Les Amemes

Combeferre - moth_erfucker
Enjolras - AP0LL0
Joly - jolyranchers
Grantaire - claudemoneY
Marius - CosetteFucker
Cosette - MariusFucker/Cozztte
eponine -epo9
bossuet -BossAssBitch
courfeyrac - courffee
bahorel - johncena
jehan - plantastic
feuilly - _feuilly_
musichetta - chettta

-o-

You have entered the group chat ‘Les Amemes’

AP0LL0: hey can anyone pick me up from the train station? I'm arriving in like 30 minutes.

epo9: work

BossAssBitch: ^^

_feuilly_: same

plantastic: im working sorry fam

chettta: I'm pretty sure me, joly and boss are the only ones with a car but me and joly r both working as well.

moth_erfucker: I'm at the hospital working   

moth_erfucker: courf is apparently doing a fish surgery 

moth_erfucker: can you imagine having a couple extra hundered dollars lying around to do surgery on a fish you could buy for 4 euros. cant relate.

jolyranches: shut up combeferre if my goldfish needed surgery I would sell my kidney for the money to save him.

moth_erfucker: Joly you only have one kidney left if you sold it you would die. 

jolyranchers: so be it. 

jolyranchers: If i must give my life for his, i would do so with a smile on my face

chetta: i........

BossAssBitch: .....love you

moth_erfucker: ....... okay.......but I know FOR FACT that grantaire got out of rehearsal at 10 and doesn't have a show until 6 so he would probably be ur best bet.

claudemoneY: wow ok ur a doctor u KNOW that snitches get stitches ferre.

claudemoneY: also for ur information I am actually at my studio rn but if joly/chetta/boss let me borrow their car I think I can swing it.

BossAssBitch: ya fam go for it. We can't abandon our Lord And Savior Jesus Christ™ at a train station

AP0LL0: thanks guys I wouldn't ask if I had any other choice but I'm literally out of money so I cant even get an uber or anything

claudemoneY: gottchu fam I'll scoop in like 40 min

claudemoneY: bc I need to go over to boss/chetta/jolys place and get the car

BossAssBitch: ok do u know where the key is

claudemoneY: it's ok I have one

BossAssBitch: um

BossAssBitch: ????

BossAssBitch: HOW

claudemoneY: I made a copy :))

BossAssBitch: typical.

claudemoneY: u love me

BossAssBitch: FAKE

claudemoneY: also btw ur out of lucky charms

BossAssBitch: why do u know that

claudemoneY: bc i ate brunch at ur apt this morning?? obviously ??

BossAssBitch: WHY

claudemoneY: bc i was out of food??? Duh?? keep up man.

BossAssBitch: was anyone home??

claudemoneY: jolys goldfish was there

BossAssBitch: my god.

claudemoneY: also?? You guys always leave your bathroom light on?? dont ?? we can all help prevent global warming boss.

BossAssBitch: was that sarcasm

claudemoneY: honestly i cant tell anymore

claudemoneY: i spend to much time with u guys.

-o- 

claudemoneY has created a chat with AP0LL0

claudemoneY: yo enj im out front of terminal A

AP0LL0: okay im almost out, the train was delayed a couple minutes

claudemoneY: thats okay i’ll wait out here….

claudemoneY: dying of hunger….

claudemoneY: ..and thirst….

claudemoneY: ……,,,bc i drove aLL the way out here to pick you up…,,,,

claudemoneY: …. All 13.5 minutes.,,,....

AP0LL0: taire, would you like to get food after this.

claudemoneY: i mean, since you offered :))))))))))

AP0LL0: we just have to stop by my appt real quick so i can grab some cash.

AP0LL0: we can go to that new vegan place that makes whatever you order into a smoothie. They claim that its better for you? So even if you order like, pasta, they’ll make it into a  smoothie.

claudemoneY: or we could you know, not do that.

