Sway

Ashlyn never liked being on this side of the screen, watching the game from the couch instead of being there in person, but she had grown quite used to it. Despite her stellar season with the WNY Flash, she still managed to get cut from the qualifying roster. She cracked open a bottle of water and settled in to watch the game, though. She’d promised Ali she would. It was just the Dominican Republic — a certain blowout — and Ali was itching to get her first international goal. Of course, Ashlyn was going to watch that.

“Alright, Ashlyn, you need to tell me who’s who,” her grandmother said as she sat herself on the adjacent armchair. Ashlyn was so thankful for her grandmother and the way she didn’t say a word at the news that Ashlyn had been cut yet again.

“Stay for dinner,” she had simply said. “I’m making your favorite.” And Ashlyn had stayed and, as they all ate together, she felt so loved.

The stream they were watching had no commentary so the only noise they could hear was the cheering of the crowd and the mostly unintelligible yelling from the players on the field. Ashlyn provided occasional commentary for her grandma that mostly consisted of things like, “Good pass from Lep, there” and “Ooh, Carli’s shot was just a bit off” and especially “Ali’s been doing well”. Her eyes found the right back on the screen every time the camera panned over to the back line.

It was a complete blowout from the moment it started with a classic Abby Wambach goal. Ashlyn and her grandmother only laughed, jokingly pumping their fists in the air as Heather O’Reilly’s shot found the back of the net for number 7 already.

The ball bounced around a little bit in front of the goal like it was in a pin-ball machine. Shots went wide, Dominican Republic tried to clear a couple times unsuccessfully, and then finally it fell in front of Ali, who was just outside the box. Ashlyn sucked in a breath, hoping this would be the shot she would take.

The camera followed the ball as it went just over the crossbar, but Ashlyn only furrowed her eyebrows at the scream she could hear in the background.

“What was that?” she murmured. And then the camera panned back and she was assaulted with the imaged of Ali curled up on the field, eyes squeezed tightly shut, fist pounding on the turf as she held onto her knee. She stood, jaw slack. A shock of fear went through her.

“Is that Ali?” her grandmother asked. Ashlyn nodded and stepped closer, like she might be able to reach out and check on her through the screen. Her stomach churned with worry. She could hear Ali crying out more. Her hand flew to her mouth and she bit on her finger.

“Come on, Al,” she whispered, watching as players went over to check on her. Boxxy knelt beside her as the trainers came out and helped her turn to her back. He tried to stretch out her right leg to the tune of fans cheering for Ali. Her leg wouldn’t straighten. Ashlyn ran a hand over her face. She didn’t want to think that that was what had happened, but she knew that was the most likely case.

“Do you think she’s okay?”

Ashlyn shook her head. “She’s really hurt,” she said. “I think Ali might’ve torn her ACL.” She reached for the remote and turned the TV off, unable to stand watching it any further — not while she couldn’t be there to help Ali. Not while she couldn’t be there to beat the face in of the girl who had literally kicked Ali’s knee out. She was overcome with the urge to kick both of her knees out.

It was killing her to wait, but she knew that she wouldn’t hear much of anything until the end of the game at least. Ali would need to get her leg checked out, the players and staff would be busy until everything was over and done with, and she knew that Ali’s family would have to be contacted. She eventually gave in and texted Kyle.

Ashlyn: Hey, did you see the DR game? Have you heard anything about Ali?

Kyle: Nothing yet.

Ashlyn: Let me know?

Kyle: Yeah, I’ll pass on any info. Don’t worry.

Ashlyn: If you talk to her, let her know I’m thinking about her.

No one heard much of anything until the full results of Ali’s scans came back the next day. True to his word, Kyle texted her with updates as he got them. The Krieger family was spread across the country while Ali was still in Canada with the National Team, so she was entered into a massive web of information flowing from one phone to another, email chains concerning Ali. Kyle confirmed that Ali had torn her ACL and sprained her MCL and only an hour later, Ashlyn’s phone was ringing.

“Alex?” she said as she answered it. Her heart thumped heavy in her chest. There was silence on the other end until she heard a broken sob and her heart broke along with it. She waited, just listening as, on the other end of the line, Ali was trying to pull herself together, taking deep heaving breaths, her voice cracking and wavering as she tried to speak through her tears.

