Chapter 2
Clarke groaned. This bed really wasn’t very comfortable. It was too firm and impossible to properly sink into. She looked over at the sleeping form beside her. The girl from the party. Niylah. Clarke couldn’t really remember why she had chosen to go home with her. At the time it had seemed a good decision. There was nothing wrong with Clarke getting laid. Lexa got laid all the time. Nothing wrong with that. It felt good and released stress. Nothing wrong with that at all. Especially if she wasn’t committed to anyone else.
Slipping out of bed, Clarke quickly put her cloths back on and gathered her things. It was probably a bit rude to just leave but Clarke had just given the women multiple orgasms so she figured it equaled out. She walked out of the door and quickly caught a cab back to Octavia’s place.
It was after midnight but Octavia was probably still up. Clarke knocked on the door and sure enough Octavia appeared. Complete with messy bun, oversized T-shirt, and sweatpants.
“Clarke?” Octavia asked as she opened the door.
“Hey, O.” Clarke said as she slipped by Octavia and into the apartment.
“You hook up with Lexa again?” Octavia asked as she followed Clarke inside. She and Lincoln had left before Lexa left with the redhead and Clarke left with Niylah.
“Nope. Girl named Niylah.” Clarke said as she sat down on the couch. The TV was on and the history channel was up.
“Ok, well Lincoln’s asleep. And ...I..I talked to your mom today.” Octavia said softly. Clarke’s jaw clenched.
“And?”
“She wants to see you. She knows you’re doing Christmas with us so she thought maybe New Years? She’s hosting a party and everyone’s invited. She wants you to come.” Octavia said. Clarke’s jaw clenched.
“I’ll try to make it.” Clarke replied. Octavia stood up and fixed Clarke with one of her famous glares.
“Clarke. It’s been 4 years. You need to grow up and talk to your mom. She loves you Clarke.” Octavia stated. Her voice strong and clear.
“I said I would try.” Clarke retorted. Her gaze on Octavia’s hard eyes.
“She’s your mom Clarke. The only parent you have left. Grow up the hell up.” Octavia said again. This time she crossed her arms to emphasize the glare. Clarke rolled her eyes.
“Goodnight Octavia.” Clarke said as she got up from the couch and went into the guest room. She closed the door behind her loudly and sank into the bed.
She couldn’t really be mad at Octavia. Clarke actually agreed with her. She missed her mom. Missed her since the day she packed her bags and left. Four years in a different city almost killed her. Four years without seeing her mom. Now Clarke would see her mother in less than two weeks and they would talk for the first time in 4 years. Clarke didn’t know what to say. How was Clarke supposed to apologize?
***
“You think 3 bottles is enough?” Anya asked as stepped into the elevator.
“It’s just 8 people Anya. Its Christmas dinner. Not a rager.” Lexa replied. She and Anya were having Christmas dinner with Lincoln, Octavia, Bellamy, Gina, Raven, and Clarke. They had spent the morning with Indra and Gustus but had promised the afternoon to Lincoln and Octavia.
Lexa looked back over at Anya. Who seemed a strange mix of excited energy and nervousness? Her face was essentially expressionless but Lexa could see she was bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet.
“Excited to see Raven again?” Lexa asked. Studying her friend’s expression.
“Yes.” It was a direct straight forward answer.
“Have you seen her since the Christmas party?”
“No. We’ve both been too busy. We’ve texted quite a bit though.” Anya replied.
The conversation was interrupted as the elevator opened. They walked to the door of Octavia’s apartment and knocked. Octavia answered the door.
“Jesus, Lex what happened to your face?” Octavia grinned as she ushered them inside. Lexa’s lip was still healing from a vicious punch Octavia had thrown while sparing a few days ago.
“I was trying to give a friend a confidence boost.” Lexa retorted.
A few months ago Octavia had expressed interest in learning to box. Lincoln suggested that she ask Lexa for some training. Lexa had been boxing for around 6 years and agreed to teach Octavia. They met a few times a week at Lincoln’s gym. Over the last few months a competitive friendship had flourished and Lexa couldn’t help but get closer to Lincoln’s little spitfire of a fiancé.
Octavia rolled her eyes before saying, “Whatever you need to tell yourself, Lex.” She finished her sentence by throwing a mock right hook at Lexa’s jaw.
