Chapter 5
When I arrived at Emily’s we decided to just hang out in her room. She sat down on her bed whilst I looked at all her stuff. Her room was decorated with light colors, mostly white, but still had a cozy and inviting feeling. In one of her bookshelves she kept several little trinkets and photos, that’s where I spotted one of me and her from when we were around 11. We one arm around each other's shoulders and with wide smiles. The sun was shining in our eyes so we were both squinting, and we both looked so happy.
“Oh my god” I laughed. “I didn’t know you still had this! This was on that fair with the games and stuff right?” I picked up the photo to show it to Emily.
“Yes it was. We had fun then, until you dropped that frog plushie in the lake” she smiled and we both started laughing.
“Yeah I mourned that frog for like three days” I shook my head still smiling, and put the picture back on the shelf. I then turned around and sat down on Emily’s bed, and she laid down with her head in my lap. She asked me about my art, which had gotten me in to Hollywood Arts, and we continued talking for a while. She told me about her school and her new friends and I did the same. We talked about old memories and things we had experienced together before. Then it got quiet for a moment but neither one of us found it awkward. It was a good kind of quiet. Then Emily got up and put some music on in the background. When she turned around she locked her eyes with me from across the room. A small smirk started to form on her lips and she walked over to me and sat down on my lap facing me, her knees bent on each side of me. She kept her eyes locked with mine, before she let her eyes wander down to my lips and mine did the same with hers. She put her hands on the back of my neck and leaned in to kiss me and I returned her kiss. I put my hands on her hips and our kiss deepend. It started to become more passionate and Emily let one of her hands wander up to my hair, while the other gently left its position on my neck and softly stroked my throat, down to my collarbone before stopping. At the same time I moved my hands and started touching her lower back and hips under her shirt, still kissing her. That's when I stopped myself.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered, catching my breath. Emily just smiled back at me with pity and understanding in her eyes. She relaxed her body and rested her outstretched arms on my shoulders.
“You like her, don’t you? That Girl with black hair who looked like she wanted to rip my head off yesterday.” I looked away from Emily, not liking the fact that she figured that out from that brief interaction yesterday.
“No, I just don’t think we should, you know, rush anything like this.”
“Girl, I’ve known you longer than anyone and you are still a terrible liar. Besides, It’s how you talk about her. Even here where none of your friends are around to hear, you still defend her. You talk about her character in a way you don’t when you tell me about your other friends. And I saw her yesterday, remember? I’m not blind, I get it.” Emily shrugged and smiled at me and I just sat there looking like a deer in headlights.
“Please tell me I don’t do that, is it THAT obvious?” I could feel my cheeks turning red from embarrassment. “But if you knew, why did you..?” I put my hands out gesturing to her and I and the position we were currently in, and the make out session I had just stopped.
“I just wanted to see if I was right, plus a girl has needs. And I don’t mind doing it with you, since I knew your feelings were elsewhere anyway.” she looked dead serious as she said it.
“Wow, okay, nice, I guess?” I laughed a little at her reasoning, because I didn’t really have a good answer to that.
“So don’t feel bad, you’re not using me. Not more than I was planning on using you anyway." She leaned in and gave me a quick kiss before getting off me and sitting down next to me.
“So, does she have feelings for you too?”
—
Meanwhile Jade had just arrived at Beck's RV.
She parked her car and quickly made her way to Beck's RV, not waiting for him to open the door. Instead she just kicked the door open, like she has done many times before.
“What the actual fuck do you think you’re doing?!” She screamed at him. Beck was still in bed and looked confused as to what Jade was doing in his RV and what he had done to set her off.
“Get up!” Jade told him, grabbing the covers and throwing them on the floor.
“Jesus, calm down Jade. Why are you here?” Beck responded calmly and a little annoyed while he sat up and got dressed.
“You texted Alex yesterday, or do you not remember that?” Beck just chuckled.
“Is that why you’re so mad and broke into my RV?”
“YES?! Why the fuck would you do that? Hinting for her to ‘take it easy’ with me?”
“It was a joke! Come on, Jade!” He gestured with his hands and stood up to walk closer to her. “It’s no secret you have a thing for her, It’s partly why we broke up. I told you yesterday to just be fucking honest about it with her. You’ve known since day one she has some type of feelings for you. And don’t tell me that you don’t know! You’ve been running to her for comfort everytime you and I’ve broken up.” Jade just looked at him, anger still written all over her face.
“First, back off. Second, you don’t tell me what to do any more. You still had no right to hint at that, especially not to HER? If you want to pull that shit with me, fine, but why would you do it to her? That was just a new low for you.”
“Because you can’t take a joke. And maybe it would get you two to finally do something about it.” Jade just rolled her eyes at him, clearly not satisfied with his answer. “Fine, I’m sorry, I shouldn't have said anything.” Beck said in defeat.
“No, you shouldn’t have. And we didn’t break up because of Alex? We broke up because you wanted to see other people and I have no interest in competing with every other girl you see, so we just ended up fighting all the time. We couldn’t even hang out for one night, Beck.”
