Can't get you out of my mind

Tooth’s family stopped receiving most letters and calls by the second month. You only got letters from Sam and Max at least once a week, and that was it. They piled up by your hospital bed, untouched. Tooth used to read them to you near the beginning, but it only made them sad. Their parents encouraged them to stop after they found them gnashing their teeth over your bed for the fourth or fifth time.

Since then, the letters just piled up in a little wicker basket. It was okay, though, because by the sixth month, the letters frequency dropped to once a month, and by a year, they seemed to stop completely.

At 2 years, Tooth graduated, and spent the night not at parties, but sitting at your bedside, hoping you could hear their words as they told you what it was like, knowing you just might never get to experience graduation yourself.

“I changed my major,” Tooth had whispered, knowing they had never told you this before, “... after we knew you wouldn’t wake up, I changed it to yours,” they gnashed their teeth, and dropped their head to the bed, letting their soul throb in pain. “I’m going to do what you wanted to,” They promised. “I’ll be the best goddamn teacher in the entire world, you understand?” They rolled their head so they could see your face; it always looked so serene, it made Tooth’s soul hurt more.

“And-” they choked out, “And when they ask me... when they ask me what gave me the motivation to keep going...” Tooth’s mouth closed, clenched, shook. “I’ll tell them it was for the bestest friend in the entire world. I’ll tell them... that you saved my life... Oh god-”

They buried their face in your legs. “I’m so sorry... I’m so sorry...”

“I thought I would find you here.” A voice called, and Tooth looked up.

“Doctor!” Tooth nearly shouted, sitting up straight. The doctor, a stoutly little mouse monster with the kindest smile, walked further into the room.

“You graduated today, did you not? Why aren’t you out partying?”

“Well,” Tooth looked over at your catatonic state.

“Your gratitude and love for your friend is boundless,” the mouse said in reverence, walking to the other side of the bed. “it’s endearing and inspiring.”

Tooth smiled. “How has the research been coming along?”

“Soundly, actually!” The mouse smiled at Tooth, and pulled out a little vial. “Dr. Alphys research on Human Soul Anatomy has finally come up fruitful. I believe we may have found a way to wake up your friend!”

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You wiggled your toes, staring at the pale digits scrunch and un-scrunch. The darkness swirled around your toes like cold water, and you felt shivers go up your spine at the chill. “This will never get old,” you mention, looking to your left.

Gaster looked up from his book, adjusting his glasses and smiling at you. “Well. That’s good,” he answered, “this is your favorite image, after all.”

You huffed a laugh, and closed your eyes, letting a breeze graze your face. You turned away from Gaster, kicking your feet back and forth a bit before opening your eyes. Shapes, figures, things you still didn’t quite understand despite staring at it for what felt like forever floated through the nothingness, bumping into or fading through each other. You squinted your eyes, trying to look further, and only seeing more and more things you didn’t understand.

It was fascinating. You felt like your entire mind had expanded exponentially since you started your stay here. Or at least, your amazement did. Every Time you thought you’d seen everything, something new would flit across your eyesight, and you’d go back to gawking. the only thing that stayed constant in this world was the companion by your side.

You reached out your hand, and he quickly took it, twining your fingers together.

Yes. This is good.

“How long do you think I’ve been here?” You asked, watching your breath swirl out of your mouth in a rainbow of colors before dancing away like scared fish. You laughed.

“I wouldn’t know,” Gaster mused, closing his book and looking out into the nothingness with you. “It feels like forever and yesterday at the same time. Without watching your daily activities on Earth everyday, the concept of time seems to have escaped me.”

“Heh. Makes two of us, then.” You smiled, leaning back until you were lying down. “Do you think everyone misses me?”

“Most likely. You are a bright smile in a dark world.”

“Mmm. Why haven’t I woken up?”

Silence.

You turned your head, looking at Gaster. He sat there, staring into nothing, a frown touching his face. “Gaster. I’ve been here for who knows how long.” You pushed, shaking his hand with yours. “I’d consider you a pretty close friend by now. You can tell me.”

“I’m afraid,” Gaster looked away for a moment, and then took a breath, turning to you and looking into your eyes. “I’m afraid it is most likely my fault.”

“Mmmm,” you broke eye contact, looking up. You felt Gaster attempt to pull his hand from yours, but you tightened your fingers. “Why?”

“.... I... I had to force my way into your mind in order to use my magic and get you out of the burning building... You were in a “seizure” for about 4 minutes, and the energy needed for the magic came from your soul. I’m afraid it may have been too much for you to handle.” His voice wavered, and he sounded guilty. You nodded.

