Chapter 3
Chapter 3
The cold temperature confused Mikasa, as it was the middle of April. Her confusion lead to her pulling her scarf over her moth, in a desperate attempt to try and warm herself up. She had begun walking to the cafe Armin had scribbled down on a flaky post it note. Trost Cafe. He had also written down that it was about a ten minute walk, and Mikasa was surprised by this, as she had never even heard of this cafe, yet it seemed so local to her. Her work was only a five minute walk, so how had she never heard of this place before?
The raven’s black ankle boots paced along the messy pathway, littered with old newspapers written with forgotten stories. Mikasa didn’t let anyone catch on, but it was the small things in life like that, that seemed to please her.
Anxiety soon soaked her mind as she came closer to her destination. Mikasa had so many things that needed to be explained; and it had to come from her. She knew Armin would understand; he was like that. He never had prejudice against anyone. Even if a person had done something wrong against him or someone else, he refused to make judgement unless he had heard both sides out thoroughly. Maybe that’s why he seemed so surprised and open, to talk to her again. It was a selfish thought, but Mikasa couldn’t help but think what would of happened if it was Eren browsing the many books on display, not Armin.
For one, Eren wouldn’t even be there. He always hated reading, studying, anything to do with writing. But, forgetting that very important factor, Mikasa played the scene out in her head regardless. Would he have even recognized her? Perhaps. Even if he did, he probably would of left right away. Something that always baffled the raven was how Eren and Armin were complete opposites, yet they remained as tight as ever. Armin was a bookworm, with a love of literature and classical music. His personality was also far different from Eren’s. He was gentle, and always had the best intentions in mind. Optimistic about most things, means he was very hard working, and so full of life.
Eren on the other hand, was a lazy slacker, who indulged in procrastinating things right until the last minute. Mikasa recalled the amount of times Armin had saved his apathetic ass in high school, from the lack of assignments he used to do. He became enraged at many things, and quickly. Her memory was jogged again; remembering the time Eren sat herself and Armin down to tell them he did suffer with something they knew he had all along. She wondered if he still struggled with anger issues to this day. She hoped for his sake, he didn’t, or at the very least, it had cleared up a little bit.
Carried by her thoughts, and the gentle breeze, Mikasa stopped, her boots scuffing, outside of Trost Cafe. She gulped, knowing she would come back out with or without a reunited bond. She thought about ambling away, with defeat soaking her already glistening eyes. But alas, Mikasa was done with running away. She knew this day would come eventually, something she had been waiting for, for so long. Something she had feared and craved at the same time. This was it.
A small pale, shaky hand pushed open a glass door, and Mikasa stepped inside the cafe. The scent of sweet coffee filled her nostrils, and she relished it as much as she could, as she knew the smell would soon fade into the norm. Her deep azure eyes scanned the small shop, searching for a blonde pony tail. After about twenty seconds, she found him, nose buried in a book she didn’t recognize. Armin peered over the cover, and gave a small smile, raising his pale hand a little to give an almost wave. Mikasa shut her eyes and smiled back.
“What took you so long?” Armin inquired, as Mikasa was pushing in her chair behind her. She took a look at her coffee, still slightly steaming. “It’s only about a ten minute walk.”
Mikasa’s eyes widened a little as she searched for the nearest clock. Seeing that it was twenty two minutes past five, she looked at Armin with a worried expression.
“I’m sorry. I’m really nervous, so I was kind of out of it when I was walking.” Armin placed a bookmark in his book, and carefully placed the book down on the wooden table. He gave a reassuring smile.
“No need to apologize, you know me.”
Mikasa almost gave a scoff. “Do I?” She mumbled under her breath, looking down at her drink. She kind of wished she could take it back. Armin looked at her and sighed.
“I don’t want this to be awkward, for either of us. If your thinking about apologizing; don’t. Or at the very least, save it for the end.” Mikasa sighed, and nodded in agreement before taking a sip out of her lukewarm black coffee.
“But before of all of this depressing crap-” Mikasa giggled, interrupting Armin. “What?”
“When did you take up swearing?” She asked, placing her cup back down, and folding her arms on the table, giving an almost smirk.
Armin rolled his eyes. ”Crap is hardly a swear word. Anyway, how is life treating you? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”
Mikasa smiled, shutting her eyes slowly. Still as kind as ever, she thought. “It’s been fine,” She lied sadly through her teeth. “A little lonely, but it’s whatever.”
Armin smiled sadly. “I guess that’s partly my fault, huh.” Mikasa’s eyes widened.