“Hey! At least save the alcohol before you two start fighting!” Raven said as she entered the kitchen and took the wine from Lexa’s hands. Raven sent Anya a flirty smile as she did so.
“Who’s fighting?” Bellamy said as he entered the room. His arm around his girlfriend Gina.
“Your sister is about to get her ass whooped.” Lexa said as she raised an eyebrow in challenge at Octavia. Octavia smirked and opened her mouth to reply but Gina interrupted.
“Ok, guys this kitchen isn’t that big. Octavia and Lexa why don’t you guys go rough house in the living room so Lincoln and I can finish the meal. And Bellamy make sure no one gets hurt.” Gina said as she ushered Octavia and Lexa through the doorway.
“My money’s on you Lexa!” Anya called after them.
“Kick her ass, O!” Raven called out.
“Oh. No. You two are out too. Lincoln and I are making this meal and unless either of you know how to peal potatoes or make a pumpkin pie ya’ll are being sent to the living room too.” Gina said to Raven and Anya. A hand on her hip and command in her voice.
“Fine. We don’t want to be here anyway.” Raven responded as she took Anya’s hand and pulled her toward the living room. Anya smirked and let Raven drag her to the living room. Luckily, Octavia’s living room was bigger than average NYC apartment and held a huge fluffy couch, good size love seat, and rather large lazy-boy recliner.
Lexa had her back turned as she entered the room. Her hands were up and she was fake sparing with Octavia who was advancing on her. Sending a few slow punches at her head. Moving backwards and paying more attention to Octavia than her surroundings, Lexa tripped over Clarke who was lying on a pile of blankets on the floor. Her arms flailed, a short cry escaped her mouth, and she fell sprawling on the floor.
Clarke cried out. Octavia burst into laughter. Bellamy smirked. Raven and Anya were still flirting in the hallway.
“Hell, yes. Griffin with the tap out!” Octavia laughed. Sending a triumphant grin in Lexa’s direction. Lexa rolled her eyes before seeing Clarke on the floor. She had known Clarke would be here and Lexa had made the decision to be friendlier toward the girl. It wasn’t Clarke’s fault she had witnessed Lexa’s panic attack and Lexa still felt bad about her curt manners at the Christmas party the other night. Lexa could at least be friendly toward Clarke.
Not raising herself off the floor Lexa said, “Merry Christmas, Clarke.” Clarke still looked a bit alarmed that Lexa had tripped over her and landed in a heap next to her. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and was only a few feet from Lexa.
“Merry Christmas, Lexa.” Clarke replied.
“Bellamy! You were supposed to make sure no one got hurt!” Gina cried as she entered the room and saw everyone surrounding Lexa and Clarke who were both still on the floor.
Holding up his hands in defense Bellamy said, “Hey, hey, I didn’t know princess would take Lexa out.”
“I don’t know. I kinda think Lexa really fell for Clarke.” Octavia smiled.
Rolling her eyes Clarke held a hand out to Octavia. “Help me up, O?” Clarke asked. Octavia took Clarke’s hand and began to help her up. Clarke pulled Octavia’s arm roughly as she pulled herself up and Octavia ended up in a heap on the floor next to Lexa.
Smirking at the surprised Octavia, Clarke held her hand out to Lexa before saying, “Looks like you really fell for me too, O.”
Lexa accepted Clarke’s hand and Clarke pulled her to her feet. “Thanks for the help, Clarke.” Lexa said.
“No problem.”
“What were you doing on the floor anyway? If you don’t mind me asking?” Lexa asked.
“Mario Cart.” Clarke explained as gestured toward a controller on the ground. Looking at the screen Lexa saw that Clarke was indeed playing Mario Cart. “Wanta race?” Clarke added.
Smiling Lexa replied, “If you feel up to the challenge.”
“I think I can handle myself.” Clarke retorted. Her blue eyes meeting the challenge in Lexa’s green ones.
***
Clarke sighed contently. It had been a wonderful Christmas. They had just eaten a wonderful Christmas dinner prepared by Gina and Lincoln and now everyone was lounging in the living room and watching a Christmas movie.