“Alex,” Ashlyn said again. “Hey, girlie, you’re okay.” Ashlyn knew she wasn’t. “Shh, babe, you’re okay,” she hushed her, voice soft. Closing her eyes, she rested her head against the wall of the hallway. All she knew were the sounds of Ali on the other side. She wished she could transport herself to Vancouver and wrap her up in a tight hug.

“I don’t think I can go to the Olympics,” Ali finally choked out. She let out another sob.

Ashlyn knew she couldn’t say anything encouraging about that. She’d already heard the diagnosis. There was no getting around the months and months of recovery Ali would have to endure. Not even the amazing Ali Krieger could speed up the time it would take to get back to her top condition.

“How are you feeling?” she asked instead.

“It hurts,” Ali replied, her voice small.

“I know, baby,” Ashlyn breathed. She did know. She knew all too well the pain of an ACL tear, having been there twice in the span of two years. It was the sort of pain that haunted you even after the injury was healed.

“It really, really hurts.”

Ashlyn knew that pain, too. She knew that Ali wasn’t merely talking about the pain in her knee, but the pain of her injury taking away the game she loves, the dream she was holding onto so tightly. Ali had never been subtle about how hungry she was for the gold medal, how excited she was to represent the US in the Olympics. She was a shoe-in for the Olympic roster after her performance in the World Cup. All that was taken from her by number 13 from the Dominican Republic and the worst tackle Ashlyn had ever seen.

“Are you going to stay with the team or go back home?” Ashlyn asked.

“I’m flying home to be with my dad on the 24th,” Ali said. Ashlyn could hear that she was drying her tears. She sniffled a little. Her voice cleared just barely. “That was the first flight I could get on.”

“Do you want me to be there?”

“What?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t say this, but it’s killing me to not be with you right now. I know what you’re going through and I want to be there to help.”

“You would do that for me?” Ashlyn could hear her start to cry again and she cursed at herself internally.

“Yeah, of course,” Ashlyn replied softly. “Of course.”

Ashlyn booked her ticket after she got off the phone with Ali. She had to wipe away her own tears as she tucked her phone back in her pocket. She couldn’t get the sound of Ali crying out of her head — both on the field and on the phone. All she wanted was to tuck Ali into her side, wrap her arms around her, and tell her that everything was going to be okay.

“Ashlyn,” Ken Krieger greeted her as he opened the door. He welcomed her inside quickly, which Ashlyn was grateful for because of the cold wind whipping outside. She let out a breath she had been holding as she was surrounded by the warmth of the house and her body could finally relax its shivering. Ali’s mom was there, too, and as soon as Ashlyn shucked off her coat, she was enveloped in a tight hug.

“Oh, it’s good to see you,” Debbie said.

“I’m so glad you could come.” Ken’s voice dropped a little as he eyed the stairway behind them. “Alex has been really upset,” he told her conspiratorially. “She’s been asking about when you were coming.” Ashlyn blushed. It had been a long time since she’d seen Ali’s mom and dad and, the last time they had seen each other, they hadn’t officially known that she was with their daughter. They did now, but she and Ali still weren’t back together.

“Hopefully I can cheer her up a little,” Ashlyn said. Debbie gave her a knowing sort of smile and Ken clapped a hand on her shoulder.

“I know you can,” he said. “Thank you again for coming to help out.”

“Ken, Debbie,” Ashlyn started, “Ali and I aren’t…together…anymore, but I care about her a great deal. I just want you to know that.”

“I know,” Debbie replied, sending Ashlyn upstairs to go see Ali.

She was laying in bed, watching TV when she came upstairs. Her right leg was wrapped up and elevated on a stack of pillows. A bag of ice wrapped in a towel balanced over top of her knee. She looked absolutely miserable. Ashlyn took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the side of her door.

As Ali looked up, her eyes brightened. She reached out a hand, and that was all Ashlyn needed to see for her to rush forward. Ali didn’t start crying until Ashlyn wrapped her in a tight hug. Her tears wet Ashlyn’s shoulder and neck, but she didn’t care. She simply held on to the defender, rocking her gently and rubbing her back as she let out everything.

