two hours

Tears ran down her face fruitlessly.

It was over, a long time ago. Still, she found herself in that room, reading that book, crying. Why couldn't she let go? Why couldn't she forget it, and move on? She asked herself a similar question, sniffling. Fujino never cried like this, except for that day.

She rubbed her eyes. That day, if she just said what she really felt, rather than what she wanted to make her feel. Guilt, regret, disappointment. It just made them drift further apart.

"I..." She choked, her words slurring together as tears trickled down her black shirt, already splotched with the misery coating the sides of her face. "miss you." It felt foreign coming out of her mouth, like she wasn't capable of feeling this way. She shouldn't, really. What's done is done, but she wants to feel guilt, regret, herself. Pushing the blame on her own self, as if it'll ever bring her back.

But it was over, and has been over, a long, long time ago.

"I miss you." Those raspy, deep cries escaping her throat forcefully. The words were genuine, but hearing them out loud made it even harder to cope. Why can't Fujino understand? She isn't here anymore, and she can't hear you.

Even if she could, does she want to listen?

You're too late, and it's all over.

And she's gone.

Forever.

One last tear ran down her face. "I miss you, and I-" Fujino spluttered, still sobbing. "I..."

Her mind drifted away from her sorrow, and she stood up. What am I doing, probably rang through her head. Wiping her eyes idly, she sniffled one last time. Then began to set everything back to how it should be, placing them precisely. This is her only memory of her now, and she wouldn't want to taint that too. Picking up the courage, she gave the room one finally look before closing the door behind her with trembling hands.

If she could, she'd sleep on the floor, and maybe she'd be drawing with Kyomoto. They'd fight over the last orange, or chip left.

"You had every single one! I was too busy drawing to eat!" Kyomoto would stammer, feigning shock.

And she'd snicker back, telling Kyomoto to open wide so she can focus. Fujino would catch herself glimpsing at Kyomoto's perfect array of teeth, straight and fairly white. If only she put them to good use and smiled more. A beautiful, joyful smile.

She never saw her toothy smile, only that half-hearted awkward one she did to please others. To please her.

It wasn't fair. It was never fair. But that's what life is, right? So unfair it makes it feel fair. Everyone suffers so much.

"But she never deserved any of it." Fujino whispered, driving home.

***

Hot, scorching water poured down her back as she sat in her shower. She let it trickle down her shoulders, tickling it with the pretty much boiling heat. Maybe she could burn away all her regrets, and maybe the day could bleed into the past.

Her tears blended within the water irritating her eyes.

Once out, she scrubbed her hair vigorously with a towel she found laying around, unable to deal with the piles of clothes piling up around her bed. This wasn't typical of her, but after it all everything began crumbling down. Her schedule, routine, abilities. Even her parents became worried for her, which was rather unusual, too. Her older sister spent some time with her, trying to get her back on track, but it proved futile after she'd find Fujino crying in her bed after it all.

Fujino sat in bed, wearing a navy blue t-shirt and black shorts. She switched the light off, and laying in the ominous darkness, she crept into her bed and sighed. Tomorrow was another day. Another painful day. They say time heals, but it looked like time was just ripping the wound more wider.

"One day you'll get over it." Yet, that day seemed miles away. Even with a rocket ship or two, reaching it seemed unlikely from this perspective. It was a stupid thing to tell say to her, and she knew so, but it didn't feel any easier to avoid. One day, she'll forget about it. Forgetting about it, is forgetting about her. She didn't want to, no, she didn't. Though clinging onto her seemed just as painful.

The choice in her hands was weighing her wrists down. She didn't want to forget. She didn't want to reminisce, she just wanted...

A yawn cut through her spiraling thoughts, and she looked up at the ceiling. What am I doing?

Rolling onto her side, she finally shut her tired eyes. She shouldn't keep destroying her mental psyche over a memory.

A memory, that was once reality.

***

She pulled her hoodie's zipper up, rummaging around for her keys. "Shoot, where'd I put it?" Her face turned to a frown as she scanned her whole apartment, looking for those simple keys. They were the bane of her life, she never knew where would be the best place to keep them. "Uhhnnn," she groaned, finally finding them in the pocket of her hoodie. At last, Fujino could escape the walls that made her feel suffocated at times, and enter the even more strangling atmosphere.

