Satellite

    I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
    Now there’s no place else I could be but here in your arms

Daichi hummed with the song and tapped on the steering wheel. He smiled despite himself as he remembered the night he held Suga close for the very first time; he would’ve never guessed that Oikawa’s silvery voice would elicit such a fond memory.

He remembered holding Suga’s hips that night and feeling his fingers run through the back of his hair. His smile turned into a grimace as that memory faded. One minute, his hands were on Suga’s hips. The next, he was watching Suga cry.

It happened, right? He had held Suga in his arms, felt his weight on his lap, and tasted the warmth of his lips. He had spent so many months, if not years, yearning for that moment. He confessed his feelings, they kissed, and then what?

The turn signal of his car clicked in the background and he turned on to the next street. Suga’s words ravaged his mind. He said he couldn’t, that he didn’t know him, that something was wrong? That he needed time?

Daichi gripped the wheel with white knuckles.

Suga didn’t outright refuse his feelings, but something held him back. Daichi’s stomach flipped and anxiety flooded his system. He wanted to think that it wasn’t him, but maybe it was. What else could it be?

The next day, things were normal, like his botched confession had never happened. They texted back and forth to make plans for band practice and the guys just about exploded when Daichi and Suga told the group about the upcoming show. Hinata hugged Suga and Daichi so tight that they couldn’t breathe. Kageyama didn’t know what to do with himself. Even Tsukishima pretended to be pleased by the news.

Suga smiled and hugged back and did everything right, but his smile vanished and his eyes dulled as soon as he thought no one was watching.

He thought about it all week at work and he tried his best to ignore the gnawing in his gut when he looked at the empty reception desk, or the pictures of them he put up next to his computer, or when heard Kuroo snark at Daishou about copy paper. At one point, Ennoshita took him aside and told him to either focus or take the week off. Ennoshita’s rare flash of assertiveness guided him through the rest of the week, but it wasn’t easy.

Daichi tried to read the street signs that passed. He didn’t want to push Suga into a conversation that he wasn’t prepared to have, but the not-knowing was awful. Did Suga return his feelings? Was it really him or was something wrong? And, most importantly, how could he make it better for Suga?

Even if Suga never returned his feelings, Daichi loved him, utterly and completely and forever, and he couldn’t bear the thought not being able to be there for him if he needed it. When Daichi asked Asahi if there was anything he could do to ease Suga’s burden, Asahi just about wet himself. He assumed it was a sore spot and let it go.

Noya and Tanaka’s new place came into view and he pulled into the driveway. It was a little early, and Suga told him that everything would be taken care of so he wouldn’t have to go out of his way, but the emptiness of his own home was oppressive and he needed to get out.

He raised his hand to knock and Noya swung the door open with a big grin on his face.

“Daichi! You didn’t have to come so early!”

“Hello Daichi, thanks for coming!” Daichi said sarcastically.

Noya laughed brightly and Tanaka poked his head around the door, right above Noya’s shoulder. “Welcome to our humble abode, captain! Asahi and the guys are finishing up in the kitchen, so we’ll go say ‘hi’ and then give you the grand tour. Sound good?”

“Sounds great,” Daichi nodded. They turned to go into the house and Daichi slapped them both on the back as he followed them to the kitchen. He would never admit it for fear of it going straight to their heads, but he missed having them around.

“Hey Daichi,” Asahi waved from the kitchen counter. He grabbed bowls from the higher cabinets for Kinoshita and Narita, who were emptying bags of chips and sweets into each bowl.

“You guys are saints,” Daichi said to Kinoshita and Narita when he introduced himself.

“Eh,” Kinoshita nodded, “It’s kinda fun. Our schedules actually line up perfectly, so things have been great.”

“Yeah, and the basement keeps the noise down. Well, most of it. At least they’re somewhat talented,” Narita agreed.