Raven and Anya had somehow claimed the couch. Anya sitting on one side while Raven was laying down with her head in Anya’s lap. Anya’s hands playing her dark hair. Bellamy was sitting with Gina on the floor at the other end of the couch. Gina leaning against him as they quietly discussed It’s a Wonderful Life. Occasionally Raven’s foot would wonder over and tickle Bellamy’s curly hair. Bellamy would scratch his head in confusion while Gina suppressed her urge to laugh. Lincoln and Octavia were curled up on the floor in pile of blankets and pillows. Looking so utterly in love that Clarke was a little disgusted.
Clarke was sitting on the love seat next to Lexa. They had started the movie with space between them but as the night moved on they had somehow got closer until Clarke was leaning against Lexa and Lexa had her arm around Clarke.
Clarke was so utterly content in this moment. Surrounded by her friends. Her family really. All of them just happy to be together. Clarke hadn’t felt this happy in so long. Since before her father died. Before she moved to Boston.
These past years had not been happy. She had moved away. Her anger and frustration getting the best of her. Not wanting to see her mother. And for a while she hadn’t wanted to see her friends. Not after they lied to her. So she moved to another city. Away from everyone she loved. She had missed so much
She had missed watching Octavia fall in love with Lincoln. Missed teasing Octavia about her crush and ganging up on her with Raven. She had missed Bellamy’s transformation from fuckboy to a decent person. Missed his fight with Octavia that had led to so many phone conversations that Clarke should have had in person. She had missed Raven’s strength and perseverance after her accident. Missed Raven’s sarcastic sense of humor and intense confidence. She missed so many nights like this. Nights where friends could come together and just be. Clarke had lost all of this and now she couldn’t get it back. Her anger and stubbornness had lost her 4 years of her life.
Clarke felt her breathing pick up and tears threaten to fall as she thought of this. Thought of all the memories she would never be a part of.
She moved out from under Lexa’s arm and muttered an excuse about the bathroom as she got up from the love seat. She avoided Lexa’s eyes as she walked toward the bedroom she was staying in. Not stopping until she was safety inside with the door closed. That’s when she felt the tears come. Felt them roll down her face.
She tried to stop them. Tried to stop thinking about her friends in the other room. Her mother who she had also abandoned. All because of her anger and pride.
A light knock on the door interrupted her self-pity. A soft voice came wafting in.
“Clarke? It’s lexa. Are you ok?”
Clarke didn’t trust her voice. She didn’t reply. Hoping Lexa would give up and leave.
“I can go get Octavia if you prefer, Clarke.” Lexa’s soft voice wafted through the door again. Rising off the bed, Clarke opened the door and pulled Lexa inside before shutting the door again.
Trying to wipe the tear off her face and regain some sort of composure she said, “No. Please don’t tell Octavia. Or anyone else. Please.”
Lexa nodded and replied, “I won’t. But they’re your friends Clarke. They love you. You should tell them if somethings wrong.”
Lexa’s words triggered Clarke’s tears again. Yes, her friends loved her and Clarke had still left them. Fleeing to another city was nothing but a selfish act. Clarke sat back down on the bed and felt new tears form. Her hands cradling her face.
Lexa approached her and sat next to Clarke on the bed. She placed a hand on Clarke’s arm and back and when Clarke leaned into the contact, Lexa pulled Clarke into her arms. She pulled Clarke back until Lexa’s back hit the mattress and Clarke was curled up into Lexa’s side. Her head in the crook of Lexa’s neck and Lexa’s arms tight around her.
They laid like that for a while. Lexa letting Clarke cry. Cry until the tears dried up and Clarke’s breathing became normal again. Clarke just taking the comfort Lexa offered.
Once Clarke seemed calm enough, Lexa asked softly, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” Clarke answered. Her head still resting on Lexa’s shoulder.
“Fair enough.” Lexa replied. Not feeling she had the right to pry. Clarke had not pushed her to talk and Lexa would not push Clarke to talk.
“We should go back out there. They will have wondered where we’ve gone.” Clarke said reluctantly. A large part of her didn’t want to leave Lexa’s arms.
“Alright.” Lexa replied as she raised herself and Clarke up off the bed. Giving Clarke’s hand one last squeeze she let her hand go and opened the door before following Clarke back into the living room.
