And Now We're Stressed Out
jefferoni.macaroni: the feeling when you have a million notifications in the morning
corsetz28: yeah and probably 99% of them are from james and alex’s conversation last night
jefferoni.macaroni: no!! im in more than one group chat yanno
corsetz28: yh but no one was talking in the other one
jefferoni.macaroni: how?? do you know?
corsetz28: im in the other group chat too
corsetz28: the one with sally and everyone
jefferoni.macaroni: wHAT
corsetz28: also bc no one likes u
james.madisin: thomas i like you <3 and sorry guys i didnt mean to spam!!
hamil.lion: guys
hamil.lion: how do you cure the hiccups
intothenarrative: huh?
hamil.lion: IS STRESS HICCUPING A THING BC I THINK I HAVE IT HELP
jefferoni.macaroni: STRESS HICCUPS
intothenarrative: yes its a thing
intothenarrative: angie used to get it all the time as a kid
intothenarrative: its normal
jefferoni.macaroni: IM CRYING
hamil.lion: WELL WHTA KINDA STRESSORS DID KID ANGIE DEAL W I THINK I WIN THE STRESSED AND OVERWHELMED AWARD
james.madisin: its not a fucking contest god
james.madisin: maybe if you spent more time studying and not writing hate essays about a certain john adams then you wouldn’t have stress hiccups
hamil.lion: jem woah woah are you mad at me?
james.madisin: no not really
james.madisin: but you brought this onto yourself
hamil.lion: are you sure? im sorry if you didnt want me to bother you with john adams shit i just figured since you offered to let me rant that it was okay was it not? im sorry!
jefferoni.macaroni: OMG STOP ALEX
intothenarrative: guys chill
james.madisin: thomas has a point
corsetz28: betsey has a point
james.madisin: eliza how do you cure stress hiccups
intothenarrative: idk
hamil.lion: GREAT
hamil.lion: MY FRENCH ORAL SPEAKING EXAM IS TODAY
jefferoni.macaroni: can i bring popcorn?
james.madisin: THOMAS
james.madisin: we have our psychology exam at the same time anyways
intothenarrative: just dont be stressed?
corsetz28: easier said than done
hamil.lion: yeah thats gonna be s o e a s y
hamil.lion: goddamn im fluent in french this is bullshit
hamil.lion: im gonna thrOW UP hooo
james.madisin: dont do that
intothenarrative: no you wont shh
turt13.10v3r: hey where are you i can come get you if you need me to?
jefferoni.macaroni: at last he awakens
jefferoni.macaroni: im just outside the lecture hall
turt13.10v3r: not you goddamn
hamil.lion: still in my dorm
hamil.lion: im a mess i cant go out in public rn
intothenarrative: is laf still up at this point?
hamil.lion: probably
hamil.lion: why
intothenarrative: i just texted them
intothenarrative: maybe loafat knows how to cure them? They know a lot of rad french remedies
intothenarrative: *lafayette goddamn
loafayette: alas worry not loafat yogurt is here to save the day
corsetz28: IM SCREAMING
loafayette: so whats up
intothenarrative: alex has his french exam today and he has the hiccups
intothenarrative: i figured you could help
hamil.lion: THE STRESS HICCUPS
loafayette: eat dairy and hold your breath
loafayette: and someone go scare him
intothenarrative: no these are stress hiccups not normal hiccups
loafayette: what’s the difference???
intothenarrative: oh
loafayette: maybe if theyre caused by stress though dont scare him it might stress him out more
its.pronounced.mariah: i mean im good at destressing alex want me to come over
hamil.lion: well i mean
intothenarrative: well i mean if u destress angelica
intothenarrative: wait
intothenarrative: ALEX NO
loafayette: no wait it may help get rid of his hiccups
intothenarrative: MARIA AND ALEX ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP
intothenarrative: WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE
hamil.lion: i was j o k i n g shes in england it was a j o k e
intothenarrative: good
loafayette: but intercourse actually can help
hamil.lion: someone could just hold my hand that usually calms me down?
turt13.10v3r: thats why im on my way rn alex
hamil.lion: what sex or hand holding
turt13.10v3r: thats up to you (;
jefferoni.macaroni: whelp i have to go to my exam now b y e alex good luck
hamil.lion: is that like a genuine good luck holy shit
jefferoni.macaroni: thats up to you (;
hamil.lion: BYE
intothenarrative: bye thomas
turt13.10v3r: i hope you fail
hamil.lion: goddajnf
intothenarrative: wait what
hamil.lion: i hiccuped and my fingers spazzed aH
turt13.10v3r: IM OUTSIDE LET ME IN
corsetz28: u know there is this thing called knocking
hamil.lion: AH COMING
james.madisin: ok sorry i have to go take my exam too now
hamil.lion: ah bye
hamil.lion: good luck!!
turt13.10v3r: okay im gonna help alex destress now gerc get out
corsetz28: u r standing right next to me
turt13.10v3r: says the guy who just sent that in the chat instead of telling me out loud
corsetz28: IM
hamil.lion: bye gerc
hamil.lion: johm and i shall be back in the chat soon :))
intothenarrative: wow
intothenarrative: looks like its just you and me gerc
loafayette: dont forget me goddamn
loafayette: just bc im in france doesn’t mean that im not a part of the group
corsetz28: alex and johm are literally getting more action than me and theyre in my dorm wtf
intothenarrative: yes sorry laf
intothenarrative: its alexs dorm too
corsetz28: ok i get that but like my boyfriend kicked me out of my room to have sex with my boyfriend who does that
corsetz28: betsey can i come over
intothenarrative: yes!! we can skype laf in too if they want??
