boys like him don't get happy endings.
i. you meet him and he makes your stomach hurt
Josh Dun is barely old enough to string full and complete sentences together when he pulls Tyler Joseph's head out of a bucket of water. It's in that moment, as he's got his tiny fingers tangled in silky locks, that his stomach first twists and feels funny. "You have to wift your head," he informs the brunette.
"Ohhhh," Tyler says once the air returns to his lungs, "I'm Tyler."
"Who asked?" The taller humphs.
"My mommy taught me it was polite to intwoduce yoursef," he says, slightly crestfallen.
Josh stops for a second. His mother hasn't taught him anything of the sorts.
"Who are you?" Tyler asks.
"Josh," he says curtly. It takes them three weeks and one sandwich to become friends but once they're friends, they're inseparable. The feelings persist in Josh's stomach whenever Tyler smiles or hugs him or holds his hand. he decides they're perfectly normal feelings.
ii. he gets to know alice gordon and she makes him smile
It's not until Tyler whispers about dirty blonde hair and sea green eyes and her black eye from standing up for him that Josh starts to question the feelings in his stomach. There's a fire in his bones that is misplaced and a sinking in his stomach that isn't right.
"Alice Gordon?" he scoffs back, "she talks like he's trying to swallow peanut butter." he does his best impression of her and hopes Tyler will see how stupid she is.
His eyes burn and his heart twists behind his ribs when Tyler defends her. But then he sees the hurt in those doe eyes and he doesn't want to do that to his best friend. he shuts up for all of first and second grade about how much he hatesherhatesherhatesher . Tyler never shuts up about how he likeserlikesherlikesher.
But Tyler Joseph is beaming like a complete idiot and that's all he's ever really wanted so it's okay.
(he breaks four pencils and a pen listening to Tyler talking on and on about her.)
When he writes a letter to Santa for Christmas at seven years old (it's a tradition he picks up from the Joseph’s), all it asks for is "Tyler Joseph's smiling." he seals the envelope shut (and it tastes as sweet as Tyler's laughter sounds) and tucks it into the mailbox with the address Mrs. Joseph told him in the corner.
he never knows that his own mom reads it and works twelve extra shifts to buy Tyler a pure silver keychain with a little picture of him and Josh from the day they became friends. Tyler smiles like crazy and so Josh smiles too.
The next day Alice Gordon admires the keychain and shares her lunch with Tyler.
Josh screams into his pillow and breaks down into tremors of sobs. he hates the way she smiled at his best friend more than he hates her. Most of all though, he hates the way Tyler smiled back.
It kills him and he doesn't quite know why because Tyler Joseph smiling is exactly what he wanted. (Later he'll realize that what he really wanted was Tyler Joseph smiling at him.)
iii. he runs into Debby Ryan and she makes him giggle
In third grade Alice Gordon moves to Michigan and Josh hasn't been happier since Tyler refused to take the keychain, hung on a lanyard, off no matter what. The elation dies down when Debby Ryan tells the funniest stories but Tyler laughs a little too hard at them.
he has to coax the brunette into admitting his feelings and maybe that hurts more than the fact that he likes her and her stupid jokes. Even though he hates it, this time he doesn't insult her (at least not to Tyler's face).
he forces them together by pairing up with her best friend Emma Goldman on a history project even though he hates Emma Goldman. Emma has to do all the work because Josh is too busy staring at his best friend smiling and giggling and babbling on too much with a red faced Debby Ryan.
"Are you just gonna stare at them or are you gonna help me?" She asks at one point. he glares at her until she goes back to their poster.
It isn't until after he talks to Debby Ryan for Tyler that he has a good reason to hate her. She talks too much about herself and uses made up words that don't make any sense.
he reports this back to Tyler (who hasn't talked to her since the older forced him to) who makes excuses for how self-centered she is and finds her made up words cute. The blood under his skin boils and he breaks another pencil.
Tyler squeals that they could double date. JoshandEmmaandTylerandDebby sounds golden to the brunette. But Josh has a crush on Devin Fitzpatrick (he hates the name similarities a lot) so he scrunches up his face.
he wonders why it is that Tyler likes girls and he likes a boy once or twice. (In all honesty, that's why he never tells Tyler the way Devin Fitzpatrick makes his heart flutter or about the time he kisses him on the swings.)