Tanaka downright swooned and Noya fluttered his eyelashes. Once the introductions were made, they left the kitchen and led Daichi through their new house, pointing out the bedrooms, the bathrooms, the basement, and whatever random furnishing or piece of flair caught their eye. Daichi was impressed; it was way cleaner than he expected.

“I gotta say, Kinoshita and Narita must be good for you guys. This place is spotless.”

Tanaka looked to Noya, they locked eyes, and then Noya turned to Daichi.

“Suga might’ve helped us clean when he came over yesterday.”

“He said something about not embarrassing ourselves in front of everyone we care about,” Tanaka added with a shrug.

“You made him clean your house? I thought he was just over to help you with food? How long was he here?”

Tanaka continued. “We didn’t really plan it, and we tried to stop him, honestly. But he wouldn’t have any of it. Once we cleaned, he made us dinner. We made a day of it. Suga didn’t mind.”

“He also said something about helping us because he knew that you would run us ragged with extra practices before the show next weekend,” Noya added.

“It was the ‘least he could do’,” Tanaka said with air quotes.

Daichi rolled his eyes. “You’re damn right I’m going to have you doing extra practice this week,” he mumbled. He frowned. When he had asked Suga about party prep, he had told him not to worry. He felt like a jerk for not pushing the matter further. Suga shouldn’t have had to do that by himself.

Tanaka misread the apprehension in Daichi’s expression and nudged him in the ribs, “I know you miss ‘im, loverboy.”

Before he had the chance to whack Tanaka over the head, the doorbell rang.

Noya jumped in the air. “Our guests! Tanaka! Welcoming duty!”

“Aye-aye, my dude! Let’s DO this!”

They scampered to the door and Daichi wandered back to the kitchen to see if he could be of some use. Asahi welcomed the help and asked him to start taking platters out of the fridge. Daichi opened the fridge and his jaw dropped.

Suga always made sure to prepare enough food for whoever he was feeding, but even he had gone a little overboard. Everything from onigiri to tiny sandwiches to chopped vegetables had been meticulously arranged on platters stuffed and stacked in the fridge. There were notes taped to some of the trays and Daichi read every single word written in Suga’s scrawling script as he removed them.

Daichi spotted a tray of curry dumplings in the back of the fridge and, without thinking, reached to steal one before the party started. When he pulled the platter closer to read Suga’s note, he snorted.

Daichi, please do not eat until ALL guests arrive. Don’t think I won’t find out. My spies are everywhere.

There was a little winky face at the end of warning and he couldn’t help but fall in love with Suga all over again. He put the tray on the table without touching a single dumpling.

Guests arrived with greater frequency now that the party had officially started and Daichi left the confines of the kitchen. He had just reached the living room when he ran right into his assistant.

“Ennoshita! What’re you doing here?”

Ennoshita gulped. “Oh, hey Daichi. Funny running into you here. Um, Narita and Kinoshita are friends of mine from way back. We went to school together,” he waved to Noya and Tanaka’s roommates and they returned the gesture.

“It’s a small world, huh? Try to enjoy yourself tonight. I know you had a rough week of trying to keep your boss in line,” Daichi smiled.

“Okay, will do Daichi. Thanks,” Ennoshita laughed nervously.

Ennoshita left and moved toward Narita and Kinoshita in order to meet Noya and Tanaka. Daichi watched the five of them interact and he relaxed. You could say a lot about Noya and Tanaka but they were nothing if not outgoing and, in most situations, friendly and welcoming. Ennoshita would be fine. Better than fine. Daichi wondered if Ennoshita might be the only other person who could keep them in line.

The house filled up with people and Daichi scanned the open plan of the main floor. He thought he saw a flash of ashen hair, so he tried to make his way across the living room. Suga told him he wouldn’t be able to come to the party, and he knew that Suga kept his word, but his heart leapt regardless. His mind was so one-tracked that he didn’t see the person in front of him until he bumped right into her.

“Ah! Daichi! Sorry!”

