Chapter 6
The next few days were quite uneventful. I still texted with Emily, but everything was platonic and we started to really reconnect again. I hadn’t seen or talked to Jade much outside of lunch, since we hadn’t had any classes together.
The bell rang and I made my way towards the asphalt café. I was the first one to arrive so I sat down and put my lunch down on the table. Just as I was about to take a bite, Beck sat down next to me.
“Hey, how was your weekend?” he asked and nudged my shoulder.
“Fine, yours?” I furrowed my brows at him.
“Good, except for when Jade kicked my door in but other than that!” I just laughed and he did the same.
“Sooo, what did you do?” He asked me, not so subtle.
“Dude, you’re being hella weird.”
“No, I’m just interested in hearing how my friend has been.” I shook my head at him and told him who I hung out with, including Emily.
“That girl from the bar? Your eeeex?” he said, teasing me and nudging my shoulder again.
“Did something happen?” I just shook my head, not wanting anyone to find out about the whole make out thing.
“Come on, tell me. Did you kiss?” he kept on pushing but not in a serious way.
“Stop.” I told him while giggling as I could feel my cheeks turning red.
“You totally kissed, you really are a terrible liar.” I just pushed him away telling him to shut up, and he just laughed at me. But just as he had finished his sentence, the rest of our friend group showed up.
“Did I hear someone had a little kissing action this past weekend?” Robbie said, but he was quickly shut down by his own puppet.
“Well it certainly wasn’t you.” and most of us laughed.
“Alex, omg tell us!” Tori said as she sat down.
“Who was it?” Cat quickly followed up after Tori. I just put my hands up and shook my head no with wide eyes.
“Yes Alex, who was it?” Jade said calmly as she sat down across from me. She squinted her eyes and tilted her head slightly before continuing. “Why, are you embarrassed to tell your friends who you made out with?” I just looked at her without saying anything. I quickly glanced at Beck, who kept shifting his gaze between me and Jade, not really knowing what to make of the situation. Tori decided to ease the tension by asking everyone what they were planning for their movie projects, and so the conversation started around our table. Jade didn’t engage with them, instead she kept looking at me. She then stood up from the table and walked around to me. I stood up to meet her and she then grabbed my wrist, and started dragging me away from everyone towards the parking lot. When she got to a spot with no one around she stopped, not letting go of my wrist.
“I’m not gonna run away, you can let go of me” I told her softly. She quickly glanced down to her hand that was holding my wrist and let me go.
“So you lied to me before when I asked you about what happened with you two on saturday?” she had an expression that was hard to read. It wasn’t jealousy, but it wasn’t hurt either.
“No, I didn’t lie.”
“But you just sa-” Jade started before I cut her off.
“Yes, kissed, made out, whatever. But that’s all that happened. I couldn’t do it.” I admitted.
“Couldn’t do it?” she questioned, almost looking a little amused, which didn’t sit right with me.
“No, I couldn’t. Why do you care anyway?” I could feel the anger starting to build inside of me, why couldn’t she just tell it like it is. I didn’t want this back and forth, me only being the one she comes to when no one else is available. I didn’t want to feel this way about her anymore.
“Well, do you like her?” She now had the same look and demeanor as when she overheard Beck saying I had kissed someone. I could feel everything starting to come up to the surface from her forcing me to confront her, again.
“Not in the way you're getting at. If you really want to know so bad, I was going to use her for my own distraction, but as it turns out, we’re not all made for that.” I told her, my anger now starting to escape. I could feel my eyes starting to burn with tears trying to escape, and Jade’s whole body shifted from confrontation to confusion and shock. I just stood there, but she didn’t say anything. I wiped away a tear that escaped and turned around to walk away, when Jade grabbed my arm, forcing me to stop. I stopped, but I didn’t turn around. She didn’t say anything, so I yanked my arm free from her grip and left. I walked all the way home, not turning around once. I knew I had put myself in this situation by doing what I did with Emily, but at the same time, Jade was so fucking confusing I couldn’t take it anymore.
When I got home, I just sat down on the couch and rewatched the office to try and turn my brain off. After a few episodes I got a text on my phone, but I had no desire to talk to anyone right now. A few minutes later I got another text, so I decided to check who it was.