“Hey, none of that yet! I’m fine. W-what about you? How are things your end?” Her voice wavered a little.
Armin beamed out another smile, brushing his fringe out of his eyes. “It’s been okay, great, actually! I’ve got a shitty job at Starbucks,” Mikasa scoffed out a laugh, “I know I know, hipster alert. It pays decent I guess, so it’s whatever.”
Mikasa took another sip of her drink. “Done anything exciting recently?”
“I wouldn’t say it’s exciting, but my girlfriend and I attended a party last week. It was actually for my friend Jean, you know, the guy who had the hots for you back in high school. “
Mikasa remembered him. Jean constantly tired to impress her, but alas, failed miserably. She wasn’t even sure if he still liked her, after what happened. He stopped talking to her, like everyone else had. Mikasa went over the sentence Armin had just said to her in her head. The word girlfriend had appeared. Wait...Armin...girlfriend?
Mikasa almost spat out her drink she had just taken. “Armin?! You have a girlfriend?!”
He nodded proudly, with his eyes closed. “Her names Annie.”
“Well, you got a picture of her?” Armin nodded again, pulling out his phone. “Never did I ever think that you, Armin Alert, would get a girlfriend.” He chuckled, unlocking his phone. He scrolled through his photos, his eyebrows furrowed, trying to find the perfect picture. He finally held up his phone.
The picture showed Armin, kissing his girlfriend’s cheek, with his eyes shut. She seemed slightly irritated by it, but at the same time, didn’t mind. Her face was turned slightly away from the camera, and her arms were hugging a green pillow. Armin had his hands around her waist, and his face was completely turned. They both seemed to blushing, and were sat on their couch.
“She’s cute. Where d’you find her?”
Armin flipped the phone back towards him, and smiled at his phone. “As cheesy as it sounds, it was at work. She was arguing with the manager because he was being an ass. She was screaming, making a scene the whole cafe could enjoy. I stuck up for her, and after she ran out, I followed her. She thanked me, and we started talking from there. She quit the day after it all happened, and as it would have been nice to work together, I wouldn’t want her working around my ass of a boss.”
Mikasa smiled, draining the last of her coffee. “You’re right, that is pretty cheesy. But it’s still cute. Do you guys live together?”
Armin sighed. “I probably shouldn’t be saying much, but Annie’s Father is in pretty bad shape, so she has to live with him to take care of him. I don’t mind, though.”
Mikasa nodded politely. “That picture was sweet, although it looked like she was just about to kill you. You both seem occupied, so who took it?”
“A friend.” Armin said blankly, staring off the side of Mikasa. She pondered for a moment why he decided not to tell her, but left the thought alone.
Mikasa gave a slight smirk, raising her thin eyebrows. “I still remember when 15 year old Armin stated, and I quote, “I never want a girlfriend! They seem like way too much work! I’m going to focus on my life instead!” What happened to that, huh?” They both chuckled.
“Well, life has a way of changing things, whether it is for the better, or worse.”
Mikasa’s eyes dropped to the table, in a desperate attempt to escape the conversation she could no longer postpone. “I know that all too well.”
Armin sighed. “I don’t expect you to recall everything. You might not even remember. But you asked of me what I can’t get out of my head. Whatever you have to say, I will listen to you, Mikasa.”
She cursed her loose tear ducts, as her eyes welled up with tears, glistening in the light over their table. She looked up at Armin, and his expression changed from soft to slight shock, when he saw her eyes filling up with water.
“Listen, I know we said save apologies for the end, but I can’t help it. I...I...d-dammit! I’m sorry,” She choked out a silent sob, “ I’m so, so sorry, for what I’ve done. For what I did. Due to my selfish behavior, I killed...so many...beautiful, innocent people...my friends...and classmates. I don’t mean to make a scene, I just, I...fuck...” Mikasa laid her head on the wooden table in defeat, almost knocking her empty cup flying.
“I beg you to take into consideration that I was only sixteen. That doesn’t excuse the whole issue, of course it doesn’t, but I was young, and my arrogance and self pity got in the way others safety...and...it caused me more pain than it did anyone else, I can promise you that. I told you I was fine when in reality, I struggled, for all these years. Pain, guilt, anxiety weighed on my shoulders like a ton of bricks. Not a day goes by where I don’t bleed in my heart for...those precious people’s lives I took.”