***
“Where the hell have ya’ll been? It’s been almost an hour.” Raven asked as Lexa followed Clarke into the room. Clarke let Lexa sit down on the love seat first and then resumed her previous position of leaning against Lexa’s side with Lexa’s arm around her.
“Just be happy we were quiet, Raven.” Clarke retorted. Hoping Lexa would play along.
“Yeah, I was just giving Clarke her Christmas present.” Lexa replied with a grin. Punctuating the sentence with quick kiss to Clarke’s head.
“You’re doing your own laundry, Griffin.” Octavia said from the floor. Where she was still lying next to a now sleeping Lincoln.
“Where the hell is my Christmas present then, Lexa?” Raven asked. Her head lifting from Anya’s lap to give Lexa a mischievous grin.
“Anya, actually has yours, Raven” Lexa replied coolly. Raven grinned again and turned until her head was back in Anya’s lap looking up at her.
“Is that so?” Raven asked. Anya smirked but bent and whispered something in Raven’s ear. Whatever it was it was enough for Raven for a faint blush to spread across Raven’s cheeks. Anya looked a bit proud to be causing Raven some discomfort and smiled before going back to running her hands through Raven’s hair.
As the room feel silent except for the sound of the Television, Lexa took the time to revel in the feeling of being so close to someone. So close to Clarke. Lexa had never been a touchy feely person. Casual hugs made her uncomfortable and she rarely wanted people touching her arm while speaking or when making a point. Casual friendly touches just weren’t apart of who Lexa was.
The only one who ever got away with it was Costia. Even when they were just friends Costia would grab Lexa’s hand while walking, brush Lexa’s hair behind her ear, or give Lexa a kiss on the cheek in greeting. It had been one of the reason Lexa had fallen for her.
Costia was this bright little ball of sunshine who could make Lexa’s heart melt with a smile. An incredibly hopeless romantic. Costia was the kind of girl to take the spider outside instead of killing. The girl who would who would remember everyone’s favorite food so she could surprise you with when you felt down. The time of girl to save ever single damn receipt, ticket stub, or brochure from ever single restaurant, play, or event you both went too.
The last Christmas Costia had been alive was one of the happiest days Lexa could remember. They had been dating for two years and living together for one. Lexa had wanted to buy her a ring. Wanted to ask her for the rest of her life. But since Grounder Ale was still developing and not yet profitable she wanted to wait until her company was a success and she could buy Costia anything she desired.
So instead of a ring Lexa had gotten Costia a kitten.
“Oh my god, Lex. She’s so tiny. Look at her, she’s so precious.” Costia cried when she opened the box to see the tiny kitten. Picking up the little bundle of fur, Costia clutched the kittenr to her chest.
“She’s only 6 weeks old, Cos so be careful. She’s still fragile.” Lexa smiled. Happy her girlfriend was happy.
“She’s fucking adorable, that’s what she is.” Costia exclaimed as the kitten started playing with a string on her hoody. Lexa smiled again. Costia cussing meant Costia was either extremely mad or extremely happy. This time it meant the latter.
“Well, she also needs a name. So what do you want to call her?” Costia’s eyes narrowed and she bit her lip. Just as she always did when she was thinking.
“Let’s call her ‘Knope.” After Leslie Knope.” Costia replied. Lexa wasn’t shocked at the request. Costia loved Parks and Rec and Leslie Knope was a hero to her. With the series coming to an end Lexa understood why she would want to name the kitten after Leslie.
“Alright. Well welcome to the family Miss Knope.” Lexa said as he rubbed the kitten’s head.
That had been 3 years ago. Only a few months before the accident. That Christmas had ended with Lexa, Costia, and Knope falling asleep on the couch. Lexa spooning around Costia while Knope had wiggled her way between Lexa and the back of the couch.
Sitting here. Holding Clarke in a similar fashion Lexa felt a contentment similar to the one she felt back then. Surrounded by friends and holding a wonderful girl in her arms Lexa felt happier than she had right to be. She had spent so long wallowing her misery. Pushing everyone away. Working too hard and then playing too hard to keep her mind occupied and distracted.
It had been exhausting. Pushing away Lincoln and Anya. They were too persistent and cared too much. Eventually she let them back in. Realizing it hurt them as much as it hurt her to keep them away. But she didn’t want to develop feelings, even feeling of friendship for another. It gave them too much power over her. Made her happiness dependent on another person. Lexa didn’t think she survived if she gave someone else as much as she gave Costia. If the second person she poured her soul into ever left than Lexa felt she would wither away.