He reached out his hands to steady the familiar figure in front of him. “Yachi, I’m sorry! I just thought I saw…” Daichi looked around the room and found who he thought might’ve been Suga. His mind played a dirty trick on him.

“I don’t mind, it’s okay!” She chirped happily.

Yachi’s voice brought him back to the moment and he addressed. “I’m glad to see you, Yachi. It’s not often that I get to hang out with you outside of work! Did you see that Ennoshita is here? I didn’t realize he knew Narita and Kinoshita, the other guys that live here. You should go say ‘hi,’ I’m sure he’ll appreciate another familiar face!”

She smiled and nodded energetically. Her bracelets clicked as she put her hair behind her ear and Daichi couldn’t help notice how particularly beautiful she looked. She wore a short red dress with material that floated around her. The red was broken up by light blue stars swirled around her body. Maybe she was on a date -

“She looks beautiful, doesn’t she?”

Kiyoko moved from behind Daichi to Yachi’s side and handed her one of the two drinks in her hands. Her simple, navy blue dress hugged each curve of her body and Daichi let his jaw drop.

“You both look incredible,” Daichi agreed.

Yachi yelped when Kiyoko slid her free hand into hers, which made them both blush. Yachi looked up at her and tried unsuccessfully to hide the smile that threatened to take over her face. Kiyoko had no such reservation and absolutely glowed.

“Thank you Daichi. Is Suga coming tonight? I don’t think I’ve seen him yet,” Kiyoko asked. She didn’t break eye contact and Daichi’s throat parched.

“Ah, no, he’s not,” he croaked.

“Oh?” Kiyoko adjusted her glasses and cocked her head. “But, he had been talking about this party all week?”

Daichi shifted his weight. “He said something came up.”

“It must have been pretty important if it kept him away from you for the evening,” Kiyoko mused with a sly smile.

“I don’t know,” Daichi sputtered. He really didn’t.

The three of them stood in silence as the crowd murmured around them. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but Noya and Tanaka’s boisterous shouts were not entirely unwelcome.

They ran over to ooh and ahh over Kiyoko’s choice of dress and greet Yachi with aggressive high fives. Daichi remembered the first time it happened, months earlier. Suga had to physically grab the collars of their shirts before they reached her and scared her half to death. He knew that Yachi needed time to get used to new people and he knew that Noya and Tanaka needed to be reminded of other people’s boundaries.

Daichi rubbed his forehead. Suga knew them all so well and loved them so completely, but did he ever really let them love him back? The sudden guilt almost took his breath away. He would never force Suga to return his feelings romantically, but he was afraid that Suga didn’t know how much he meant to them. How had this never occurred to him before? He opened a message on his phone.

To: Suga
The house looks great and the food is amazing - I didn’t eat any of the dumplings, I swear! Yachi and Kiyoko were just looking for you. We wish you were here. Hope you’re having a good night!

He sent the message and instantly regretted it. Three sentences to thank him for all he did, all he was, and how much they all loved him? How much he loved him? How lame could one person be? How could Suga return his feelings?

Something crashed in the dining room and Hinata howled with laughter. Hinata and Kageyama had been relatively quiet up until this point, and Daichi had been lulled him into a false sense of security. He got up to see what had happened. Suga did so much work to ensure the success of this party and, even if he couldn’t do anything else, Daichi would be damned if his efforts went to waste.

Daichi spent the next few hours running around, picking up furniture, catching bowls, and trying to his best to curb the general mayhem. At one point, Hinata had somehow convinced Tanaka to try to pierce his ear, so he had to separate the two of them, only to then separate Hinata from Kageyama, who had screamed at him when he found out what they had planned to do. Almost as soon as Kageyama and Hinata had made up, he heard Asahi whimpering and had to pull Noya from his back with brute force.

