Confession
Elsa could not get her mind on anything else, since they met the wise woman. Her realization occurred out of the blue, as if a boulder ran her over. The younger girl was indeed beautiful, the queen had to admit. She acknowledged it from the very start. But despite her emotions, the queen knew her feelings were meaningless.
I have too many responsibilities to uphold in Arendelle, I would have no time to court a suitor. However this excuse did not line up with reality. Her subjects expected her to be wed in due time, as was custom. To add, she was nowhere near Arendelle. Far from it.
A queen has never pursued a woman alternate to a man. The thought was half true, at least in Arendelle’s royal line. In other kingdoms, there were “scandals” of royals falling in love and marrying the same sex. She could recall a smaller kingdom to the south, where a prince married a duke. On most accounts, those ties were looked at with prejudice. But not every citizen considered it unfavorable.
One thing she worried about, if she took a woman for a suitor, was the public attention. Certainly, she would be cut some slack, unlike the prince and the duke. Though she would of course be rebuked, there was some odd phenomenon which viewed female same-sex couples less distastefully than their male counterparts. It was called a double standard to say the least. But Elsa remembered hearing about two baronesses secretly eloping, and moved to an island in the south. The secret did not last for long. In short time it created a commotion, a useless debate over whether or not their relationship was platonic.
Those closest to me wouldn’t approve. Elsa could not envision the older, conservative crowd approving of the queen pursuing a woman. Anna was the only family that actually mattered to her, and Elsa knew she would be a firm support. Her younger sister was very open minded. More often than not, too open minded for her own good. She was not sure about Kristoff. But she knew he would not outwardly express his opinion if he disagreed.
It was probable that her subjects would consider dethroning her. The incident had transpired previously with other kingdoms, and Elsa did not exactly hold a squeaky clean record, recalling the events which followed post coronation. At the same time, it was part of Arendelle’s culture to be forgiving. This was reflected in the peoples’ understanding of how she had lost control. But this time was different. Two weeks had passed since her departure, and though it was not considered a long period to be absent, it was the reason behind it which concerned her. If anyone outside the castle discovered why she left, it could put her in trouble. Technically speaking, she was taking a business trip. That was it! And most business trips took up to a month, to even six months.
She continued constructing more excuses to tell herself. The blonde was not in a position to even consider romance, thinking back to that horrifying night of their escape. In one night, of her greatest fears came true. She had killed someone by her own hands. In this case, multiple people. It did not matter that they kidnapped and poisoned her and Tanya. No one deserved to die, even if it was what she really wanted. To kill. Honestly, she did not know entirely if her actions were intentional or unintentional. If she had known that the ship would sink and the pirates would drown, would she still have frozen the boat? Deliberate or not, it was her fault, even if she functioned to protect herself and Tanya. This accident haunted her dreams almost every night. When she woke up in the morning, the queen would feel lethargic and restless. Elsa did her best to block the experience, replacing it with other growing, positive feelings. But now that she was reflecting over everything, she would eventually have to open up and lick her wounds. Would Tanya ever accept me if she knew what happened? Even if she found out I was a murderer? Tanya had no idea why the pirates, sailors to her knowledge, were even chasing us in the first place. Elsa knew that the princess probably wondered, though she never pried about it to the queen.
Tanya would never reciprocate feelings. After all, she does not feel the same way towards me. There was always a chance that being honest with the princess would ruin their somewhat recent, established friendship. But was that what she wanted to be, just friends?
The queen’s hand rummaged inside her bag, and landed on a familiar piece of jewelry. Elsa did not pull her hand out with the object inside, instead she rested it on the necklace. She almost forgot she purchased it, with the wavering intent on giving it to the princess. It was an impulse buy, and the queen was not the impulsive type. But watching Tanya in the town market, Elsa remembered how her face lit up. Or when Tanya offered her a helping hand, when she so gracefully slipped and fell into the cold sea. There was an unexplainable desire of wanting to give something to the princess. Recalling her first memory of the younger girl at her sister’s engagement celebration, it was the same desire which prompted Elsa to initiate conversation. Elsa still remembered the details. Tanya had worn a rather plain green dress, her silk hair in a formal style, the thick gloves she still wore, and her eyes… Her captivating blue-green eyes that held an ocean.
