Maybe

**Clarkes POV**

“I’m thinking we ambush her. What do you say? Want to go to Lexas room Clarke? I told her I’d be right back, she is expecting me any minute now.”

Her eyes widened, that was a joke right? She couldn’t be serious? But then Raven stood and began walking towards the exit. She scrambled up and ran to catch up to her.

“Wait you’re serious?!”

Raven didn’t slow down, “You just said you loved her.”

“I do love her, are you sure she doesn’t need more time away from me?”

Raven stopped walking and turned to her, “honestly I don’t know what she needs but I know she let you in and really cares for you, she is at her happiest when with you. I just want her to be happy.”

Clarke thought about it a moment and nodded, this went beyond just what she had done now and if Lexa needed her she would be there. “Lets go.”

The walk seemed to take forever, she kept going over what she was going to say to Lexa in her head, that is if Lexa actually let her talk. She hoped she would, she really did.

The closer they got to Lexas apartment the more nervous she felt. They got to the door, and Clarke was sure the moment they knocked and Lexa saw her the door would slam shut. Her eyes widened when she saw Raven take out Lexas keys. There was no going back.

Raven opened the door and she followed her in, Lexas room door was open, when they got to it the room was empty. That’s when Clarke heard the shower was on, she turned to Raven to ask if they should just come back when she went and knocked on the bathroom door.

“You said you were getting in the shower as soon as I fucking left! Tell me you haven’t been in there the whole time.”

Raven hit the door harder at the silence.

“Go away!”

Clarke stepped towards the door but Raven put her hand up to stop her, but Clarke ignored her. Lexa had begun leaving the bathroom door unlocked since they had gotten together. She hoped she had left it unlocked now out of habit.

When she grabbed the door knob and it turned Ravens eyes widened. She glanced between the door and Clarke, she motioned for her to go in, and pointed to herself and then the bedroom. Clarke nodded.

Raven closed the bedroom door behind herself, and it sounded like she locked it behind herself. Clarke shook her head knowing that was Raven way of trapping Lexa.

She took a deep breathe in, knocked on the door once more before opening it and stepping in closing it quickly behind herself.

“Seriously Raven, I regret being your friend so much right now. Get the hell out, I just want to be alone for fucks sake!!” Clarke hovered near the door unsure of what to do. Lexa was going to kick her ass, she was sure of it.

She sat on the toilet not saying a word, then she remembered keeping her mouth shut was one of the problems here. She took another deep breathe again.

“It’s not Raven.”

Clarke was ready for there to be yelling for something to be thrown at her but none of it came. The silence scared her more than anything else would have.

“Lexa?” She wanted to go to her, to pull the curtain back and just go in like nothing wrong had happened between them.

“Why are you here?”

“Raven came to me after class, told me you needed me, well you might need me so… I’m here. You may hate me right now but I won’t let that stop me from being here for you.”

“She had no fucking right.” Clarke flinched at that.

“She wants to make sure you are okay is all.”

“I’m fine.”

“Lexa can you get out the shower so we can talk face to face?”

There was a silence after that, she seemed to be ignoring her.

“Pass me my damn towel.”

Clarke stood and grabbed the towel walking towards the curtain, the shower turned off and Lexas hand popped out. She gave it to her and went back to sitting.

When Lexa opened the curtain she was looking down towel wrapped around herself wringing her hair out.

“You can leave now, I don’t want to talk to you.”

Lexa still hadn’t looked up but began stepping towards the door, Clarke jumped up and stood in front of the door locking it. Lexa looked at her then and what Clarke saw broke her heart, Lexa looked like she had been crying for hours, her eyes were red and swollen and held so much sadness, more than she knew anyones could hold.

It was her instinct to comfort her so she stepped forward raising her hand to Lexas face but before she could touch Lexa stepped back shaking her head, tears forming in her eyes. “Don’t.”

She tried to ignore her and took another step forward but Lexa put her hand up and shook her head. “Please Clarke, I can’t, don’t touch me.”

She pulled her hand back instantly, she felt her own eyes begin to water, how could she have let this happen? She broke the woman she loved.

**Lexas POV**

She couldn’t do this, she didn’t want to see Clarke, she wasn’t strong enough to face her and not fall right back into her arms. She didn’t want to need her, to want her, to love her. Yet the moment she heard her voice relief had flooded her entire body.

She couldn’t be weak. She made sure not to touch Clarkes hand when she grabbed the towel. She was trying to calm herself down before stepping out. She remembered how her face looked before stepping into the shower and couldn’t imagine what it looked like since she had spent the time in there crying again.

“You can leave now, I don’t want to talk to you.”

When she stepped out she kept her face towards the ground she started walking towards the door but looked up and she heard Clarke locking the door. Her first thought was she hoped Clarke knew that her locking the door did nothing considering the lock was on this side of the door. Then she saw Clarke take in the way she looked.

She felt vulnerable and she hated it, it felt wrong. When Clarke began walking towards her to touch her she couldn’t help but step back. If Clarke touched her she would fall apart instantly, she felt it happening already.