That night he tells himself it's just that Tyler has bad taste in girls and that's why he's hated both of his crushes.
he pukes after eating old takeout and his mom tells her to stay home, kisses his forehead the way Mrs. Joseph would, and goes to work, leaving him the takeout menu and $30 in tips. Josh watches cars drive by and old, shaking men who are too skinny beg for money and get coins and lint instead until it makes him feel sick again. he throws up into the toilet and cries a bit.
The worst part is that he thinks he understands their pain.
he's always wantingwantingwanting the things he doesn't have and when he gets them they're not what he needs. The sobs wretch his body and he just sits there, his hands trembling in pathetic ists.
It's 11:10 when he crawls back into bed, still shaking and clammy. The apartment is freezing so he tucks himself under thin blankets.
Twisting and writhing, he's as restless as his heart.
A minute barely passes by. "11:11, make a wish," he grumbles, remembering Tyler whispering about how he keeps wishing for Debby Ryan to like him back and how sad he is that it hasn't come true. he remembers the way he held a crying Tyler afterwards.
(he feels guilty for wishing she would never like Tyler once.)
"I wish . . . I wish Tyler would laugh more," he wishes, "I want that more than anything."
His stomach rumbles and he grabs the phone, trying to brush off the humming in his bones and sloshing in his rib cage. he orders a pineapple pizza (it's Tyler's favorite) and saves too much for later.
The next day he's eating it with his best friend and they're talking about how Emma Goldman was sick too so Debby Ryan spent most of yesterday talking to him. he laughsandlaughsandlaughs and Josh is torn between crying and smiling.
It's the first and last time he believes wishes come true.
vi. he sees eve saito playing soccer and she makes him melt
Tyler takes three years to get over Debby Ryan (and he wouldn't have if she hadn't come out as gay in fifth grade). Josh's heart hasn't felt so at ease since he had Tyler all to himself.
Sixth grade is hell on earth for them at first because Mr. Joseph is a teacher at their middle school and they're both tiny.
(Josh quickly makes sure people know that doesn't give them an excuse to push him or his boy around though.)
But then Tyler sees Eve Saito (dorky loser Eve Saito from the second grade who used to eat her boogers and drool over Josh) in PE and his whole world (that is really still his father's world) stops.
Eve Saito is no longer the loser Josh makes faces at in that moment.
And in that moment, Josh's heart snaps into another fraction he can't count.
he goes home and just wants to be okay after listening to Tyler talkandsquealandsighandshiver about her. But his mom is sobbing at the dinner table and his dad is nowhere to be found.
he never asks what happened to him and his mom is perfectly fine the next day. Grandma moves in with them and looks at them both with sad eyes that look too much like Tyler's.
His whole world is falling apart all over again.
(Tyler hugs him tight and pinky swears not to tell anyone he left.)
Unlike his mom, Tyler never pretends like he didn't leave though. Tyler is always making sure Josh is okay and hugging him when he lies. It twists at Josh's heart and he has no doubts whatsoever that this isn't normal.
The way his heart flutters when Tyler smiles at him feels too much like when he kissed Devin Fitzpatrick in the third grade and like the way Daniel Strunk made him feel in kindergarten.
he tries to push the feelings down but then Tyler squeals about Eve Saito and her perfect smiles and everything hurts like a fresh wound.
It takes him three months to decide he must become complete iron to live with this. And sometimes that involves telling Tyler he doesn't really care that much when he's droning on and on about Eve Saito.
But the heart of iron disappears when Tyler swoons over Eve freaking Saito.
His heart is bleeding rust into his veins and his bones of steel are cracking. Then Tyler is sighing about her (even though she's a little creep who stared at Josh’s butt last week) and he has to roll his eyes. he does and it feels like his skull is splitting with the effort.
For Tyler's birthday, he gets him a lock and attaches a note he thinks is too embarrassingly cheesy but he knows Tyler will like that. It talks about how he is Tyler's diary and tells him that he can tell him anything because that's what best friends are for.
