Angel Eyes

”Oh God, I’m a complete mess. I don’t know what to do.” Therese buried her face in her hands. “I think you're adorable.” Gen put her arm around Therese and pulled her close.

“Does Richard know?” Therese shook her head. “Know what exactly? That I’m falling for a gorgeous divorcee who lives on Fifth Avenue and doesn’t have a clue about how I feel?” Gen chuckled. “Oh, I think she may now have an inkling or two if everything you just told me is true. I try to picture you losing your composure every five minutes… and it’s priceless!” Her laughter was so contagious Therese couldn’t keep her cool either. It felt good to laugh together even if it didn’t help solve the problem. At least she now had someone to share her secret with.

“I’m actually quite chummy with the Airds, you know.” Gen could have knocked Therese down with a feather. “What are you saying?” Gen was grinning knowingly. “Let’s just say I’m not at all bowled over by your free fall. She’s hot, I mean seriously smoldering.” Therese winced at her repartee. “Look who’s being possessive already! No, I mean I can appreciate her looks although she’s not exactly my type. I’m into brunettes, you know.” Gen winked at her flashing a wicked smile. “She’s all yours, honey.” I wish, Therese thought broodingly. “But what did you mean by being chummy with them?” She needed Gen to elaborate.

“Oh yeah, good ole Harge’s father played golf with my grandpa and I used to babysit little Rindy occasionally. Well, not often, just whenever I needed some extra pocket change. I was still at high school at the time…” Therese stared at Gen not believing her ears. She also never quite remembered that Gen was actually a rich kid, the fact she took desperate measures to hide.

“Cute kid, somewhat pampered, I guess, but nothing like the most of the one percent brats.” She lit a cigarette and offered Therese one as well. “I would show up whenever big H wanted to take the wife for a night on the town. It wasn’t just one or two nights when she’d be back all by herself hubby left gallivanting with his chums.”

Gen took a slow drag out of her Gauloises. “She looked so sad. I was young and didn't really give a hoot about anything, but something about her bothered me.” Therese could very well imagine Carol being sad, cooped up alone in some big Scandinavian mansion.

“I had no idea she was a singer, I guess I’ll have to look her up. Or maybe I’ll just show up when you guys are performing at Dannie’s?” Gen was having the time of her life. “Don’t you dare,” Therese warned. “I’ll be nervous enough without you being there to spy on my school girl crush.”

“Well, is it?” Gen looked at her intently. “Is it a school girl crush?” Her tone was sharper now. “Or are you ready to go the distance, come hell or high water?” Therese lifted her chin to meet her challenge. “Yes, I’m ready.”

They had another rehearsal date two days later, then several in quick succession. Therese was relieved to find herself more relaxed in Carol's vicinity though she couldn't claim to be completely at ease at any time. If anything she became more confident in her role as accompanist, someone whose opinion Carol seemed to value and take into consideration.

At times when she got really excited about some arrangement she had thought of on her own, she almost forgot whom she was talking to and simply enjoyed the shared interest, the shared passion if you will. Whenever it happened she caught Carol watching her closely, beaming at her endearing excitement, nodding and laughing in all the right places. They were having such a wondrous time together Therese didn't at first even recognize it as such.

"Could we take it again... a couple of bars before it changes here... yeah, right there," Carol would say and Therese would back up to the right place and start all over again. Most of the time they would get it right the second time and if not, they'd get all giggly and try again.

About a week and a half into their rehearsals Carol decided they needed a break. “How about taking off for a day? We could drive out to the countryside and stay in some quaint little inn for a night?” Yes, yes! Therese wanted to shout out. “Or would it be awfully inconvenient for you? Do you have classes?” Classes, schmasses. “No, I’m free, actually,” she lied. She had even promised to throw in an extra shift at Dannie’s but she could wiggle her way out of it. She was one hell of a wiggler. “Well, then, that’s that.” Carol seemed very pleased. They agreed to leave early Wednesday morning.

"This is not funny! I don’t have anything to wear for an overnight stay in some fancy inn…” Gen looked at Therese amusedly. “So, plot thickens. And you were unsure whether she’d be into you.” There was that mocking tone again. “Gen, you’re not helping!” Therese collapsed on her arm chair seriously depressed. “Calm down, I’ll help you. Let’s see what you have here… hmm, this won’t do. Neither will this.” Gen was throwing the contents of her wardrobe on the bed.

