Tainted Heart

Kelley was late to work. If this was any indication of what her day was going to be like, she was already over it. After getting home from Hope's place she had stayed up thinking about everything. She wasn't going to lose her. Hope was going to have to let her explain, one way or another. If she decided that ending whatever they had was what she wanted, then maybe it wasn't meant to be.

But it was meant to be, Kelley told herself, they were good together. What they had was great, even if they still weren't official. She had never felt this pull she felt towards Hope, she was sure what they had was special. What they have. Because Kelley would not give up that easy, not when it came to Hope.

"Kelley hey you're here..." Tim said looking at Kelley with worry, "and you look like crap. Girl what's up with you, is everything ok?"

"Oh hey, thanks boss." Kelley said not looking his way, she made her way to the back to grab an apron and put it on. "Sorry I just had a long night... and day yesterday but I'm good."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. You just look like you could use the day off...." Tim said reaching to put his hand on Kelley's shoulder. "Look why don't you go and take the day off?"

"No no I need to be here I um..I can't...I need the distraction," Kelley sadly said looking down.

"Ok but the offer stands if you need to, you can leave at anytime ok hun?" Kelley just nodded and went on to clean some tables.

Tim didn't know exactly what was going on, and he didn't want to ask. He knew it had something to do with Hope and the girl that came in yesterday looking for Kelley. But Kelley wasn't in the mood to talk about it, she didn't want to break down and start crying in front of her boss again. After her shift ended the day before he had given her a hug that had Kelley crying in seconds.

"You know I like you a latte and I just want to make sure you're ok." Kelley smiled at that and he did too, "And yes I went there, but it worked, got you to smile girl!"

Kelley went back to wiping tables feeling slightly better, maybe today wouldn't be that bad after all.

Hope woke up to a note on the empty side of the bed.

| Hey had to leave for work, call me or text me when you wake up so I know you're good :) |

She smiled reaching for her phone to call Carli. She dialed and waited for Carli to pick up.

"Heyyy you're awake and early. I didn't think you'd wake up this early," Carli said, "you had a rough night."

"Yeah well I'm not one sleep in at all, you know that, I think I'm gonna go on a run..." Hope said making her way to the bathroom.

"Have you looked outside? It's raining like hell." Carli chuckled. Hope went over to the window in the bathroom and looked outside.

"Guess no morning run for me," She sadly sighed.

"You gonna talk to Kelley today?" Carli asked cautiously in case her friend wasn't in the mood to talk about her. She heard another sigh come from the end of the the other line.

"I think. I don't know, I umm.... I don't know." Hope said turning on the faucet. "I'll let you know after I finish waking up."

"Okay well text me later, but text me. Abby is giving me dirty looks for being on my phone," Carli looked over to where her boss was signaling to hang up. "Look, if you're not ready it's ok. But you need to talk to her Hope, you deserve an explanation."

"I know. I'll call her today, get it over with right?" Hope said. "I'll talk to you later, bye Carli."

"Bye Hope."

Hope ended the call and went to her contacts and found Kelley's name. She sat on the edge of her bed staring intently at her phone, debating what to do. Should she call or text? She couldn't decide so she just threw her phone on the bed and went downstairs to start brewing some coffee. Kelley could wait, she was going to have to.

By the end of her shift at the Bean Kelley felt exhausted physically and mentally. All she could do was think of Hope and how she hadn't even called or texted. And all that did to her was make her commit mistake after mistake at work. Tim had tried sending her home but Kelley insisted to stay until the end of her shift.

"Ok I'm leaving, be here tomorrow for my early shift," Kelley said grabbing her jacket and bag.

"No you won't. You take the day off, you need it. I'll see you Monday." Tim stated very seriously, not even giving Kelley a chance to protest.

"Bu-" Kelley went to say but was cut off by Tim.

"I said no. Go deal with whatever you have to, leave your personal life outside of work Kelley. I'll let today pass just because I like you too much to fire you. So go, take a day off, and then come back ready to work. Okay?" He walked over and pulled her in to a tight hug.

"Ok, I'm sorry and thank you." She was a little ashamed to look at him in the eyes, so she briskly walked outside and left.

Back at her house, her brother watched as his little sister looked extremely sad and tired. More sad than anything else as she walked in.

"Aunt Kelley! Guess what?" Her eldest nephew ran towards her to give her a hug.

