Is There Somewhere Only We know?
Clarke found the Central Park a welcome oasis in this mechanical fast paced city , manicured with beautiful flowers and shrubs and the endless green acted at a balm under the blazing heat.
Clarke walked and walked, inhaling the sights that unfolded in front of her eyes – families cherishing their picnic time engulfed with laughter and chaos; tourists roaming around taking pictures, friends and lovers all lost in their own time hole.
When she was near the supposed breathless pacifying waters of “The Lake” of the Central Park, Clarke finally sat down. She just had to escape from the noise to free her mind from all the routine worries, to clear her thoughts and remind herself that despite how difficult and challenging life can get, trouble wasn't always meant to stay. She seated herself under the drooping shades of the oak trees, legs all stretched out and stared out in search for that inspiration to creep on her.
Clarke was running her hands throught the furry hair of Fluffy who face shone contentment as he snuggled into Clarke’s lap further and her legs where sprawled awkwardly over Lexa’s legs who was very much engrossed in whatever she was reading.
Lexa wore reading glasses when she read and Clarke had to say, it looked kinda annoyingly nice on her. Throughout her holidays, Clarke had gone accustomed to both Lexa and Fluffy, their talks, their silence and their bittersweet moments in between. It was a relaxed routine which would soon be over when Clarke would be heading back to California University at Berkeley.
It as around 11 that morning and Clarke was lazily lying there on their porch, with the black pages of her sketch book laying within an arm’s length away from her. It was empty like the so many pages before it.
“Why don’t you draw?”, Lexa asked taking her nose out of her book,
“Actually I have hardly ever seen you draw during your stay here. So why don’t you draw, Clarke?”
Clarke kept eyeing her book and without taking her eyes off it, she simply shrugged her shoulders, “Nothing quite clicks to me anymore.”
Lexa chose to remain silent and urged Clarke to continue, “Mr Jefferson told me a few months ago that my paintings were good, very beautiful even but they were too mechanical. He said, my paintings didn’t make him feel anything, they were too neutral so he asked me to find my inspiration. But I can’t. It’s just…not there anymore.”
Lexa pondered our her book for a while and stood up as if she was struck with a brilliant idea. Eureka, kind of a phase crossed her face. “Have you ever seen the sunset from Grover Beach, Clarke?”
Clarke made an unsure face and said, “Can’t say that I have.”
“Well then I haven’t either. It’s barely 10 am now. If we leave right now, we can reach the place to picture frame the sunset. Wanna go?" Lexa said already knowing the answer, “Know what, some light wear with you and meet me at my car in say, 15 mins? Chop, Chop Griffin” and with that Lexa just ran out to her house.
Fluffy still sat on Clarke’s lap and made no attempt to move. Clarke signed and told him, “Looks like you are with me then.”
And it was Andrew Belle’s lyrics that buzzed through the air, the serene touch of those words had ran like a smooth wave of calmness over her and Lexa’s soft voice hummed along the lyrics, her fingers drumming the steer wheel.
Oh, if you're hearing this
I must have made it through
Oh, when the clouds are burned
Open up my window
I see the sky's still blue
Someone should have seen Fluffy. No sooner he was free of the bounds of the car he ran on the outlines of the beach in lightning bolt chasing the seagulls that chose to find their peace on the grains of sand. he ran as if he was chasing the winds, no restraints nothing. He thundered down the shores and Lexa ran yelling after him.
The beach seemed endless and not much people were in view and those who were, where walking hand in hand by the brim of the beach.
The sky was already in a red blush shade slowly getting overtaken by a crimson glowing line as the Sun was getting out of view and the salty lips of the waves were kissing the sand roughly.
Clarke didn’t know what, but maybe it was something about the soothing sounds of the waves , or the endless pallet of colours off the sky or the company love that made Clarke feel weightless.
Yes, the way Lexa carried Fluffy over in her arms, mildly scolding him with light pats on his head, walking the line with the black shadows trailing behind her, Clarke knew it was definitely the company of love.
Lexa led down a blanket of sorts and gestured Clarke to sit over it. There’s a soothing necromancy to the sounds of the sea that can’t be found anywhere else.