The queen quivered in realization. Before she met Tanya, she had never experienced the same precise feeling, or observed someone as intently. She was smitten with the younger girl, since the moment they first met.
Did Anna feel the same way when she met Prince Hans of the Southern Isles? Of course, their relationship was an entirely different situation and dynamic. The queen maintained her rising feelings for Tanya, while Anna’s quickly faded.
“Here we are!” Tanya’s voice interrupted the queen’s train of thought. They both were silent for quite some time, though it was not uncomfortable. Not in the least.
They had travelled out of the forest across the plains, and had finally come to a wooded area placed at the base of a tall mountain range.
“I don’t see Aldyn anywhere.” There was playfulness in Elsa’s voice.
“Well, we aren’t there there. Aldyn is just over and on the other side of these mountains. But I was talking about an entrance through the mountains.” The brown haired girl lifted up some ivy that draped down the rocks, and revealed a small entrance way between two boulders.
“Ta-da!” Tanya exclaimed. “I know the entrance looks small, but the cave runs from here to the other side of the mountains. It’s not used much by everybody though, it’s actually one of the many secret passageways only known to the royal family. While it takes a good few days to go over the mountains, it only takes less than a day to travel this way.” She folded her arms across her chest, and had a proud look on her face.
“You didn’t have to share a royal family secret with me.”
“Well I certainly don’t want to cross that range, and more than likely you don’t want to either. So voila, secret passage!” She extended both arms in a presenting gesture towards the cave entrance.
Elsa smiled, “I’m honored you would confide in me with this, since I am a queen from a different kingdom. But let’s confront the passage tomorrow morning, and settle down here for the day.” It was past midday, and Elsa’s feet were aching. Plus, she could use something to eat.
“Not a bad idea, a nap actually sounds pretty good right now,” Tanya knelt down by a few trees and patted the green grass with both hands. “And if you are fine with it, that’s exactly what I’m going to do!” Tanya laid down in the shade, taking off her cloak and using it as a blanket.
“Be my guest, while you do just that I’m going to look around the area a bit,” the queen said, glancing back at the dork, who was dozing off already.
Elsa did not want to go too far from the princess, until she noticed a small clearing. There was a large pond, with pine and birch trees of all sizes encircling around the bank.
Suddenly, an idea sparked in her head. It would not be too long until they arrived at Aldyn. The blonde clutched the necklace in her bag once more. She did not know how many opportunities remained where she could give the necklace to the princess. Right then and there, Elsa decided she would inform Tanya in how she felt.
She would tell her that very night. Everything was happening so fast, yet it was fantastic.
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True to her word, Anna did not extend her time purchasing necessities in the town. Although she received a few curious looks with Sven at her side, no one approached her about it. She could not point her finger on it, but Anna had an unexplainable sensation of being watched. The princess concluded it had to be paranoia. Every few seconds she privately scanned the area, and left the town within an hour.
Anna held the snowman’s twig hand the majority of the way along the path, before taking the occasional rest stop. Sooner or later, her mind slowed along with her heart rate, and became at ease once more.
“Ah finally, look at the open sky Anna!” Olaf exclaimed with pure joy. The dull overcast had burned away, exposing the soft blue behind. “A picnic would be perfect here,” Olaf waddle-ran ahead, and spread his arms across the long green grass.
“It would, but we don’t have enough food for a picnic,” Anna said. “Our amount is only sufficient for about a week before we run out, so we need to make sure to ration the portions. Hopefully before then we’ll find Elsa.”
Sven put his head under Anna’s arm and looked up at her sympathetically.
“Of course we will, I wouldn’t doubt it! She’s probably missing you just as much.” Anna did not quite believe the snowman’s comforting words, despite wishing for the same amount of confidence. A happy grin rose on her face, doing her best to not dwell on the worst. It was her sister, and Anna had full surety in her. But it was that tiny whisper in her gut which held the most influence.
The sun was going to set in a few hours, and was descending to the left of the group. There were no clouds in the pale atmosphere above them, except for one lone cloud in the distance ahead. Analyzing its rather odd shape, Anna squinted her eyes and examined it closer. It was not a cloud, but dark smoke.