“Don’t.”

Clarke ignored her and went to try and touch her, “Please Clarke, I can’t, don’t touch me.” Clarke pulled her hand away, Lexa took the moment to look her over, she looked like she was struggling to keep it together herself, and though her entire body screamed for her to pull Clarke to her she fought it with all her strength.

“You should leave.”

Clarke shook her head and glanced at the door behind her. “Raven locked herself in your room and I’m pretty sure she won’t let you in unless you hear me out. I won’t leave until you do.”

She couldn’t believe the audacity of either girl. They had no right to tell her what she had to do.

She walked to Clarke and did her best to glare at her, she wasn’t sure she managed it. “We will see about that, move out of my way.” Clarke nodded and moved to the side. Lexa opened the door and walked to her room, she tried to open it but it was indeed locked. This mother fucker locked her out of her own room.

“Raven open the fucking door this isn’t funny.” She began banging on it. She stopped when she heard footsteps.

“Nope, I forgave her and she literally slept with my boyfriend, now it’s your turn. You love her, I won’t let you push her away without giving her a chance.”

Lexas eyes widened at what Raven had said. She had no right to say that Lexa loved Clarke even if it was true. She went to yell something back when her speaker was turned on to what sounded like full blast. She banged on the door a couple of more times before stomping past Clarke back into the bathroom.

She sat herself on the toilet, she cursed herself for forgetting to lock the door behind herself again when Clarke stepped through the door and sat against the wall across from her.

Neither said anything for awhile, Lexa was counting in her head she didn’t want to freak out, she was scared of what she was capable of now. She wasn’t as in control as she had thought she was all these years.

“So you do love me?”

Her head snapped up to look at Clarke. “What!?”

“Raven said you loved me and you didn’t deny it.” Clarke shrugged at her. She could see the hope in Clarkes eyes, she wanted to snuff it out, but she couldn’t be a liar.

“Love is weakness.”

“You can’t believe that Lex. My love for you has made me stronger.” Lexa rolled her eyes at that.

“You don’t love me.”

“You can’t tell me what I feel, just let me explain Lexa please, don’t interrupt me and let me tell you everything.”

Lexa thought about it for a moment, once Clarke finished talking she could tell Raven that she had listened and she would be able to go back to her room. She nodded her consent, fighting the smile she felt coming at Clarkes bewildered face. Control yourself Alexandria Woods, she flinched at her own name in her head, stupid name.

Clarke began talking, telling her every single thing since the day she met Finn. She couldn’t help but ask a question or throw in commentary every now and then.

“I still don’t believe you weren’t drunk.” She chided herself, it made her sound like she was teasing her. Clarke rolled her eyes at her but had a small smile on her face.

How she found out Finn was a cheater and liar. “Why didn’t you break up with him right there it doesn’t make sense?”

“I didn’t want to be alone, and I wanted to know more about him and Raven, plus he was nice to me then Lex, too nice even. I didn’t know you or Raven.”

Lexa couldn’t agree with what she was saying because she wouldn’t ever stand for cheating it was wrong, but she nodded for Clarke to go on. Which she did.

How she made Octavia promise not to say anything. “You kept it from me from the very beginning.”

“Lexa you were mean! I thought you hated me I wasn’t going to give you another reason to!”

She nodded her head, she had begun relaxing as Clarke spoke and sitting on the toilet was uncomfortable, she moved sit on the floor. “Hurry up and go on.”

How she broke up with Finn because she began having feelings for her and she realized Raven was a good person. “You liked me before Costia and I broke up?”

“Yes, but Lexa I swear I wouldn’t have crossed that line! I hated that you were with someone else but I did my best to respect it. I don’t have a thing for people in relationships contrary to what Raven has said.”

She couldn’t say anything to that, if she was honest with Clarke and herself her feelings for her began while she was with Costia. It was wrong but she couldn’t help it.

It was hard for her to hear about Finn hurting her again but she sat through it. She couldn’t help but glance at Clarkes arm that held the cut. She seemed to be okay.

She replayed the conversation she had where Raven told her her story.

“Why didn’t you just tell me and Raven your ex was Finn when Raven opened up to you? She only did it because I trusted you, which was an obvious mistake now that I look back.” She saw Clarke physically flinch at the words and regretted them immediately. She almost went to comfort her but refrained herself.

She was being weak. She pulled her legs up but she saw Clarkes eyes move up her legs and blush. Was she seriously checking her out?

Clarke shook her head, “I was scared to tell you guys, I was scared to lose you, it may have been a short amount of time of us knowing each other but you already meant so much to me…. I told Finn the last time he hurt me that I left him because I had feelings for you. I didn’t mean to but it slipped out and that’s why he went for you before. It was my fault completely.”

Tears began to fall down from Clarkes blue eyes. “Fuck Lexa he could have fucking killed you and it would have been because of me. I’m so sorry.” Clarke began full on sobbing. Lexa couldn’t stand to see her that way, it hurt more than what she had been feeling since she last time saw her.

