A Moment of Clarity
Tyrell stood at the front door of the room, debating whether or not to go inside, knock, or a variation of the two. He had never been in this type of situation before so he wasn't exactly sure what to do. He didn't know what he was doing here in the first place, or what in particular he wanted to say. It was midday on a Tuesday, he didn't even know if he would be in his room at this time. He sighed, deciding to turn around and run back to his dorm until he heard the door creak open.
Elliot almost didn't expect to see Tyrell at his door-- not that he wanted him there in any way, shape, or form-- but his texts were vague enough to elicit a visit from his least favorite person in the world. He was starting to regret even giving out his number to Tyrell in his moment of weakness; a slip-up that he would never let happen again. Though Joanna didn't give him what he wanted, he would have to infer for a while. He's sure if he didn't happen to intend on leaving his room anytime soon, he would still be outside lingering. "Well look who decided to show up." Elliot said, propping himself up against the door. If he was going to try and be nice, he could at least put in friendly language.
"I...yeah. I got your texts. They were...confusing." Tyrell said, taking in short breaths. No matter how many times he saw Elliot, he could never get over the absolute beauty that radiated off of him, even though his closed off demeanor said otherwise. That feeling of breathlessness was worsened with the discovery of his new feelings. He wanted to touch him so badly, take in his scent that wasn't directly from his hoodie. At least he had sense enough to dispose of it before he came. "To say the least."
He scoffed. "Sorry it wasn't up to your vernacular," Not to sound like I care but, "where were you today?"
Tyrell thought back to the series of moans, rough touches, and thrusting involved last night and earlier that morning. "I needed a break for a day. Elliot, were you concerned about me?" he asked with a hint of a smile. It was great to imagine that there was a level of sincerity in his text messages other than him asking about his whereabouts besides inquiring for Joanna.
"That sounds like a bullshit excuse you would tell someone so they wouldn't worry about you. You're an overachiever, there's now way you would willingly take a day off of school for no reason. And I wasn't concerned about you, I was more concerned with my napping schedule." he said flatly.
Tyrell chuckled. "Are you finished your classes for the rest of the day?"
Elliot nodded. He didn't like this sudden change of topic, nor did he like the way he was looking at him. There were only a million ways that this conversation could head and he didn't like his odds for any of them. If he had an algorithm for all the possibilities and outcomes for his conversations with Tyrell (or people in general) it would make his life a lot easier.
The next thing that Tyrell wanted to say could possible change the whole dynamic of their "relationship" and he didn't know if he was ready for it yet. They'd only known each other under 2 months (give or take), yet his feelings were strong enough for Elliot that it felt like they'd been together for a years. He was rarely nervous for anything, but this seemed to be the one exception. He swallowed, settling on chickening out. "Can I see your notes from today?"
"Sure." Elliot moved out of the doorway, disappearing into his room to let the nervous man in. "Sorry for the mess. I didn't expect anyone to come into my room."
Tyrell walked into his room, closing the door behind them. He hadn't actually legitimately been inside of Elliot's room ever since he borrowed his hoodie weeks ago. Of course, there was a new feeling to the room now that he wasn't in there by myself; but there was a sense of familiarity and homeyness that drew him into the environment easily. "Nice place." he said, trying desperately not to seem odd in his future lover's eyes.
He rummaged through his backpack, searching for his notebook. He was hoping that this would be the last time that he would need to rely on himself to take notes; being forced to be around Tyrell did have its advantages. He finally retrieved the notebook, handing it to him. "It's messy but legible."
Tyrell gripped the notebook, noticing its slightly tattered condition even though it's still the beginning of the semester. "Thanks. What were you planning on doing before I arrived?" He didn't want to leave just yet; he was re-deciding on whether or not he would ask his life changing question and wanted to delay his departure as much as possible.
"It can wait, it's not that important." He was actually going to go find Shayla so they could further discuss his inquiry about her drug connections. But, he didn't think that was worth mentioning to someone as straight edge as Tyrell, or rather, he didn't want him knowing anything about him that could potentially get him in trouble. "
"Oh, well, I guess I'll go to my room and take this notes. I don't want to keep you waiting." he said, turning to leave but pausing. "Go on a date with me, Elliot." Tyrell said quietly.
"What?" he asked, assuming that he misheard him.
He let out a breath, raising the volume of his voice. "Will you go a date with me?" his proposal was impromptu but it had to be done. He couldn't take it anymore. Though he was determined to court him regardless, he just couldn't wait for the right moment in his plan anymore. At this point, his feelings and heart spoke for him instead of his brain and penis.
Elliot stared at him with a mix of confusion and shock. He felt a lump form in his throat.
Tyrell wanted to apologize for being so forward, but he didn't. This was what he wanted, after all, but he was starting to regret it, telling by the look on his partner's face. Maybe it was too sudden of a move to make, maybe he wasn't the right time. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
"I...I'll have to think about it." Elliot finally said after a moment of silence.
He raised his eyebrows. "Really?"
"Yeah." Was all that he could attempt to say, as a felt the now burning feeling in his throat get more intense.
"Wow, ok. Well," he said scratching the back of his had awkwardly, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." he smiled at his future lover before leaving his room with a sense of confidence. The last thing he thought would happen was Elliot almost accepting his suggestion instead of readily declining. Speaking with his feelings seemed to be working in his favor.
Elliot closed the door behind Tyrell, slowly collapsing against it. He put his hands over his face, closing his eyes to concentrate, taking in the events that had transpired right before him. As if things couldn't have gotten worse, they started diving into the metaphorical abyss. Of course, he knew that at some point Tyrell would want something other than just his friendship but he just didn't think that his feelings would advance this quickly. He was playing with fire. There was no way he wanted to go on a date with the man that cause him so much anxiety, the man who constantly made him uncomfortable, the man he hated the most. Coming to this university felt like a mistake, everyday, no matter what perspective he looked at it with. Realistically, he should've went with Angela or taken that semester break like he wanted. He wasn't made for this amount of stress or anxiety. He was almost certainly failing most of his classes because of his week of absence, it seemed like every other week he was having an anxiety attack, and the worst of all he was seeing things again. He couldn't take it anymore. Fuck.
He got up from his position on the floor to walk across the room, wiping the tears off his face. He pulled open the bottom drawer of his desk, moving junk around to find what he was looking for. Finding what he was looking for, he threw it on the desk. He stared at the small white pill in the equally small clear bag with disgust. The one and only thing that made everything just STOP. He exhaled heavily. This was the only pill he had kept after he decided to go sober. It was his version of a "break in case of emergency". If there was ever any moment to "break" the seal on the plastic bag, he didn't know what was.