence. "I guess I have no choice." He murmured as he looked up, taking his time to meet the eyes of everyone present (including Kagami's although very briefly). "You're right. I have been running. I told Makoto but I haven't told either of you and that was unfair of me." He spoke quietly, directing the latter half of his sentence at Nagisa and Rei.
"But Haru-chan, why have you been running? From what?" Nagisa's voice was uncharacteristically soft and Haru felt bad that he was the cause of it.
"I....." He sighed deeply as Aomine's thumb pressed firmly against his back, rubbing deep, soothing circles against the skin through the fabric of his sweatshirt. Once again, Haru found himself dragging his hands over his face. "Alright. To be blunt. I haven't had a good relationship with swimming for a long time."
There.
He'd said it. The first of many truths that had been tearing his insides to utter ruins in their attempts to be confessed to the people that mattered.
".... Haruka-senpai," The swimmer visibly winced at the man's commiserative tone. Haru could barely bring himself to meet his gaze, something ugly curling in the pit of his stomach.
Don't look at me like that.
"What happened?"
"Is this because of...?"
Haru glanced over at Makoto and nodded. "You all know. I only swim free. I swim for my friends and I swim for me. And that's enough for me. But apparently not for anyone else. It hasn't been enough for our teachers. The talent scouts. Our neighbours." Haru shrugged as he continued listing people off, trying not to let the emotion close up his throat. "It hasn't been enough for our opponents, like Sousuke. It hasn't been enough for Rin for a long time. Not really." He added when his teammates opened their mouths to defend the redhead. "And lately..." Haru had to look away, gaze planted on the ground as his voice fell to a whisper despite all his efforts to keep his voice strong and even. "Lately... It hasn't been enough for you either."
"Oh, Haru,"
The swimmer's jaw clenched so much his teeth ached at the way his name fell from Makoto's lips.
"Haruka-senpai,"
His hands clenched tightly at his sides as both Rei and Kuroko's voices reached his ears.
"Haru-chan,"
It took every ounce of strength Haru possessed to not breakdown.
"Breathe, Haru." Aomine's voice, rich and deep, helped Haru find the strength to continue.
"All of you, everyone, anyone who knows me, has been pushing for me to compete. To get faster. To be the pride of our group, our school, our country. I can't be that person that you all want me to be. Or more importantly, I don't want to be that person. Swimming is important to me, but everyone's expectations-" Haru choked off with a shuddering breath.
Aomine's hand pressed firmer against his back. "Keep going." He whispered and Haru nodded, not noticing five pairs of eyes glancing curiously between the duo.
Some tears escaped, streaking down his pale cheeks once more. "I don't want to disappoint anyone but I also want to be happy." His shoulders heaved. "I don't have dreams like you all. I don't know what I want to do with my future but even so I know I deserve to be happy." His voice broke and he immediately looked back at the ground. His body was so uncomfortably tense with the effort it was taking to not collapse in on himself. "I know you've been trying to help, but you've been just like everyone else."
Another long silence stretched, only periodically interrupted by Haru's uneven breathing. Makoto eventually broke it. He looked at the brunette through misty eyes.
How did we get here? How did we fall so far?
"Haru."
He looked up only to be enveloped in a tight hug by his first and closest friend. Haru's arms didn't hesitate to come up and wrap themselves around the man, completing the tight embrace. "We're so sorry." He whispered with nothing but complete sincerity and an edge of self loathing. "I'm so sorry. For not noticing what we were doing to you. Putting you through." Makoto hugged him tighter to his broad chest and Haru buried his face in his shoulder as he had done so many times before and deeply inhaling the familiar and soothing scent of pine and sage that was Makoto. "Why didn't you tell us sooner? You didn't have to run,"
Haru opened and closed his mouth before he fisted the back of Makoto's overshirt and whispered the simple answer that had been haunting him for longer than he'd ever care to admit. "I was scared."
"Then I failed you as a friend."
"No, Makoto-"
"If it wasn't true," He started, pulling away slightly. "Then we wouldn't be having this conversation like this." He gripped Haru by the shoulders, looking as serious as Haru could ever remember as he held the man at an arm's length. "We came to find out about the competition tomorrow but if you don't want to compete I will help you withdraw."
"Makoto I-"
"No Haru-chan/Haruka-senpai, Makoto-chan/Makoto-senpai is right." Came the forever in unison voices of Nagisa and Rei.
"You guys,"
"We should've noticed sooner. You shouldn't feel forced to do it. If you want to stop competing we'll respect that." Rei's voice was unwavering as were his eyes, even though they were edged with a weighted sadness. Haru knew how hard that must have been for the bespectacled man to say, considering he had gone to all but fight Rin before he and Haru had reconciled.
Haru looked at all three of his teammates in turn before he shook his head. "I'll compete tomorrow because I want to. I owe you all at least the much and you're my teammates. My friends. You're the people I swim for. I just can't swim under the weight of people's expectations of me one day becoming something I could just never be."
"Are you sure, Haru-chan?"
He offered Nagisa a small smile as he ruffled his hair. "I am."