AP0LL0: okay youre probably right. I know a vegan chinese place?

claudemoneY: im always a slut for chinese.

AP0LL0: okay im walking out rn i’ll be there in like 30 seconds

claudemoneY: niCE

-o- 

You have entered the group chat !!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!! with epo9 and jolyranchers, 

claudemoneY: GUYS WTF SHIT WENT DOWN

epo9: DID UR CAT GIVE BIRTH

claudemoneY: NOT YET

jolyrachers: whats up my dude

claudemoney: I THINK ME AND ENJOLRAS JUST WENT ON A DATE?? I CANT TELL

epo9: oh my god are you serious?? give me details how big was his dick

jolyranchers: WHAT HAPPEND

claudemoneY: ok so what had happened was i picked enjorlas up from the train station right?

claudemoneY: and then when he got into the car and shut the door i realized that me and enjolras are RARELY alone together??? and i was like FUCK WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS GOING TO BE AWKWARD AS FUCK?? like its not like we have never hung out together bc we do a lot?? but its always with AT LEAST one other person????so already

claudemoneY: so already im like dying bc hes sitting there with his dumb hair and dumb sleeves rolled up,.. like, we get it,,, ur hot? im just trying to live?? and ok so anyway we decide to grab some food bc were starving but we gotta like go back to enj’s appt to grab some money bc the dude didnt have any and i sure as hell didnt either

jolyranchers: okay go on

claudemoneY: and we go to this little chinese place and were sitting there ordering and im trying to be chill bc u know for fact that I WAS NOT CHILL INFACT I WAS THE OPPOSITE OF CHILL BUT I ACTED AS CHILL AS I COULD FOR SOMEONE WHO WAS LITERALLY SITTING ACROSS FROM A GOD.

epo9: so how big was his dick

claudemoneY: and then oh my god you guys enjolras got MUGGED

jolyranchers: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU OKAY?? IS HE OKAY?

epo9: AT THE RESTAURANT?

claudemoneY: im fine?? nO it wasnt today.

claudemoneY: i mean yesterday when he was in Nice.

claudemoneY: we were eating and he started talking about his trip and then he told me the story of how he got mugged while walking back to his hotel and literally??? oh my god you will not believe this shit

jolyranchers: what happened

claudemoneY:  apparently 3 huge dudes easily double enj’s size, WITH GUNS,  cornered him in a dark alley right?and they tell enj to hand over his money and blah blah your stereotypical mugging conversation. buT THEN, OUR SWEET LITTLE ENJOLRAS ACTUALLY STARTS TRYING TO TALK AND REASON WITH THESE GUYS. TRIES TO LEVEL WITH CRIMINALS WHO HAVE GUNS TO HIS HEAD. HE STARTS TALKING TO THEM ABOUT CAPITALISM AND OPPRESSIVE GOVERNMENTS AND HOW OUR HEALTHCARE SYSTEM AND LACK OF HELP FOR VETERANS HAVE FORCED PEOPLE ONTO THE STREETS AND MAKE THEM RESORT TO MUGGING PEOPLE.

claudemoneY: and they tell enj to hand over his money and blah blah your stereotypical mugging conversation. buT THEN, OUR SWEET LITTLE ENJOLRAS ACTUALLY STARTS TRYING TO TALK AND REASON WITH THESE GUYS. TRIES TO LEVEL WITH CRIMINALS WHO HAVE GUNS TO HIS HEAD. HE STARTS TALKING TO THEM ABOUT CAPITALISM AND OPPRESSIVE GOVERNMENTS AND HOW OUR HEALTHCARE SYSTEM AND LACK OF HELP FOR VETERANS HAVE FORCED PEOPLE ONTO THE STREETS AND MAKE THEM RESORT TO MUGGING PEOPLE.