Tyler hugs him tightly and tells him all about how Eve Saito makes his heart just melt and Josh feels sick but this is what he promised so he smiles and tells Tyler that anything that makes him happy is okay. Even if Eve Saito checks his ass out again in sixth period and Tyler loses his lanyard and keychain during PE because of her (he's too distracted to see it fall off during volleyball and they don't find it after three hours of searching and Tyler cries because he lost the reminder of their friendship that Josh's mom bought him until Josh takes him to get ice cream and tells him it's okay, he doesn't need it to prove their friendship).
he stays awake all night wondering why his dad left. he sobs for the first time in months when he considers the possibility it was because he likes boys and not girls like Tyler does.
(he'd heard stories from Debby Ryan about how her dad still hasn't warmed up to her being a lesbian, so it doesn't seem like a stretch.)
Grandma comes and hugs him and offers soothing words until he stops shaking (his mom doesn't come the way Kelly would've because she's working latelatelate again and it makes Josh cry a little harder). They just sit there, breathing in the silence for awhile. Grandma asks if Josh wants him to call Tyler. The answer is yes, a thousand times yes.
It doesn't make him feel better the way it should and then he feels guilty about the homework he hasn't done.
he barely passes history and math but at least he survives his world being destroyed.
v. he falls into place in jenna black's lap and she makes him too happy
he thinks he hates Jenna Black the most of all of Tyler's crushes. he knows that's only because he can't find a good reason to hate her.
She's good for Tyler. She makes him happy. She’s loyal. She won't take advantage of him. She's sweet to him. He's aware of his feelings and considerate of him. He is everything Josh could ask for for his best friend (the most important person in the world to him).
That crushes anything reminiscent of hope inside him.
The absolute worst part of Jenna Black (it still isn't actually bad and that frustrates him) is that she doesn't just take his insults. She returns them like it's a game. he wants to rip his hair out and hit her until she cries like she makes him want to.
But maybe it's Tyler who makes him want to cry. he doesn't know anymore.
All he knows is that he doesn't feel like he should about any of this.
he hates himself a little more than he hates her the day he leaves Tyler all alone at lunch. Of course, Tyler isn't really all alone. Lynn and Jenna sit with him and make him laugh and smile (and he laughs and smiles differently at Jenna). But they all know it's not the same as his best friend making him laugh and smile.
Josh wishes he could say he left for a good reason. But making out with Devin Fitzpatrick and tangling his hands in those blonde, silky curls (he likes the feel of straight locks a lot more and part of him knows it's because of the day he met Tyler Joseph) in the janitor's closet is not a good reason to abandon your best friend.
The worst part about it is that he never tells Tyler the truth about why he left.
(he hates that he likes boys too much to admit it.)
he also never tells Tyler that he had come back for him before lunch ended but then he saw how happy he was with Jenna Black (and Lynn, but he never really thinks about Lynn) and hid in the library.
he cried to Mr. Joseph and said it was about how he felt like Jenna Black was going to take his boy. He told him he was worried about the same thing and they bonded but it made Josh feel empty in a way. he thinks it was making him swear to not tell Tyler about it that emptied him.
The realization that Jenna Black can make him happyhappyhappy (which is all he's ever wanted so why does it hurt so much?) and that Tyler might love her a little bit hits him when he sees them in the public library that night.
If Lynn understood that he liked boys, he would've cried to her then and there. But he has a heart of iron and all the understanding of a newborn baby. Nothing happens between him and her but he watches something unfold between Jenna Black and Tyler Joseph and tries to be okay.
The first thing he draws in Mr. Joseph' sketchbook is Tyler getting married to Jenna Black in a fairy tale wedding. Then he texts Devin Fitzpatrick with the phone Mr. Joseph was kind enough to buy him (he feels like the father he craves and he thinks he did this because of Jenna Black) and they end up going on a date.
It's another thing he never tells Tyler.
(Part of him wishes he would just to see what would happen.)