“Look over there!” Anna pointed out. Sven already seemed to notice it. “Let’s check it out. Maybe Elsa’s nearby. Or maybe there are people over there who’ve seen her pass by. Do you think it’s worth checking out?”
“We don’t have much to lose!” Olaf said. Sven just grunted, in agreement. If Kristoff were here, he would do his impression of Sven which she continuously teased him for. It was all in good humor anyways. In the first few weeks of officially dating, it did not take Anna too long to discover Kristoff could be as big of a dork as she. That was one of several reasons why she wanted to marry him.
In order to distract herself, she initiated conversation with the two, as they trailed along the way.
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Kristoff did not feel well at all. In fact, he harbored nausea for days. He came to a supposition that he was not poisoned at the dinner meeting. Rather, he suspected someone was poisoning him in a more indirect way. His horrible headache caused his knees to go weak and the urge to collapse. Walking into the bathroom to wash up, he observed after coughing, drops of blood splattered in the sink. His throat suddenly tasted uniquely metallic. Something was definitely wrong.
Rather than talk to Gerda, the blond man did not tell anyone. He had no idea what was happening, or who, if anyone, wanted him gone. To his knowledge, it could be a result of something else entirely. To be on the safe side, Kristoff decided to take matters into his own hands, and do what he could to solve the mystery. He cut out certain meals throughout the day, and took rough mental notes on what times the symptoms became strongest. This experiment of his went on for several days, and came to the deduction that nothing he consumed during the main meals was the culprit. Perhaps it might be some snack he ate or something he drank on a regular basis? For all he knew, the poison could be airborne.
Indications were at their worst around nighttime, just after he would dress for bed. The only things he came in contact with were his bed, book, lute, and tea. Refusing the tea for a couple days made it the easiest subject to test.
In no time, his condition significantly improved. To see whether his fear was correct, or if he simply caught a wicked strain of the flu, he resumed drinking tea another two nights. Much to Kristoff’s dismay, the outcome was more blood on the bathroom floor.
There was most likely poison in his tea, and someone was consistently putting it in every night.
The next evening, Kristoff snuck into the kitchen and hid inside, keeping a watch on the environment. Strangely, he felt like a boy again playing hide and seek with Sven and the trolls, but this was no game. He saw no unusual business happening with any of the staff. They all seemed like they were just going about their evening routine. Perhaps it was all in his head. What am I even doing right now?
Kristoff scratched the top of his unnaturally clean head. None of this made sense. Maybe I could’ve had a bad reaction to a certain ingredient. The majority of people are allergic to things anyway.
After hiding behind a heavy curtain for an hour, the kitchen supervisor walked in from his break. He conversed with another cook preparing soup, and tea on the back stove burner. He poured a cup for himself, said another word to the man preparing the meal, and walked away to the counter on the other side of the room. There, he dashed a hint of cream and sugar into the cup. Nothing unusual about it. Until he reached down his coat pocket, and drew a small vile out. Inside contained a light green fluid. He proceeded to add a drop of the liquid into the tea. Unaware to the cook’s knowledge, he was oblivious to everything else around him, absorbed in chopping vegetables. Reaching for a small plate on a shelf, he put it under the cup, and hurried out the kitchen.
Kristoff used this chance to sneak away and follow him. Quickly slipping out from behind the curtain with no one aware, he internally said a thanks for his comfortable and quiet moccasins. No one around paid any attention. He peered around the corner. Kristoff saw him talking to none other than Gerda the princess’ nanny who helped oversee the castle with Kai. They swapped a few words before the kitchen overseer finally handed over the tea to Gerda. Seeming to have made a joke, Gerda smiled in response. Instead of drinking the beverage, she turned around and went up the stairs. The man went the opposite way, walking back the way he came.
At this point, Kristoff still wanted to follow the supervisor, but knew it was more important that he followed Gerda. The former nanny was not the type to go behind the royal family’s back, intentionally anyway. And in the stable, he overheard men’s voices, not a woman’s. Avoiding any awkward confrontation, Kristoff peaked out to see Gerda turn to her left at the top of the staircase. She was going in the direction of his room.