"What's up little one?" She put on her best fake smile.

"I got to be captain for my soccer team today! It was so awesome!" Kelley smiled for real this time, simply seeing the excitement pouring out of at her nephew.

"Oh my god! That's pretty awesome little one, I'm so proud of you!" The youngest one of the siblings came running when he heard Kelley was home.

"Look I drew a doggie aunty Kell! Are you proud of me too?" The younger one asked.

"Incredibly proud little squirrel, you're so good!" She smiled at the two little kids standing in front of her. She loved seeing them more often. She got to be a part of their lives a little more now that she was here in Seattle.

"Alright boys, go wash your hands, dinner is ready." Jerry said making eye contact with Kelley. The boys ran of to the bathroom.

"I'm just gonna skip dinner if you don't mind, I'm not hungry and I'm exhausted." Kelley said heading up stairs to her room. Her brother stopped her before she reached the top of the stairs.

"Hey, what's going on Kell? Talk to me." Jerry knew it had to do something with the girl she was seeing. What else could it be?

"Sarah came to see me at work. And then Hope was there and everything just went to shit Jerry. I let her ruin my life again, that's all she does! And I let her do it, I'm so stupid," Kelley was again trying to hold back tears. "I just need to be alone please."

Her brother nodded and she walked upstairs to her room. She took a long hot shower, just standing under the water for way too long. After she just got under the covers, grabbed her phone and started typing.

|To Hope: I miss you! ): can we talk? please give me a chance to explain some things. just give me a chance please |

She pressed send. Maybe she sounded a little too desperate but she didn't care. She waited for a reply but it never came in. Maybe Hope was really done with her. With whatever they had going on.

Hope was sitting on her living room couch when Carli walked in with take out in her hands.

"I thought you said you were going to call her today?" Carli asked putting the bags of take out in front of Hope.

"I know that's what I said, but I couldn't bring myself to do it...." Hope said sadly. "She texted me like an hour ago, she said she misses me."

"Well did you text her back?" She asked.

"No."

"Why not? You either need to end it or fix it" Carli said walking over to grab a couple beers from Hope's fridge and some plates from her cabinet.

"I know," was all Hope said. Carli decided to just drop it for now. She knew how hard of a time Hope was having. Thinking too much, trying not to shut off like she usually did. They ate their dinner in silence, watching TV. Carli only stayed for an hour after they finished dinner. She had plans to go out with a guy that night. Hope teased her about it being a date which ended up with Carli throwing a pillow at her. After Carli left Hope decided she should call it a night, she cleaned up the living room and went upstairs to her bedroom.

She picked up her phone and sent a text to Kelley.

|To Kelley: I miss you too :( |

That's all the messege said, that's all Hope could say. She couldn't help it, she did miss her.

As soon as Kelley saw that Hope had texted her she couldn't help the smile. It wasn't a full one but she was overwhelmed knowing that she missed her too. That even though they weren't in the best place she still missed her like Kelley did too. Kelley was about to text back but she decided to call instead. It rang 4 times before Hope picked up.

"Hey," was all Hope said. Kelley smiled at the sound of her voice.

"I'm sorry," Kelley said her voice breaking a little.

"Let's not do this over the phone. We'll talk tomorrow about it, not now. I just...I need you. I miss you." Hope was now trying to hold back tears and Kelley could tell. Her voice was breaking a little at the last two sentences.

"Ok," Kelley sighed. "You know, I need you too. I know it doesn't seem like it right now to you, but I do Hope. I need you, and I miss you. I miss us."

"I know," somehow Hope knew Kelley wasn't lying, she heard the sincerity in her voice.

They talked until they both fell asleep like they did every night. They talked about their day. How Kelley had a rough day at work and almost got fired. How Hope spent her day sitting outside in her swing seat, first drinking coffee, then tea, and just reading. And how she ended up watching Cartoon Network just because it reminded her of Kelley.

Maybe everything will be alright, just maybe they would be able to fix this. Or maybe they wouldn't. Neither of them knew what was going to come out of this. Hope had wanted to make it official with Kelley but after what happened, she thought maybe it was a sign that they shouldn't be together.

Then why did it feel so right between them? Hope had not felt like this with anyone before. She knew she was falling for Kelley. She was falling slowly but surely, and it scared her to death that maybe Kelley wouldn't be there to catch her