The year isn't complete hell even though Jenna Black asks Tyler out (he'd pushed her to and told her he had his blessing but it still hurts) and Tyler kisses her and he has to go out with Lynn.
he finally likes a girl and he feels normal for once in his life! he writes his dad a letter that tells him about it and how happy Tyler is with Jenna Black and how he's sososo happy for his best friend.
The worst part is that he knows it won't make him come back (but then again, at least he's finally normal.)
vi. he dates melanie martinez and she shows him beautiful things
They're juniors when Tyler loses his virginity. It's to the senior he's been dating all summer, for exactly three months, two week, and six days (not that Josh has counted since she asked his best friend out without his permission) and he's happy with this.
Josh isn't. At least Jenna Black would've talked to him about it to make sure he was okay with it.
Melanie Martinez (but Tyler calls her Mel) doesn't understand that Josh Dun is every much a part of her relationship as she and Tyler Joseph are the way Jenna Black did and that makes him wanna punch her in the face.
But it wasn't until she laughed at how protective he is of the friendship bracelet Tyler bought him that Josh hated him. She was nice enough but she didn't get it at all.
It didn't help Josh that he still liked Ashley but that didn't make him straight (Tyler still makes his heart race when they hold hands). It occurs to him that he could've liked Melanie Martinez if she hadn't been dating his boy.
he became friends with Debby Ryan once Tyler stopped liking her after all (she went on a double date with him and Devin Fitzpatrick just three weeks ago).
Josh comes out—god knows as what—(with lots of encouragement from Debby Ryan and his ever so understanding boyfriend) to the entire school at homecoming and everyone applauds and Tyler jumps into his best friend's arms and asks why he didn't get to know sooner.
Melanie Martinez laughs at how affectionate her boyfriend is towards his best friend and Josh's boyfriend grabs his hand and they dance. he decides he's a horrible, horrible person for feeling Tyler's soft little hands on him still.
Afterwards they have a sleepover with just them (though Jenna Black and Lynn stop by to share chocolate covered strawberries) and Tyler giggles too much about how she showed him constellations he didn't know and named stars he'd never thought of as more than far off happy ever afters. Josh hums absentmindedly and draws all of the night sky for Tyler as he talks and talks.
They all go camping together that weekend (they bring Devin and Jenna and Lynn and Melanie with them) and she shows his boy pretty flowers and they go hiking too early for anyone else to go too. Josh hates the way Tyler talks about everything they saw together and all the birds and paths.
he almost pukes, he feels so awful.
Instead he kisses Devin Fitzpatrick as sweetly as they did in kindergarten as they make s'mores. The fire sounds too much the warmth in Tyler's voice.
Lynn passes out and later says she's happy her boys are happy (Josh secretly hates the way she calls Tyler her boy) and Jenna Black agrees even though her eyes linger a little too long on Tyler. They did date for almost three years.
The reminder makes Josh wanna scream.
he Googles what he is that Monday and there are endless articles about bisexuality and pansexuality and his brain has never felt so fried. It crosses his mind that his entire life would've been so much easier if he only liked girls like Ashley Fragipane and he writes another letter to his dad about how confused he is right now.
Like the last letter, he doesn't respond.
His mom is late home again and Grandma gives him another blanket for comfort. "This house is not a home," he whispers into the darkness.
As he falls asleep, his eyelids show her all the beautiful things Tyler talked to him about Melanie Martinez showing him. It's a restless night no matter how heavy his eyes become.
The next day, Tyler's widewidewide eyes are crying the same tears Josh hated to see. Melanie Martinez was cheating on him.
Josh punches her so hard his pathetic little fists bruise and his knuckles bleed.
he looks right into Tyler's eyes, wider than distance, and promises Melanie Martinez won't hurt him again.
(he prays he isn't lying.)
vii. he kisses lana del rey and she makes his stomach flip
Tyler meets a girl at an amusement park in senior year and she goes to a school near theirs. Josh almost likes her and then she kisses Tyler and he wants to break her.
Tyler tells him all about how his stomach is still bubbly like after he kissed Jenna Black and how he thinks he might love Lana Del Rey and her long dark hair and eyes.