The mountain man crept up the stairs, and hid behind a statue against the wall. It was big enough to hide his large frame, and she passed him oblivious to his presence on the way out. Once the attendant was a distance ahead, Kristoff made a beeline for his room. Opening the door, the first thing the blond man saw on his desk was the poisoned tea. Instead of drinking it like normal, he opened the window and poured it outside.
Someone was in fact actively trying to get rid of him. And now he had a couple leads.
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“So where are you taking me?”
“You’ll see, soon enough,” Elsa said with a smile. She could barely force the words out through all the nerves and adrenaline rushing through her body. Luckily Tanya was blindfolded and could not see the queen freaking out. Finally she going to do something special for the princess, and her daydreams hopefully about to become reality.
The two girls arrived at the clearing Elsa discovered earlier that day. The blonde girl went behind Tanya and untied the cloth, lifting it above her head. Once the ash blonde realized what was in front of her, she let out a gasp.
“Surprise,” it came out more like a nervous laugh. Naturally she did not sweat because of her powers. But if her body was able to, she would be doing so now. “I wanted to do something fun with you, before we arrive at Aldyn.”
Tanya looked all around her in amazement. The whole pond was completely frozen solid. The trees were flocked with snow and icicles, and highly detailed crystals dangled off the branches. The ground was completely covered with white, about two feet tall. A cold rush of air burst through Tanya’s hair, and Elsa saw her shiver from the sudden chill.
“It’s beautiful. You did this yourself?” Tanya went over to admire the delicate crystals hanging down, before running towards the pond. It was less of a question, and more of a statement.
“Really Elsa, this is beautiful… I honestly don’t know what to say. I’ve never experienced anything like it.”
Elsa had no clue what to say either. She was too engrossed in watching the girl. Come on, get it together. You are always good with your words and knowing what to say. Why can’t you say anything?
“I’m glad you like it.” I’m glad you like it? Elsa beat herself up mentally. Couldn’t you have said something more romantic or meaningful?
The queen went over to the princess, who was at the edge of the pond. She took Tanya by the arm, and pulled her towards the frozen pond.
“Do you know how to ice skate?” Elsa asked.
“Um, I’ve never done it before, but I have watched experts in the past. It’s a very beautiful art.” She slightly pulled her arm back, and the queen’s grip loosed.
“Would you like to learn?”
“I don’t know,” Tanya looked away. “I mean, I want to. But I don’t know if I can with my powers.”
“It’s okay, I’ll teach you.” Elsa was already on the frozen rink, and pulled Tanya in, grabbing her hands. In a pinch, the queen created beautiful crystal ice skates for the girl’s feet, and took her gloved hand. “…We can take it slow, since this is your first time. Try to use the inside edge of your skates to push off. Make sure not to lean too far forward or back.”
Tanya copied Elsa, who glided slowly across the smooth ice. The way Elsa moved, paralleled the way she walked on actual ground. The princess was not as graceful. After halfway around the pond, Tanya flipped out, lost her balance, and fell on her back like a starfish. Luckily, she did not pull Elsa down with her.
She sat up and rubbed her back, annoyed, and squinting one eye from soreness. “It’s not as easy as you make it,” the ash haired girl commented.
“Well, I have lived my whole life with ice. It would be a surprise to me if I didn’t know how to move on it as well. I know this probably feels a bit unnatural for you. If you want we can stop.”
“No, I’m alright. I’m somewhat surprised I haven’t melted the entire place already.” Tanya regained herself, and Elsa helped the girl up, resuming the skating lesson.
Tanya seemed irritated from consistently falling down every few seconds, but after a few times around the rink, it wore off once she figured the motion out.
“Are you ready to try something?” The queen took the princess’ hand, and attempted to spin her around.
“Woah, no not really!” But the queen was ahead of her. Tanya lost her footing, not knowing what to do, and fell down forwards while knocking Elsa down with her. To her sheer humiliation, the queen recognized the princess on top of her. Elsa caught her eyes, which shared the identical awkwardness. Instead of the tired eyes she was used to seeing, they sparkled like stars from the light reflected off the ice. The younger girl’s cheeks burned madly.