Though nobody knew who was behind the mangas, she became extremely wary of the looks she got. Normally she'd just sleep in her office until she wanted food (very unlikely, only happens twice a week at most) and then she'd escape to a convenience store or her apartment. That stopped after it all. She went on hiatus for a while, but today, the orange sun peaking through the windows, gave her a little bit of hope. It was pretty early, actually. Pretty much just sunrise.

Sniffing in the air of the office, she smiled. It was good to be back, but how would they all react that she randomly forced them to come back to work.

"Hey, Fujino!" one of her assistants waved to her gleefully. "Isn't today kinda beautiful?" the girl looked out at the huge window in front of their desk, awe in her eyes.
Fujino was startled. No questions, no asking if she felt good, asking why she went on hiatus.

She nodded quickly. "Mhm, yeah." Her heart was pounding quickly, enough to kill all those noisy thoughts. "It is," she stared outside too, her heart sinking a little bit. It reminded her so much of that...day. This exact sky beaming at her, nearly reaching through the window to embrace her. Though, she'd wish for it to be someone else's hands. Surprisingly, it was only them at this time. Normally the whole gang would be here, laughing away as she stressed out "over nothing." But honestly, this made things way easier to deal with, even if just for now...

They began working away, though most of the "work" was Fujino just scratching her scalp to the point of bleeding. A bad habit, yes, but it was comforting. Despite the discomfort it quickly brought. Her leg was bouncing, lip being peeled away by her gnawing teeth. She was really a mess, even before it all happened.
But she worked. Worked really hard, and it paid off, pretty much. So would she let the stress stop her? No. Would it probably kill her? Well, yes.

Fujino gave the assistant a lopsided gaze, mostly looking at her tablet. She was really working, huh? Pretty fast, but there was something that really, really irked Fujino about it all. She'd never admit it, but she was less inclined to leave it.
Gulping down any nerves she had, her hands began to intertwin as she spoke. Gosh, was I always this awkward... "Hey, y-you know, you can take today off."

A gleam appeared in the assistant's eye. "Woah, really?"

"Mhm," she smiled fakely. "You work real hard, so just take the day."

Quickly the assistant began thanking Fujino profusely, packing all her stuff. All Fujino could do was stare outside blankly. The creaking off the floor brought her back to reality, and she glared at the clock. 9:58am. Weird, normally it should be brighter than this at this time.
"Hm, what day even is it today?" Fujino yawned, looking at her assistant nearly sprint through the door. It was weirdly bright this morning, but it was already settling down into a murky kind of colour.

With a confused expression, the assistant answered. "January 10th, why?"

Fujino dropped her drawing pen, nearly stuttering.

Her reaction didn't click to the assistant, and she just awkwardly waited for a reply.
Fujino, being in a weird state between shock and terror, the letters mumbled halfway through leaving her straining throat. "Nuh-nothing, I--I just forgot.."

This only gained her a weird look, before her assistant shrugged it off as 'her usual thing' and left, waving still. The door finally shut.

That door shutting opened the door on Fujino's emotions. Her breathing instantly became erratic, so quickly she couldn't even process it. What was going on? Today was months ago, or so she thought. Did she finally lose it like her sister said she would, or...

Right, it's around 10 am now, so it means that...

"Two hours," the words finally came out normally, a gasp following. "Two..hours."

Her hands swayed frantically as she looked for her phone. She need to call her now. If she would do anything right in her life, it seemed to lay here. All she wanted was to settle down, sigh, take a deep breath and think about what could possibly be going on here. But time waits for nobody, she knew that much.
She typed in her password, swiping up and scrolling to her contact. Weirdly, her fingers still remember the movement. But still linger up at the memory of when her contact was pinned.

Ring. Was that her phone or her thudding heart? The line's between her anxiety and quick thinking were blurring, what if this was a reality. What if this was reality, and that reality was fake. So everything's good, she never dies, and they both live happily ever af-
No. Even if this was the true reality, she'd still need to call her and fix everything, right?

But she couldn't! Not like this, she didn't even think it through. Man, her impulsivity is an enemy of progress that Fujino can't help but feed into. Her finger quickly came to the cut button, but then a voice came through the otherside.