Jake Griffin once told Clarke that heart was the strongest muscle in our body, the heart had the strength to make us come back when we were at the edge.
Jake Griffin had been her inspiration, her father had been her guide, her philosopher and friend. So when Clarke took up arts in the hopes of being an artist, unlike her mother who, well saying just disappointed would be an understatement, her father stood by her through thick and thin, his hand on her shoulder as her support until the day he was no more.
Sometimes, her mind even drifted to Finn Collins, the second person who made art in Clarke. Clarke loved him or so she thought until he proved her wrong, breaking her heart and art, both.
Clarke was in her final semester in college and like many, she also had a fair share of brief purely sexual encounters but none aroused in her like Lexa had done. Clarke didn’t understand what she felt towards her, she didn’t know if she could love again but she had strong feelings nonetheless. She might not love Lexa, or did she , but Lexa had always shown her positivity.
“It’s breathtaking isn’t it”, Lexa’s words put her thoughts to a halt. Clarke looked at Lexa whose skin was illuminated in the fading darkness and she smiled , “Yes, truly breath taking.”
Clarke’s eyes often looked haunted of the past , a past Lexa knew she couldn’t change. Clarke blamed her for her father’s death, she claimed that if she hadnt insisted so hard to meet him ,then maybe his car wouldn’t have missed that red signal and just maybe that drunkard driver trunk , wouldn’t have hit him.
Clarke even blamed herself for ruining her mother’s life, taking away her partner and putting a dent in their relationship which barely consisted of more than handful words.
And Finn, the supposed lost love of Clarke, he had made her feel of her that she wasn’t enough for him. Indeed Clarke never said anything in so many words, but Lexa heard them loud and clear.
And Lexa feared for Clarke and often she feared for herself, what if she was falling for the blonde beauty, that golden mane of hair she had only know for a brief 1and ½ months…
Lexa didn’t know how crucial those words were for her when she had said them but she could still hear those words often, as if they were in the wind around her echoing in her, “The past is gone. It has nothing new to tell us so when it comes knocking you don’t have to answer it.”
Lexa and Clarke both knew the inevitable was coming but they simply chose to ignore it or somehow didn’t word those thoughts that were often knocking in their conscious minds. Yesterday, Clarke had asked Lexa what did she though of love. Lexa told her, that she had never been in that kind of love to know what love truly is. She didn’t know that love that people would talked about, she didn’t know that love that makes you cross the oceans or even makes you give up your dreams but she did believe in one thing, if you loved someone enough you should be able let that person go.
“Even without a fight? That sounds pretty awful”, Clarke told her.
“Well if you already know you have lost the war then why fight it?”, Lexa countered. To that, Clarke had no reply, not yet at least , may be because she was yet to know what was to fall in love as well.
Clarke was standing at the station. Her luggage all packed lay beside her, her train yet to arrive. Abby had insisted to see her off but Clarke had reluctantly refused, she said her mother was more needed at her hospital and she was old enough to go.
Her eyes kept drifting back to the entrance of the gates in search of braided chestnut hair but to no avail. Clarke wanted to give Lexa a parting present, a little something she had made for her. Yes, she could have handed it over to Indra but it felt too private for her to simply give it to a stranger and standing at the station Clarke was rethinking her decision.
Maybe she should have given it to her how would she know that Lexa would go MIA today, specially on her last day. Was she that insignificant and unimportant to her? Her eyes were going moist but Clarke refused to shed a tear. She wouldn’t . The grip on the paper wrapped with a purple ribbon tightened.
“Going without so much a goodbye to us , eh?”, a husky yet familiar voice called her out from behind followed by a bark. Lexa wore the same attire she had worn that first day they met and like the first day, Fluffy was licking her leg. This time Clarke picked him up and held him tightly as if she was his lifeline.
The approaching whistle of the train echoed the station yet both didn’t move an inch. Tugging Fluffy in her arms Clarke looked at her shoes as she spoke out , “I thought I wasn’t going to see you, you know….”, her words stammered in her mouth.
She looked over to Lexa whose eyes were glassy as well and without so much so a warning both bodies crashed together in a tight embrace with Fluffy in middle who’s unnoticably slipped out.