So Lexa made a life out of one night stands and hook-ups. Never staying the night and never taking a girl back to their apartment. It had worked for her. Allowed her some pleasure without the possibility of pain. But then Lincoln had proposed and Lexa met Octavia, Raven, Bellamy, and Clarke.
Clarke was first to move past her defenses. That night in Boston, Lexa knew she should have left Clarke’s bed. Should have returned to the hotel room. Except, she just didn’t want to. She liked the feeling of being pressed against Clarke. Loved the way their bodies fit together and how content she felt in that moment.
So, she stayed the night and morning ended up being a disaster.
Octavia was next to get through Lexa’s walls. The little spitfire of a girl asked Lexa to teach her boxing and Lexa consented. Octavia was ruthless, strong, and a sarcastic little shit when provoked. Lexa couldn’t help but like her. Through Octavia, Lexa spent more time around Raven. Who was perhaps the only one who could give Octavia a challenge in the ‘sarcastic little shit contest.” Raven was strong willed, had sass coming out of her ass, and was incredibly optimistic and bright at the same time. Lexa knew about her leg. Knew that she never asked for pity. Never wanted help. Raven had lived through hell and would smile in the face of the devil if she could.
Lexa was still getting to know Bellamy. Looking at him it was easy to assume him a pompous prick. From what Lexa had been told he had been a prick at one time. But one day he and Octavia had a huge fight and Octavia refused to see him for around a month. Eventually, she let him back in. But Bellamy had gotten the message and evolved. He met Gina and soon the two were inseparable.
So yes, this small group of friends had wormed their way through Lexa’s walls. Forcing her into feeling things she’d rather not. But if she couldn’t help but care, she might as well give it her all. Looking down at Clarke, who seemed to be drifting off to sleep, Lexa decided that of she couldn’t stop caring, than she might as well give it her everything.
***
Dropping the barrowed duffle bag on the ground Clarke took a sip of her water as she scanned the gym. She and Octavia were in one of the back rooms of Lincoln’s gyms and were waiting on Lexa to join them. Octavia and Lexa had a boxing session scheduled and when Octavia asked Clarke to join them Clarke said yes.
Ever since the incident on Christmas, Clarke had been wanting to see Lexa again. Lexa was kind, beautiful, and fantastic in bed. She had Clarke intrigued. While Clarke didn’t want a relationship she felt it was fine to get to know Lexa better. Lexa had no problem with one night stands and by all accounts was not looking for a relationship. Clarke didn’t want a relationship, her last one had been too messy. So Clarke hoped she and Lexa could build a friendship and still hook up because the sex was incredible.
“Hey guys, sorry I’m late.” Lexa’s voice interrupted Clarke’s thoughts as Lexa walked into the room. She dropped her bag next to Clarke’s and pulled off her sweatshirt revealing black tank top.
“Glad, you could join us Clarke.” Lexa said with a smile as she pulled her sweatpants down her toned legs. It wasn’t as if Clarke hadn’t seen Lexa’s body before. But those times were in desperate pursuit of pleasure. It was rushed and quick. About the destination and not the journey. Now looking at Lexa’s lithe body incased in Spandex, Clarke was wishing she had taken the scenic route.
“Thanks for letting me tag alone.” Clarke managed to reply after a moment. Thankfully Lexa hadn’t noticed Clarke’s slight pause before responding as Lexa had been putting her sneakers on. Octavia however, was sporting a very amused smile and raised an eyebrow at Clarke. Clarke quickly flipped her the bird before turning her attention back to Lexa.
“Octavia and I usually start off with a 10 minute warm up. Meant to raise the heart rate and get blood flowing.” Lexa said to Clarke.
“That works for me. But fair warning, I’m not in the best of shape.” Clarke replied. Not one to be ashamed of her curvy figure, Clarke never apologized for her body. But she was a bit ashamed that she couldn’t remember the last time she went running or willingly ate a salad.
“No worries Clarke. You seem in great shape to me.” Lexa replied with a smile.
The next ten minutes were filled with the three of them doing warm ups and stretches. Clarke soon felt herself work up a sweat. The room was warm and Lexa was relentless with the warm ups. Leaving little time for her to catch her breath.