“I thought it might have to do with that... My seizures have never caused me to fall into a coma.”

“I’m sorry,” He pulled his hand away and turned fully toward you. “I just didn’t want you to die!”

“Gaster,” You looked at him with a smile. “If I had the choice between being dead and being here...” You looked up, and breathed, “I’d rather be here.”

You heard Gaster chuckle, and you looked back at him, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s just, you say ‘death and here’ versus ‘death and life.’ I found that humerous.”

“Humorous.” You repeated, “You’re definitely Sans’s father.”

“Hush.” He looked away with a purple blush, and you laughed again.

It had been a very long time since you came here. How long, you weren’t sure, but definitely long enough that your conversations with your companion became more and more natural. They started stiff, confused, wary. You remember the “pink elephant” conservation, and the “house” you used to always create.

After a while, you wondered what this place would look like without the little house. So, you let it go. And quickly pulled it back up again, immediately overwhelmed by the immeasurable nothingness and everythingness. Gaster had comforted you, and explained to you once more what this place was. After that, the two of you had worked together to slowly remove the “house” until you could stare at the open horizon and just gawk. It wasn’t overwhelming anymore. Well. It was still overwhelming, but in a good way rather than a, well, not good way. You still got overwhelmed sometimes, and found yourself scrambling for something tangible to grab, just to ground yourself before you lost your mind.

Gaster became that ground. You would clutch his shirt or bump into his side. On very rare occasions, you would sit in his lap, his arms wrapped around your midsection. Most of the time, though, you just held hands. Holding hands was good.

“Do you think I’ll ever wake up?” you asked, rolling on your side and curling up a bit. You let go of Gaster only briefly to switch hands. He looked at you, and rocked your conjoined hands back and forth.

“I am unsure, to be honest.” he paused, a concerned expression settling on his face. “Do you want to leave?”

“It’s not that I want to leave,” you closed your eyes, “As it is more I want to get you to your family.”

A small gasp.

“You do not need to do that!”

“Sure I do.” You smiled, “you’re my friend. You deserve happiness.”

“But...” he fell silent for a while, before he spoke again, low and slow, “this part of your personality is what got you here in the first place.” His hand tightened around yours, “Can’t you live for yourself for once?”

“That would be boring,” you complained, squeezing his hand back. “All I want is to settle in a cute little home somewhere and have a cafe I got to every day and order the same thing.” You laughed. “That doesn’t make for a very good story, if you ask me!”

“Does life have to be a good story, though?”

“Mine doesn’t,” You opened your eyes, and winked at him. “But yours does!”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It doesn’t have to.”

“Yes it does!” Gaster pouted. You snorted, sitting up.

“Gaster,” you chastised with a smile. “You want to see Sans and Papyrus, don’t you?”

“Well...”

“I was there, Gaster. I had them as friends. I just need to wake up, and find a way to get you out of my head!”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Sure it is!” You grinned at him. He huffed, looking away from you, muttering about how stone-headed you were. You nudged him with a laugh, then stopped.

Something felt off.

Something felt.... painful!

“Gast-” you choked; you couldn’t feel the lower half of your body! Gaster turned to you immediately, concern ridden at the tone of your voice. You sucked in air; breathing became labored. “Gaster-!” You managed. Your chest burned, your legs were useless. You fell backward to lying again. Gaster scrambled around till he was right in front of you, eyes wide.

“What’s wrong?” His hands hovered over your body. Your hands shot out, grabbing his and holding tight.

“It hurts-!” You choked out, tears welling in your eyes.

“What hurts? You have to be more specific!” Gaster’s eyes were filled with panic; you could see his chest rising and falling extremely fast, his eyes flicking around your body, looking for something, anything that was wrong. He was getting fuzzy around the edges.

“No no no I don’t want-” You blubbered, watching Gaster slowly fade away. His voice came to you muffled, and your chest hurt. “No please- No- It hurts-”

Everything went black.

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You opened your eyes and your mouth at the same time, letting a scream rip from your lips. The only thing that came out was a croaking gurgle, tears streaming down your face.

“Doctor! You didn’t say it would hurt! She’s writhing!”

Tooth. Tooth!

Your eyes flicked around until you found your frantic friend to your left, holding onto your hand and shouting at someone you didn’t care about. Tooth was right in front of you. It had been so long!

And... they were in a graduation outfit!