It was blurry, cutting through background noises and laugther. Shoot, she was probably at school, and she had no right to disturb her like this, and she was probably really mad, or even pissed. She should just apologise and lie, say it was a buttdial and never call her again, and--

"Fujino-sensei?" I-I mean, Fu-Fujino?" The disbelief in her staticky voice was evident by the pitch alone. "What...why are you calling me?"

No response for almost a hot minute before she realised that she called....and by doing that....she'd actually have to, you know, respond???
Her voice was high, quaking. "A-ah, yeah, I just wanted to meet up with you!"

This couldn't get any worse.

Kyomoto was surprised. "Huh?" A little nervous laugh escaped her. "You d-do know I'm at scho-ol?" She stayed silent, as if to allow Fujino to hear the noise behind her.

"I-i know, but--" How could she explain this? Was there really a way to do that? "But, something's telling me you need to be with me."

That's just as bad. "What?" Kyomoto was displeased. You can't just push someone out of your life then say this whilst they're building their own? "Listen, I al-already told you."

"I know!"

"You don't," Her voice is blunt, but obviously she's shaking behind the phone. "If you d-did, you wouldn't be doing this."

That was it. All her rationality exploded at that. "Kyomoto."

(Unknowingly, this made Kyomoto flustered.)

"I know that I messed up alot, but, you geniunely need to trust me on this one. If you don't want to listen to me, just...tell your friends to stick together and--" How could she explain this without sounding insane. Not that she didn't sound so already, but this was going to be hard to explain. "Infact, pull the fire alarm!"

"What?!" All she could do was gasp, pretty shocked. "Are you pl-playing with me?"

Ouch. Fujino probably shouldn't have been so bold. "N-No! It's just, I want you to be safe, but I can't just ask you to leave and leave the rest to die."

"DIE?!"

"Shoot, no- JUST, just listen to me!"

Kyomoto's heart was sinking. Not even at the mentioning of the people around her dying, but...Fujino seemed so distressed. "A-are you okay?"

"What?! I am, I'm trying to SAVE you?!" Well that ticked her off. Without her knowing, she was already back at her desk, leg bouncing and teeth threatening to clatter against each other. This is twisted. Giving her all the chances to change everything - possibly - and yet there was no sane way to go about it. "Please, I'm actually begging you." There was a lack of emotion in her voice. She felt like this was a joke - seeing everything she wanted and watching it being clawed out her grasp once again.

Kyomoto sighed. "Fine."

"Really?!" Fujino jumped out her seat immediately, looking for her hoodie and shoes.

"Yes, but you ne-need to explain a l-lot to me."

"Okay, but here's the plan first."

Kyomoto didn't want to ruin such a moment, but something was biting at her. She ripped a nail clean off and sighed. "B-but don't think this'll stop me from remembering what you said to me." She murmured lowly. She didn't want to think about this, not now, but she had no other choice.

That also hurt Fujino, but she had to bite back emotion and smile. "As long as your alive to forgive me, that's all that matters."

"If your lying and this is some e-elaborate plan to get me ex-expelled or something- I don't know what I'd do." The vulnerability in Kyomoto's voice is pretty applaudable after everything.

Fujino immediately debunks it. "No. It isn't, and I'd never hurt you."

"You already did." Sweeping her bangs out of her face, Kyomoto bites the words back and just huffs, getting ready to listen to Fujino's appeal.

***

Fujino waited outside the school, looking at her phone. It was around 11am now, so...
She was still calling Kyomoto, who was now on break. "Change of plans, if the threat is coming from outside..."

"You can just stop it yourself, so I don't risk getting expelled." A simple response.

Fujino scoffed, failing to resist a smile. "Woah, do you really not trust me?"

"N-no, not that, it's just really..."

"Unbelievable?"

"Y-yea." Kyomoto cracked open a bottle of juice, which didn't go undetected by her microphone.

Fujino wanted to laugh, but she was to tense too. Gosh, she finally spoke to the girl again and she was acting like a lovelorn teenager. Well, the only thing wrong with that phrase is that fact she's an adult anyway. "Drinking juice during an emergency?"

Kyomoto shrugged, forgetting it's a call. "I mean, I-i don't know what the threat is, so."

"Welp, I'll try make sure you barely do."

