Sway

That fateful day that Ashlyn decided to buy a new surfboard was a day in which she felt newly freed; almost as though she had been reborn. It wasn’t the same as her old one, whose surface was covered with tropical flowers of all colors, her father’s design, but it was damn good enough for her to ride waves, and that was all that mattered. And all it had taken to get her back on her board was a trip to the aquarium.

She had of course been to the aquarium before — all kids went, really, at one time or another. Florida had some especially good ones, considering their location, with especially comprehensive conservation and rehabilitation centers. But this time was different.

Completely unprompted, she had driven up to the nearest one in her Jeep and made her way through the exhibits, even stopping to pet a little stingray in the open tank and feed it a little fish from her hand, before she paused in front of the hall of sharks. Exactly what it sounded like, she knew that, as soon as she walked down that wide hallway, the dark floor bathed in eerie blue light from the water, she would be surrounded by sharks.

“What’s the hold-up, Bay Watch?” an aquarium employee asked her. It was the girl from the open exhibit that had given her the fish for the sting ray. She was cute — light brown hair in a pony tail, blue polo shirt and khaki pants. Ashlyn was pretty sure she would normally have to pay for the fish, but the girl hadn’t insisted. She looked at the name tag on her polo — Rachel.

“Bay Watch?” Ashlyn asked in reply. Rachel pointed to her hair.

“Bleach blonde; I assumed you’re a surfer.”

“Sort of,” Ashlyn said ruefully. “I sold my board a while back.”

“That’s a shame. Why?”

“Truthfully?” The girl looked at her with curiosity. Fuck it, Ashlyn thought. “I’m terrified of sharks. I had a close call with one a while back, and I haven’t been back out there since.”

Ashlyn expected her to laugh. Really, she didn’t know why she was opening up to this girl — a stranger who she otherwise might’ve had a chance with, if she hadn’t lost all those ‘cool points’ with her lame story. Instead, Rachel put a hand against Ashlyn’s shoulder and directed her down the hall of sharks until they stood in the middle, looking at one of the tanks where, within, the creatures swam with sharp lines. Everything about them was sharp, from the tips of their noses to the tips of each fin and tail, and they way they seemed to shimmy before rapidly changing direction, again and again.

Ashlyn tried to keep herself from shaking. It was embarrassing to react so strongly to a bunch of fish who were behind basically impenetrable glass, but she couldn’t stop herself.

“Calm down,” Rachel said. “They can’t get to you. And, anyway, they wouldn’t want to.”

“Have you seen Jaws?” Ashlyn scoffed. Rachel rolled her eyes.

“It’s always Jaws,” she sighed. “It’s so unlikely to be attacked by a shark, it’s more common to be struck by lightning. Sharks don’t hunt humans, they don’t want to eat humans particularly, and there are very few cases of people dying from shark attacks. Sometimes it’s a matter of wrong-place, wrong-time. Sometimes a shark will mistake a human for a seal or something it does actually eat. You have to remember, though, that the water is their home, and you are just visiting. They’re trying to go about living their lives as well.”

Ashlyn was quiet. She started to look around at the different sharks that passed in front of her. Some had spots, some skimmed the ‘ocean floor’. Others looked similar to Great Whites. She recognized a hammer-head and failed to recognize another breed that seemed to have a saw for a face. It would’ve been comical if Ashlyn wasn’t still filled with anxiety at the sight of them.

“They’re not out to get you,” Rachel continued. “They’re going about living in the ocean, just like you’re going about surfing in it and, occasionally, there are conflicts, but they’re never intentionally out to get you.”

“So…you’re saying that I should get back out there.”

“I’m saying it would be a shame to stay away from something you love just because you think you’ll get hurt because of something that rarely ever happens.” Rachel smiled at her softly. “Come on, let’s meet Greg. He’s my favorite of the Sand Tiger Sharks.”

“Is everything sorted between you and Ali?” Christie asked as they headed back into the hotel after a training session.

“Yeah, actually,” Ashlyn replied, her lips upturned in a small smile. She could see Ali ahead of her, already nearing the elevators with a couple other teammates. That walk was distinctive, with a sort of masculine swagger that had surprised Ashlyn. Ali was such a princess in most other ways.

“Good,” Christie said, rubbing a hand on Ashlyn’s back. “The gals shouldn’t be fighting with one another. And you know you can come to me if there’s ever a problem, right? Either of you, or both of you. I won’t judge and I won’t pick sides and I’ve been married awhile now, so I’m great at couples counseling.” Ashlyn’s jaw dropped.

“How did you — ”

“What, you think I’m completely oblivious because I’m the mom of the team? You’ve got another thing coming, Harris. Momma knows and sees all.”

