Satellite

Suga moved around the empty hotel room in a daze. He couldn’t remember how he did it, but he managed to arrange a cab and shower. When he left the room, he saw Oikawa and Iwaizumi talking in the hall. He barely registered their conversation, but took in the way Oikawa’s shoulder’s slumped and the way Iwaizumi gripped his arms. Suga looked at his face. Iwaizumi wasn’t angry; he was hurt. Suga turned the opposite way and left the hotel.

He heard the cab driver’s words as if they were underwater. Suga responded, but had the strange feeling he wasn’t actually talking. Once they were on the way back to his apartment, he looked out the window but didn’t see anything.

Suga unlocked his door and looked around his apartment. The sun shone through the windows and particles of dust floated in the beams of light. He knew his apartment would be empty, but this was the first time that it had ever really felt empty.

A phone buzzed in his pocket and he reached for it slowly. There were a number of text messages on his personal phone. Suga read the most recent one first.

From: Kageyama Tobio
Have to go somewhere after class. Ok if im late? 15?

Suga let his head roll back and he closed his eyes tightly. Right. The schedule. He and Kageyama planned to talk about Hinata’s song and how the logistics of it would work with the rest of the setlist. Suga hit his cheeks with his palms and then replied back to let Kageyama know that it was fine.

He opened the older texts, which must’ve been sent while he was in the cab but Suga had no memory of receiving them.

From: Azumane Asahi
Daichi just called. I’m so sorry Suga. Are you okay?

From: Azumane Asahi
Where are you? Are you okay?

From: Azumane Asahi
I’m worried about you. Can you just let me know you’re okay?

Suga rubbed his face. He owed Asahi an explanation. He owed so many people so many explanations. He owed everyone so much and had nothing to give. He shot a quick message to Asahi to let him know that he was home and that he was far from okay, but there wasn’t anything anyone could do. He had made his own choices and would reap the consequences.

He left his personal phone on his kitchen counter, sat on the couch, and watched dust float in the shifting sun beams until his door buzzed. Kageyama came into his apartment with his usual glower and scowl. Suga wondered if he knew that him and Daichi weren’t speaking anymore. He wondered if the show was in jeopardy, or the band. His hands started to shake.

Kageyama sat down at the table and and rapped his fingers on the tabletop. Suga smiled at him while he got up, grabbed two glasses of water and a couple pieces of fruit, and joined Kageyama at the table..

“You think you’ll be ready?” Suga asked.

“Yes.” Kageyama answered quickly. He eyed the pieces of fruit in front him and Suga pushed them closer. He got the hint and picked up a banana.

“Can I read what you have so far?”

“No,” Kageyama replied between bites.

Suga deflated. “Why not?”

Kageyama shrugged and swallowed the last bite. “It’s not perfect yet.”

“Just a peek?” Suga pleaded.

“It’ll be ready for the show, I’m just not ready. I’ll send you the final lyrics tomorrow night. I promise.” Kageyama swore so sincerely that Suga relented. He knew Kageyama would be ready, but he was curious, and he ached to see some sort of happiness.

“Fair enough!” Suga bit his lip. “So, excited for Saturday?”

Suga listened to Kageyama talk about the shows he had played before and noticed that Kageyama sidestepped The Court entirely. He didn’t seem too keen on talking about his past with Oikawa. They had that in common, Suga thought.

“I didn’t ask Daichi for help.”

The mention of Daichi’s name felt like an arrow through his core. Suga inhaled sharply. “Why not?”

“I didn’t need to. We talked at the party and I remembered.”

“Oh,” Suga put his hands on his knees underneath the table.

“I think he heard us playing your song. He was sitting on the ground outside the room when I left.”

Suga tensed. “I didn’t realize Daichi had heard it. Did he know it was mine?”

“I don’t think so,” Kageyama answered carefully.

“Hm,” Suga hummed and relaxed into the back of the chair. At least there was that. Daichi didn’t need any extra guilt. He had done enough already.

Kageyama fidgeted with the banana peel. “He told me how he felt about you.”

Suga shut his eyes. When he opened them, Kageyama stared at him attentively. “Really?” Suga asked.