“These jeans are okay, your butt looks so cute in them, and these black slacks for the evening unless you want to go all girly and wear a skirt?” she contemplated. “Here, have my tweed jacket, I think we’re about the same size.” Obediently Therese tried it on. “Good lord, it looks better on you than on me. You can have it, I’m fed up with it anyway.”

She picked up a black crew neck sweater and a crisp white button down blouse Therese didn’t even know she had. “These will do splendidly. The sweater will give you a definite Audrey Hepburn vibe I’m sure your missus will greatly appreciate.” Therese glared at Gen who couldn’t help but grin inappropriately. “And how about some lingerie for later on? You have any?” She raised her hands to block the pillow Therese aimed at her. “In the words of the immortal Dorothy Parker, brevity is the soul of lingerie…” It finally cracked Therese up.

They had decided to meet in front of Bloomingdale’s department store at 10 o’clock. Therese was there well in advance, partly because Richard had shown up unexpectedly at her apartment bringing along a bouquet of flowers. He had apologized for his earlier behavior and suggested they spend the day together.

However, seeing her packed and ready to go had brought about yet another jealous outburst from him. “It’s no use, Richard, we’re so over. All we ever do is argue, and I have no wish to keep doing it any longer.” Not quite believing what she had just said he had demanded to know “who the other man was” and “what he had that he couldn’t give her”. Suddenly furious Therese had snapped her valise shut and cast him an angry glance. “Well, let’s just say that whatever it is, it’s something you can’t possibly compete with!” Needless to say they had parted in less than amicable terms.

If she had felt a tinge of guilt, it all evaporated the minute she saw Carol’s sleek new Mercedes pulling up to the curb. “Hop in!” she hollered pushing the passenger door ajar. Therese got in and set her baggage on the backseat. “Hello!” she exhaled meeting Carol’s smile. “Love your jacket…” Carol said touching the lapel of Gen’s tweed blazer she had on. Life is good, life is brilliant, life is outright amazing!

It took them several hours to reach their destination after several leisurely stops along the way. Therese had never taken the time to appreciate the beauty of the city’s charming outskirts, and she missed quite a lot of it this time as well letting her sight linger on Carol instead.

Carol was a vision in her black sports jacket and beige pants. Sipping coffee she had brought along in a thermos she seemed deeply absorbed in thought while gazing at the horizon on some random rest stop. Therese didn’t mind the silence for it allowed her to retreat to her own musings on her favorite subject.

What was it about Carol that made her so smitten, so vulnerable to her charms? First she had fallen in love with the voice, then with the luminosity of her existence. But was it mere lust she felt? A physical longing to fulfill a childish fantasy she had of attaching herself to a celestial perfection which couldn’t possibly yield disappointment or heartache? Yet deep down she knew it couldn’t be so. Carol was flesh and blood, a real person with emotional baggage from years of sadness and solitude. Therese felt it vividly each time they talked, each time Carol gazed into her eyes thus undermining any words she afterwards settled for.

They arrived at the inn right around the check-in time. The place was simply charming, a luxurious yet cozy cottage in a quiet hamlet. “My treat”, said Carol smiling in a manner which stymied all objections. “Your money’s no good in here”. Therese nodded thankfully. She probably couldn’t have afforded it anyway.

“Ma’am, I’m very sorry but there seems to be a slight problem with your booking. I’m afraid we’ve accidentally double booked a few of our guest rooms…” The clerk behind the reception desk scratched his head in desperation. “We’ve driven a long way and we were assured that everything was in order.” Carol’s voice had an angry edge to it. We. Therese had to turn away to hide her pleasure. “Yes, ma’am, I’m so sorry ma’am, but I’m not sure what I can do at the moment. All the twin and double rooms are taken, and all we have left is the bridal suite. If you’d be willing, I could get you that one for the same price?” Aggravated, Carol tapped his fingers on the desk.