“Oh my… I’m so sorry,” Tanya stammered as she attempted to get herself up. Unsuccessfully, her hands and legs slipped again and fell on top of Elsa once more, this time their faces in closer proximity. In seconds, Tanya’s hands started glowing, and the whole pond thawed along with the rest of the area around them. The air became humid, and steam evaporated into the air. Now standing soaked in a pool, the water only grew warmer.
“Oh no, I ruined everything!” Tanya was clearly upset and kicking herself.
“You didn’t try to ruin anything, it was an accident. However, I do think I’m going to get out of the water!” Elsa was not discouraged by the mishap at all. If anything, she found it cute. It would give her a chance to give her the gift which was contained in her dress skirt pocket. Maybe ice skating was not the brightest activity to choose after all. But the two of them did have fun while it lasted, and Tanya was able to try something new.
“Okay, um I think I’m going to cool off in the water,” Tanya replied, her face still red. Ironically, the temperature of the pond was the same as a hot spring. She went back in, grumbling to herself, and almost fully submerging her head.
After finding a substitute towel to dry with and kicking off her boots, Elsa returned to the princess, who was sitting on the edge. The girl’s feet waded in the water, and her hands wrung through her hair. Elsa stooped over and took a seat beside her.
“Hey, you don’t have to feel embarrassed. Really, at all,” Elsa told her. “Trust me, I can’t count how many times I’ve accidentaly frozen something.”
“I can’t think how you of all people could do something embarrassing. You always seem to have it together, for the most part.” Tanya let out a smirk.
“Hey now, I’ve had my share. For example while walking up the castle stairs, I may or may not have not tripped over my dress a few times in front of everyone. Everyone does things that embarrass themselves, you just have to learn to laugh at it. Even serious, queens like me.”
“You’re not always stoic, I think you just like people to think that.”
“Well done, you have me figured out. My entire cover has been blown away. Now people of Arendelle won’t take me seriously as queen.”
Tanya laughed, “Hey it’s a good thing! You wouldn’t be as interesting if you were always serious.”
“Not as interesting? And what if I happen to like being serious all the time?” Elsa crossed her arms.
“I wouldn’t believe it. You certainly play a good cover, but it’s refreshing to see you have a somewhat existent sense of humor. Being with you is definitely a change from all the depressing, deadpan people who work in Aldyn’s castle. My father especially,” she hesitated, after processing what she said. “I’m sorry, I shared too much.” They locked eyes, and the princess had her mouth slightly open. She was engulfed by Elsa’s own topaz blue eyes.
Maybe now it was time to give Tanya her gift. She had no idea when was the right time, but suddenly now seemed perfect. She was ready, at least she thought.
“Tanya, I wanted to give you something for a while.”
Her head twitched, as if she woke up from a trance, “Huh?”
“While we were still in the village walking around the flea market, I saw this,” Elsa revealed the red necklace, “and got it for you. It seemed fitting for you.”
Once the brunette girl saw the necklace, she gasped and went still. This all made the queen nervous. It was evidently a very expensive gift, and Tanya knew very well that a friend would not go out of their way to give a valuable necklace.
“Elsa, I can’t.”
It was if the entire world had stopped in place.
“Is this how you feel about me?”
Oh no what do I say? She was terrified to admit her feelings, now that there was a giant possibility of rejection. Now that she put it out there, she had to. She owed Tanya that much, the honest truth. I better not mess this up now.
“Yes,” Elsa gulped with a heavy throat, “very much so actually.”
Keeping her gaze on Elsa’s, she took the necklace out of her hands and clasped it around her neck. Her eyes became sad. “I’ll accept your gift Elsa,” she placed her hand on the queen’s knee. “But you’re the queen of Arendelle and I’m just... I… we can’t,” her hand flinched and she pulled it back.
A new confidence overtook Elsa. “After we speak to the king and queen of Aldyn, come back to Arendelle with me,” she realized that probably came off too forced. “I mean I would be honored if you accompanied me back to Arendelle. Please.”
“I wish I could.”
“You can. I can talk to your parents and explain everything. We both can.”
“No, you need to think of your people,” Tanya’s eyes became watery. “I can’t get in the way of Arendelle’s…” She stopped.
“Arendelle’s line?”