Ashlyn ended up walking away with the strange sense that she’d actually been chewed out by her real mother. She said a silent prayer for Rylie and Reese Rampone, who would actually have to grow up under the watchful gaze of all-knowing, all-seeing Captain Christie Rampone. She smiled to herself, honestly touched by how willing Christie was to support both her and Ali as they worked everything out. She did wonder, however, how much she knew.

Being friends with Ali Krieger again didn’t mean that they spent all their time together like they would’ve in the past. Ashlyn was thankful for it. Her stomach had been flooded with familiar flutterings that she recognized as plain old no good. Easing back into an amiable relationship with Ali was the most preferable option. She had time to calm her fluttering heart and stomach as well as get her head focused back on soccer where it belonged. And it allowed the two of them time to re-follow each other on social media.

“What are you grinning at?” Whitney asked as she set her plate of breakfast down next to Ashlyn’s. Ashlyn was staring at the little notification on her phone and she couldn’t help it, really. She opened Twitter and followed Ali back.

“Nothing,” Ashlyn replied, putting down her phone and picking up her fork to shovel a bit of sustenance into her before they all had to mosey out to the vans for another long day of training.

On the field, Ashlyn and Ali said hello to each other as they passed one another during warm-ups. The rest of the day didn’t have them cross paths again as their workouts were separate, but at the end of the session, Paul told the keepers that they’d be taking a few PKs to round things out and Ali was one of the field players to help out.

They had enough goals set up for each keeper to take one and each field player to stick with a keeper while the rest of the players put the cones, flags, and other equipment in the vans. Ali gravitated to Ashlyn immediately and Ashlyn found she didn’t mind. It was like old times, training before the World Cup.

“Are you prepared for my game-winning PK?” Ali challenged her as she set a ball down on the spot. Ashlyn got herself into position on her line and beat her gloves together menacingly.

“You forget that I know how to read your shots, Princess,” Ashlyn returned. “The question is, are you ready for my WPS Championship-winning save?”

“Oh, we got a hotshot over here,” Ali laughed. She narrowed her eyes at Ashlyn. “I’ll make sure you can’t read my shot,” she promised before starting to get herself in the zone.

Ashlyn watched Ali’s lead up to the shot, the way her body moved and angled, the little ways her hips turned to open her leg up for a good strike. She shifted a little to her left and then sprung up towards the upper ninety. Ali had changed her shot, but she had been able to guess correctly again. The ball was punched out of harms’ way.

Ali growled at her, literally. Ashlyn shrugged. “What can I say? Hotshot keeper 1, big-talker right back 0.”

As another week closed out, the main focus of all the girls was the Christmas party that was soon approaching. They had all picked names from a hat for Secret Santa (“No peeking and absolutely no trading. And if you get yourself, put it right back!”) and Ashlyn had gotten Kelley O’Hara. It was a relatively easy buy for her. Kelley loved to surf just as much as she did, so she picked up Kelley’s favorite board wax and a funny tropical hat she’d found.

Ashlyn sat on her bed with wrapping paper and other Christmas paraphernalia spread about her as she and Whitney conducted their present-wrapping extravaganza. Whitney wouldn’t tell her who she had pulled or what she had gotten, which Ashlyn rolled her eyes at (“What? I’m following the rules!”), so they did everything with their backs facing one another, constantly calling out for the other to blindly toss the tape.

After getting hit in the head twice with the tape and eventually just deciding to wrap everything in tissue paper and stick it in a gift bag, Ashlyn and Whitney were done and placed their finished gifts on the table by the television, ready and waiting for the party.

“You look…interesting,” Ali commented as Ashlyn and Whitney walked into the conference room together. Ashlyn grinned widely. The whole party had been presented as an ‘ugly sweater’ type of party, but only a few of them had actually chosen to show up in their ugly Christmas sweaters, Ashlyn and Whitney being a couple of the brave few.

“Grandma chic,” Ashlyn explained. “I’m not joking — my grandma actually bought this back in the day and it wasn’t as a joke.” Ali laughed. Her nose crinkled and Ashlyn realized how much she’d missed that look.

“Aw, I love your grandma, though,” she said. “She’s such a sweetheart; you can’t knock her style.”

It was the first time either of them had casually made reference to their history with one another. Ali had met Ashlyn’s grandmother before the World Cup, when she came down to visit for a short time. That trip, they had laid out on the beach together, explored the town, explored each other. Ashlyn blushed.

“I’ll, uh, tell her you appreciate her sweater vests,” she said.

That last day before the end of camp, the girls put together a bonfire on a section of the beach near the hotel where that was actually allowed (Cap insisted that they check first before any fires were put together). Amy, Mittsy, Kelley, and Tobin were sent out to buy supplies — from firewood to graham crackers and everything in between — and, when they came back with the goods, Abby and Ashlyn helped put together the bonfire.