“Well, I think we could manage… if it’s a large room and there’s plenty of space for two?” Therese heard her own voice as if booming out from a dark tunnel. Carol shot a quick glance at her. “Oh yes, it’s a marvelous suite, I’m sure you’ll love it, and please accept our complimentary bottle of champagne as our deepest apology for this unfortunate mishap.” The poor man was groveling.

They carried their overnight bags to the suite not saying a word to one another. “BRIDAL SUITE” exclaimed the gilded lettering on the door. The set of rooms was indeed lovely but Therese was unable to appreciate its sumptuous furnishings. Her breath was taken away by the huge canopy bed in the middle of the bedroom. She averted her eyes from it altogether and gawked at the living room tapestries instead. All the time she was painfully aware of the gigantic bed looming behind, running over her like an ocean liner.

“So, let’s pop the champagne and get this party started.” It was so unlike Carol to say something like that it made Therese giggle uncontrollably. “What’s so damn funny about that?” asked Carol who couldn’t help but join in her overwhelming laughter.

They had a wonderful dinner at one of the nearby restaurants. “A Michelin restaurant”, said Carol explaining the exceptional quality of the dishes served. A seven part tasting menu with matching glasses of wine was laid in front of them in precise succession. Carol took care of everything conversing fluently with the sommelier about the specifics of different wine regions.

The idea of eating seven courses troubled Therese at first but when she saw the tiny amount of food set on each plate she was visibly relieved. Carol grinned at the disappearance of her initial discomfort raising a glass to a toast. “To us – may we make jazz history together.” Thankful for the dim lighting to hide her blushing cheeks Therese held her glass up. “To us.”

Seven glasses of wine, albeit small ones, during the meal as well as the champagne earlier had their delightful toll on Therese. She felt less inhibited, almost willing to say what was on her mind, what she really longed to tell Carol. "You know, I'm really happy to be here with you." Carol beamed at her. "So am I, darling."

Darling. Therese's heart leapt at the word. But surely it was just an expression she used to refer to all her girlfriends? She had called Abby 'darling' when they had first met at Dannie's. She called you darling and now you do your damndest to take it the wrong way? She swallowed a large mouthful of water. Focus, Therese, focus. You need to sober up.

"You look very fine. I don't believe I've ever seen you so dressed up. And you've done your hair differently as well." Carol's appreciation made her heart sing. "I wonder if you have any idea how absolutely beautiful you are. They say the youth is wasted on the young but I'm not so sure about you." Carol's thoughts seemed to wander further away. "Mine was, no doubt about it."

The pleasure of hearing Carol's compliments vanished into the desolate reflection. Therese tried to see Carol at her age but could not picture her at all. It seemed to purposefully elude her. True beauty is ageless, she thought, it defies our primitive understanding of life, our limitations to see beyond the mere surface of every waking hour.

"What were you like in your twenties?" she asked boldened by Carol's easy confession. Her gray eyes glistened over the flicker of candles. "Unhappy. Well, not all the time but most of it. I got married too soon and at a very young age which was a huge mistake from my part. I advise you not to do the same thing if you can possibly avoid it."

Therese bowed her head and stared at the napkin on her lap. Sensing the change in her mood Carol laid her hand on hers. "Not that I'd ever think you'd make my mistakes." For a little while it was as if they were holding hands, Therese thought, and when Carol finally pulled her fingers away, she was almost certain she felt them lingering for an extra, undecided while.

They returned to the inn somewhat reluctantly. If Therese had felt a bit tipsy before, the proximity of the bridal suite sobered her up once and for all. Carol opened the door and turned the lights on. Yup. The bed was still there.

"What a jocund evening this turned out to be," Therese exclaimed only to say something, to lighten the mood somehow. "Jocund? Now there's a word I haven't heard, I think..." Carol had disappeared into the bathroom. "How would you translate it to a Manhattanite such as me?" Therese fell silent. She could think of only one other alternative. "Well, I'm waiting. Let's hear it, Miss Belivet." Carol poked her head out expectantly. "Gay." Therese wished the floor underneath would part and swallow her whole. "Oh."