Kyomoto bit her lip nervously, but more as to stop herself from saying "Thank you." (Her classmates tried to teach her how to be more assertive. For your information, this was futile.)

Fujino shivered, waiting around endlessly. Their call was pretty dry, since none of them wanted to really mention that barrier lodged between them. Them, at around quarter past, she saw him. Her heart was racing, and she whispered into the phone. "I see him, so, bye."

"Okay, b-be safe-"

That did it. That was all the courage Fujino needed, revising through those small karate skills her sister taught her a while back. It probably wasn't as much as she could have had if she left this godforsaken passion behind, but it was enough. Her need to save Kyomoto was already enough, too.

So she followed behind him, watching him creep into the school. She left a good enough space so he wouldn't be suspicious, and tried to video enough proof. She only started recording when he got the weapon, and her heart was so close to giving up at this rate of blood flow. If she followed to close, she was sure he might have heard the beating within her chest.

They both got inside, her tiptoes remaining silent against the metal staircase. It was really cold in here, how did Kyomoto cope with this? All's in the name of passion, I guess.
She was more focused on the man, though. Watching as the pick tapped against the floor. How would this play out? Oh, she just hoped that other's didn't die brutually before he reached Kyomoto in that reality.
Intently, she watched as he pushed the door open, the creak mixing with his laboured breathing. He seemed, maniac. Even though she knew his motive, it didn't make it any more understandable why he'd do this.

Through the crack, she saw Kyomoto sitting there. All she could do was wait for him to get in and then she began to follow through the door slowly. Kyomoto did momentarily look behind him, but that didn't give anything away. The crazed man seemed more focused on his irrational need for revenge.

Painfully, Fujino had to watch it all unfold. The stupid question, Kyomoto's inability to look him in the eye, her horrified expression that pleaded, "PLEASE DISARM HIM."
And even the first attempt at killing her. The pick stuck in the couch, and Fujino nearly screamed as she thought that was it, and she missed her chance. But this was the chance.
Her leg moved up to his bent over stance, and with a guttural scream she pushed it right into his back, her heel digging into the middle of it. He screamed in response, his hands instinctively moving from the pick and towards his body to stop his fall. He missed, only further injuring his wrist.
His bag flew over, hitting him slightly. She wish she could just hit him over, and over again, until..

No, that would cross the lines of self defense. And her somehow just knowing he'd be here needed a good enough alibi, so killing him wouldn't work out for her either.
So, she settled for a more reasonable approach.

Before he could scramble back to the ground, she was already towering over him. A foreign rage ran it's course through her. So foreign her body should have fought it back. It didn't. So she balled her fist, dragging back her arm to a painful angle and biting back another scream, then pulled her fist down to his face...

***

"That was impressive." Kyomoto couldn't even keep her mouth shut, still stuck in a state of bewilderment at the whole predicament. The light wind outside hit their faces gracefully, the dry coldness filling their lungs as they took much needed inhales. The pairing of bare trees and utter silence, alongside their shock was rather eerie. Kyomoto's shifting weight making noise against the crunching snow.

Fujino tried to give her a thumbs up before realising it was bandaged up tightly.. "Well, there's still a price to pay." She snickered hollowly, very far from okay.

Not knowing what to say, Kyomoto gave her a fact. "They said it-it'll heal up soon, so."

At that, all Fujino could do was nod. "Yeah, you're right."

Then silence filled the air, as Fujino sat in the ambulance stretcher.

"I guess I saved your life," at last she could breath peacefully, that exhale of relief, wishes. Sooner or later, that burden of regret would die against her shoulder, rotting away and making way for new emotion to bloom. But now, she just wanted to savour that look of shock on Kyomoto's face. Shock's better than a cold, dead face. Insides rotting away.

With focused eyes, Kyomoto nodded. "Thank you...so much."

"It's fine, anyway, I guess that's it." The girl smiled. No, she didn't want this to be it, but then again, how could she explain herself.
She can't trap Kyomoto due to her fears and worries, since that's irrational. This, is irrational, but only trekking the lines of sheer insanity. I mean, how can you just have a vision that someone's gonna die, and know exactly how it's gonna happen, now exactly all the details?

