Chapter 3
“Clarke, you need to go see the Commandant.” Bellamy said softly after pulling her away from the drills
“You know my name?” Clarke mocked
“This is not the time, Clarke. Go to the Commandant.”
“Why?” Clarke asked, sensing the seriousness in Bellamy’s tone
“You just need to go see her. Now. You’re excused from practice and drills until further notice. Go, Cadet, now.” Bellamy ordered, gently pushing her in the right direction
Clarkes heart was beating wildly in her chest as she stepped into the Commandant’s reception office, noting the sad look on the receptionists face as she looked at her before noticing a soft sobbing coming from the side of the room. Looking over, Clarke seen Lexa holding a sobbing blonde girl in her arms while whispering words Clarke couldn’t hear
“Le-“ Clarke started only to be cut off by the receptionist telling her that the Commandant was ready to see her
“Good evening, Cadet Griffin.” The Commandant said, “I haven’t had the pleasure of introducing myself yet. My name is Indra Forest, and for the purpose of this meeting you’re welcome to call me Indra.”
“It’s, uh, nice to meet you Indra.” Clarke said uncertainly, playing with a ring on her finger “Not to be rude, but why am I here?”
“Take a seat, Clarke.” Indra gestured to the seat in front of Clarke
“No, thank-you.” Clarke said slowly
“I really thin- “Indra started
“What’s happened?” Clarke interrupted, “I don’t mean to be disrespectful but that’s the same thing my mother says when she has bad news for a patient. Same look too, so what’s happening?”
“It’s your father, Clarke.” Indra stood and walked around her desk to stand in front of Clarke
“What about my dad?” Clarke could barely hear from the hammering in her chest
“He got into a bad car accident. The Doctors say it was instantaneous, he didn’t feel anything. It was no one’s fault; it couldn’t have been avoided.” Clarke’s breathing sped up as her throat burned and her eyes prickled
“No. No, you’re lying. My dad’s fine. He’s fine. Why are you lying?” Clarke’s voice slowly rose in volume until she was yelling
“Clarke- “Indra started
“No. No. No. No.” Clarke muttered, pacing wildly as her breathes got shorter and shorter
“Clarke, ple- “Indra tried again
“You’re lying.” Clarke shook her head, “You have to be. Please tell me you’re lying, please. Say it’s a joke, I’ll laugh. I promise I’ll laugh just tell me it’s a joke, you have to. You have to be lying.”
“I’m sorry.” Indra shook her head, “You’re excused from any and all school related events, classes or anything of the sort. If there’s anything I can do to help, my office is open to you.”
Clarke’s ears started ringing as tears fell rapidly from her eyes, turning on her heel she bolted through the door without a care as to where she was going. She could vaguely hear someone calling after her as well as footsteps following her.
Clarke crashed through a door before she knew what was happening, looking around she recognised the old Commandant’s rooms. Collapsing on the couch face down Clarke let the sobs rip from her throat at an almost painful rate. She could feel someone gently lift her up before she was sobbing into a lap and a hand was rubbing her back soothingly but she didn’t have the energy to look up or to even care who it was.
By the time Clarke had managed to calm herself down enough that she could see through the tears clouding her eyes, she noticed that the sky outside was pitch black with the moon high. Clarke slowly sat up, breath still coming in shuddering gasps as she looked around
“It’s okay, Clarke. You’re safe.” Lexa whispered, dropping her hand onto Clarke’s knee
“Lex, my dad he-he-” Clarke tried to say before Lexa cut her off
“I know, Hodnes, I know.” Lexa let Clarke drape her arms around her neck as the blonde dry sobbed against her chest, “Clarke, you’ll make yourself sick.”
No sooner had the words left her mouth that Clarke started painfully gagging at the force of her sobs
“Come on.” Lexa said, pulling Clarke to her feet
“Where are we going?” Clarke asked between shuddering breaths and gags
“Trust me.” Lexa said, wrapping her arm tightly around Clarke’s waist
“Put this on and wait in here.” Lexa said, handing Clarke a small bundle
Clarke slowly got dressed in what Lexa gave her, not taking notice of what she was putting on
“You decent?” Lexa called through the door and only opened it when Clarke replied the positive, “Okay, it’s going to seem weird but just trust me okay?”
“Okay.” Clarke’s voice was raspy and barely there
“I lost someone special to me once too. “Lexa admitted, “Anya, my best friend, done this with me and it made me feel better if only for a moment.”
“Okay.” Clarke repeated again and grabbed Lexa’s out stretched hand and followed her through the small apartment
“Get in.” Lexa said, gesturing to the bubble bath filled nearly to the brim
“What?” Clarke asked, “But your clothes- “
“Bikini.” Lexa said, “It’s fine.”