When Ali had calmed, exhausting herself from crying so hard, Ashlyn found herself curled up with her on her bed. Her shoes had been kicked off on the floor. Ali’s head was resting on her chest as she sniffled slightly. Ashlyn’s arm lay around her shoulders. Ali’s hand rested on her stomach, stroking her absentmindedly.

“I’m so sorry this happened,” Ashlyn murmured into Ali’s hair. Her lips brushed across her head. “You don’t deserve this, Al, but you’re so, so strong. You’re going to come back and you’re gonna kick everyone’s asses.” Ali let out a little laugh, nestling herself further into Ashlyn’s side as best as she could without moving her knee.

“I can’t believe you’re really here,” Ali breathed. “You’re like my guardian angel.” Ashlyn rested her head atop of Ali’s.

“I’ll always be here for you, Al,” she replied. “I don’t think I could stop myself if I tried.”

And that was the truth. Ashlyn had realized it from the moment she heard Ali’s scream and the most visceral sense of fear entered her heart. She would always care for Ali; that would never change, no matter what existed between them. She would always want to be there to protect and support her and comfort her when she was in pain. Warmth filled her that had nothing to do with the heater or the body heat of the woman who was wrapped up in her arms. She pressed a kiss to the top of Ali’s head, certain that she still loved her and certain that she had never stopped.

Ashlyn knew that Ali was nervous as they drove to her first PT session. She bit her lip as she looked out the window. Ashlyn, who was driving, felt her gaze drift over to her constantly. She reached out to rest a hand on Ali’s thigh, squeezing it gently. Ali placed her hand on top of Ashlyn’s, squeezing in return, and they stayed like that for the rest of the drive.

Ashlyn turned towards Ali after they’d parked at the center and made her look at her seriously, stilling hands that were adjusting her knee brace and reaching for her crutches.

“This is going to hurt more than you can imagine,” Ashlyn told her frankly, “but you can get through it. You have to get through it.” She pressed a kiss to Ali’s forehead. “You’ve got this, Kriegs,” she said. “I believe in you.”

As she helped Ali out of the car, keeping an arm on the small of her back to steady her as she crutched over to the front door of the center, Ashlyn was transported back to days of stiff braces and surgery — days when the simple task of bending her knee was enough to bring her to tears. Whitney had stuck by her side then and made sure that she powered through the darkest of those days, when the pain grew so much that she was ready and willing to throw everything away. Now, she was there to do the same thing for Ali.

She could only stay with the Kriegers for a few days, but it seemed like her presence was doing some good for Ali. Debbie pulled her aside at least once a day and told her as much, at least.

“Alex is eating better now,” she’d tell her. “I’m so happy to see Alex smiling through this.” Ashlyn almost thought, with all the looks and hints Ali’s mom was giving her, that she was encouraging her to get back with Ali. To be honest, she wasn’t sure that they weren’t together again. And, to her surprise, the thought didn’t scare her, even with the news that Ali would be going back to Germany after her surgery and initial rounds of PT in order to rehab and train with her team.

They hadn’t kissed or done anything more than cuddle, but Ashlyn felt so close to her that it was almost painful to say that they were just friends. They’d surpassed that long ago when Ashlyn had promised that she would always be there for Ali. She didn’t see Ali complaining either. The brunette was constantly reaching out to take her hand, wanting to cuddle upstairs and watch movies. Ashlyn knew they’d have to talk before she left for Florida again. She patted the box in her pocket as she got back to the Kriegers’ house, shivering again from the frigid Virginia weather.

“Ali?” she said as she entered her room. Ali was watching something like Say Yes to the Dress, which Ashlyn rolled her eyes at, but looked up immediately with a wide smile as she saw Ashlyn walk in.

“You’re back,” she said excitedly. She shifted to make room for Ashlyn, moving her right leg gingerly. She could bend it a bit better after a few days of PT. Most of the swelling had gone down and, last appointment, her doctor had even arranged a date for her surgery for the next week.

“I wanted to talk to you about something, Ali,” Ashlyn said as she sat beside her. Her hands fingered the box in the pocket of her sweatshirt. She took a deep breath. “I honestly didn’t think that we would ever be the same after you left me,” she said. “I was so hurt, I didn’t think I could trust anyone with my heart again. I didn’t want to.” Ashlyn saw Ali’s eyes grow a bit misty; her lip quivered.