Kyomoto's eyes widened. "No- y-you need to explain!" She yelled. "This is all, insane-" she was breathless, failing to gather the words as her balled fisted shook themselves. "How did you kn-"

"Pinch me first."

"W-what?"

Shoot. Did she really say that out loud..? "Uhm, it-s j-just! This is all really, surprising to me." She huffed. "I don't believe it full-heartedly, it seems too...far-fetched."

"If it's surpising to you, what do you think it is to me...?" Kyomoto thought in her head, trying not to raise an eyebrow. "Well, okay. This is...real."

"Really?" There was a desperate edge to her voice. Was this all a dream? A nightmare, even? Would she survive this then be thrown into deaths arm's again. Plus the way she said it with such boldness made it sound less believable. How was she so sure this was real.

It only made the latter more confused. "Yes, Fujino, i-it's real!" She moved towards the stretcher, reaching her hand down to her face. "Th-this is real, I guess, but what's wrong?"

Fujino bit back tears. That warm, gentle hand on her face made it easier to do, her cheek instinctively leaning into the touch. Still, is this real? Was that all a dream. "I don't know what's going on."

"What?"

Kyomoto's mind was going blank now.

"I, think I should go."

Kyomoto's heart was racing now, thudding loudly in her chest. If she moved any closer to Fujino she'd be bound to hear it too. "W-wait, are you okay?"

"Don't leave me yet." was her first choice of dialogue, though.

"Y-yeah, it's just." She stared at Kyomoto's eyes finally, and could see the concerned glazed over her eyes. How would she tell her this? She can't, of course, but she's dying to. Dying to tell anyone so she won't feel as crazy as she sounds. "Can we talk about this later?"

All she could do was nod in response, her heart beat slowing down. Nice, they'll see each other again. "Okay, but when?"

Suddenly, the paramedics came between them, ready to pull Fujino in. "Sorry guys, but we're ready."

"Any time, just call me!" Her voice became more distant as Fujino was pulled into the ambulance, and Kyomoto being ushered away from the ambulance.

Kyomoto's eyes glistened again and she instantly smiled. "O-okay! I will- thank you again!"

And the ambulance doors slammed shut.

***

In the comfort of her own apartment, Fujino laid on her bed weakly. Her thighs, wrists and especially fingers were in agony. So much for getting back to work. Though, nobody knew what really happened.
Since apparently, it had never happened.

A nervous gulp echoed through her throat, her mouth running dry and her mind roaring on. This was insane. She went through all that struggle, tears, regret, just for the universe to laugh and tell her it never happened.

"But it did." She whispered to herself, wrapping her arms around herself. "She's supposed to be gone. It's supposed to be spring now, and-" She stopped as soon as a warm droplet ran down her face. It seemed she was so confused she neglected her emotions. Instead of just...feeling it, she was trying to think logically about it.

Right now, the most logical thing was to drink a bottle of beer.

Knowing Kyomoto could call her any time didn't disarm the thought, only made it stronger. So as she cracked the bottle open and took a very stiff swing. She sighed. She was sighing alot, as if she was struggling to exhale regularly. It felt like it, like everything within her was being repressed...willingly?

She spluttered, the beer going down the wrong hole. The foam settling in my mouth was weirdly therapeutic, until that bitter taste began to slip in. "Bleh, I hate this stuff." She spoke to herself, examining the cold bottle before closing the fridge. The home was so silent, so deafeningly silent all the time, so speaking to herself was a usual thing. Even with her expression of disdain for it, she took a more determined drink. Which somehow emptied the whole thing. Now, sleep sounded logical.

So she hit the shower, letting the boiling water burning her whole body. Regrets....burning away. Her heart didn't seem to want to stop beating so loudly, reaching her ears rudely. She craved the silence this home was filled of, but now, against the dripping water and the beeps in her eardrums, silence seemed impossible. Everything was just so loud, the clink of the beer bottle against the recyling bin, the noise of water running through her hair.

Why was she washing her hair again? She washed it yesterday.

No, it wasn't yesterday.

Was this even the same year as yesterday?

WAS ANYTHING IT EVEN REAL?

Knock. The front door, presumably.

"Shoot," it was muffled against the running water, she switched it off and ran frantically, looking for her two towels. Screw the second one, she thought, wrapping her body towel around her.
Her wet feet squelched against the floor - she was too erratic considering her position right now. "Uh-! I'm coming!!" She yelled, trying not to slip over whilst running to the door.