When they had finished warming up, Lexa asked them both to put some gloves on so they could start. Clarke took a spare pair from the gyms collection while Octavia seemed to have her own. In bright pink. Across the knuckles one glove read ‘bad.’ The knuckles of the other read ‘bitch.’ ‘Bad Bitch’ It fit Octavia.
“Nice gloves.” Clarke commented.
Octavia smiled and replied, “Thanks. Christmas present from Lexa actually.” Clarke was about to respond when a dark haired girl entered the room.
“Ontari, thanks for coming.” Lexa said as the girl approached.
“No problem Lex. Sparing with you is always a good time.” The girl replied with flirty smile toward Lexa. Clarke felt her stomach tighten.
“Clarke. Octavia. This is my friend Ontari. She’s trained with me before and I asked her to come so we would have even numbers. You need a warm up Ontari?” Lexa said.
“Nope. Still warm from the self-defense class I just taught. Let’s get started.” Ontari replied as took off her shirt to just wear a sports bra.
“Great, Clarke we’re going to show you how to through a proper punch first.” Lexa said as they walked toward the training area.
“Let’s start with the stance.” Lexa said. “You orthodox or Southpaw?” She continued.
A bit confused, Clarke said, “Um… not sure?”
Lexa opened her mouth to explain but Ontari suddenly advanced on Clarke. Coming at her quickly with her hands up as if to attack. Clarke reacted instantly. He own hands coming up and her position instinctually changing.
Stopping right in front of Clarke, Ontari smirked. After a glance down at Clarke’s feet she said, “Look’s like we got ourselves a southpaw, Lexa.” Looking down at her feet Clarke noticed that her left foot had slipped slightly behind her right.
“That was unnecessary, Ontari” Lexa practically growled at the other girl. Ontari just rolled her eyes.
“Ok, Clarke as Ontari showed us your dominate foot is your left and you would punch with your left as well. Now your instinct was good but stance needs correction.” Moving next to Clarke, Lexa showed Clarke the proper stance. Lexa asked Octavia to step in front of Clarke with her gloves up once Clarke’s stance was right. Taking Clarke’s place, Lexa stood in front of Octavia to show her how to throw a proper punch at Octavia’s glove.
“Don’t just rely on your arm strength. A punch involves your whole body. That’s where you get the power from.” Lexa said. She than took hit Octavia’s glove a few times. Letting Clarke watch the movements of her body.
“Make sure to look at her foot too. Her dominate foot pivots slightly. Turning as her body turns with the punch.” Ontaria added. Ontari’s eyes roaming over Lexa’s form. Appreciation and desire in her gaze. Clarke’s fists clenched inside her gloves.
“Alright, Clarke. Your turn.” Lexa said after a few more hits. “Ontari why don’t you and Octavia go do some hits on the bag and Clarke will and I will join you in a moment.” Lexa added as an afterthought. Ontari didn’t look thrilled with the idea but consented. Leading Octavia over to some punching bags.
Holding her gloves up, Lexa said, “Alright Clarke. Hit me.”
Tring to mimic Lexa’s movement, Clarke got in her stance and swung. Hitting Lexa’s gloved hand as hard as she could.
“Not bad but keep your balance. You through too much of yourself in that one without keeping your stance. Stay balanced. Now again!” Lexa said. Smacking her gloves together for effect.
Lexa was relentless. Telling Clarke to hit her again and again. Correcting Clarke when she made a mistake. Not letting her catch her breath.
“Hands up Clarke! Protect your face!”
“Move your entire body. Not just the arm!”
“Hands up!”
“Use your legs Clarke. Power starts there!”
“Don’t let those hands drop!”
“Again!”
Lexa kept correcting her as Clarke swung again and again. Until her body started dripping with sweat and her face was flushed from exhortation. It was exhausting. Taking swing after swing. Finally, after what seemed an hour, Lexa seemed satisfied and told Clarke she earned a water break.
Octavia seemed in a similar state as she walked over to join Clarke for water.
“Doing alright, Griffin?”
“I’m fine. My death is eminent. But I’m good.” Clarke replied.