“No, no — I’m not saying this to make you upset, Ali,” Ashlyn said hurriedly. She reached out to take both of Ali’s hands in hers.

“I can’t help it,” Ali replied, trying to smile. “I can’t ever apologize enough for what I did to you.” She shook her head. “After everything, I don’t know how you can be so good to me.”

“Because I care about you, Al,” Ashlyn said. “So much. I don’t think I will ever stop. That’s why, well, I was wondering if we might officially try things again?” Ali’s eyes brightened and Ashlyn felt a grin spread across her face.

“Really?” Ali asked.

“Well, your mom’s been pushing me to take you back,” Ashlyn laughed. She laughed even harder at the way Ali’s face turned bright red. She scowled and muttered something mean about her mom. “No, I’m joking,” Ashlyn said. “I really want to try again. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Are you sure? I can get better with telling people. If we do this, I’ll tell the team and my friends and I’d want to meet your family as your girlfriend.” Ashlyn’s smile grew even wider. “But I haven’t really changed my mind about not being out to the public.”

“I think we can work with that,” Ashlyn said.

“And you already know I’m going to be back in Germany in a couple weeks.”

“I know,” Ashlyn replied, “and I understand that that’s something you have to do to get better.” She pulled her hands from Ali’s to reach into her pocket for the box that had been plaguing her all day. She finally pulled it out, flipping it over and over between her hands. “That’s why I got you this,” she said, and opened it for Ali to see.

Inside, there were two necklaces, both made of a simple silver chain with a silver angel’s wing pendant hanging from them. Ali’s hand flew to her mouth as she examined them, running the fingers of her other hand down the chains and over the detailed carving on the wings.

“See, there’s one for each of us,” Ashlyn explained. “When we’re apart, you’ll have a piece of me with you and I’ll have a piece of you with me.” Ali didn’t say anything. Ashlyn hesitated. “Sorry, I know it’s probably cheesy,” she said, ducking her head.

“No,” Ali said. “I love it.” She pulled one of the necklaces out of the box. “Angel wings,” she said with a watery laugh. “It’s perfect. It’s like you’re watching over me.”

“And you’ll be watching over me,” Ashlyn replied. “You’ve helped me with a lot, too, Al. You helped me get my family back.”

“Can you help me put this on?” Ali asked excitedly. Ashlyn held out her hand for the necklace. Ali pulled her hair together and lifted it out of the way as Ashlyn leaned over and secured the chain around her neck. The necklace hung down between her breasts.

“I really want to kiss you right now,” Ali whispered as she looked up to meet Ashlyn’s gaze again. Ashlyn felt her mouth grow dry. Ali’s eyes were dark and bright with a hint of tears.

“I can do that,” Ashlyn replied, equally as quietly. The time it took for her to lean in closer to Ali seemed like a lifetime. It was like Ashlyn was stuck under the water, holding her breath. She thought her lungs might burst, and then her lips touched Ali’s and it was like she was breaking through the surface for air.

That night they’d curled up together with Ashlyn pillowing her head on Ali’s chest and Ali’s arms wrapped tightly around her. Ashlyn’s breathing was slow as she took in the smell and feel of Ali, completely content and just starting to drift off into what she knew would be a pretty damn blissful sleep but Ali’s head shifted slightly on the pillow and she stilled her breathing even more to listen, wondering if Ali was doing alright.

Ali shifted again, and before Ashlyn could move to ask if she was in pain, she felt the soft press of lips to the top of her head and the even softer whisper of Ali’s breath as she whispered to her, “I’m going to fight for you and for us, Ashlyn Harris.”

Keeping her eyes shut, Ashlyn tried to remain still, struggling against the smile that threatened to give away her conscious state, but she vowed to remember to return the sentiments to Ali in the morning. She would fight for her, too, and them. She would always fight for them.

Ashlyn had been hesitant about letting Ali fully back into her heart. She had spent nights up wondering whether they would simply fall apart again, like the first time. But this time felt different. Ashlyn could tell that Ali was really making an effort to change things between them for the better. She was making an effort to accept herself.