"What do you want to be then, Haruka-senpai?"
Haru blinked and glanced over, surprised that Kuroko and Kagami were still lingering. He knew Kagami was waiting for Kuroko, but he wasn't quite sure why Kuroko had stayed. "When I graduate?"
"Yes."
"At this point, I don't know. But one day I will. And I'll decide it for me." Aomine's fingers drummed on his back and he glanced back up over at the baller who offered him a small but supportive smile that had some of the tightness in Haru's chest easing.
The younger man nodded in agreement. "One day."
He turned back to his teammates and pulled them all into a tight group hug. "Thank you for understanding."
"Of course Haru. We're always on your side."
"I won't forget again."
Makoto held out a pinky and offered a weak smile. "You better not."
Haru silently looped his pinky around Makoto's, offering the man a slight smile of his own. He then turned and drew Kuroko into a tight hug. "Thank you for bringing them. And for caring enough to not let this go."
Kuroko hugged him back. "I made that mistake once before. I couldn't stand by and watch it happen again. I couldn't lose another friend."
Haru followed Kuroko's gaze over to Aomine before turning back to the shorter man. "You won't lose either of us." He then addressed the group. "Could you guys please tell Rin about all this? I know he'll be upset but it's not his fault. Like you guys, he didn't know."
"Okay Haru."
"If he wants to talk, I'll see him tomorrow at the competition."
"Tomorrow?"
"Does that mean you're staying here again, Haruka-senpai?"
The swimmer in question glanced over at Aomine who simply shrugged. "The guest room is yours for as long as you want to claim it Nanase." Haru's lips quirked upwards at the man's attempt for nonchalance even though he had been emotionally doting on Haru the entire encounter.
"I think it's best if Rin and I still have some space. We can be a bit too.... volatile, when we're together. And I want to have some kind of answer for the questions I know he's likely to ask when I see him again.
Haru was also simply just scared of seeing Rin again, and having the fabric of their friendship torn to shreds once again. They'd come so far, he didn't want to ruin it anymore than he already had.
"Okay Haru-chan. We'll do that."
"Thank you. Now if you'll excuse us," He murmured, suddenly feeling a world's weight worth of exhaustion settle deep into his bones. "I didn't have a chance for breakfast before you guys got here. But I'll see you all tomorrow. I promise."
"Okay Haru. Stay safe."
"You too." He turned his gaze to Kuroko. "I hope you know you all are also invited to come watch?"
The baller blinked. "Really?"
"Really really."
Kuroko smiled a rare, full smile. "We'll be there. Have a good rest of you day, Haruka-senpai, Aomine-kun."
Respective goodbyes and hugs and thank yous and promises were made before everyone eventually vacated the Aomine property, leaving Haru and Aomine standing in the doorway. Haru stared out into the distance for a long time after everyone had left, only moving when Aomine's hand found his waist and guided him back inside. The door clicked shut behind them and the pair stood in silence for a while.
Eventually Aomine's other hand found Haru's waist and he tugged the man a little bit closer. "Hey," He murmured, brushing some of Haru's hair out of his face.
"Mm?" The man hummed despondently.
"Are you okay?" He asked seriously.
Haru missed dark blue eyes blow wide when Haru stepped further into Aomine's space and all but collapsed against the man's chest.
"Haru?" He asked, voice laced with concern before strong arms slowly came to wrap around the man.
The swimmer breathed in deeply as his arms remained hanging limp at his sides. Aomine had a heady smell - strong, aromatic, spicy, but not off putting. So unlike Makoto yet equally comforting. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being there." Haru murmured as he turned his head to rest his cheek on his chest. "I couldn't have gotten through that without you."
"You can always lean on me Haru."
"Thank you Daiki," He whispered with every ounce of emotion he felt towards the man.
"What do you need now?" He murmured, the deep voice sending vibrations Haru felt through the man's chest and it was an oddly soothing sensation. Haru glanced upwards and neither man was ignorant of the almost overwhelming, visceral urge to further close the space between them with two sets of blue eyes flicking between maintaining eye contact and looking at each other's lips.
Maybe one day.
Haru let his eyes drift close. "I could really use a nap." He murmured and he felt more than heard Aomine chuckle.
"That can be arranged. Let's get you back to the room."
"Actually can I sleep on the couch?"
"The couch?"
Haru shrugged, not opening his eyes. "It's big enough and... and it's close to where you'll be." He murmured, deliberately trailing off. He opened his eyes when Aomine didn't respond only to find the man smiling fondly down at him. Both flushed slightly and looked away as Aomine cleared his throat.
"Yeah, that's fine." Haru arranged the couch pillows while Aomine got the soft throw blanket. He made a show of draping it over the man and watched as Haru tucked himself in. "Anything else?"
"Actually yeah, once more thing," He blinked as Haru caught the hem of his shirt before he could step out of reach. The swimmer watched dark skin flush once again as he unknowingly uttered some of the words that had left Aomine tossing and turning the night before. "Sleep with me?"
And hell.
Aomine was only human.