Lexa’s hands wrapped Clarke around the waist, intimately brushing over to the top, and Clarke’s arms tightly gripped Lexa , her face muffled in the scent of vanilla scented hair. And these time, Clarke let go of her tears. They wet Lexa’s dark shirt . They held onto each other and isnt wasn’t until the final call of boarding came that they unlinked their much tangled arms.
“Don’t go all teary on me now, Prisa”, Lexa tried to joke but her voice was betraying her. Clarke smiled brushing away her tears, “As long as you don’t get all mushy on me. And before I forget, I wanted to give you this, don’t open it here. Just a private thing needs a private environment , I guess.”
“Ok.”
Lexa took a bag while Clarke took the remaining and placed it on the deck. “So…” they both had simultaneously started, and Lexa finished , “I’m gonna go, ok” but no sooner had she said those words, Lexa closed the gap between them engulfing Clarke once again in a warm embrace.
“May we meet again, Clarke.”
“May we meet again.”
The train soon faded out in the horizon leaving nothing but the grey smoke behind. Lexa opened the ribbon and unfolded that paper and the scene before her made her gasp.
Painted beautifully in charcoal depicted a sun burnt Lexa who was staring at the already setting sun and in fine handwriting, Thank you for reminding me everyday is a second chance, Yours Prisa.
Love someone enough to let her go, the concept itself was too flawed but that was maybe what Clarke needed to do. Maybe Clarke had to find her peace with the bygone days to welcome the future. She picked up her phone and scrolled down the contacts and stopped at Costia. Costia.
Clarke had planned to meet Costia for an early lunch by a small safe just overlooking the Central Park and she had readily agreed. The café was a small quaint one with rusty chairs and tables, small lights were emblazoning it with a soft music playing in the background.
Clarke was ideally stirring her beverage when the bells of the café door clicked open. Clarke turned in time to see Costia and waved her over to join her. Costia could see Clarke eyes bubbling with an odd impatience, so she let Clarke take the lead, well after all it was her who wanted to talk.
The voicelessness of the situation was getting too much for Clarke to remain silent but she didn’t know what to ask about, or how to ask Costia about Lexa. She couldn’t find her voice, even though knew her words. Clearing her voice, for what seemed like the fourth time, Clarke finally asked,
"How is she?”
"She’s good. I should say better after what she has been through; after everything she’s doing good. She is a NYT journalist, kind of the on-tour ones, always travelling to places, one day she’s here, another day she’s somewhere polar opposite."
“How’s Indra? Are they here in NY?”
There was a pregnant pause.
“I don’t know how to tell you this but Indra’s demise occurred about 2 years back. It was a major cardiac arrest, she died peacefully.”
Clarke gasped in shock and ended up on a sad smile. She didn’t know that woman that well but she knew her well enough to say that in a way she was Lexa’s ground.
“And, maybe that was the last time I properly spoke to Lexa abet the in-between occasional hi’s and how are you’s. She’s been too busy running about that she had forgotten she has friends” and through gritted teeth Costia added, “and family who actually gives a shit about her, it seems.”
Despite the stoic appearance, Clarke could see emotions flooding behind her brown eyes and somehow she could relate to that. That pain of being left behind couldn’t match that many.
“Yes, she seems she had a knack for it.”
Clarke’s voice was so soft, barely even a decibel but Costia heard her. She took in those blue glassy orbs and saw that faraway, longing look on her face. That emotion was eerily similar as if she had seen it before. Lexa.
It’s you.The girl who stole Lexa from her, but maybe Lexa was never hers to take.
“You broke her heart.”
Costia almost blurted out her words and she immediately wished nothing more than she take them back, but the damage was done. A sensation of a moment’s confusion flickered through Clarke’s face which instantly grew into horror then anger.
She snorted indignantly, “She broke mine.” By choosing you.
“And by an infinitesimally chance, even if I broke her heart, which I didn’t, she moved pretty fast onto you, didn’t she? So much more a broken heart, huh?”
Costia narrowed her eyes, “What are you ---- It was too much for her, Clarke. And when she left why did you let her go? Are you being daft deliberately, she was so sick --------“
“I didn’t , ok, she said she was better without me ---------, what did you say?”