jolyranchers: ohMY GOD WHAT THE FUCK

jolyranchers: SD;FLKAJ;FLJ WTF THE FUCK

jolyranchers: THAT BOY IS GOING TO GET HIMSELF KILLED ONE DAY

epo9: HONESTLY IM NOT SURPRISED

jolyranchers: IM SOBBING THIS IS SO #ENJOLRAS

epo9: WHAT HAPPENED??

claudemoneY: this is where it gets insane. THEY ACTUALLY LISTEN TO HIM. THEY FUCKING START TELLING HIM ABOUT THEIR LIVES AND ABOUT HOW THEY ENDED UP WHERE THEY WERE. anD THEN ENJORLAS FUCKING BUYS THEM DINNER AND LITERALLY THE REASON HE DIDNT HAVE ANY MONEY TO GET HOME WAS BECAUSE HE WILLINGLY GAVE IT ALL TO THE HOMELESS CRIMINALS WHO TRIED TO MUG HIM IM SOBBING

epo9: is it bad that i find this hilarious

jolyranchers: ASKD;L THIS IS SO FUNNY AND AMAZING

epo9: IM SO EMO

jolyranchers: HE IS MY GOALS. A TRUE INSPIRATION TBH.

jolyranchers: honestly tho how many of us can say we can talk ourselves out of getting mugged.

epo9: a man a myth a legend

epo9: still think u deserve better tho

claudemoneY: literally i didnt know what to say i wasnt sure if i should be mad at him for putting himself at risk or proud for knowing what to say to talk them down???? i was just awe struck

jolyranchers: literally so gay wtf

claudemoney: ok chill

epo9: so how big was his dick

claudemoneY: aNYWAYS

claudemoneY: after he told me about that he we talked some more and stuff and i invited him to my show on friday night after that rally thingamajig that is happening but i panicked and told him that i was planning on inviting the entire group bc i didnt want to put him in a position where he would have to make up an excuse to say no to get out of a date or smthng so you guys HAVE TO COME NOW OKAY??

jolyranchers: are you kidding me

jolyranchers: what makes you think he would say no even if it was a date???

epo9: ^^^

claudemoneY: is this a joke

claudemoneY: have u SEEN me?

claudemoneY: have u seen HIM?

claudemoneY: PEOPLE LIKE ME DON’T END UP WITH PEOPLE LIKE HIM

epo9: im coming over right now to punch you in the face

jolyranchers: im going to have to stop you right there, that is the most untrue sentence i have ever read in my entire life.

epo9: grantaire are you home rn

claudemoneY: uGHHH no but im in front of a mirror

epo9: do it now

jolyranchers: ok wait what

epo9: whenever he says something self destructive like that i make him go read this little thing i taped on his bathroom mirror bc its good to hear yourself say positive things about yourself out loud.

jolyranchers: awe :) ur such a good friend

epo9: i know right?? wtf

jolyranchers: what does it say?

claudemoneY: ‘you are not stupid. you are not useless. you are not a waste of space. you are a smart. your mind is beautiful. you are worthy of love.’ i have it memorized LOL

jolyranchers: OH MY GOD THIS IS SO AMAZING

claudemoneY: it actually helps sometimes.

jolyranchers: all those things are true btw.

epo9: what would u do without me

claudemoneY: tbh

jolyranchers: wait okay but why did you think the thing with enjolras was a date in the first place?

claudemoneY: bc like,, we got along rlly well?? and there were only like one or two silences and those were mainly bc we were eating bc the food was SO GOOD and also like at one point he touched my hand??? i died??? literally im texting you from beyond the grave rn bc i have been dead for about an hour now. LITERALLY GONE.

claudemoneY: and then i walked him back to his apartment. he suggested we could maybe meet up with cosette and marius or smthng but i had to go bc i have a performance in like 20 min??? im literally backstage in hair and makeup rn

claudemoneY: but now that im actually typing it out it seems more like two ppl hanging out. like im pretty sure enjolras doesnt even like me in general let alone in any other type of way.

