Surrender

“Quitting what? Which show?” Angie asks, her thick brows furrowed in confusion, brain unwilling to process the obvious answer. “Oh oh oh, wait, you mean Shameless?” she tries to confirm, quickly tempering the rise in her pitch and putting away the relief she inexplicably feels for later dissection.

Jan sighs and shakes her head. Her face displays sadness and regret, cluing Angie in on the answer to her question. “She’s quitting Rizzoli & Isles? But…” she takes a breath, more wondering out loud than directly asking the older woman. “But it’s our last season. She can’t just finish it up?” This time the tall brunette feels some irritation bubbling in her chest.

“I asked just as much,” Jan replies simply. “But she said she can’t and her reasons are,” she hesitates, unsure whether Angie has any clue at all the role she plays in her co-star’s decision. “Her reasons are...compelling. “ She thinks she detects something in Angie’s eyes.

“Did...did she tell you exactly why?”

“She...she gave me a hint of what it is. It’s personal and...I don’t really know, Ang.” Jan sits back on her desk, feeling exhausted all of a sudden, the implications on the show and the decisions that now have to be made suddenly sinking in. “I’m hoping the week off for everyone gives her time to, I don’t know...reconsider maybe. Maybe at least be in the last 2 or 3 episodes at least…”

Jan leaves her thought hanging, instead settling her eyes on Angie who she realizes may not have been listening to her at all as she sees the brunette’s forehead creased, eyes staring off somewhere in the vicinity of her desk.

She appears to snap out of whatever trance she had been in after a while, shaking a headful of curls as she breathes in harshly. “Yeah, yeah, I hope so. But hey, I gotta go, flight to catch. I’ll see you in a week, alright.” Angie gives Jan a hurried, distracted hug before quickly turning toward the door.

“Angie.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not even gonna try to talk to Sash?”

“Ta...wh...I mean, if you think I should, I...I guess I can. Although I’m not sure how much help-”

“Don’t you think you’re part of this decision?” Jan asks, telling herself this question she would’ve asked regardless of whether she had been privy or not to the recently revealed information from Sasha.

“What? Why would I be part of her decision? I mean...did she say I’m why she’s quitting?” Fear and irritation color the actress’ tone.

“That’s not what I meant, Ang. I mean...you two are my leads, you’re the title characters. Her decision affects you...and the show, too, of course. But she’s the Isles to your Rizzoli. If she quits...I’m not sure how to go on with the show. I don’t mean we won’t have a season seven...just that I have no idea how to get on with it if she does quit.”

Again, brunette head bows heavily, eventually nodding almost imperceptibly.

“I’ll talk to her.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unable to sleep, her conversation with Jan and then having to leave Angie behind with their boss afterward weighing heavily on her mind, Sasha finds herself sitting in her garden well past midnight, cup of tea keeping her hands warm.

Several times, she has debated whether to send the text she had typed up to Jan, wondering whether Jan had revealed the gist of their conversation to Angie. She had immediately regretted that, in her hurry to leave, she had forgotten to ask Jan to keep her quitting a secret for a few days at least. Such is the severity of her edginess and itch to contact Jan that when her phone’s ringtone starts to sound, she literally jumps a couple of inches off the bench.

Sure it would be Jan, she quickly takes the call.

“I was just thinking about you, I’m so glad you called so I won’t even have to think about sending that text now,” she quickly rambles off.

She gets silence in answer to her not-quite-greeting.

“What’s in the text?” A voice - familiar but definitely not Jan’s - finally replies.

Angie’s.

She would recognize that voice anywhere.

“Oh..uh, uhm hey, uh...Angie. I’m sorry I thought you were Jan,” the normally articulate blonde stammers.

“Oh.” Angie takes a breath, feeling mildly disappointed. “Uhm, hey. I’m sorry to call so late, it’s just...I just got home and the kids are all in bed but I...I couldn’t sleep and I uh, I promised Jan I’d call you...talk to you so uhm yeah, I’m calling.” She stops, takes a breath. “Can we talk?” When she doesn’t get an immediate reply, Angie slaps her forehead in realization. “Oh my god, I’m sorry, Sash, I didn’t realize it’s almost 2. You must have been sleeping I’m so sor-”

“No, no it’s ok. I was up anyway. I uh...I can talk.”

“I don’t want to wake anyone, Sash. I can call you again tomorrow...later.”

Sasha smiles, instinctively pleased to hear the other woman call her by shortened name. It has been a while since she’s even looked her in the eye, much less called her by her name.

“I’m sitting in my garden actually.”

“At this hour?”

Sasha smiles again, feeling an inordinate amount of pleasure from something so mundane as an almost-normal conversation with the co-star she has undeniably missed.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, so…”

“Thinking about what you and Jan talked about earlier?” Angie asks, taking advantage of the opening to bring the topic up.

Sasha sighs, getting the answer to her question. Jan for sure has told Angie.

“Yes, I have been thinking about it. Among other things,” the blonde admits quietly.

It’s Angie’s turn to sigh.

“Why now?”

“I know I should have quit early on...before this season even began. On hindsight, that probably would have been bet-”

“That’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean to imply you should’ve quit earlier, Sasha,” the brunette cuts in, frustration evident in her tone. “I meant why quit now when we’re going on our last season anyway? Why can’t you just see the show through to the end?” she continues to question, catching steam. “Do you realize you’re putting other people’s jobs in jeopardy, too? Jan said she doesn’t even know if she can get on with next season if one of her leads isn’t there.” Angie knows the last bit may have been Jan’s actual statement tweaked but she couldn’t stop herself. “Why can’t you do it for the crew and for Jan at least?”

“Because it’s killing me, being around you knowing you hate me!” Sasha practically shouts, equally frustrated and irate now.

The angry declaration stuns Angie into silence.

“I don’t hate you.”

“You could’ve fooled me,” Sasha retorts, still heated. “Is that why you couldn’t even look at me except when you’re Jane and I’m Maura? Is that why you’ve barely said a word to me all season? Is it also why you’ve asked to have our schedules such that our scenes together are done in as few days as possible?” Sasha stops only long enough to catch her breath. “Yes, Angie, I knew about your request. I also know that, although you didn’t expressly ask for it to be the case, you’ve expressed your opinion to the writers about easing up on the physical contact between our characters because it’s not true to the characters.”

“Sasha that’s not -”

“Now tell me you don’t hate me, Angie,” Sasha cuts the brunette off, apparently not done with her rant. “Just don’t expect me to believe you,”