“She was sick?” but the confusion didn’t get cleared and finally realization dawned on her, “She never told you.”
Clarke knew she was missing something here, something big, something pivotal but she didn’t know what. She nearly shrieked as she demanded, “What? What don't I know?”
Costia wanted to tell her the missing pieces but somehow she couldn’t betray Lexa. Lexa who had been her lover and now her cherished friend, a friend who didn’t even attend Indra’s funeral. That friend. The friend who was always eager to run, to live that friend. She felt anger, but she knew that maybe there were some thoughts as to why Lexa didn’t tell the blonde girl.
“It’s Lexa’s story to tell Clarke and I’m sure she has her reasons for why she didn’t confide the truth in you. ”, Costia took out a piece of paper and scribbled down something and shifted the paper to Clarke.
Clarke stared at those 10 digits, the same number she had once upon a time sent countless messages to, none were replied of course so Clarke assumed the number had outdated. Fate indeed loves throwing curve balls as her. “This is Lexa’s number. She most of the times doesn’t pick up but she always returns the call, just give it a try? And if offhandedly, you don’t get in touch with her, you know where to find me.”
Clarke had long left the café and now she was seated in some roadside bar. Reasons. Reasons. In every shot she took, in every thought of her that still makes her throat run dry, Clarke left the land of the reality, in drunkard haziness her surroundings disappeared to that day when it all ran havoc. The beginning of the end.
26 days. Lexa and Clarke didn’t talk for 26 days, albeit just a few texts. Ok, not just a few texts, there had been plenty of texts but these texts couldn’t erase that eerie feeling in her chest, that would only rest when she would see Lexa.
26 days had gone by, each day stretching like a year. Clarke had met Octavia in her second year at her university, she had supposedly moved from Chicago and was going to complete the remaining of her semester at California.
It wasn’t long before, she became “partners in crime” with Raven and didn’t even take a whole month for Clarke to accept her as her second best friend. So gradually, when Raven and O say Clarke moping around, they did everything they could to poke the truth or secret out of her, but the more they tried, the more she grew sheltered on the matter. So they stopped pushing, but the beauty of a secret was that it could always come out and crush you in the least expected way.
Mr.Jefferson had felt the need to hold a bit or an artsy friendly competition bribing people that the winner’s painting would be used as the front cover of the college magazine, so everyone including Clarke agreed. So Clarke sat with paint and brushes in front and a big blank page leering back at her.
Mr. Jefferson’s words kept coming back to her as he urged his students to paint that first thing that blindfolds their mind, their soul when they close their eyes. So Clarke drew. She drew, poured out every inch of her unsaid emotions in the page that was now bleeding with colors that screamed her heart’s desire. Lexa Woods in her infamous Hogwarts hoodie and denim shorts staring at her with Fluffy the cute monstrosity cuddles on her arms.
Like that first day they met. Much to her utter shock, Mr. Jefferson awarded her the first position, smiling encouragingly at her and that’s when the wildfire of the certain green eyed brunette started. And to celebrate her victory, Raven, O and her whole group decided to crash party in Clarke’s home.
It had already been 10pm but her friends apparently had so sense of time. They were half drunk half sober, slurring around in a language that only drunk Clarke could understand; Pillows were scattered here and there, empty pizzas boxes and vacant beer bottles decorated her floor, not to mention the blaring music that could quite possible put a hole in the wall.
Clarke walked the stairs to her bedroom, and she was sure know one would notice her absence, their conscious minds were pretty much down the drain at the moment and she wasn’t even feeling up for it either. So here, Clarke sat, with lights on in her bedroom and a bottle of half empty of beer. Even amidst all these people she felt something was amiss. Lexa. It was just then that her ears attentively turning to the slight clicking sound was if someone was hitting the window pane with rocks. Clarke knew for sure who that person was. Lexa.
Dressed in a mere sundress and cardigan under the silver rays of the moon stood Lexa. Clarke might have not noticed it in the first glance but she seemed almost thinner as if she wasn’t eating properly and there were dark bags under those alluring eyes as if she hadn’t slept in a long time. Her steps towards Clarke even slackened a bit.