Armin sighed. He desperately wanted to cry with her, but knew if he did, he would give in to forgiveness, something he was not ready to give quite yet. “You didn’t know what did would cause that to happen-“
“No!” Mikasa raised her voice, gaining a few concerned looks from the last few customers of the shop, one couple particular giving them rude looks. Armin gave them an apologetic smile. “I refuse to let anyone defend for me! I won’t have it! It’s all my fault, I know this, I accept this. Moving on is the part that hurts.” Mikasa’s voice was getting louder in a desperate attempt to let Armin hear her words, her pleas.
Armin came to the conclusion that maybe bringing Mikasa to a cafe to explain everything wasn’t the best idea. He should have known things might get like this.
“Mikasa, please stop crying. Not here. Things should be explained...somewhere else. Have time to collect your thoughts. Write them down if you have to. You’re spouting apologies and fear.” He pulled his phone from his pocket. It was five to six. Almost closing time, anyway.
“Listen, how about you give me your number and I’ll text you. We can sort out another time to meet up and discuss this issue. I’ll just kick Eren out of the apartment, and then-“He stopped, eyes widening at what he just said.
Mikasa’s heart stopped at the word. The name. Eren. Her mouth parted a little, as she slowly looked up at Armin, her eyes forming new tears. Eren. He’s...alive? And Armin...lived with him? So many questions circled her mind, and she knew she wouldn’t get answers to them. A small part of her was happy that they were still friends, but that awful jealous side of her screamed.
“Eren’s...alive?”
Armin sighed, closing his eyes. “I might as well tell you what you want to hear. First off, yes, he is alive, where else would he be.”
“I had no clue.” Mikasa’s position stayed the same. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Obviously. I didn’t want to upset you, or, man, I don’t know. I just thought things would be awkward.”
Mikasa made contact with Armin, taking both of his hands in hers, holding them tightly. Armin noticed that they were pretty sweaty, which was to be expected. Armin knew what was to come next.
Her eyes gave an early plea. “Let me see him-“
Armin interrupted her. “Mikasa, I really don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t think he would have any interest in talking to you again.”
Armin’s hand tightened in her grip. He felt awful having to tell her, but he wasn’t a lair. She might as well know the cold hard truth then have Eren shatter it for her. “How would you know that?”
“Well, I just sort of gathered, seeing as the last time-“
Mikasa let go of his hands, and folded her arms. “Yeah, I know what happened.” She sighed and closed her eyes. Defeat seemed impending, but Mikasa refused to give up just yet.
“Call him.” She spoke firmly.
“What?”
Mikasa looked him deep in the eyes.”You heard me. Call him. Right now. Tell him, you saw me today. We met up. We talked. I want to see what he says.”
Armin pondered at the idea. It was ridiculous. In a weird way, it felt like he was betraying Eren. He didn’t want to do that to his best friend.
“Mikasa, I can’t-“
“Armin!” She snapped. He jumped in his seat a little. “I’m not asking you for much. Just one simple phone call. I’ll have my answer then. Please. If you wait, after this, I’ll leave you alone. Just, do this for me. Please, Armin.”
Armin sighed. He couldn’t believe he was actually considering this shit. Mikasa was right; it was just a simple phone call. Eren wouldn’t get mad at him, would he? Of course not. Eren’s changed. A lot. Enough for Armin to know that he won’t boil up at petty things like this. “Fine,” Armin muttered, “But you owe me. Big time.”
Mikasa nodded eagerly. “Of course, anything.”
Armin pulled out his phone sighing once more, and unlocked it. He got up his contacts, and scrolled down to ‘E’. He quickly found Eren’s name, and went on his profile. A picture of Eren with two carrots up either nostril of his nose, greeted the blonde. He lightly pressed the blue phone, and held it to his ear. It started dialing.
“Can you hear it?” He asked. Mikasa nodded. She felt a knot tighten in her stomach. She was about to hear it. His voice.How different it would sound. The raven braced herself.
“What am I even suppose to say?”
Mikasa shrugged.”Just make it up as you go, I guess. But don’t say your here with me now, say you met me earlier.” Armin gave a quick nod of approval. His eyes widened slightly as Eren picked up his phone.
“Hey, Eren.”
“Hey, Ar. What’s up?”
His voice...didn’t sound different at all. Sure, a little deeper maybe. But he still sounded like...Eren. He felt like he was just a hands reach away from her.
“So, uh, you’ll never guess who I saw today...”
“Ah, who? Was it Hannes? Old bastard, haven’t seen him in a while. Was it him?”
Armin let out a nervous chuckle. “No, it wasn’t Hannes. It was...uh...”
“Come on, Ar, surprise me. Who did you see today that was suuuper important that you felt the need to ring me, while I’m in the gaming zone right now?”
“It was...uh...it was Mikasa.”