Josh has never wanted to hide under his bed and scream until his throat is hoarse so badly. But he isn't five anymore and he knows this won't solve anything so he just smiles like it doesn't kill him.
he cries to Debby Ryan later and she holds him even though they both know she should be telling him to break up with Devin Fitzpatrick.
(She tells him that later and he does with tears in her eyes and more "I'm sorry"'s than he can count.)
he's almost okay again and then he finds out that Grandma has cancer and he breaks down. His mom still isn't home on time to hold him so Grandma does.
he writes another letter to his dad about how fucking scared he is now and he still doesn't write back.
Tyler holds him tight all night when he finds out. The brunette cries like Grandma is his own grandma and Josh thinks it makes him feel better.
Then he sees Lana Del Rey hugging Tyler and telling him that it's okay after school one day. he knows right away that it's about Grandma.
His dad gets sent yet another letter he doesn't reply to.
Depressed and with bullets in his heart of iron, he goes to Patrick Stump because he thinks he'll understand (he usually does). he ends up drunk and telling him everything. It breaks his heart that he understands because he loved Mr. Joseph that way before Elisa and when he tells him even more about how broken up his family was.
They cry and drink together even though he grumbles about how he shouldn't let him drink (he says it's like pouring salt water into his bleeding veins and that he's an awful father for it and he hugs him because he hasn't had a dad in so long).
He tells Mr. Joseph about it (but leaves out the details neither of them want him to hear) and Mr. Joseph hugs his other little boy and tells him it's going to be okay even if it hurts now.
he thinks the thing that kills him is that Mr. Joseph and him end up exchanging too many secrets and suddenly he knows that he loved Patrick at one point too.
Tyler and Lana cuddle in front of him on the couch as they watch movies with Jordan (who's too grown up now and still with Liv). His heart is bleeding out but at least he has a dad (or maybe dads) now. he knows he has a mom in Kelly and he wishes he had one in his own mother too.
They get the call that Grandma died and Tyler clings to Lana Del Rey with one hand and his best friend with the other. Jordan joins in their tears and Lana makes him smile afterwards so Josh doesn't hate her too much.
he still wants to claw his own eyes out when she kisses his boy though.
Josh thinks it's strange that Tyler doesn't take Lana to the funeral with him (but he thinks it's out of respect) and that his body curls into Jenna Black's as Lynn holds his hand and they just cry. Josh is torn from his dads and mom to be in the embrace and he thinks he's kind of okay again.
Then he sees Jordan crying in his girlfriend's arms and his real mom sobbing and his dads and other mom holding each other and Josh knows what it feels like to have your heart ripped from between your ribs.
he'snotokayhe'snotokayhe'snotokay.
he writes one last letter to his dad and he doesn't write back one last time.
Jenna Black drives him to the middle school afterwards and they sit in the field in the pouring rain, not talking. They simply understand each other. They understand the way they both look at Tyler and they understand that he is their boy.
He steps on something and he screams when he sees what it is.
His friendship bracelet feels heavier than ever on his hand when he picks up the rusting keychain. The lanyard’s missing but the picture is still intact and he doesn't quite know what he feels. But then he's shaking and crying in Jenna Black's arms and thanking her and calling her an angel and she's laughing and crying with him because she simply understands.
They give it back to Tyler together and he cries too and he smiles so wide (Josh swears it's wider than distance, like those doe eyes) it hurts.
Lynn hears all the commotion and stops by and they end up calling Josh's real mom together and telling her what happened and none of them have been this happy since before Grandma was diagnosed.
Josh's real mom cooks him dinner that night and they celebrate.
he really thinks he'll be okay so he uses the wish he doesn't believe in on Tyler, not himself. It feels just like being a little kid again when he wishes on the shooting star.
"I wish Tyler will stay bubbly," he says. His mom smiles softly like she knows and Josh almost feels bad. Instead he comes out to his mom as bisexual.
(he'd talked it over with Kelly and Mr. Joseph and Patrick and he knew now.)
His wish comes true in the worst way, like it always has.
he walks in on Lana’s tongue down Tyler's throat and knows about the bubbly butterflies in his best friend's stomach and he wants to cry.