Worried Clarke asked, “Hey, you okay?”
If Lexa was caught off –guard with the question, she definitely chose to ignore it. “you owe me a treat, Griffin!”
“Say what now?”, Clarke was definitely intrigued.
Lexa gave her one of her smirks. “A little birdie told me that you borrowed my face for your competition, so I thought its only fair that you treat me back.”
Clarke’s face felt her face burn.
“Mom?”, she already knew the answer yet she asked.
“Yes, your mother to my aunt to me, a pretty lengthy process, if you ask me. You could have simply thanked me for having such a crowd pleasing ravishing face”, Lexa grinned as she once again took in her companion’s reddened face.
“Geez, whatever… where are we going by the way?” Clarke had to cut through Lexa’s teasing.
“There’s this bar….”
“…. Bar? Should I be taking precautions before going huh?”, Clarke added still bemused about the last time when they fled as if they had their asses on fire. They actually did, but only not in a literal sense.
“Don’t judge it until you see it.”
The bar was situated on the outskirts of their city and supposedly today was a Karaoke night. Huh. Apparently, Lexa had told the bartender to open up a tab since they would be staying here fro quite sometime and thus the drinks kept coming. Clarke didn’t overlook the fact that Lexa was really getting it on tonight, engulfing drink after drink, oohing to every person who was coming on the stage to sing.
“You would tell me if something was wrong right?”, Clarke asked yet again but Lexa being Lexa simply put it as, “ Well, I would be much better if you would drink along with me. Come on, we are up next.”
Lexa was already pulling her up to the stage front and a sort of tug of war started between the two too.
“Ok, just let me down a drink, need the liquid courage….” And thus Lexa and Clarke stood in front of the mike with quite a crowd cheering them.
The music started in the background and Lexa was the first to bench out the lyrics. Clarke positively gulped, her heartbeat fastened as she watch Lexa taking out her cardigan, all the while shamelessly winking at Clarke and shaking her hips. The whistles that followed, they almost deafening.
The night is dark but the moon is bright
We're staring at this summer night
Tan skin looks damn good in white
Stripping down by the Hollywood sign
The music changed and now Clarke took the lead, mustering her confidence, she let the drunk Clarke take over. She would blame it on the alcohol later.
You light me up inside
Like the 4th of July
Whenever you're around
I always seem to smile
And people ask me how
Well you're the reason why
I'm dancing in the mirror and singing in the shower
Honestly, they might not have been that drunk but the adrenaline rush that pumped through her veins ignited a dormant fire in her and she and Lexa recited out the lyrics of Thriller, totally out of symphony, even trying to match up the steps but the crowds went cheering them on.
And perhaps, in the midst of all the crowd and stolen glances and too much closed proximity, her eyes fell on Lexa’s pump lips which seemed dry, she wondered what would it feel like to lick them wet. Then she looked up to see those haunting eyes staring back at her.
They didn’t know who was the first to initiate the kiss but it didn’t matter. They didn’t know how then eevn stepped out from the bar into the chambers of her car, but that didn’t matter either.
The kiss was wet, sloppy a bit disoriented at best but there had been these underlying desire beneath them. There was probably a hundred reasons why it may have not been perfect but they all fell short to the one reason that mattered the most. It felt right.
Enough of the butterfly kisses, when Clarke was taken in a one long stride, she lay in her arms, her mouth locked in hers in a deep passionate kiss. They were already in a close confinement yet Clarke pressed closer to her as if she wished to be absorbed in her, flesh , bone and blood. Their tongues were fighting for dominance and their hands were doing all the work.
Lexa’s hand were on her jeans, struggling a bit in the glooming darkness but she somehow undid it open. Her hands swiftly went behind her shirt touching the delicate skin, going up till she reached her bra. Lexa’s hands were gentle and unhurried, as she dealt with the fastenings of her bra and shirt smiling her delight as she uncovered her of all fibers.
Whispering her encouragement, Clarke, a bit shyly undid her as well. She stroked her belly and her slackening eager thighs, running circles on it while Lexa’s leg was pressed between hers.