“True, but you were also distant. It wasn’t the same this time like it had been before. It felt like we just went back to each other because that’s what we know.” Jade nodded in response and her body relaxed a little as her anger started to fade. Beck stepped closer and hugged her and Jade reciprocated by hugging him back.
“For once just be honest with her okay? You literally have nothing to lose, we both know she likes you.” He told her as they both let go of the hug and sat down on Beck's bed.
“You don’t know that for sure. I could just end up fucking it all up.” Jade looked down on the floor before turning to look at him.
“I do know, and you won’t.” He smiled at her and she gave him a small smile back. “Where is she anyway? I thought she stayed at yours last night?”
“Yeah, she asked me to take her home so I did before coming here.”
“Well, you should go see her today. Make it right.” Beck nudged Jade's shoulder with his and she smiled and shook her head. She stood up from the bed and waved goodbye to Beck before getting in her car and driving to Alex’s house.
—
I explained everything that had happened between me and Jade to Emily and how I had handled it this time, and what happened yesterday.
“Dude… She either has feelings for you that she won’t admit to or she’s just using you. Either way she 100% knows you have a thing for her, no way she doesn’t know.”
“Ugh, I know.” I said laying down on Emily's bed, wishing I could just forget all about my feelings for Jade.
“Hey, It’ll work out okay? I promise.” Just as she said that, I got a text from Jade.
[11:34 am] Jade✂️: I thought you were staying at home?
[11:34 am] Jade✂️: where are you?
“Fuck” I muttered as I sat up and and ran my fingers through my hair. I knew Jade wouldn’t exactly be thrilled about me hanging out with Emily, but at the same time, she didn’t really have any right to be upset about it.
“Jade?” Emily asked me and given my reaction, it wasn’t exactly hard to figure out who it was.
“Yeah, she just asked where I am and somehow she knows I’m not at home.”
“Wait, she just showed up at your house?” Emily sounded surprised but I wasn’t. If it was anyone else I would be, but not when it comes to Jade.
“Probably.” I chuckled.
[11:36 am] You: r u at my house? I thought you were seeing Beck?
[11:37 am] Jade✂️: yes. And I did
[11:37 am] Jade✂️: tell me where u are, I’ll come get you
[11:38 am] You: I have my car, I can just meet you at yours in like 30 min
“You really don’t want to tell her you’re here do you?” Emily laughed as she peeked on mine and Jade's conversation over my shoulder. “If there’s nothing between you guys and you’re so sure she doesn’t feel anything for you, why won’t you just tell her where you are?”
“Doesn’t matter what I think, she probably got back with Beck anyway”
“How do you know? Did she tell you that?”
“No, but..” Emilys snatched my phone from me, I really need to learn to hold on to that thing. I could see Emily typing something quickly before handing my phone back to me.
[11:39 am] You: did u get back with Beck or what?
“Oh my god, you did not just do that, Emily…” I looked at her in disbelief.
“You need to grow a pair, Alex. Stop speculating and do something about it.” She shrugged and continued to look over my shoulder, waiting for Jade’s response.
[11:41 am] Jade✂️: no, again.
[11:41 am] Jade✂️: and where are you for it to take you 30 min to get to my house?
I think I might just not respond to that. Her saying she hadn’t gone back to Beck was actually surprising, since I was pretty certain that she would. Her going to his place after a break up usually equals a change in relationship status.
[11:43 am] Jade✂️: fine. Don’t tell me, I’ll be at Becks when you change your mind.
[11:43 am] Jade✂️: “good luck”
That last part felt like a punch to the gut. A part of me knew she was doing it to get me jealous or to get a reaction out of me, it was how she operated. At the same time I couldn’t help but to feel hurt by how quickly she went from wanting to see me, to crawling back to Beck. My hurt started to change into feelings of anger. I was angry for feeling hurt in the first place. She wasn’t mine, she could be with whoever she wanted and I really needed to get over myself. I decided to just text Jade a simple okay and not add fuel to the fire.
Emily had noticed the switch in my demeanor. She wrapped her arm around me, forcing me to lean onto her.
“I’m sorry” She whispered to me and I just stayed silent, still angry at both myself and Jade. How could I be so stupid? How could she be? I sat up again and looked over at Emily and kissed her. She kissed me back but quickly pulled away.
“I’d love to, but I’m not stupid. You’re upset and you’re not gonna deal with that like this.” I felt a little embarrassed, but I knew she was right. Emily instead asked if I wanted to go grab something to eat and I said yes to that. We left her house in my car to look for some place to eat. She told me about a place she and her friends used to go to. I recognised the name from Tori talking about eating there with Cat and Jade some time, so I agreed to go there. It was about a 15 minute drive and we talked all the way there. It felt nice to spend some time with Emily and it was a good way for me to not get caught in my own thoughts.
We arrived at the restaurant and walked in together and as we did, I could feel someone watching me. I turned to look and that’s when I saw them. At a table further back was Tori, Cat and Jade and Jade was not letting her eyes off me. I stopped dead in my tracks and didn’t respond when Emily asked me what I wanted to order. That’s when she saw them too. She grabbed my arm and told me to relax and reminded me I hadn’t done anything wrong. Then she started dragging me towards my friends.