Therese got her toothbrush and pyjamas out of the bag when it was finally her turn to use the bathroom. She stared at the mirror trying to muster up whatever courage she had left. C'mon. She let out a sigh and stepped out. The night stand lamp on Carol's side of the bed was already turned off, and she could hear her breathing evenly. Quietly Therese sat down on her side and watched the sleeping figure in the moon's silvery shadow. The pale, freckled shoulders seemed to float on a pool of light. Not knowing how long she remained that way she finally slid under the covers careful not to disturb Carol's slumber.

When Therese woke up, Carol was all dressed up and leaning against the window sill with a cigarette between her fingers. "What happened to the 'no smoking' policy?" she asked yawning. "A girl can only take so much." Carol's uncompromising smile was radiant like spring.

 A few days after their return to the city they had already resumed their rehearsals. Their opening night was only a week away.

"Therese", Carol said after several hours of practice, "do you think we'd have time to go through one more song, get it ready for a possible choice as an encore?" Therese's interest was piqued. "Let's give it a try anyway, what've we got to lose?" She was tired but still raring to go.

Carol handed her the sheet music and cleared her throat. "From the beginning, slow tempo, follow me..." Therese recognized the piece instantly, and she knew right away how to carry her voice without even looking at the notes.

No other love can warm my heart
Now that I've known the comfort of your arms
No other love, oh sweet contentment
That I find with you everytime, everytime

Carol kept her eyes on Therese not letting her out of their reach for a single second. She looked pale, almost feverish in the evening light, yet lovelier than ever.

No other lips could want you more
For I was born to glory in your kiss, forever yours

Therese felt as if she was being flung out of her adoring orbit and elevated to a space she and Carol inhabited alone. Her fingers were on autopilot, coaxing all the gentleness out of the tender keys, touching them like a lover.

I was blessed with love to love you
Till the stars burn out above you
Till the moon is but a silver shell
No other love, let no other love know the wonder of your spell

It got very quiet after the last traces of music had withered away. Neither one dared to move nor look away. Finally Therese rose to her feet. She was the one sitting after all.

"Carol..." The intercom buzzed at the same instant its shrieking noise piercing their privacy all too violently. Carol closed her eyes in agony and rushed to the door. Therese deflated as if someone had punched all the air out of her. She fell back on the stool breathless, almost panting.

"Hi honey! Beam me up, will you?" Therese recognized the voice immediately. Abby. She walked to the window with her arms folded in sudden frustration not even turning to greet the latecomer when she finally made it up to Carol's apartment. "Well, hello to you too." Abby looked at her questioningly. She glanced at Carol. "Artistic differences? Trouble in paradise? Should I leave?" Yes. But no, she wasn't going anywhere.

A bottle of rye appeared on the side table. "It's one week before the showtime... maybe we should lighten up a bit?" Without a word Carol brought out three glasses and an ice bucket. "I see..." Abby drew her own conclusions. "No, you don't," snapped Carol determined to shut her up before another wisecrack. "Okay, okay, I come in peace, no need to bite my head off."

"Carol says you've been doing a tremendous job." Abby sounded sincere in her praise. "Therese, if I ever made you feel like I didn't appreciate your hopping aboard, do forgive me. I stand corrected. Let me make it up to you, I'll buy you a fancy dinner, take you out on the town, what'll you say?" If Carol's look could have killed, it would have annihilated Abby in a matter of seconds.

Therese softened, smiled even. "You're much too kind. It really isn't necessary, and I wouldn't have time anyway with the gigs and my recital coming up." Abby looked seriously tickled. "Well, wasn't that about the cutest brush off ever. How about a drink then?" Therese shook her head. "No, I think I better call it a night and be on my way."

She met Carol's gaze as she was about to gather her things. Her heart was full and she wanted to say so much but the words escaped her, all of them, leaving her stranded with nothing but muddled beginnings and swallowed meanings. Carol saw her to the door placing her hand ever so softly on Therese's shoulder as she had already turned to leave. Therese was transfixed by the impact it had on her. "I'll see you..?" Carol murmured out of breath. "The day after tomorrow", Therese managed to say in return.

It started raining and it felt like Carol, Therese thought. She saw the blurry lights of Manhattan and found them devastatingly beautiful. Eyes welling up with tears she ran all the way to Dannie's. Therese had an idea and she had to start right away - and for that she needed a piano.