loafayette: y e s they want
loafayette: adrienne is with me though? is that okay?
intothenarrative: of course!
corsetz28: yes shes so pure i love her?
loafayette: she loves you too mon cher
loafayette: but not as much as i love you <3
corsetz28: that was so cheesy what kind of loser am i even dating
loafayette: hopefully im your favorite loser though?
corsetz28: unquestionably <3
comma.sexting: u guys are being gross
intothenarrative: no theyre being cute
corsetz28: i mean we can be cute but will we ever be as cute as u?
loafayette: im afraid that would be impossible mon cher
loafayette: mon amour is The Cutest nothing else can even come close
intothenarrative: oh hushh omg
corsetz28: no i feel like we dont love on u enough eliza why is that
corsetz28: youre the sweetest cutest purest i love you so much??
loafayette: youre literally the best person anyone could ask to have in their life???
intothenarrative: omfg
intothenarrative: shhhh
corsetz28: its tru tho
intothenarrative: i change my mind im not letting u in my dorm if u dont stooppp
corrsetz28: nah thats a lie
intothenarrative: what makes u think that
corsetz28: because u loove mee
intothenarrative: shit you right
corsetz28: <3
intothenarrative: <3 <3
loafayette: wtf wheres my love
intothenarrative: im right here
loafayette: omfg
loafayette: ur so precious wtf ily
intothenarrative: i!! love!! you!! all!! so!! much!!
loafayette: i love u more tho
corsetz28: but i love her most
loafayette: u wanna fuckin GO gerc eliza is my sunshine i love her so much
corsetz28: well you are the light of my life so i would never hurt u but eliza is just as dear to me as u so YEAH i wanna go i love u both so much
loafayette: i wear ur gross jersey to sleep every night because i cant think of anything that would make me feel more happy or safe than a reminder of you bc i LOVE you that much fight me
corsetz28: oh yeah?? well i spent WEEKS trying to think of what i could get u that would make u as happy as u deserve to me and days more searching to actually find it and hours thinking of what to say because you deserve only the best and i wanted to give u the best bc ur happiness is that important to me NERD
loafayette: d’accord we can stop now im gonna cry
corsetz28: oh shit am i upsetting you im so sorry i love you!!
loafayette: no u just make me so h a p p y i love u both n alex n john SO MUCH and my makeup looks damn fine u rn so ubetter not wreck my mascara
intothenarrative: ahh im so lucky to have you all <3
loafayette: we’re the lucky ones mon amour <3
corsetz28: DAMN TRUE <3
hamil.lion: you guys are disgusting
intothenarrative: hey who remembers that time alex got drunk and wrote us all a bunch of love sonnets
hamil.lion: that was gross ur all gross im also gross we all disgust me i have cavities bc of it whats ur point
turt13.10v3r: ur literally the grossest one out of all of us
hamil.lion: yes i am but only because i love you losers with all of my fucking heart
intothenarrative: daww <3 i love you so much alex!!
hamil.lion: i love you i love you i love you herc and laf and john too i love you all SO MUCH
hamil.lion: <3!!!
turt13.10v3r: <3
corsetz28: <3!
intothenarrative: <3
loafayette: <3<3!!!!
corsetz28: so like are u guys texting while fucking or like srsly whats going on rn
turt13.10v3r: what
turt13.10v3r: oh right no we werent fucking i just held him and talked to him until he stopped shaking and hiccuping
hamil.lion: john laurens is my cure for stress hiccups apparently
hamil.lion: <3
turt13.10v3r: gross <3
corsetz28: THEN WHY DID YOU MAKE ME LEAVE
turt13.10v3r: bc u arent as good at calming alex down as i am
turt13.10v3r: gerc u r literally my super hot track star boyfriend with a heart of gold why would i exclude u from activities that involve a sock on the door
corsetz28: damn i agree
turt13.10v3r: also where are you guys alex has time until his french final and i dont have any finals today and we demand cuddling
loafayette: france
intothenarrative: rip laf
intothenarrative: but gercs at my place and were watching the princess protection program w/ laf on skype
hamil.lion: that movie is literally so gay
corsetz28: TRUE
hamil.lion: johm and i are on our way rn to join the cuddle pile
@comma.sexting has added @a.burr to the chat
comma.sexting: alex johm eliza herc and laf are being g ro s s
a.burr: what do you expect me to do about it
hamil.lion: we’re not even being gross we just love each other a lot shhhh
intothenarrative: “you guys are disgusting” --alex five minutes ago
hamil.lion: eliza no dont use my words against me i t r u s t e d you
hamil.lion: i gave u my heart and my words and u turn around and use them like th i s
intothenarrative: guess ill just move so theres no room for u to cuddle w me then
hamil.lion: NO IM SORRY BETSEY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
intothenarrative: <3!!!
a.burr: yeah im OUT of here i dont need to deal with this
@a.burr has left the chat