After what felt like an eternity, the party began to wind down. Daichi took a headcount of his group, but didn’t see Hinata and Kageyama, so he wandered around just to make sure they hadn’t gotten in any serious trouble. Daichi went up the stairs and heard strumming from one of the rooms. He paused outside of the door to listen.

Kageyama was definitely playing, Daichi recognized his self-assured, technical style. There was a giddy cheer. Hinata. He leaned against the wall and the fatigue of the evening caught up to him. He lowered himself to the ground next to the door, hidden from view.

“Let’s play it all the way through! Maybe we can play it at the show next weekend.”

“Don’t be an idiot. We don’t know if we can. And it’s too soon. We’re not done with it!”

Fabric rustled from inside the room.

“Ow! Don’t grab my face like that! And I mean it! Can we do it just one more time tonight? It’s so good, Kageyama.”

“Fine,” he grumbled.

Daichi could almost hear Kageyama’s scowl through the wall. Hinata cleared his throat and Kageyama started to play. Kageyama’s chords welcomed Hinata’s voice and Daichi closed his eyes.

    If you knew that you would die today,
    If you saw the face of God and love,
    Would you change?
    Would you change?

Hinata paused after the first repetition of his question and the little riff that Kageyama had inserted into the introductory chords rounded out the second. Their teamwork was incredible, he had to give them that.

    If you knew that love can break your heart,
    When you're down so low you cannot fall,
    Would you change?
    Would you change?

Their dynamic was so different from the fierce competitiveness and boundless energy that usually defined both their friendship and musical partnership. The lyrics were beautiful in their simplicity and haunting in their ambiguity. A cold shiver ran down Daichi’s spine.

    How bad, how good, does it need to get?
    How many losses, how much regret?
    What chain reaction, what cause and effect,
    Makes you turn around, makes you try to explain,
    Makes you forgive and forget,
    Makes you change?
    Makes you change?

Kageyama picked up the pace and Daichi sat up a little straighter.

    If you knew that you would be alone,
    Knowing right being wrong,
    Would you change?
    Would you change?

Did Hinata really write these words? His voice had a new sense of urgency and all of the pain, loneliness, and longing that Daichi had desperately tried to suppress bubbled up to the surface.

    If you knew that you would find a truth
    That brings a pain that can't be soothed,
    Would you change?
    Would you change?

Daichi clenched his fists and he fought the urge to get up and make them stop. His inaction and self-doubt pressed on him until he was short of breath. Suga’s tears threatened to drown him.

    How bad, how good does it need to get?
    How many losses, how much regret?
    What chain reaction, what cause and effect
    Makes you turn around, makes you try to explain,
    Makes you forgive and forget,
    Makes you change?
    Makes you change?

How could Hinata wrap his voice around Daichi’s heart like this and squeeze until his blood ran cold?

    Are you so upright you can't be bent, if it comes to blows?
    Are you so sure you won't be crawling?
    If not for the good, why risk falling? Why risk falling?
    If everything you think you know makes your life unbearable,
    Would you change?
    Would you change?

Kageyama missed a chord and Daichi opened his eyes. It wasn’t like Kageyama to miss a note. Daichi wiped his eyes and conjured Suga’s face, his smile, his laugh. Why risk falling? Hah. You only had to be around Suga for ten minutes to understand.

    If you'd broken every rule and vow,
    And hard times come to bring you down,
    Would you change?
    Would you change?
    If you knew that you would die today,
    If you saw the face of God and love,
    Would you change?

The song wound down and Daichi let out a shaky breath. He relaxed against the wall.

He might be sad, hurt, and broken, but, even if Suga never returned his feelings, he wouldn’t change any of it. The part of him that was in love with Suga would be the part that kept him moving forward, that allowed him to hope, to grow. He trusted they would work out. That they would do it together.

“Bakageyama, are you crying?!” Hinata squealed once the song was over.

Kageyama sniffed. “Your voice was so off key that it MADE me cry.”

“My voice was perfect! You’re the one that screwed up halfway through!”