“Yeah, and one of his words really struck me. Like, it lodged in my head and, when you said I should write a song, the more I thought about what I would write about, the more I thought about that word. He used it to describe you, or him. I don’t really remember now,” Kageyama scratched his head. Suga had to laugh. He might be a musical genius, but thinking was sometimes difficult for him.

“Oh boy. Do I even want to know?” Suga was almost afraid to ask.

Kageyama looked Suga right in the eyes. “It was beautiful,” he said simply.

Suga stared back, wide-eyed and stunned silent. He had never heard Kageyama use ‘beautiful’ to describe anything and he wasn’t sure how to take it.

Eventually, Kageyama checked the time on his phone. He said something about going home to at least say ‘hello’ to his parents. He promised again to send Suga his finished lyrics and left the apartment. Suga sat at the table and wiped a couple tears off his cheek before he got up again.

He rummaged through his bag for his work phone to turn it off. He paused when he noticed there was a call from an unknown number and a voicemail.

Warily, he clicked on the voicemail and held the phone to his ear.

Hey, Sugawara, it’s Iwaizumi. I’m probably the last person you want to hear from, but I wanted to apologize. I had no idea you’d be there. Listen, I have a lot of experience dealing with this crap. It really sucks. For everyone. If you need me to talk to Daichi, or want to talk to me at all, let me know. I won’t say anything. Neither of us will. Hold on…

Iwaizumi’s voice was gruff, but his concern was obvious and genuine. Iwaizumi spoke to someone on the other end of the phone.

Hey! Get over here and apologize to Sugawara. Uh, no, Shittykawa, you DO owe him an apology. Don’t think you’ll get out of this with a goofy face. STOP. Don’t make me come over -

There was a bit of shuffling and mumbled words before Suga heard Oikawa’s voice on the other end of the phone.

Sugawara? I would like to formally and sincerely apologize for the choices you made - IWA-CHAN! Rude! Fine. Anyway, I would like to apologize. Iwaizumi would like me to tell you that we are at your service if you ever need anything. Is that good, Iwa-chan? Okay. This is goodbye for now, Sugawara. I’ll say ‘hi’ to Yahaba for you!

The line went dead. He shut off the phone and buried the device in his bedroom closet. He made a note to sell it after the show.

Suga grabbed a sheet off his bed, wrapped it around himself and sat back down on the couch. The quiet of his apartment rung in his ears. He was alone. He was selfish. He was a liar. He hurt the man he loved.

His personal phone rang, and he thought about ignoring, but, instead, he picked it up and checked the name on the screen. Asahi. Suga answered the call before he could talk himself out of it.

“Hi, Asahi.”

“SUGA! Are you okay?”

Suga cringed. “No. But it’s fine. I know we all have stuff to to, but it's probably best if I'm alone tonight.”

“Oh, well, I’m, um, already outside your apartment.”

“What?” Suga sat up straight. There were other voices in the background that he hadn’t noticed before. “Who else is there?”

“Ah, Noya and Tanaka.”

Suga was confused. “Why? Don’t tell me we had something planned tonight? In fact, I thought you all would be with...”

“NO! No, we didn’t, but, when Daichi called me, I got really worried. I went to the café so I’d be close just in case you needed me. Noya and Tanaka were there, and I sort of told them that you and Daichi had an… issue, and they wanted to come after their shift to hang out with you instead of any sort of practice.”

Suga heard Noya scream something about food and he was hit with longing so badly that he sucked in a breath.

“I’ll buzz you all in,” Suga said and hung up. He got up off the couch, put the sheet back on his bed, and brushed his hair with his fingers.

Tanaka burst into the apartment and Asahi followed close behind. Noya dropped a bunch of grocery bags by the door.

“What’re you guys doing here?” Suga asked. “Shouldn’t you be practicing tonight? The calendar - “

Tanaka winced. “Yeah, we were, but this was more important. Daichi might not like it, but we’ll accept his punishment like the brave soldiers we are.” Tanaka put his hand to his heart and saluted.

Suga laughed and hit him over the head.