For one thing, Ashlyn got a chance to meet Ali’s teammates at FFC Frankfurt. She flew into Germany to visit Ali (they had agreed to trade off on meeting up in Germany and the US) and Ali very excitedly invited her to the FFC Frankfurt training complex to watch her PT session and see where Ali used to play.

“Hallo, Ali,” Dzsenifer Marozsan greeted as they walked past each other down the hallway, Ali and Ashlyn heading toward the trainer’s, Marozsan towards the training pitch. “Wer ist das?” she asked teasingly, her eyebrows raising in Ashlyn’s direction.

“My girlfriend,” Ali replied, smiling at Ashlyn. “She’s visiting.” Marozsan gave her an impressed look and replied in rapid German. Ali laughed and said something else in return, squeezing Ashlyn’s arm affectionately. Ashlyn grinned a little and said hello to Ali’s teammate. She had no idea what that exchange was, but it sounded good.

“I’m really proud of you, Alex,” Ashlyn murmured in her ear as they walked away. She could see Ali’s smile out of the corner of her eye.

“I promised I would try to be more comfortable with people knowing,” she replied. “And I am. After everything that my teammates have done for me, I know that they only care about me.” Ashlyn pressed a quick kiss to the side of Ali’s head before pulling away to a somewhat respectable distance. Ali stopped them outside of the trainer’s door.

“And I have something else you’ll be proud of me for,” she said.

She pushed open the door and they were greeted by the trainer who had been working with Ali closely since she’d gotten back to Germany. She was instructed to sit on the table and she took off her brace so that he could take a look at her knee. Ashlyn sat back on a chair, leaving them enough room to work. They conducted the visit entirely in German, so she didn’t know what they were saying, but Ali’s smile was steadfast, she seemed to be moving her knee without pain, and the only thing that outwardly belied her condition was the straight white scar that ran down the middle of her knee.

At the end of it all, the trainer turned to Ashlyn and said in heavily accented English, “She looks good, ja?”

“Yeah, she looks good,” Ashlyn replied with a smirk. Ali raised her hand to hit her, but Ashlyn could tell she was trying not to laugh.

“She is very…” He trailed off and spoke quickly with Ali as they tried to figure out the word he was looking for. “Strong,” he finally said. Ashlyn nodded in agreement, watching as Ali secured her knee brace back on again. She was so strong.

On the way to their lunch date afterwards, Ali outlined her plan for returning to the National Team in time for the Olympics. She was working basically all day every day to return to her fully healthy self. Determination, she said, was the word of the year for a reason. Ashlyn listened with awe and pride at how driven and confident Ali sounded. She had not just torn her ACL, but her MCL and meniscus as well but she was not taking no for an answer.

“By the time July comes, we’ll both be on that roster,” Ali asserted with such confidence that she left little room for doubt at all. Her lips upturned, Ali said, “Tell me about National Team camp. How were the girls?”

Ashlyn kept herself busy with training, camps, and organizing time in-between in which she and Ali could see each other. Even though she hadn’t gone to Olympic qualifiers, she was still in the hunt for a spot on the roster, even as an alternate and, as camp after camp passed, her dream looked more and more like it could be a reality.

She could see it in herself during training. She felt great — strong, fast, level-headed. She felt, then more than ever, that she really was ready to make another step up and maybe take the third keeper spot. She saw it in the way Paul commended her on a good training session; the way he clapped her shoulder and told her that she was improving greatly. She was riding a wave higher than before, with new, unfettered confidence. So of course, she had to fall.

It was during the second to last day of training in Japan when it happened. They were playing a scrimmage — nothing too rough, but with the girls, they always got a bit more competitive than necessary. Cheney was charging at her with the ball at her feet. She made it past one defender, then another, and Ashlyn knew that it was then or never. She would have to be bold and make a play on the ball.

She hardly realized that the cry had left her throat, she was so focused on the throbbing pain. Laying on the grass with her weight pressed upon her left arm, she gritted her teeth and tried to stop the tears from leaking down her cheeks. She wanted to move, but her arm felt weird — out of place — and she couldn’t push herself up without another wave of pain.

“It’s dislocated,” the doctor said as she sat in the room — just her and the trainers.