“S-shut up! Don’t be such a dumbass.”

Daichi heard one of them get up.

“Yamaguchi just texted me to say that him and Tsukishima were leaving soon, so I’m going to go hang out with them for a little. Wanna come?”

“I don’t have to go everywhere with you,” Kageyama said coolly.

“I know that! Don’t be such a drama queen. Just come find me when you want, kay?”

Hinata bounded out of the room and ran down the stairs without noticing Daichi on the ground next to the door. He watched Hinata go and turned to look up at Kageyama, who had stepped into the door frame.

Daichi had expected Kageyama to just nod and be on his way, but, instead, he sat down next to him against the wall. It was quiet. Daichi looked at his face and was surprised to see that it was bright red.

“You okay, Kageyama? You look like you’re about to combust.”

Kageyama nodded. Daichi was just about to ask about the song when Kageyama blurted out “I like him.”

“What?” Daichi asked. He wasn’t sure if he heard him right.

“What?” Kageyama repeated, like he was surprised by his own words. Daichi glared. He wasn’t in the mood for games.

“I like him,” Kageyama said again, this time with more conviction.

Crap. Daichi shifted. If this past week and a half had confirmed anything, it was that he sucked at this kind of stuff. Kageyama, undeterred by Daichi’s silence, continued talking.

“It’s like I can’t even remember my life before Hinata. Or maybe it’s that I don’t want to. I can’t tell,” he admitted.

“You guys barely know each other.”

Kageyama glowered and Daichi just laughed.

“He’s just,” Kageyama held his hands in front of him like he was trying to hold something too big for his arms, “so much. Like he’s the center of something amazing and I’m circling him to get where he’s going.”

Daichi knew this feeling well. He had struggled to find the word for weeks and, now, finally, it was at the tip of his tongue.

“Satellite,” Daichi said softly.

Kageyama’s eyes widened for a second. “Yeah,” he whispered.

“Are you guys…” Daichi trailed off. He didn’t know what he was trying to ask.

“Hm?”

“Ah, nevermind. It’s nothing.”

Kageyama swallowed hard. “It’s not nothing. I want to be. With him, I mean. I want us to play together for as long as we’re able. Forever. And maybe more. It’s dumb.”

“No,” Daichi said quickly. “It’s not dumb.”

“I don’t even know if he likes guys, or girls, or if he has any interest in anything other than music and being a dumbass. What do I do?” Kageyama asked.

Daichi almost couldn’t believe the words that were about to come out of his mouth. “If you want to know, you have to talk to him about it.”

“What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“Ah, well, you respect his feelings and move on the best you can.”

“Do you not like Suga?”

“What?” Daichi’s head jerked back so far that it hit the wall. He cradled the back of his head and turned to face Kageyama, who stared at him intently.

“He’s been sad lately and it sucks,” Kageyama said bluntly. He wasn’t a chipper person to begin with, but there was an unsettling edge to his words that made Daichi anxious.

“I,” Daichi paused. He hadn’t told anyone about their conversation but he had a feeling that Kageyama wouldn’t scream it from the rooftops. “I love him, Kageyama. I think I’ve loved him for years, in a way.”

Kageyama faced him but his eyes weren’t focused. It looked like he was trying to work out something in his head and only needed a place to rest his eyes.

“Anyway, I think you should talk it over with Hinata. You don’t have to confess anything or go crazy, but you should at least start talking seriously.”

“Yeah,” Kageyama agreed. His phone buzzed. “That’s Hinata. He says he’s bored.” he huffed. “Thanks, Daichi. And, I don’t have a lot of… experience, but I think Suga loves you, too.”

Daichi bit back a sad smile. “I don’t know about that. Go have fun with Hinata and try not to yell at him, at least for the last bit of the party.”

Kageyama nodded solemnly and left.

The Court played on the speakers downstairs and Daichi wondered how Oikawa and Iwaizumi worked things out between them. It couldn’t hurt to find out.