claudemoneY: LOL WHAT WAS I THINKING

jolyranchers: tbh it could go either way.

epo9: heres what you need to do

epo9: have sex with him.

epo9: and then just decide later.

jolyranchers: alternative: just tell him how you feel

epo9: WHILE UR IN BED WITH HIM.

jolyranchers: hangout with him more

epo9: NETFLIX AND CHILL

jolyranchers: read up on the things hes passionate about

epo9: read up on HIS DICK

claudemoneY: these are both compelling arguments

claudemoneY: or, i could just do nothing bc he obviously isnt into me.

epo9: OBVIOUSLY HE IS

epo9: UR BOTH SO OBTUSE

claudemoneY: then WHY did he want to meet up with cosette and marius?? obviously so he wouldnt have to hangout with just me.

claudemoneY: anyways it doesnt really matter bc its never going to happen!!

claudemoneY: also i have to go we are doing warmups and im on soon so BYE BITCHES

epo9: good luck grantaire ur gonna do amazing like u always do

jolyranchers: im so proud of you dad ur doing so great we’ll talk more about this later, im glad you had fun on ur date

claudemoneY: thank you gays.

claudemoneY: nO ok i just over reacted it wasnt rlly a date, it was just two Bros™ going out to get food.

-o- 

epo9 has created a chat with jolyranchers

epo9: ill bet u 5 euros that grantaire and enjolras get together

jolyranchers: literally if i bet against this i would loose

jolyranchers: but lets make it interesting. 10 euros that they get together before the end of the week

epo9: deal.

-o-

you have entered the group chat "best frens" with AP0LL0 plantastic and moth_erfuckers

AP0LL0: Hey guys not to alarm you but I think I might have gone on a date with Grantaire. 

plantastic: WHAT THE FUCK

moth_erfucker: oh my GOD WHAT HAPPENED TELL ME RN

mother_erfucker: i dont have long tho bc im still at work

AP0LL0: Although, I might be reading into it. I tend to pick up on these things really easily but idk.

moth_erfucker: ....right....

AP0LL0: OKAY, so, Grantaire picked me up at the train station

moth_erfucker: yeah???

AP0LL0: (which im still suprised he agreed to, I didn't think he would actually say yes he never does favors for me he never does anything. what does he do? I dont know)

AP0LL0: Alright so he sent me a text while I was still inside the terminal and he mentioned that he was hungry so??? I did what anyone would do and I asked if he wanted to go get some food because??? we are friends and I was also hungry so.

AP0LL0: BUT THEN HE DIDN'T REPLY FOR A COULD SECONDS AND I THOUGHT I MADE IT AWKWARD BUt then he replied and agreed to get food so it turned out to be fine. False alarm. I had no reason to worry. I am a fool.

moth_erfucker: i

AP0LL0: and then when I got in his car ?? he was dressed really fancy and i? he was wearing like a button down and I was about to Not Be Composed bc he looked so Damn Fine.

AP0LL0: and he said something to me when i got in but I swear to god for the life of me i could not tell you what he said like i spontaneously lost my hearing and blacked out for a hot sec bc he looked so good.

moth_erfucker: jesus cHRIST.

moth_erfucker: okay first off UR LITERALLY SUCH A MESS WTF

moth_erfucker: as a doctor in training, I am diagnosing you with Gay.

moth_erfucker: second, why didnt you have any money?

moth_erfucker: third, grantaire was dressed up bc i think like he had a really rich art patron coming into his art studio today to look and/or buy a bunch of his paintings?? i think that was today at like 11

AP0LL0: but thats when he came to pick me up??

AP0LL0: oh my god u dont think he canceled that bc of me do you??

moth_erfucker: that could be a possibility.

