After

Beca yawned as she headed for her third cup of coffee that morning, she had stayed up till 4 a.m. last night. Thanks to her desperate need to go through Clarke’s facebook, Instagram and twitter profile… An urge she’d justified by telling herself that since they’d no friends nor history in common, she needed to find another way to get to know the real Clarke.

At first she’d felt like an intriguer, as if she were invading her privacy. But then she’d reminded herself that it had been Clarke who’d sent her a friendship request, so she was probably doing the same. That’s how these things worked in this era right? Besides, everyone could completely control what they wanted to share on social media, so if there were things Clarke hadn’t want Beca to see, she wouldn’t find them by looking into her profile. Convinced by her own arguments, she’d typed in ‘Clarke Griffin’ and moments later a picture of her and Lexa was staring at her. Completely taken by surprise, shocked even, Beca had almost closed her laptop. In no way had she expected Clarke’s dead girlfriend to pop up on her profile picture. Though she’d no right of speaking, cause she hadn’t changed her own photo in almost 7 years. It was a picture Chloe had taken as she was working on a mix at Barden’s grass field, headphones on, back turned against the camera. They used to joke about how it captured Beca perfectly, sending out a clear ‘stay the hell away’-signal, but – as Chloe always added – still she didn’t show any sign of protest towards someone who came this close to take the picture.

Once she’d come over her initial shock, Beca had checked out all of Clarkes’ pictures. Astonishingly enough she almost never smiled. This was a different girl than the one Beca had come to known. The Clarke she’d met was all giggles and cheerful jokes. Looking at it now, Beca wondered whether she might’ve had something to do with it. This possibility immediately made her feel dizzy and as her face turned red she reminded herself that it probably had been the alcohol.

It had been nice to finally put a face to the name ‘Bellamy’ and according to some throwback pictures she’d come across, he and Clarke had been friends since fifth grade or so. Another face that had been turning up a lot on these pictures was that of a certain Raven Reyes. A girl so incredibly beautiful, Beca had been struck by jealousy. Which was only fueled when she’d looked her up to discover that she was not only extremely stunning, but also amazingly smart, being the youngest person ever to be accepted at NASA. Well at least it meant she was too busy to spend a lot of time with Clarke. That was a somewhat soothing thought. Ashamed of thinking these kind of things, Beca had finally decided to go to bed. Promising herself to not let her emotions take her down this road again.

Beca was having a really hard time trying to concentrate at work. All she could think of was Clarke and how badly she wanted to call her. Though she needed to remind herself that this was completely ridiculous since Beca Mitchell didn’t like calling people. In fact she didn’t even like people. Except when they were blue-eyed, always singing gingers.

But meeting Clarke had made her doubt herself. Everything was so confusing. Remembering that they’d only met twice made things even weirder.

She didn’t call that evening, nor did she hear any word from Clarke in the next days. But when she woke up Sunday morning, Beca decided it was time to break out of her comfort zone. She took a cold shower to gain some confidence, for some reasons showers tended to have this effect on her. Afterwards, she casted a last glance at Chloe’s picture which gave her the courage to pick up her phone an actually call Clarke.

Unless Clarke had changed her mind, she would start at her new job on Tuesday, so Beca figured she was probably moving today. Being Clarke’s only friend in L.A. gave her the ultimate opportunity to offer her some help installing.

“Hey Beca!” her heart jumped by the sound of so much enthusiasm, “Hey Clarke, how’re you doing?” “Great, actually, I just arrived back in L.A. and -,” “Oh so you decided to take the job?” she asked delighted. Beca hadn’t even noticed she’d been stressing so much about it until now, when she felt like she could finally breathe freely again. “Of course I did, couldn’t miss the opportunity to spend more time with my new best friend”, Beca felt her cheeks turn red, “Indeed I guess there was no way you could let that pass.”

“So have you already found an apartment?” “Nope, I’m currently staying at a hotel, extremely comfortable in a room stuffed with all my boxes. Thought I could go look for an apartment tomorrow.” “No plans for today?” “Nope, just wandering through my new hometown.” Beca felt like this was her moment to make a move: “Why don’t you come over to my place tonight and we have a dinner to celebrate your new beginning?” New beginning, why did she have to make everything sound so weird? But Clarke didn’t seem to care, since she immediately answered: “Awesome idea! Let me bring the wine!” Beca grinned, “Deal, make a good choice,” “Oh I will, as long as you promise not to poison me Mitchell!” “Hey don’t underestimate my cooking talent, why do people always do that?” Clarke laughed, “Oh insulted are you? Well it’s up to you to prove me wrong tonight!” “Bet I’ll succeed, see you at 6?” “You’ve actually made me really curious Beca, I’ll be there.”

Beca hadn’t been lying to Clarke when she said that people always tended to underestimate her cooking abilities. Living alone for more than six years, she’d had plenty of time to establish her culinary talent. After a lot of YouTube videos and a few disastrous meals, Beca was actually proud of what she could accomplish in the kitchen. Nevertheless no one ever believed her when she told them, which always made her wonder whether people thought that she’d been living from take-out food the last decade. Anyway, she knew that the best way to gain Clarke’s heart – which, she’d realized after hearing her that morning, was what she was after – was by cooking her a delicious meal. People always said that ‘love of a man goes through his stomach’, well leave it to Beca Mitchell to prove that the same counted for women. After all, the first time Chloe had kissed her, was when she’d made her a surprise birthday dinner in the year after their graduation. Beca had been so surprised to finally see her feelings answered that she hadn’t been able to speak except for a stumbling “Oh Chloe”. Even now thinking back at this evening made her cry her eyes out. It reminded her of how little time they’d had together and of how it could’ve been more if they hadn’t both been too stubborn to admit their love to one another. She would never be able to forgive herself for it and she’d sworn to never let it happen again.