She opened it, tightening the towel, and smiling.

It was her sister. "Hello."

Her smile faded. "Were you expecting someone else?" Her sister teased bluntly, only making Fujino frown.

"What are you doing here- you scared me," she said lazily, yawning and walking away. "Shut the door."

"Please," her sister whispered before clearing her throat and adjusting her glasses. "Did you drink again?"

Fujino froze. "W...why'd you ask?"

"Your speech is ever so slightly slurred," here goes the ramble, "your face is red,"

"I just took a shower." She shot back, walking towards her room in means to get decent and avoid her sister.

This response only left her sister more insistent. "You can barely walk in a straight line."

"And what's it to you?" Fujino turned around, unable to stop herself from yelling. "Jeez, get off my back and infact, why are you actually here???"

Her older sister pushed her glasses up onto her nose, folding her arms. "Just checking on you." Her voice was oddly stiff, eyes gazing everywhere but her little sister's eyes.

Fujino scoffed at this. "Well, you don't have to."

"I want to."

"Because you have nothing better to do?"

"Who did you think was at that door?" Her sister repeated, looking at her little sister intently. This moment really marked when Fujino realised there was no escaping this conversation. Sighing, she managed to muster up some slight courage to respond.

It took an extra while though. "Delivery man." Liar.

Fujino's sister smirked at this, raised eyebrows and all. "Wow. I didn't know you open the door to just anyone like that."

"Shut up." She murmured, more red in the face now. "Uhnn, I'm gonna change."

Her sister nodded despite Fujino's back being turned to her. "Would recommend."

***

"Did you really just help yourself to tea?" Fujino was scrubbing the back of neck, including some hair, dry. She wore a baggy grey t-shirt, with similar black shorts from the night before. She was walking slowly to the kitchen, trying not to stumble over her own feet. The room was well lit, so she was able to see her sister at the table pretty well. All the other lights in the house was enough to make her want to pass out.

Her sister seemed to notice it pretty quick. "How much did you drink?"

"You're a master at ignoring questions, huh?" She leaned closer to her face, inspecting her suspiciously. "What, are you a spy sent to kill me?"

Unamused, her sister held her by her jaw and pushed her onto an open chair. "This answers my question." She took a sip of her tea, using Fujino's favourite cup. Lifting the cup to Fujino's mouth, she gestured for her to drink. "It's kinda floral, sweet, so maybe it'll sober you up."

"I'm not drunk...just a bit," she gestured with her hands, but sighed. "Y'know?"

"Yeah," her sister started to smile now. "I think I do. Now give me that towel, you did a horrible job."

Fujino groaned, shaking her head yet passing the towel. "Really?" She took the cup from her sister's hand after, taking a large sip.

That smile seemed to keep growing. "Totally."

***

"Bye," Fujino waved her sister goodbye after a night filled with slight sobriety and scolding.

Pulling her coat on again, her sister waved back, smiling. "Take care of yourself, since y'know, the hospital and stuff." She zipped up her beige jacket, putting her hands in her pockets. "I'll tell mom to call you later!"
Something clicked in her mind as she spoke. "Wait, why did you go to the hospital anyway?" She felt a shiver run through her; a sensation similar to deja vu.

"Long story." The latter quickly said, shaking her head. "A-anyway, it's late, so you should get going!"

Warily, Fujino's sister shrugged it off. They hugged each other and that was it. All over, and Fujino was free to drink another bottle...but.
Fujino felt confused. Aswell as the opposite of tipsy, But it was still rather weird. Why was she here? There wasn't really a reason, since in that reality, she came because Kyomoto...
well,
She came to comfort her, to say the least.

"Since that didn't happen," she thought out loud, resting her hands on her still sore thighs when she sat back down, thinking about her hospital trip earlier. "Why did she still come over?"

Before she could really think over it, her phone started buzzing.

She jumped at the sound, reaching around the kitchen for her phone. Once she finally found it after what felt like minutes, she looked at the caller. At that moment, her breathing became rapid and non-existent all at the same time, Eagerly, she picked it up.

"Kyomoto?"

"F-fujino, hey..."

Is anything ever really gone?