Instead he calls Ashley Fragipane and ends up sticking his tongue down her throat. he doesn't feel any better.
he feels even worse when he walks in on Lana Del Rey with her tongue down another boy’s throat and has to tell Tyler why he kicked her in her crotch and slammed her into a pole.
Tyler forgives her because "it was an accident" unlike Melanie Martinez and her two other boyfriends.
Debby Ryan comforts Josh the same way he comforts Tyler and it's okay until they see Tyler and Lana Del Rey kissing sweetly with cotton candy.
(She holds his hand and tells him to be brave but he's already iron.)
viii. he goes to college with Lynn Gunn and she romances him
They don't go to the same college and that's okay. Tyler goes to Arizona State for psychology because he wants to help people and Josh goes to Steinhardt for art therapy and they FaceTime every day and laughandlaughandlaugh.
Lana cheated again so Tyler dumped her and they're both okay with that because she's going to some community college far away from them both.
Josh thinks he's okay being this far from his best friend until his best friend starts talking about Lynn Gunn like she's the world. Apparently it started when he took her to prom (which is a longlonglong story that upsets Jenna Black and Josh Dun both). Josh stops being content with being so far from his best friend the moment Tyler sighs about her.
he wishes so badly that Lynn Gunn had gone to Harvard or Yale like she should've (she got accepted into both but instead she chose Arizona State because of Tyler).
he cries to Debby Ryan (and he thanks the Lord and all the night sky that she got accepted into Steinhardt too) and she whispers calming things into his hair like Grandma would've and his mom had just started learning to.
It's almost okay.
Then Jenna Black (who got into the New York University School of Medicine) comes to his campus to tell him Lynn Gunn had asked for her permission to ask out Tyler.
They both drink too much and lean on each other for comfort that night.
Lynn Gunn asks Josh for his blessing that morning.
he hates himself for giving it but would hate himself even more if he didn't. he can't stand the way it sounds when Tyler cries.
It kills him to hear about how great Lynn Gunn is later.
It kills Jenna Black too, the day they're all on FaceTime and Tyler and Lynn Gunn are too cute together he cries after they hang up. He kisses Jenna but it doesn't feel like anything so they both apologize.
"Why do you think you still love him?" Josh asks her.
"Probably the same reasons you still love him," she murmurs, "I've never really thought about it. I mean, he's beautiful and he always wants to help everyone and he fixed me, he made my secrets okay and my flaws beautiful, he makes people so happy and that makes me want him to never be unhappy . . ."
"Yeah, that's Tyler," he replies. he's never been very good with his words.
"Hey, Josh," she says.
"Yeah, sundance?" he turns his head.
"Can you draw me a picture of why you love her?" She asks. he isn't sure why he says yes but he does.
Debby Ryan tells him it's a bad idea and he knows she's right but he does it anyways.
It makes him cry so he calls Patrick and he comforts him. he hears Kelly's voice telling him to pick himself up because it's going to be okay one day and Mr. Joseph (he's finds it funny that he still calls him Mr. Joseph even though it's been so long since he was his teacher and he's one of his dads) telling him that he's gotta do good now and make them even prouder of him. Then he hears his real mom tell him she loves him and wants him to do better than her.
he's determined to do this so he calls Tyler that day and listens to him talkandtalkandtalk about Lynn Gunn the way he used to talkandtalkandtalk about Alice Gordon and Debby Ryan and Eve Saito and Jenna Black and Melanie Martinez and Lana Del Rey. It still hurts but now it's somehow better.
She sounds like a great girlfriend, at the very least. She's taken him to see plays and Broadway shows (they'd come to visit New York a few times) and to private concerts and all kinds of wonderfully romantic things Tyler has always dreamed of. It's strange to think that maybe she's Cinderella and not Jenna Black like he'd always thought.
he redraws Tyler's fairy tale wedding that night and there's a familiar longing in him.
Jenna Black and Lynn Gunn never find out that he's imagined both of them as Tyler Joseph's Cinderella.