AP0LL0: Wow that is really considerate why would he do that?? there are surely other ways I could have gotten home I could have asked one of my coworkers probably now that I think of it. Why would he pass up the opportunity to land such an apparently important client??

moth_erfucker: bc hes in love with you

AP0LL0: im being serious combeferre.

plantastic: wait you never told us why you didnt have any money to get home

AP0LL0: ok if i tell you, do you promise not to freak out.

moth_erfucker: no

plantastic: that depends on what you did.

AP0LL0: i gave all the money i had to these homeless people

moth_erfucker: Oh, i mean thats not as bad as i thought it was going to be. you do that on the daily

AP0LL0: this was after they tried to mug me and i ranted to them about capitalism and the unfair social inequality and underfunded government programs that force people like them onto the streets.

plantastic: what THE FUCK

moth_erfucker: Literally I wasn't expecting any less I dont know what to tell you at this point

AP0LL0: and then i took them out to dinner.

plantastic: ENJOLRAS I SWEAR TO GOD

plantastic: UR GOING TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK.

moth_erfucker: but REALLY, they could have had WEAPONS they could have been CRINIMALS 

AP0LL0: haha yeah they totally didnt have guns or anything! completely harmless tbh,,

moth_erfucker: DONE.

moth_erfucker: I am DONE with you

moth_erfucker: delete my number, unfollow me on LinkedIn

AP0LL0: It actutally wasnt that bad!!!!!!

AP0LL0: ANYWAYS BACK TO THE STORY

AP0LL0: okay so there we were, we stopped by my appt to grabs some money and i took him to that one chinese place thats only a couple blocks away, and it was really nice out so we decided to walk and it was really nice and i kept accidentally bumping into his shoulder bc the sidewalks were crowded

AP0LL0: so we get to the restaurant and we order and it was actually not bad at all?? like i thought it might be rlly awkward bc of the fact that he doesnt like me but it was actually rlly pleasant and felt comfortable?? And I'm not quiet sure why, but at one point I reached over and touched his hand and he got all tense and I feel like I did something wrong like maybe I overstepped his boundaries because then he got all quiet and he looked like a deer caught in headlights and then re got like... really really focused on his food.

AP0LL0: BUT BESIDES THAT IT WENT REALLY SMOOTHLY.

AP0LL0: And then things progressed normally and we walked together back to my apartment and I was having a nice time with him so I asked if maybe he wanted to meet up with marius and cosette but he said he had to leave

AP0LL0: TBH I dont know WHY i asked that they were just the first people that came to mind and I wanted to maybe see if bring with other people as well as me made him more comfortable??? i don't know sue me ok

moth_erfucker: that was wild from beginning to end

plantastic: honestly enjolras how do u live.

AP0LL0: also he invited me to his show on friday but then he said he is also planning on inviting everyone so obviously thats nothing. 

moth_erfucker: omg yay ive been meaning to go catch one of his shows i have seen so many reviews for it in the newspaper and stuff. apparently its actually really big.  

plantastic: ive never actually seen him dance before but i hear from eponine hes rlly good???

AP0LL0: so are you guys gonna go?

AP0LL0: friday at 8 i think? after the rally

plantastic: I can do that

moth_erfucker: same.

plantastic: enjolras why did u say it was a date when u also claim that grantaire hates u

plantastic: ur contradicting urself

moth_erfucker: more like contraDICKing urself ;))))))

plantastic: literally wtf the fuck does that even mean ferre

moth_erfucker: DICK ;))))))

AP0LL0: i mean i guess it wasnt a date but it felt like one in the moment?? like we got food and talked about our lives and he walked me home so all those things constitute a date

AP0LL0: but i guess he could also see it as just me buying him food for picking me up at the train station.

moth_erfucker: i would just play it slow, see where things go naturally.

plantastic: or go fast and just have sex with him rn

AP0LL0: both bad ideas.

moth_erfucker: okay im off my break i have to go back to work but enjolras, it’ll be okay and ur amazing and anyone u end up with is lucky to be with u

plantastic: RT

AP0LL0: thanks i loveyou both so much

plantastic: we love you too man