Noya jumped between them with his arm outstretched. “And look! Suga! I got a new tattoo! Yachi designed it for me! Got it before the show as a good luck charm.” He pointed to the small crow nestled among all his other tattoos. Suga grabbed his arm to look closer. He smiled wide but his happiness was short lived.

“It’s incredibly cool, but, after this weekend, I don’t know if the band will be -”

Suga was cut off again. Noya crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you serious right now? Daichi’ll get over whatever’s got his underwear in a knot because he loves the shit out of you and you’re awesome and everything’s gonna be fine.”

Suga looked at his friends, his bandmates, and tried to remind himself what was happening. They had eschewed everything in favor of seeing him just to make sure he was okay. Asahi waited for hours even though he wasn’t sure Suga would want to see him. Did he really deserve these people? After what he did?

He looked around for Asahi, who still stood by the door. He held a rolled up piece of paper that he handed to Suga over Noya’s head. Suga unrolled it and his jaw dropped.

“Did you steal this? You really are a delinquent! What about the board in the café?”

Asahi smiled nervously. “I didn’t steal it. Kiyoko wanted you to have it, as a reminder of how excited everyone is for the weekend. She texted Yachi at work and she’ll print off another one to hang up in the café. It’s no problem.” Asahi wrung his hands together.

“Okay!” Noya clapped his hands together. “Enough chatting! Let’s make Suga some food!”

Suga threw his head back in laughter and clutched the poster to his chest. “Whoa now, who said I would let you into MY kitchen?”

“We’d like to see you try to stop us!” Noya and Tanaka laughed loudly and ran into the kitchen.

Suga moved to follow them, but Asahi put his hand on Suga’s arm.

“They really wanted to cook something for you because you always cook for them,” Asahi explained gently.

“Oh,” Suga said with a breath. “They don’t have to.”

“But they want to, Suga. I had to literally hold Noya back at the grocery store,” Asahi chuckled.

Suga was embarrassed by the tears welling up in his eyes. “Fine. But only because we’re close enough that we can watch them. And there’s a fire extinguisher under the sink,” Suga pointed out. He paused. “Can they even cook?”

“Not even a little,” Asahi answered quickly. “But boxed pasta is pretty hard to screw up.”

They shared a laugh and Suga leaned into Asahi’s shoulder. He put his arm around him and rested his chin on the top of Suga’s head. They made their way to the couch and sat down while Noya and Tanaka lumbered around the kitchen.

“Was Daichi okay when you talked him?”

Asahi let out a long breath. “He’s definitely shaken up. When we let him know that we’d be skipping tonight, he backed down pretty easily.”

Suga bit his bottom lip.

“Don’t worry about him,” Asahi reassured. “He’ll be fine.”

“I’m not worried about him, I’m worried about…” Suga stopped.

“You can be worried about yourself,” Asahi said quietly.

“I’m worried about us, him and I. Do you think we’ll ever,” Suga’s voice cracked. “Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?”

Asahi looked at him like he was crazy. “That’s what you do when you’re in love. You forgive. Will you be able to forgive him?”

“Forgive him?” Suga asked incredulously.

“He never gave you the chance to explain, did he?” Asahi asked.

“No, but what is there to say?”

Asahi just shook his head. “You guys need to follow your own advice and actually talk to each other.”

Suga let out a laugh. Asahi had a point. Both he and Daichi had scolded Kageyama for not talking to Hinata. Suga remembered how he left Oikawa and Iwaizumi. They had both faced the situation head on instead of running away.

“You’re right,” Suga admitted. He eyed Asahi and poked him in the chest. “When did you get so good at all this love advice stuff? Hm?”

Asahi sputtered, but he was interrupted by the doorbell. Suga looked at Asahi with raised eyebrows and mouth drawn into a thin line. His heart started to beat faster.

“It’s not Daichi,” Asahi reassured.

Suga relaxed back onto the couch and watched Asahi get up off the couch and walk over to buzz the mystery guest into the building. He didn’t have time to brace himself and prepare for what was coming. Almost as soon as Asahi opened the door, a blurry orange head of hair shot over to the couch and smothered him.

“Suga! Asahi said we were meeting at your house for a party instead of practice! Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner!”