Once they eased the wood into a nice, roaring fire in the little pit in the sand they made, everyone relaxed and spread out on the various towels and chairs they’d brought over. Cheney and Tobin threw a frisbee around nearby while Sydney, Alex, and Kelley started opening the goodies, passing around marshmallows and sticks to the girls sitting around the fire.

Ashlyn thought it looked so beautiful and peaceful like that, the sun growing heavy over the dark blue water, turning the sky bright orange and pink. A light breeze teased her hair. The best things and the worst things had all happened at the beach for Ashlyn. She’d seen the rise and fall of relationships there, rode the toughest waves, had the biggest wipeouts. She’d gone there as a child with her family. She’d gone there by herself to get away from them. She’d gone there to think and to cry and to scream and to celebrate. And she’d gone there to reflect.

It was like her life revolved around the ocean. No matter where she was and no matter what was going on in her life, something would always draw her back there, like she was pulled as surely as the moon pulled the tides. She’d once learned that, though they were all called something different, the oceans were all one, all connected bodies of water spanning across the globe. The water she was looking at right then was the same water that lapped up on the shores in Satellite Beach. In a way, the ocean tied her to home.

“You look almost meditative.” Ashlyn turned and smiled lightly as she saw Ali approach her, taking up a stance right next to her. Her dark eyes watched the tide wash in. A couple birds strutted along the beach, taking wing once the water nipped at their little feet.

“I feel very at peace,” Ashlyn replied. “I was just thinking about how connected I am to the ocean. Sometimes I feel like my whole life is wrapped up in the water somehow.”

“Everything about it is connected.”

“Hmm?”

“The water,” Ali clarified. “It’s all connected. It’s interesting to think about, how it all goes around and comes back in a cycle. The water here may have once been across the world. Who knows.” Ashlyn laughed a little.

“We sound like wanna-be philosophers,” she chuckled.

Ali’s face was cast half in shadow by the setting of the sun. She hardly looked real like that, dark hair blowing around her face, dark eyes set straight ahead of her. Ashlyn held in a gasp. Ali had said that everything was connected, going around in a circle. One thing became another, like water creating clouds and rain filling rivers. And then that water, that had been on that long journey, could end up right back where it started — a new beginning.

“Remember Cancun?” Ashlyn murmured to Ali.

“Of course I remember Cancun,” Ali replied, confused. Ashlyn wiggled her eyebrows at her and, before Ali could figure out what she was trying to do, Ashlyn had bent over to grab her around the waist and hoisted her onto her shoulder, taking off towards the water.

Behind them, Ashlyn could hear teammates hooting with laughter at the sight, yelling and cat-calling. Ashlyn splashed through the shallow water, not much caring that the bottoms of her shorts were getting a little wet. Ali held on tightly to her shoulders, laughing and screeching and not at all asking to be put down. Then came the herd. As though Ashlyn was leading her people, Pinoe and Lori, Kelley and Tobin, Mittsy and HAO, and even Barnie and Buehler headed down after them, splashing away in the water.

Ashlyn set Ali down, more gently than she had that time over a year ago. It was a different beach, but the same water. They’d both been through so much, but there they were, back where it had all begun in a way. Ashlyn held out a hand to Ali, who took it eagerly. That was her peace offering and her promise.

Maybe one day, things can come full circle, Ashlyn was saying with her outstretched hand. This is me forgiving you, she said with her eyes. And Ali’s wide smile told her that she understood completely.

They all splashed around in the water until it started to get a little chilly with the encroaching night. Faces flushed from the exertion and clothes wet and growing stiff with the salt, they high-kneed it back up the beach to where the bonfire was a grand beacon in the night. There, towels were passed out and hair was squeezed of water. Damp top layers were stripped and sand was sprayed everywhere.

Finally, everyone settled in. Ashlyn was glad she’d left her sweatshirt beside her towel before she’d gone in the water. She pulled it on over her damp t-shirt and moved her towel closer to the fire to stay warm, patting the spot next to her for Ali. She was curled up in her own towel, snuggly warm.

“Who’s got the chocolate?” Lori called.

“A-Rod,” Cheney snitched. “Better hurry and grab some, cuz she’s been eating it all by herself.” Everyone laughed as Lori snatched the packet from an affronted-looking A-Rod, who was desperately trying to defend her chocolate-hogging ways.

Underneath Ali’s blanket, which had somehow shifted to enclose the both of them, Ashlyn felt Ali’s hand grab for hers tentatively. She looked over with a question in her eyes, but laced her fingers with Ali’s anyway. Maybe this wasn’t something that friends would do, but it was Ali.

Full circle. And maybe this time, they would get it right.