Octavia laughed, “Yeah, Lexa is a kind of hardass during training. Ontari doesn’t seem that much better.” Octavia replied as she greedily drank her water. Glancing over at Lexa and Ontari, Clarke saw Lexa give a small laugh at something Ontari said. Clarke didn’t like it.
***
“I said, I’m fine. Clarke.” Lexa repeated. Holding the bag of ice to her face as she set on the bench in the women’s locker room. The hit had hurt and bled a bit. But it wasn’t anything Lexa couldn’t handle.
“You could have a concussion. You need to go to the hospital, Lexa.” Clarke stated again. Her eyes focused and her stance one of determination.
“I don’t need to go to any hospital. I’m fine.” Lexa repeated again. Her eyes meeting Clarke’s hard gaze.
“Jesus Christ. I didn’t even hit her that hard.” Ontaria said. Exasperation in her voice.
Toward the end of the training session, Lexa and Ontaria had decided to do a little sparing. Lexa had assumed that meant minimum contact. Meant they were working more on movement than hitting. But Ontari was not on the same page. Catching Lexa with vicious right hook a few minutes into the session. Lexa took the full brunt of the punch but managed to stay on her feet. She moved her hands back into position to continue the session but Clarke entered the ring and demanded they stop.
.“Lexa…..” Clarke groaned as she folded her arms together and gave Lexa a look of disappointment mixed with anger.
“No hospital Clarke. And no doctors. I’m fine.” Lexa said again.
“You’re in med school Clarke. Why don’t you just check her out?” Octavia suggested. Clearly more interesting in the battle of wills than in Lexa’s injury.
“I’m not a doctor.” Clarke huffed.
“But you will be. How about this. Clarke you examine Lexa and if her eyes are dilated or something like that than you get to take her to the hospital. If you think she’s ok. No hospital.” Octavia suggested. Clarke hesitated. Considering the thought.
“I’m in.” Lexa said. Her eyes on Clarke.
“Ok, fine. Octavia get my damn phone.” Clarke said. She then approached Lexa and knelt in front of her. Octavia handed Clarke her phone and Clarke turned on the flashlight.
“Look at light, Lexa.” Clarke said as she held the light toward Lexa’s face. Looking into Lexa’s eyes, Clarke saw they responded to the light. The pupils shrinking at the intensity. That was a good sign.
Next Clarke held her finger out in front of Lexa. “Follow my finger with your eyes. Only your eyes.” Clarke commanded. Lexa’s head remained stationary as her eyes moved to keep Clarke’s finger in her sight. So far so good.
“Up, arms out, on one leg.” Clarke commanded. Lexa complied. Standing on one leg with her arms out at her sides.
“Keep your balance.” Clarke said. She then gently pushed down on Lexa’s arms. Checking her coordination and equilibrium. Lexa wobbled a little but no more than expected.
“Does your head hurt?” Clarke asked. Her eyes moved for Lexa’s body to Lexa’s gaze. The green eyes looking intently at Clarke. A heat in the gaze.
Lexa shook her head, “Nope.”
“Promise?” Clarke questioned. Lexa’s gaze dropped to Clarke’s lips.
“I’d never lie to you, Clarke.” Lexa replied. Her eyes still on Clarke’s mouth. Clarke dropped her gaze to Lexa’s parted lips. Surprised by the heat coiling in her belly, Clarke met Lexa’s gaze again. Lexa’s eyes were dilated now. But not by any concussion.
“Ok, this is public place you two. So calm the fuck down with the eye sex.” Octavia interrupted before throwing Lexa’s sweatshirt at her. When Lexa easily caught the shirt, Clarke became convinced she actually was ok.
“Since Lexa seems ok. We should get going Clarke. We need to shower before the show.” Octavia continued. Clarke backed away from Lexa and picked up her bag. Clarke and Octavia had gotten Raven tickets to see Wicked on Broadway tonight and they needed to be at the theater by 6:30.
“You sure you alright, Lexa?” Clarke asked once more.
“I’m fine, Clarke. Go have fun at the show.” Lexa said with encouraging smile. Leaving Lexa in the locker room to change, Ontaria showed Raven and Clarke the way out.
As they came to the door of the gym Clarke turned to Ontari and asked, “Keep an eye one her?”
“Don’t worry about Lexa, Clarke. I’ll make sure she gets all the attention she needs.” Ontari said with a twisted sort of smile. Not a smile of friendship or understanding but one that seemed at bit like a challenge or the threat.