She moved so she was sitting next to Clarke she raised her hand to comfort her but let it fall back down. She let Clarke finish crying before she asked the question on her mind. “Have you heard anything? I mean how is Finn?”

Clarke watched her then examining her face. Lexa wondered if Clarke could see the monster that she felt inside of herself.

“You are not your father Lexa.”

Her eyes widened in surprise and she dragged herself away from Clarke not looking at her.

“Lexa?” She made no move that indicated she heard her.

“Lexa you are not your father. You were protecting me and yourself, defending Raven, you did what you had to and he is fine, broken nose that’s it.”

She looked up, “just a broken nose?” Clarke nodded and she felt relief flood through her. Tears began rolling down her face again, she just couldn’t seem to help it these days. She felt Clarke move closer to her but she didn’t touch her and that she appreciated that.

They sat there for another ten minutes. Lexa was going over everything Clarke had said. She understood it but she couldn’t act like it was okay because it wasn’t. She was going over every moment between them through Clarkes point of view when Clarkes voice snapped her out of it.

“Thank you.” She was too wrapped in her own thoughts to understand what she was being thanked for.

‘What?”

“For hearing me out.”

“I didn’t have a choice in the matter.”

“You did, you could have still kicked me out and waited Raven out.”

She tilted her head to the side thinking it over. Clarke was right. She sighed out loud, weakness.

“Lexa please give me another chance, I know you still care for me I can feel it, and you know I love you even if you won’t accept it, tell me what is holding you back and I will do anything I can to fix it.”

Lexa thought about it for a moment, she loved her she really did and she did believe Clarke atleast thought she loved her too, so what was holding her back. She looked at Clarkes face and she knew, she couldn’t trust her.

If Clarke hurt her again, she wouldn’t be able to handle it, it would break her. She loved her too much. She stood up from the floor and Clarke followed.

“I’m doing what I must to survive.” Clarke took her words in a moment before responding.

“Shouldn’t life be about more than just surviving? Don’t we deserve more than that?” Lexa studied Clarke then, and just the sight of her made her feel at home, made her feel like she was where she belonged. How could one person have the power to destroy you and the power to bring you to life? It wasn’t fair.

Lexa brought her hand to Clarkes face and cupped her cheek. Just as she did the music from her room stopped playing. She glanced at the door before looking back at Clarke who had placed her own hand on top of Lexas.

“Maybe we do.” Lexa pulled her hand away and opened the bathroom door and stepped out. She turned the knob, it was unlocked. She turned to face Clarke who was watching her.

“Goodbye Clarke.” Clarkes face fell instantly, Lexa felt a pang of pain.

“Lexa what does this mean?” Lexa thought about it a moment, she had two very differnent instincts yelling at her about what to do. One was based on love, it told her to let Clarke in to forget what she had done and put it behind them. The other was based on fear, it told her to push her away, end things right now and never look back. She couldn’t do either thing.

“It means not yet.” She nodded at her and seemed to understand what she was saying. Lexa turned to her door once again.

“Will you be in class on Wednesday?”

Lex turned back to her again. “Yes.” Clarke nodded and began walking away from her.

“Wait Clarke.” Clarke turned back around with hope in her eyes, Lexa looked down feeling a little embarrassed about what she was going to say. “Can I borrow your notes?”

Clarke let out a little chuckle and began digging through her bag. She pulled out her notebook and paused picking up another book along with it, handing Lexa both. Lexa didn’t say anything about the extra book and neither did Clarke.

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you beautiful.” She couldn’t help but roll her eyes before going into her room and closing the door behind herself, she didn’t open her eyes until she hear the apartment door close. When she did open them Raven was standing in front of her.

“You out too!!” Raven raised her hands in surrender with a small smile on her face. She began walking around her to get to the door. “How can you forgive her so easily?”

Raven stopped walking and looked at her, “because you are my best friend and you love her, you need her Lexa. You were only together right now for like half an hour and you already look better, even if you didn’t really fix everything yet.”

Lexa looked at the floor, “ I don’t know if we can fix everything.”

“Do you want to?”

Lexa didn’t have to think about it, “Yes I love her…. but I don’t trust her to  not break me heart.”

“That’s what love is Lexa, putting your heart on the line even if it might get broken.”

Lexa nodded absorbing the words. “I never felt like this with Costia, does that mean I didn’t truly love her?”

Raven shook her head, “I think you just loved her a different way.”

“Okay…. Get out now.”

Raven stuck her tongue out at her before closing the door behind herself. Lexa laid herself down and picked up the books Clarke had given her. The second one seemed to be a sketch book. Her phone rang with an alert and she picked it up and looked at the message.

Clarke: I started that sketchbook right before I met you, I haven’t filled it yet, but I thought you should see it.

Lexa looked back down at the book and began flipping through the pages quickly she recognized some of the drawings as ones Clarke had sent to her. But the majority of the book was filled with drawings of herself, some just showed her features, lips, eyes, jaw. Others were moments Clarke had seen her in. Taking notes in class, sleeping, laughing, smiling, reading. They were all so beautiful they took her breathe away.