“So you can just pop it back in and everything will be fine, right?” Ashlyn said hopefully. The doctor shook his head with a grimace.

“Not so simple,” he said. “The dislocation of the joint tore up the muscle pretty badly. You’re going to need to stay away from physical activity that will aggravate the injury even more. And yes, that means no soccer.”

Ashlyn’s jaw went slack. She looked between the doctor and the trainers and back again, waiting for someone to give her a way out. Surely a dislocated shoulder was just that — a dislocated shoulder. In the movies, they always just popped it back in.

“You might be able to get away with rest and physical therapy, but looking at your scans here, I’d say that surgery will become a necessity sooner or later. It’s your decision, but I’d recommend going for the surgery.”

Paul wouldn’t let her play with her shoulder like it was. Ashlyn had returned to camp with the trainers after she’d gotten her shoulder put back in place and everything wrapped up nicely so that it didn’t move too much. She was given a strict icing regimen. Pia wouldn’t let her play like that either. The two looked at each other and Ashlyn saw it happen before her eyes. She moved down on the depth chart again.

The empty feeling followed her back to the states. She felt as though she was just going through the motions as she called her doctor and trainer down in Satellite Beach, called her coach up in Buffalo, she contacted Pia and Paul to let them know what her plan was. She wasn’t going to get surgery. With therapy and icing, her doctor said, she could get by for a while. She let them know how ready she was to work and make it back to her peak form before the Olympics.

The worst was when Ali called and she had to make a choice: tell her the truth, or hide her injury so that Ali could focus on claiming her spot on the roster. With a smile she hoped looked sincere enough, she told Ali about Japan, their games, training, how she was looking forward to the next camp, even though she knew inside that she would not be on the list.

As it turned out, she couldn't hide it for very long because Ali took some time off at the end of May to visit her family in Northern Virginia. Ashlyn flew up from Florida to meet her despite the pain that travel put her in. She'd been going to PT and taking care of her shoulder, but it wasn't seeming to make any progress, something she began to measure in the amount of Ibuprofen she was popping daily.

“Hey, baby!” Ali said, hugging her tightly as she opened the door to let her into her father’s house. Ashlyn grunted in response, fiery pain ripping through her shoulder. Ali jumped away and stared at her as Ashlyn rubbed her shoulder and grimaced.

“What happened?” Ali asked quietly. Ashlyn smiled at her reassuringly.

“Let’s talk inside, okay, babe?”

She never imagined that Ali would be that angry with her. In fact, sitting there in the Kriegers’ den, Ashlyn wondered vaguely whether Ken would provide some protection from his daughter, who had been on a tirade for what seemed like an hour.

“I didn’t want to worry or distract you,” Ashlyn said. “You’ve been working so hard towards this. I didn’t want to bring your dream down.”

“Babe,” Ali said sadly. She reached out to touch Ashlyn’s shoulder but, even then, Ashlyn flinched. Ali frowned. “You need to have that surgery,” she assessed.

“I know,” Ashlyn sighed, though it was difficult facing that injury had once again taken her away from the game, from accomplishing anything she’d wanted to.

They were together in Northern Virginia when the Olympic roster came out, catching them by surprise entirely. It was six weeks until the Olympics were starting, Pia had jumped the gun a little, and Ali wasn’t happy. Ashlyn watched as Ali went from denial (“They can’t have released the roster yet. There’s so much time left.”) to anger (“I deserved another shot!”) to, finally, letting herself be upset. She sat with Ashlyn in the den of her father’s house and cried on Ashlyn’s good shoulder. And Ashlyn comforted her, feeling even more empty inside, because while this was something routine for her (though still quite the disappointment), Ali had little experience with having her dreams ripped apart due to something that was entirely out of her hands.

As the year had gone on, things had grown choppier in the WPS. May also brought Ashlyn a day in which she really was left out of a job. The league folded, she wasn’t going to the Olympics, and she felt pretty shit out of luck.

“Hey, Ashlyn,” Ali said hesitantly one night. They were laying in bed together, Ashlyn cradled in Ali’s arms because she couldn’t get the pain in her shoulder to go down no matter how much ice or cream she used, how many pills she took, or how many kisses Ali pressed to her hot skin.