“Oh.” Clarke mumbled, covering her stomach with her hands when she noticed before climbing into the bath tub
“You trust me, right?” Lexa asked, nervously biting her lip
“Mhm.” Clarke hummed and had to stop herself from gasping when Lexa climb in behind her, “What are you doing?”
“Just relax and trust me.” Lexa whispered, rubbing Clarke’s back reassuringly
It took ten minutes of soft hands rubbing her back and shoulders before Clarke let herself fully relax against Lexa who let her chin rest on Clarke’s shoulder and her hands on Clarke’s stomach
“Does it stop hurting?” Clarke asking quietly
“I don’t know.” Lexa admitted, “I don’t know.”
“Who did you lose?” Clarke asked, “If you don’t mind.”
“My uncle, Gustus. My parents died in war so he took early leave from an Elite Ground Force to care for me, loved me like his own. He raised me from a moody eight-year-old to an even moodier fifteen-year-old.”
“What happened?”
“He was called back for one last black ops mission and he never came back. MIA for four years now.” Lexa spoke softly, flinching slightly when she felt Clarke’s head turn on her shoulder and Clarke’s nose brush against her neck
“I’m sorry.” Clarke murmured
“I know. So am I, Clarke.” Lexa replied
“Does it stop hurting?”
“I don’t know.” Lexa shook her head, “I don’t know.”
“Mm.” Clarke hummed, resting her hands on top of Lexa’s
They got out when the water turned lukewarm, Lexa leaving Clarke in the bathroom to dry herself while she done the same in the bedroom.
“Here.” Lexa said, handing Clarke a large bundle of clothes
“Thanks.” Clarke murmured, changing into the pair of loose track pants and jumper
“Come here.” Lexa said, sitting on her bed and patting next to her
“Why is your dorm so big?” Clarke asked, sitting next to Lexa
“I live here throughout the entire year, Indra wanted to make sure I was comfortable. I didn’t like being alone so Anya moved in.” Lexa explained, “You tired?”
“Yeah, but I don’t know if I can sleep.” Clarke shrugged
“That’s fine.” Lexa laid back and pulled Clarke against her side, “Movie?”
“Sure. You pick though.” Clarke let herself relax against Lexa’s side with her head on Lexa’s chest, one arm across her stomach
“I am the worst decision maker ever.” Lexa groaned
“Just pick.”
“It will literally take me an hour to pick, it’ll save us both a lot of frustration if you pick.” Lexa argued
“Fine.” Clarke huffed, “Harry Potter?”
Lexa woke up before Clarke to find the blonde curled into her, a leg thrown over her hips and hands tightly gripping her own. Lexa closed her own eyes again and waited for Clarke to wake up
“Was it a dream?” Clarke asked quietly, eyes still closed
“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Lexa whispered, pressing her forehead to the top of Clarke’s head and tightened her grip on Clarke’s hands when she felt a silent sob shake Clarke’s body
“Okay.” Clarke said softly her voice shaking as she moved closer to Lexa
“What do you want to do?” Lexa asked
“Stay here, forever.” Clarke said, “Pretend everything’s okay.”
“Okay.” Lexa said, moving to get up only to be stopped when Clarke gripped onto her tightly
“Don’t leave.” Clarke whispered
“I’m not. I’m ringing Indra to tell her that I won’t be attending classes or practice today and to tell Lincoln to take over drills.” Lexa said, leaning down to kiss Clarke’s head “I’ll be back in five minutes.”
“Okay.” Clarke slowly let go of Lexa
“I’m back.” Lexa said, sitting on her bed holding two bottles of water and a plate filled with toast, “Eat.”
“I’m not hungry.” Clarke said
“Eat.” Lexa insisted
“Bu- “
“Clarke, I can do this all day.” Lexa interrupted, “Eat.”
“Okay.” Clarke grumbled and started nibbling at a piece of toast
“Do you want to talk about it?” Lexa asked when Clarke finished a piece of toast and half a bottle of water
“No.” Clarke shook her head, “Can we just…”
“Yes?”
“I don’t know, cuddle?” Clarke blushed
“Anything you want, Clarke.” Lexa said, wrapping an arm around Clarke’s waist as she laid down
“I know I should ring my mum but I just… I don’t know what to say.” Clarke admitted
“You should.” Lexa said, passing Clarke her phone “Whenever you’re ready.”
“Hey mum… Yeah, I know… Yeah… Okay… I, uh, I love you mum.” Clarke choked out, “I’ll see you soon, okay? I love you.”
“You okay?” Lexa asked when Clarke hung up
“No.” Clarke replied honestly, silent tears streaming down her cheeks
“I know.”