(And absolutely no one but him ever knows he tries drawing himself as Tyler's Prince Charming and it doesn't work out.)
viv. you watch him marry cinderella and it hurts so much
Somewhere along the way, he realized he still loved Jenna Black. Lynn Gunn was okay with this and, unlike Josh Dun, she was genuinely happy for her best friend Tyler.
Jenna Black had asked Josh for his permission before she had even asked Mr. Joseph before proposing.
She had told him he didn't have to say yes just because it was her and Josh wished he hadn't. But he wasn't selfish enough to take that happiness from them.
he said it was okay.
he hates himself as he stands next to the ring barer and across from Lynn Gunn (of course, they were the best man and maid of honor). he hates himself for saying yes, for wishing he'd said no, for loving Tyler so much, for not being Prince Charming for everything.
But he smiles because Tyler is smiling so much and Jenna Black has never looked so utterly, helplessly in love.
he's happy for them, really. But he also hurts so damn much.
Patrick looks like he wants to cry for both his little boys from his seat and Mr. Joseph looks like he isn't sure if he wants to kill Jenna Black or hug his son. Then he looks at Josh and his eyes are soft and hurting every bit as much as he thinks he must be. Josh can tell Kelly wants to run up and hug them both. His real mom is halfway in tears already.
he tries not to cry too.
It turns out Tyler cries enough for the both of them during the vows. Jenna Black asks him if he remembers what she said on their first date. About those moments you know you'll remember forever. he nods so much his neck looks like it'll break and she smiles and tells him that her last one was the moment he asked Josh Dun for permission to ask his best friend to marry her, and that now, this is undoubtedly one of them, that is going to be the best one in her entire life.
he tearfully tells him that he's so, so happy his best friend in the entire world pushed him into her lap that day on the tram. Tells her all the cheesy things only Tyler would say and says he's glad he's kept his deal with Josh to never settle for less than Canada and mentions the day she and Josh found his keychain and then he says that that's the day he knew he and her were soulmates.
Josh thinks he can actually feel his iron heart shattering.
It breaks down even further when Tyler tells Jenna Black that she was his fifth crush, that that is why five is his favorite number, and she tells him he was his fifth crush too and then Josh sees the number engraved on their wedding rings.
And the number is on Tyler's finger and Josh almost cries. Then he sees Lynn crying (but it's tears of joy and pain) and he says screw it and cries too.
"Hey, other one," Lynn says to him with a soft smile that sends him back to seventh grade when things were simpler.
"Hey, Gunn," he nods.
"Wanna dance?" She asks.
"Sure," he shrugs.
They spin and they talk and they laugh like they're kids again. And then Tyler wants a dance with his best friend and Jenna Black dances with hers.
"I love you," Tyler smiles.
"I love you too, Mr. Black," Josh smiles right back. he resists the urge to make a joke about what Jenna Black would say if she heard her husband say such a thing.
"Shut up," the brunette giggles.
"Nah, you always liked when I called you that. And when I called her Jenna Joseph," he sticks his tongue out.
"It was ten years ago," the other boy whines.
They tease each other like that for three songs straight and Josh thinks this is his moment to never forget. That thought makes him want to cry all over again. Instead he dances with Patrick and then Mr. Joseph and then he sits with his moms and holds their hands like everything is going to be alright.
Jenna Black asks him to dance and he says yes because he can't stop saying yes to the stupid angel. She thanks him a thousand times over and tells him she's so so sorry and hopes he can forgive her one day and promises to help him find someone who makes him happy. he ends up dancing with Ashley Fragipane next and kissing her.
Tyler gives him a thumbs up and he excuses himself.
When he grabs hold of Tyler's hand, the wedding ring feels strange against his fingers. They talk and he makes sure it's okay and then he continues dancing with Ashley Fragipane like she's Tyler. he feels like an awful person but Debby Ryan tells him it's okay because he has feelings for Ashley Fragipane.
he feels queasy when he counts over how many girls Tyler Joseph has liked after realizing Jenna Black being number five didn't seem right. No matter how he counts it, Jenna Black is number four.
Tyler Joseph has things he never told Josh Dun.
(he's a hypocrite as this makes him vomit.)