Surrender

“I have to quit, Jan.”

Jan has barely taken a sip of her coffee when she hears those words from one of her stars. She looks up, half-expecting a smirk or a teasing smile on Sasha Alexander’s face. Sure, this kind of joke would be more up the alley of her other star, Angie Harmon, but Sasha does have a wicked sense of humor herself.

Only, none of that is evident on her face right now. She is all subdued seriousness, gravity.

“Quit what?” Jan finds herself asking rather dumbly.

“The show. I can’t come back for a seventh season, Jan. I’m sorry.” Sasha looks down, nervously picking at the tip of a finger.

“What...why not? Did something happen, Sash? Did you…” Jan pauses, unsure of whether to even put it out to the other woman. “Did you get an offer for another show? Are they getting you to be a regular on Shameless? Because I’m sure we can work your schedule out.”

“No no no, it’s definitely not that. It’s…” Sasha takes a deep breath, determination wavering a tad at the sight of Jan’s shocked and hurt expression. “It’s personal, Jan. Just...believe that I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t have to. I love the show, I love everyone. I just...I can’t do it anymore.”

Jan could see the pain and torment painted plainly on Sasha’s face. With the shock that came from the initial announcement wearing off, she settles her thoughts, racking her brain for an explanation.

“But we have a great team and it’s our final season. Why quit now? Why not finish it out as a family, the way you all started out, and go out with a bang?” The producer asks, feeling herself getting excited. And with excitement came hope. “Come on, Sash, whatever it is...if you’re having trouble at home or with anything, let us be there to support you through it. It would be the worst time to leave if you’re having troubles at home -”

“I’m not having troubles at home.”

“If it’s about a raise, we can talk about -”

“I don’t want a raise,” Sasha quickly rejects the theory.

“Ok,” Jan pauses to gather lost momentum. “If you’re having troubles professionally or or...wait, you’re not sick, are you? Oh my god, is that why you can’t continue, you’re sick?”

“Nooo, Jan. I’m not sick. I’m as fit and healthy as I’ve ever been. It’s...it’s just something I can’t talk about. You’d just have to trust that I’ve thought long and hard about this.” The actress’ head drops, the weight of her decision evident on her slumped shoulders. “This is one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made in my life, Jan. Please don’t think I’m taking this lightly at all. I’ve...I’ve weighed everything out and at the end of the day, I’ve decided this would be the best for An...for everyone. For me.” Her breath quickens noticeably, this not going unnoticed by the director’s trained, observant eyes.

Jan had also noticed the almost slip-up and, putting everything she’s observed lately, for most of the sixth season, in fact - she’s slowly coming to the conclusion that this has something to do with her other star.

Their chemistry on camera had been evident from the beginning, something she’s rarely witnessed in any other shows or movies. She knew it was special. What had baffled her had been the discreet but unmistakable distance between the two stars once the cameras stopped rolling. Sure, within the group - cast and crew - there would always be fun and laughter. But she had never seen the two spend more than five minutes together or exchange anything more than barely friendly words with each other. Nothing like the close co-stars she’d always thought them to be, based on the research she’d done on the show.

Tension.

There had always been tension between them, not quite the negative kind. Just the kind she couldn’t quite put a finger to.

“Sasha, do you trust me?” she asks the blonde quietly, looking her in the eyes with as much sincerity as she could muster.

“Of course, Jan.”

“Do you trust me enough to tell me? I’m not asking as your boss now, Sash,” she keeps her eyes locked on Sasha’s, “I’m asking as a friend who wants to help. I can tell it’s something with...something’s going on between you and...Angie.” Jan treads quietly, carefully, still unsure if she’s overstepped her bounds even after she’d finished off her statement.

The look of guilt on Sasha’s face puzzles her.

“What? No, what do you mean something’s going on between me and Angie? Nothing’s...nothing’s going on. I mean why...we’re not…”

“I’m sorry, Sasha. I just thought maybe...you two have issues with each other. Professionally? Screen time? Character direction? Or is it personal? Did you have a...disagreement about anything?”

Sasha looks completely uncomfortable now, like a dog trapped in a corner, terrified but with all her defenses up. Jan knows instantly she’s hit the nail right on the head.

This has to be about Angie.

“It’s not about screen time or the story or my character or anything about the show per se. If I had any issue with those things, you know I wouldn’t hesitate to take that up with you.”

“Then it must be personal,” Jan prompts gently, watching Sasha finally take a seat on the chair in front of her desk.

“If I admit that it is, will you...will you leave it alone?”

“So it is personal,” Jan remarks, almost to herself. “Sasha, you’re both amazing, kind people, I can’t imagine it can be anything you two aren’t capable of working out.”

“I agree.” Her response throws Jan off. She had been expecting Sasha to dispute her statement at least.

“So there you go then, work it out and finish the show off with the family intact.”

“I agree it’s something we should be able to work out. But not while we’re working together. It just…” she hesitates, “It just doesn’t help our...our issue, working together. It only...it seems to only make it worse.”

“What exactly is the issue?” Jan presses.

“I’d really rather not say, Jan…”

“I can’t imagine anything can be so serious you can’t resolve it with a talk.”

“Talking has not helped…”

“So you have tried to talk about it?”

“Of course, we have. I have.” A hint of resistance, of spirit tints the actress’ tone now.

“And you weren’t able to come to an agreement? A compromise? Middle ground?”

“It’s not that simple, Jan,” Sasha sighs, frustration setting in.

“I can’t understand how it couldn’t be that simple. You’re two intelligent, caring people. What can be so bad that you can’t put it behind you, do one last season and finish off the show with you two’s tandem intact? Why can’t you try and -”

“I kissed her!”

TBC?