The princess looked up at the ice queen, startled, as if the queen had just read her very mind.
“Because you won’t.” Elsa knew ultimately, Anna and Kristoff were going to be the ones to continue Arendelle’s throne. Elsa knew that deep down, for a long time.
The blonde knew that by asking the Aldyn princess to come back to Arendelle with her, she was potentially asking for her hand. Tanya knew that as well, based on what she said next.
“It’s such a shock, I don’t know what to think,” Tanya replied. “You’re asking to court me. That’s huge Elsa, it could put your monarchy in jeopardy.” Aside from the excused, Tanya was not clearly rejecting her either.
“I’m very mindful of that.”
“So why…” But it just came out more as a whisper, because she realized that Elsa was leaning her head closer to hers. The blonde saw Tanya start to close her eyes and part her lips. But when their lips were just centimeters apart, Tanya jolted her head back.
“Elsa I can’t. I won’t get in the way of your responsibility and your kingdom. It would be wise if you considered going back to Arendelle right now, and letting me go by myself,” she stood up, making Elsa feel small.
“I’m going to at least accompany you the rest of the way to Aldyn.”
“Why? Why do you need to?” Tanya snapped. “When I came to Arendelle, I didn’t have responsibilities to leave behind. But you left Arendelle just like that, by yourself, to follow me,” with one hand on her hip, she snapped her fingers with the other. “You’ve barely sent any word back to your castle, to even let them know you’re okay. It’s been almost two weeks! Think of how your sister, and everyone you’ve left behind must feel.”
She had hit Elsa’s sore spot, and the queen felt her hands freezing up. But Tanya was right. The queen had left the throne and much bigger responsibilities behind than Tanya. Leaving by herself without guards or any escorts maybe was not the smartest idea after all. She had not anticipated their journey to be this long, but with their initial capture, it threw her off schedule. However she was firm on making sure Tanya arrived to Aldyn safely, since there was no other escort around to accompany her.
“No, I didn’t plan on you running away in the first place. On top of that, we were so fortunate to be captured and drugged by pirates, with the intent on selling us as slaves.”
“Is that really what happened, before you rescued me?”
Elsa forgot the princess had no relocation of the events which took place on the pirate ship, or the details of precisely how Elsa saved them. The queen knew what question was coming next.
“How did we escape?”
There was the question Elsa was trying to avoid. But she knew at this point, lying to Tanya was not worth it. “I froze the prison and the pirates guarding us, while carrying you off at the same time. We managed to jump off the pirate ship at sea, onto a boat I made. The ice spread from our cell to the rest of the deck. The ship… froze over and tipped on its side.”
“Well. That explains why those men back at the town were chasing us.”
“Aren’t you upset?”
“Upset that you managed to sink a whole ship with a crew on board? They drugged us and were going to try to sell us Els’. It was a consequence of their actions. There’s not much else that could’ve been done. If I were in your position, I would have done all I could to protect you and escape, in the way I know how; which by the way would have played out much worse scenario.”
“Don’t believe that for a second. Your powers don’t want to destroy, the curse does.”
“But what if they do? What if it’s not just the curse?”
“I don’t believe that at all. Not because you don’t have the capacity to, but because you don’t have a desire for destruction.”
“Elsa. Please don’t follow me to Aldyn. You have to go back to Arendelle and be queen. You don’t know what you’re getting into.”
“I’m not going to, and deep down I doubt that’s what you want either.” Elsa stood and tried to reach for Tanya’s hand, but the princess was faster. She ran a distance away from the queen, and spun around to face her. Elsa held one of the girl’s gloves in her hand, with a sad, confused expression.
“Don’t follow me!” At the moment Tanya yelled and moved her remaining gloved hand, flames burst from the princess, setting the ground ablaze. Between the two of them, a tall wall of fire stood aggressively. As Tanya turned and ran away towards the secret passage, Elsa saw the girl’s eyes flash through the flames. She could make out a small voice on the other side, “I couldn’t bear you getting hurt.”
Elsa put out the inferno by blasting ice, making a forward motion with both arms. After a couple minutes, she succeeded in downing the barrier. But by then it was too late, and Tanya was nowhere in sight. She had really screwed up.