There was a sharp intake of breath when Clarke felt her hand slide between her leg, teasing her heated wetness while one finger-tip played with her until she moaned out a frustrated, please. It was as if the magic word, the encouragement that Lexa was searching for when she dipped her finger into her, he long slender fingers, burning up her insides in sheer pleasure.
Clarke’s breathing hitched and she screamed. Slowly her movements gained momentum, inserting another and then a total of 3 fingers in her.
And when she pressed her thumb into her tiny engorged mound, her body clench in aching desire. She pleaded Lexa to not stop, that she was near and oh near she was. It moments wait, she could feel as the hot fluid came out of her. And then almost felt heaven when Lexa dipped her head to lick at it. But when Lexa was going for another time, Clarke playfully stopped her.
“Its my time, now”. She gently pushed Lexa on the side of the car, her back pausing in to the window. She ran her hair down her much thinned tone, down her flat abdomen to the center of her arousal. Her fingers moved delicately, provocatively from the wet mouth of it , leaving ghost kissed on it until Lexa groaned her pleasure aloud.
She moved over to Lexa who intertwined her with her legs as Clarke felt her grumble beneath her with every thrust she made, curling her fingers deep in her as she watched her make those rhymic soft moans and gasps, panting and then begging Clarke to continue. Clarke loved how flustered she was, how she squirmed beneath her. Lexa felt that irresistible sharp sensation build in her from the innermost depth of her womanhood , she knew, she was on the verge.
“Let go, Lexa, I’m here” and Lexa’s all control slipped away leaving her lost and consumed in a spiral of mindless agonizing rapture. They soon lost count after the third consecutive time they had both come undone and soon in the inky darkness of the night they were two beings that lay lashed skin to skin with one another, the window mirrors of the car all fogged out from the sticky wet air from within.
Concealed from Clarke who lay asleep on her, Lexa lay still, eyes open as she admired Clarke. Every inch of her skin, from her curves, to belly button and the lustful pink lips. Her fingers lingered on the light scar on her left breast that lay as a single stain on a black page of white. She engulfed the scene in front of her, as if trying to memorize in the pages of the book in case she forgot. But Lexa knew, she couldn’t. She would never.
Clarke’s touched were like scars on her, so unlike the rest of the women who couldn’t even match Clarke’s shadow if they tried. Lexa hoped a better tomorrow for certain would be out of control, she hoped because she wouldn’t change this night with her for anything. Clarke was worth it all. If she would get her heartbreak broken by her Prisa then the least she could do was relish in those pains.
It wasn’t even 5 in the morning when Lexa’s phone rang. She struggled to get it out and looked up the Caller Id. Barely clothing herself, Lexa walked until she was able to put some distance between the car and herself and continued talking into the phone.
Low murmurs and some pleading pleases were shared until Lexa could bear no more. She had always known that life had been gracious on her, she was a fool to believe them, they were too good to be true anyway.
She opened the door to the backseat and whispered those three words again and again as wistful tears trailed down her cheek. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Never forget me. I an sorry. Like a mantra she kept on repeating them. She knew what she had to do. Head over heart. She knew and then she drove.
Clarke’s eyes opened slowly and she took in her surroundings. What she home or something? She pulled in her clothing, her eyes falling for momentarily on her thighs which were smeared with purple blots. Memories of last night flooded in her front of her eyes and an unconscious smile was tugging at her lips. As of on instinct her eyes darted up and she was met with green eyes that were devoid of any form of emotions. A mask with no tell.
After a halt, Clarke was going to say, “Last night…………”
“………..was a mistake, Clarke.”, Lexa didn’t stop there. She turned away, her eyes darting anywhere but Clarke as she spoke again, “ We had too much to drink and its shouldn’t have happened. I apologize for taking advantage of you last night. And your house in just a block away, it’s the least I could have done after…..” Lexa spoke in a mechanical way, as if she had been practicing it in front of the mirror.
Clarke tried to absorb what Lexa told her, she did but What was last night. Was she that drunk? Was Lexa that drunk? Even if she was, last night was an act of their unyielding desire that culminated into sex, one that simply couldn’t be demeaned to a mistaken act of drunkedness.