“Hmm?” Ashlyn replied. She let her head rest back on Ali’s chest, listening to the way her heartbeat jumped a little.

“What are you going to do now that the WPS has folded?” Ashlyn let out a sigh and immediately felt Ali’s hands on her, brushing her hair out of her face and running down her arm, a sort of apology for bringing up such a sore subject.

“Well I’ve gotta go down and get my surgery done,” Ashlyn said.

“But I mean, playing-wise,” Ali said. “Have you given that any thought?”

Ashlyn had given it more thought than she wanted to say. Everyone knew about the whisperings — whether they played soccer in the US or not. They’d been hovering in the air ever since the end of the 2011 season. Would the WPS last — especially with everything surfacing about magicJack? The answer was a resounding no. Yet again, a US women’s soccer league had folded and put countless athletes out of work. Ashlyn had been contemplating what she would do since the beginning of the year.

“Yeah, I suppose,” she said. She caught Ali’s hand with hers and laced their fingers together. With her thumb, she stroked a pattern along the soft skin of Ali’s hand.

“Would you ever consider playing abroad?” Her hand stilled. She thought. Of course it was something she had considered. Was there any other option? There was only the issue of making it over there, and goalkeepers were always less in-demand than field players if there wasn’t a real spot open already.

“Yeah…” Ashlyn drew out. She titled her head back to look at Ali’s face. “Why?” she teased. “If I’m thinking what you’re thinking, I know it’s not gonna work. Nadine would never let me steal her job.”

“No,” Ali agreed with a giggle, “but there are other teams in the Bundesliga and Nadine was telling me that a couple are looking for another keeper.” Ashlyn raised an eyebrow at her and Ali blushed. “She wasn’t very subtle about it either. She was like, ‘oh, Ali, guess what I heard. Maybe a certain someone would like to know’ and everything.” Ashlyn laughed.

“So I guess she likes me?”

“From the way she was teasing me at training when you stopped by? ‘Mumbles looks so happy today — must be because her girlfriend is here’. Yeah, she likes you.”

Ashlyn smiled softly as she remembered. Every time she visited Ali, they always stopped by the complex together to chat with the rest of the team. Ali would do her PT session and get her knee looked at. Ashlyn would encourage her and beam with pride at her progress, which she had made in leaps and bounds. Occasionally, they would go out to the practice pitch and, though Ali wasn’t allowed to even touch a soccer ball, Ashlyn would have a nice chat with Nadine Angerer and the goalkeeper even invited her to train with them one day.

Ashlyn rolled onto her right side so that she could look at Ali properly. They laughed quietly as they shifted arms and legs to regain a comfortable position. Ashlyn’s left arm was draped over her waist. Her head rested near Ali’s, so close that, even in the dark, she could see the bright flash of her eyes.

“So, how do you say ‘girlfriend’ in German?” Ashlyn murmured into Ali’s shoulder. She pressed feather-light kisses to Ali’s collarbone, making her sigh softly.

“Freundin,” Ali replied. “Sorry it’s not something romantic-sounding. German isn’t really that kind of language.”

“It’s pretty damn romantic when you say anything in it,” Ashlyn said. She pressed a kiss to Ali’s lips. “Have I ever told you how sexy you sound speaking German?” Ali giggled as Ashlyn pressed more kisses to her face and neck.

“I’m guessing it turns you on?” she asked, batting her eyelashes innocently. Ashlyn grinned up at her lasciviously.

“Talk German to me, babe.” Ali rolled her eyes.

“You’re an absolute dork,” she said.

Ashlyn looked at her, the way she laughed and rolled her eyes, and was filled with warmth in her chest. “I love you, Alex,” she whispered out. Ali paused. A smile crept across her face as she pulled Ashlyn closer to her.

“I love you so much,” she replied against Ashlyn’s lips.

Ashlyn didn’t tell Ali that she contacted her agent the next day, telling him to help her look into some teams in Germany. He thought it was a great idea and put her in contact with a couple different teams. Both were interested, despite the fact that Ashlyn’s fucked-up left shoulder was common knowledge. Eventually, she and her agent were engaged in negotiations with FCR 2001 Duisburg and, by the end of June, they were ready to announce that she had signed a 2-year contract with them.

Ali screamed when she called to tell her the news.