“Hi!” Emily spoke up as we approached their table and Tori stood up to give both me and Emily a hug before telling us to sit down with them and we did. Cat also greeted Emily and Jade just looked at her and said “bye”, before turning to look at me again.
“Jade!” Tori told her off for being rude and Jade just shrugged in response, since she knew that was exactly how she intended it. Emily quickly sat down next to Cat leaving only a spot for me next to Jade. Emily gave me a knowing look and Jade saw it.
“So that’s where you were when you couldn’t tell me.” Jade said to me, her voice laced with what I can only describe as hatred.
“I thought you were going to Beck’s?” I asked her, avoiding what she was trying to hint at.
“Maybe I was.” I just nodded and turned to the rest of the group and listened in on their conversation.
“So, was it good?” Jade asked me, making me turn towards her again.
“What?” I asked her, confused.
“Her.” She looked over at Emily who was now laughing with Cat who was telling some crazy story about her brother.
“Why? Didn’t you get enough from Beck?” I knew that was uncalled for but the anger I had felt before just wouldn’t go away.
“No, It was great, thanks for asking.” She said sarcastically, but I couldn’t tell if there was some truth behind it or not. I just looked away, not responding to what she said and I think Jade noticed. She took a deep breath, as if to swallow her own anger.
“I’m kidding, stupid questions deserve stupid answers, we just talked, like I told you.” I looked at her a little skeptical but she looked back at me with sincerity.
Emily's phone rang and it was her friends asking if she wanted to hang out. I just nodded to her that it was okay that she left to meet up with them. She gave me a kiss on the cheek before leaving and I squeezed her hand before letting her go. Both Jade and Tori raised their eyebrows at our interaction and I just rolled my eyes at both of them. Tori didn’t say anything about it and just went back to her conversation with Cat, but Jade did not let it go quite as fast.
“Didn’t know you kissed your friends goodbye like that?” Jade teased me.
“I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me, barely, and on the cheek.” I corrected her.
“Still.”
“It was just a friend-thing”
“You don’t kiss me before you go, are we not friends then?” Jade kept on teasing me.
“Why, you want me to?” I looked at her, now turning the teasing towards her instead but she just shrugged. We had been her before, the almost flirting but not really taking it seriously. I liked it for obvious reasons, but it was hard reading if Jade meant any of it, or if it was just a way for her to tease me.
I spent the rest of the afternoon with Jade, Tori and Cat. Cat then had to leave to help her brother take his turtle to the vet, Tori decided to go home. Jade asked me if I was going home and I told her no, not if I didn't have to, since I didn’t really have anything to do there anyway. Jade said she wanted to show me something and so I followed her, not knowing where she was going to take me.
We drove for about an hour before we arrived. I hadn’t been here before but I got out and followed her, putting maybe a little too much trust in her at this point. Then she stopped and sat down leaning her back against a rock. I went and sat down next to her.
“It’s beautiful here.” I told her and I meant it. The view was amazing. We were sitting quite high up, looking out over part of Los Angeles and the beach.
“I’m glad you like it.” She looked out over the ocean before looking down and grabbing my hand. She started to nervously play with my fingers and I could feel that warmth in my chest again.
“I’m never getting back together with him, I want you to know that. It was over way before it actually ended.” She didn’t look at me as she spoke.
“Okay. Why are you telling me this?” I tried to find her eyes but she didn't look up from our hands.
“I just wanted you to know.” She locked her fingers with mine and looked back up at the view.
“Okay.” I whispered, too scared to move, not wanting to ruin the moment. We sat there together in silence for a while when she suddenly let go of me. She then turned to face me with a serious look.
“Did you sleep with her?”
I was taken aback by her sudden change, but then Jade wasn’t the best with emotions, she had never been. She didn’t talk about them and avoided them at all costs.
“No, I didn’t.” It was the truth, was I thinking about it? Yes. But that wasn’t the question.
“Why didn’t you want to tell me where you were?” This was probably the side of Jade I didn’t know how to handle. She was not afraid of confrontation, at least not when it was about confronting someone other than herself. I let out a sigh and looked away from her.
“I kinda figured you didn’t exactly like her, so I just avoided it I guess.” Jade thought about my response for a moment before leaning back again. She put her arm around me and pulled me closer to her, and we didn’t talk more after that.
The sun was setting and it quickly got cold, so we decided to leave. A part of me was disappointed that the moment had ended, I wished we could’ve just stayed like that. But that’s not how the world works, it keeps going whether you like it or not. When we got up to leave, my mom texted me that she was home and to check where I was. I texted her back that I was with Jade and that I didn't know when I’d be back.
“Emily?” Jade asked me when she noticed I was texting someone.
“No, my mom.” I laughed. “She just wanted to know where I was.”
“You need to go home?”
“No, unless you want me to?” I asked Jade, hoping she’d say no. She shook her head no, before telling me I probably should, and she was right. So I went home.