“Bullshit. I wanted last night as much as you so bullshit.”, Clarke pulled Lexa by her collar pulling her into a searing kiss, one that Lexa easily reciprocated but only a moment when she immediately pulled back,
“Trust me, it’s not”
“Then look me in the eye and tell me that it was all a drunk mistake, that if it was anyone else in my place if would have ended the same way. Tell me”, Clarke demanded. Lexa took in a deep breath as if trying to summon up her courage, then she looked Clarke in the eye and the answer fell out of her lips, “Yes. Yes. To all your questions”
Lexa didn’t even bat an eyelid when she said it. She simply got in her car, and drove away without even a glance back. On the pavement, Clarke fell to her knees as she burrowed her face in her hands and tears fell. The scenario wasn’t much different in Lexa’s car who finally led her mask slip. With her head on the steering wheel, she let her tears fall.
2 weeks passed in a blur. she told Raven and O whatever little bit that could be said, some things were sometimes too personal too even put in words, so they didn’t ask her for details but they did try to get Clarke out of her room. Abby visited her at her campus and out of nowhere a plan was made to eat out and Raven and Octavia being Raven and Octavia couldn’t simply let the moment of free wining and dining pass.
Their food at “The California Grill” was yet to arrive to Clarke excused herself to the washroom. Clarke was looking at her phone on her way when she accidentally stumbled upon a tall brunette, literally crashing into her.
An apologize was already on her lips but the brunette shrugged it off. But a familiar voice asked came running to her aid, “Cos, you okay?”. She might not have noticed Clarke but Clarke definitely noticed. Lexa was apparently very concerned as she was looking at the said “Cos” who was according to Clarke, visibly very fine.
“I’m fine, Lexa” . Lexa was about to say something in retort to the stranger but her voice fell short on seeing that stranger was Clarke.
“Clarke?”, the letters stumbled through her lips before she could even stop them. So, she does remember me, Clarke thought sarcastically.
“You two know each other? I didn’t know Lexa actually had any friends”, Costia asked as she looked from Lexa to Clarke and Clarke to Lexa.
“In all fairness, she didn’t tell me she had any either”, Clarke couldn’t help but snip back.
“Costia, this is Clarke and Clarke this lady here in Costia. She’s a …. A friend”, the way Lexa stammered on Costia being a friend made Clarke narrow are eyes. When did Lexa have friends? That to “friends” with such a brunette. She felt as if someone had kicked her in her gut.
“Costia, why don’t you lead, I’ll be there shortly”, gesturing Costia to go ahead. Costia held her hand onto Lexa as an affirmative before nodding a short farewell to Clarke before she headed off. Lexa knew which way the guns in her head where going so without much ado Lexa answered in a monotonic voice, “She’s someone who’s very dear to me. We are just friends of sorts, Clarke. ”
“Just friends of sorts, huh? I already hate that phrase.”. Lexa was moving from one feet to another until she couldn’t bear anymore. There was so much left to be said, but now wasn’t a good time. The right time. And Lexa was foolishly waiting for the right time to come.
“Have a good evening, Lexa” and just like that, Lexa stood alone in the hallway. Nothing but her and her self and a silent prayer on her lips.
Clarke had tried her best not to look around the room in search of two brunettes but when her eyes stopped at the dim corner, she saw them. Lexa was laughing to something that Costia said, they looked comfortable with each other. She felt like a total creep but she couldn’t hold herself, when she saw Costia reaching out slowly and whispering something to Lexa, as if trying to hide her words from prying eyes.
Clarke didn’t know what to think but she was sure that to a third person it was a scene that unfolded between would-be lovers and that made her nauseous. She didn’t even look back when she excused herself and made her way even though a little voice somewhere screamed inside.
The next time Clarke visited her home, her mother told her that supposedly the Woods no longer lived in their neighborhood, apparently they were having some difficulties, about what she didn’t know but they were moving someplace yesterday. Abby sounded very wistful when she said these words, maybe because Indra had grown to be a good friend of her’s.
The moment she knew, Clarke ran to her house only to find it locked and empty. So she dialled Lexa. She called her once or twice or thrice or perhaps countless times but all went to the voicemail. She didn’t even get a goodbye. But Lexa promised her. Empty promises.
That was when Clarke Griffin stopping seeking her. She stopped.