Suga nuzzled his nose into Hinata’s hair and patted his back. “Hinata, you should greet someone properly before suffocating them.”

Hinata pulled away and smiled wide. “Hi Suga!” he chirped.

“Hi Hinata,” Suga laughed. He looked at the bags that still hung off Hinata’s arms. “What do you have there?”

“Asahi told me to bring some of my movies. The ones I knew you’d like. I also brought some snacks. Just in case,” Hinata added quickly.

Suga furrowed his brow and huffed with mock anger. “Just in case of what? I’m a little offended and hurt that you think you’d be hungry here.”

Still mostly in Suga’s lap, Hinata sat back on his heels. “I’m sorry! Noya and Tanaka told me to bring snacks. They wanted to make sure you didn’t have to do anything,” Hinata said with a definitive nod. “They said we’re taking care of you tonight!”

By the time Hinata finished talking, Noya and Tanaka had poked their heads into the living room and Asahi had sat down at the table. Suga looked at Hinata, and then over his shoulder at the rest of the group.

“Taking care of me, huh? Does this mean you’re going to clean the place afterwards?” Suga joked.

“Yup!” Hinata replied brightly. Tanaka gave them two thumbs up and a large, toothy, smile.

Suga hummed. The fact that they were skipping practice to be there hung around his neck like a weight. “I feel a little bad that we’re not practicing… you guys aren’t obligated to take care of me you know.”

Hinata’s head jerked back in surprise. “We’re really good, though!”

“We totally are. You had us working our asses off and now we’re ready for anything!” Noya added from the kitchen.

Suga threw his head back and laughed. “You both have excellent points.”

“And we want to be here with you,” Hinata added. “We don’t want you to be sad,” he said in a lower voice.

Suga whacked him on the back of the head. “How could I be sad when you guys won’t leave me alone?”

Hinata held his head and Suga asked him about the movies he brought. Amazingly, the apartment was still in one piece after Noya and Tanaka were done in the kitchen, and Hinata helped Asahi serve everyone dinner. Instead of sitting at the table, they crowded on Suga’s couch and ate while they watched the first movie.

Suga was in the middle, flanked by Asahi and Tanaka. Noya was half perched on the arm of the couch and leaned heavily into Asahi’s side. Suga swore he saw Noya carding casually through Asahi’s hair during the second movie, but he kept quiet. Hinata sat on the floor between Suga’s legs.

They watched movies until Suga could barely keep his eyes open.

The next morning, Suga’s alarm went off and he rolled over in bed to silence it. The sun came through his windows and the dust particles danced in the light, but Suga didn’t notice them.

He flung off his covers and cracked open the door to his bedroom. He had made it to his bed at some point the night before, but everyone else was scattered around the living room. Hinata was sprawled out on the floor underneath the coffee table. Asahi was on the couch and Noya was tucked perfectly at his side, right up against the cushions. Suga snapped a picture before finding Tanaka, who made it to Suga’s recliner but had failed to extend it, so he was curled up on the chair in a position that made Suga’s neck ache.

Suga put his hands on his waist and surveyed his friends. He chewed his lip for a couple minutes before he grabbed his phone, turned up the volume, and chose the most annoying alarm he could find.

Everyone stirred immediately and Suga poked, prodded, nudged, and scolded until each of his friends were their way with hugs and words of encouragement. Asahi had promised to talk to Daichi about practice that day and let him know what he could do before the show.

He looked at the calendar on his phone. Every fiber of his being ached, and even though he had no idea what the next couple days would mean for him and Daichi, he had to steel himself. Asahi’s question from the night before had shaken him. It was true, Daichi never gave him the chance to explain. Suga owed Daichi an explanation, but Daichi also owed him the time to do it. If he couldn’t handle it, than maybe, and Suga’s stomach churned, a romantic relationship was out of the question entirely.

At the end of the day, after everyone had confirmed that they would be in the right places at the right times the following day, Suga opened his email and saw that Kageyama had finally sent over the lyrics to his song. He took a deep breath and opened up the message.

He read through the lyrics of the song once, and then immediately read through them again. Suga stared at the title of the song. Kageyama wasn’t kidding. It really was beautiful.