Tooth looked down, and upon seeing your eyes on them, let your name slip from their lips. “Oh my god you’re actually awake. Oh my god!” They squeezed your hand, leaning forward and planting slobbery kisses all over your face. You would have laughed if you weren’t in so much pain. Tooth always kissed instead of hugged: it’s kind of hard to hug when you have a head bigger than your body. You croaked, trying to say their name, but unable. The sound from you seemed to snap Tooth from their blubbering joy, and they snapped into attention. “Oh! Do you want some water?”

You croaked.

“I don’t- I’m going to take that as a yes.”

“No be careful. Just get an ice cube or something. She won’t be able to drink.” The unimportant voice called out, and Tooth paused, looking at them. “She hasn’t used her throat in two years. Do you expect her to-”

You croaked again. Two years! You were gone for two years!

“Fine. Ice Cube.” Tooth said, and quickly scurried away, leaving you alone with the unimportant voice. The doctor, you guessed.

The voice entered your view, and confirmed your suspicions. The doctor looked you in the eyes, and gave you a kind smile. “Ah. You’re cognisant, based on the look in your eyes. That’s surprising, to be honest. You sure are a kicker,” They said, scratching the back of their neck. “Two whole years you were here. You’re pretty lucky Tooth’s family is rich.”

You croaked.

“Heh. I didn’t think the Resilience Serum would actually work. Guess Dr. Alphys really turned around her research then, huh?” The doctor looked away with a smile. “Amazing.” They looked down at you in pity. “You are still in for a rough ride, though...”  

“I got the ice!” You heard Tooth again, and croaked. Ah. That hurt. Tooth practically pushed the doctor away, holding an ice cube to your lips. You weakly opened your mouth, and they let you lap at it.

Ah~ sweet relief. It wet your tonsils, and relieved the pain in your throat. You let Tooth take away the ice from your mouth, and opened your mouth-

And croaked.

“Ah,” Tooth sounded disappointed, looking over to the doctor. “That’s... normal, right?”

“Yes,” the doctor replied. “She hasn’t used any piece of her body for 2 years. A lot of the body suffers immensely from that.” The doctor walked up to you, pressing a finger to your neck. “We’ve used as much magic as healthily possible to keep her-..your muscles from deteriorating, but to be honest,” the doctor looked at you with sad eyes, “ you may never be able to speak again.”

Your eyes widened, and a heavy weight dropped onto your chest.

“We had to concentrate on more vital areas. Your organs, spine, chest, muscles. Your vocal chords did not take heavy precedence over your life. I apologize.”

You tried to swallow, but just coughed instead. You could barely breath.

You wanted to go back to Gaster.

You didn’t want to be awake anymore.

“We really need to run you through some tests, though. To see just how good or bad you are. Tooth?” The doctor looked at Tooth, who seemed shaken to the core. “I’m going to have to ask you to let me do my job. It shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours, but it’s crucial to check her state.”

No. No Tooth. Don’t leave.

“Y-yeah,” Tooth looked at you, then at the ground. “O-okay...” and they shuffled out.

No. No you don’t want to be alone! Please! Please!

The doctor looked at you with a grimace. “I’m going to start checking your vitals and such now. It shouldn’t take long. Then we’re going to run you through a few tests.  An MRI, a CAT scan, an EEG and an EKG. Just a few to make sure you’re working right, alright?” You just blinked. “I’m going to take that as an affirmative.”

Your mouth pulled into a grimace, and tears leaked from your eyes. You were scared. This was terrifying. You didn’t want to be alone. You didn’t want to be here anymore!

Don’t worry, Resilient One, I am here.

Your breathing calmed down almost immediately, and you could feel yourself relax.

Did you think I would leave you?

You coughed out one laugh, blinking the tears away. The doctor lifted your arm, and slipped a blood pressure cuff on it.

I am a much more stubborn figment of your imagination than that. Gaster mocked. You smiled. The cuff began to puff up.

“This may hurt just a little, your skin is extra sensitive.” the doctor warned, and you tensed up.

I’m not leaving you alone. Gaster spoke in your mind, you can hold my hand, if you want.

You nodded, flexing your hand for just a moment before realizing Gaster was not there. You stopped, hoping the Doctor didn’t think you were crazy.

Ah. It’s probably not the same with me not with you, is it? Well... I will have to think of a different way to help...

He fell silent for a moment, and you felt your panic rising again.

Oh. Dear. maybe I should just keep talking?

You nodded. The doctor paused from their reading to look at you for a moment. You made eye contact, but stayed silent. They blinked a few times, and then quickly looked away, shaken.

Well then. I was reading quite an interesting philosophy book. Shall I read that to you?

You nodded.

Very well. Gaster cleared his throat, “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light....”