Not liking the feeling of jealous coursing through her, Clarke replied with a simple, “Thank you” before pulling Octavia out the door.
***
Clarke took another deep breath. She was minutes from seeing her mother. Two years of anger, hate, and shame had led to the next few moments. Clarke wasn’t sure what she would say. Wasn’t sure what she could say. How do you apologize for wasting four years of your life?
“It’s gonna be fine Clarke. She loves you. Nothing to worry about.” Octavia said when she noticed Clarke’s discomfort. Clarke nodded in reply. Wishing she had Octavia’s confidence.
Luckily Abby had decided to rent a party space at a local country club rather than have it at her apartment. Clarke wasn’t sure she could handle going home again. At least a country club felt like neutral ground.
The room was large but crowded with people. A few Clarke could sort of recognize but most were strangers. Her eyes quickly found her mom. Dressed in a black dress with her hair braided, she looked the same as Clarke remembered her. Except her eyes didn’t seem tearstained and blood shot. She looked happy. Healthy. Alive.
Abby must have felt Clarke’s eyes. Looking over and seeing Clarke, a hopeful smile appeared on her face. Clarke allowed herself to smile back before walking toward her mother. Taking a deep breath to brace herself.
Just as Abby was about to reach Clarke a man Clarke didn’t recognize intercepted her. He took Abby gently by the arm and kissed her in greeting. Abby kissed him back quickly and put a hand on his arm before moving past him to move toward Clarke. When Abby’s hand came up to push past the man, that was when Clarke saw it.
A ring.
Clarke looked up at her mother’s face. Abby’s expression changed from joy to worry as she realized Clarke had seen the ring and her embrace with the man. She paused slightly before moving toward Clarke again.
“Clarke….” Abby said. Her voice pleading with Clarke to wait. To let her explain.
Clarke couldn’t do. Couldn’t wait to hear about her mother’s new fiancé. Her own soon to be step-father. Clarke turned away from her mother. Turning on heel and looking for the nearest exit. She needed to get out of this place and find some air. Some room to breathe and process.
She walked briskly out of the room. Not turning around to her mother’s calls. When she finally got outside she just started to walk. Not caring the direction. Wandering the streets. Eyes open but not seeing. Her mother was married. To some random man that Clarke had never met. She hadn’t even told Clarke. Hadn’t invited her to the wedding. Hadn’t bothered to let her only daughter know.
Clarke’s phone went off again as she rounded another corner. Octavia again. Her mother didn’t even have the guts to call Clarke personally. Just as Clarke pressed ignore for Octavia a call from Raven showed up on screen. Frustrated, Clarke ignored Raven too.
Her mother was married and Clarke bet that her friends had known. Known and not told her. No Clarke didn’t want to talk to them. They lied to her. Again. The rage and embarrassment of the first time they lied to her began to creep into her mind. They had all known about Finn. Known he was cheating and no one had told her. They just let her play the fool. Just like they were doing know.
Octavia was calling her again. Clarke answered it.
“You fucking knew didn’t you! You all knew and no one told me!” Clarke screamed into the phone.
“No, Clarke its not….” Octavia tried to explain.
“How could you not tell me my mother was fucking married? How could you lie to me like that again?” Clarke yelled.
“Clarke, please just let me…….”
Clarke hung up. Not wanting to hear an excuse or explanation. Instead Clarke took out her phone again. Not really thinking before dialing the number.
“Clarke?”
Hearing Lexa’s voice made Clarke question this decision. Just because she couldn’t talk to her friends didn’t mean she needed to dump her shit on Lexa. Even if Lexa was the person she wanted to see right now. There was a weird sort of bond formed between two people who have had break downs in front of one another. Lexa made her feel safe, and that’s what Clarke wanted right now.
“Clarke, what’s wrong?” Lexa asked when Clarke didn’t reply.
“Hey Lexa, would…would you come pick me up?” Clarke asked. Trying to keep her voice steady.
“Clarke, what’s wrong? Are you ok?” Lexa asked. Her voice filled with concern.
“Just…please, Lexa. Come get me.” Clarke pleaded. Not wanting to explain. There was a pause before Lexa replied.
“Text me the address.”