—
“Hey, what..?” Beck tried to ask Jade as she walked past him. He got up and tried catching up to her. He grabbed her and led her into the janitor's closet.
“What happened?”
“You were wrong, that’s what happened.” Jade snapped back at him.
“How is it my fault that she kissed another girl, when you were too busy yelling at me for sending a text, instead of, i don’t know, telling her the truth?” she knew he was right, but she would never admit it to his face.
“I did that, kind of.” She tried looking anywhere but at him, not enjoying when she was now the one being confronted.
“It didn’t look like it from where I was sitting, Jade” he gave her a look, because he knew her well enough to know what she was saying wasn’t true. Jade just crossed her arms.
“She told me I use people! That is not true, I mean yeah I kinda knew she thought I was hot or whatever, and I liked the attention when I didn’t get it from you. At first..” She shifted in her place and looked down.
“Jade, that’s literally using someone. Fine, it was all fun and games at first, until it started to actually mean something to you. But how is she supposed to know that it started to mean anything, if you never told her?”
“Well I told her I was never getting back with you again.” She responded with an attitude.
“Thanks” Beck said as he laughed, and Jade chuckled a little.
“Fix it, Jade. You can go now if you want.” Jade did not like being told what to do, so she just snapped back that he could leave. Beck shook his head and opened the door to go back to his friends.
—
[03:19 pm] Jade✂️: open your door
[03:24 pm] Jade✂️: i know you’re home
I rolled my eyes as I read the texts from Jade. Couldn’t she at least have waited until tomorrow with her whole confrontation act? I reluctantly got up from my spot on the couch to open the door, and there she was.
“Grab your bag.” she demanded.
“Jade.. I don't..” I groaned.
“It wasn’t a question! Just, take it and come.” I sighed and did as I was told. I grabbed my bag from the floor and stepped out, locking the door behind me. Jade dragged me to her car and told me to get in, so I did.
“I’m getting you food. What do you want?” she said as she started the car.
“Uh, I don't know. I’m not really hungry if I’m being honest.” I was a little annoyed after being dragged out of my own house with no explanation.
“You didn’t eat lunch, and I know you didn’t go home and eat it so, you’re eating something.” She continued driving and stopped to order some food for the both of us, before driving back to her place.
Jade sat our food down on the living room table before turning the tv on.
“What do you want to watch?”
“Can we just watch, like, The Office or something?” I answered even though I knew she was never going to say yes to that.
“Sure.” She then turned on a random episode and started to unpack our food from the bags.
“Wait. you’re not arguing with me on that? You, Jade West, are gonna sit here with me, and watch The Office?” I sat up and leaned towards her, actually starting to wonder if she was alright.
“That’s just how sorry I am.” She smirked at me and I smiled, remembering I had done the same just a few days ago.
We finished our food rather quickly, and apparently I was hungrier than I first thought. I was still not sure why I was here, especially after what I said to her earlier. I can’t say I didn’t mean it, that doesn’t mean I had to tell it like I did.
Jade got up from the couch to clean up what was left from our dinner. I hate to just sit and watch other people clean, so I got up to help her.
“It’s fine, sit.” she told me when she noticed I was getting up.
“No, thanks.” I answered her, but she pushed me back down.
“I’m being nice to you, don’t ruin it.” She kept her hand firmly on my shoulder to stop me from getting up again. I put my hands up in surrender and she continued cleaning up. When she finished, she asked me if I wanted to continue watching it in her room and I agreed.
I sat down in Jade's bed next to her, just as I had done a few days earlier. Her body was pressed next to mine and I felt her turn to look at me. I slowly turned my head to look back at her. For a moment we sat like that, looking into each other's eyes without saying anything.
“I’m sorry.” she said, almost like a whisper.
“It’s fine, I’m sorry too.” I gave her a small smile.
“No, I’m sorry for all of it.” I could feel stress and anxiety starting to fill my chest, as I braced myself for what she was going to say next. I just looked at her, trying to remember to breathe.
“For making you feel like I was using you. It’s not like that.” she turned her eyes away from mine as she said it. All I could think was that no matter what I answered, it would translate to ‘I have feelings for you’, so I just stayed silent.
“I know.” she said, making me turn my head towards her again. She said it almost like she had just read my mind.
“For how long?” I asked her, my voice barely making it.
“I don’t know, a while…” she looked down as she spoke, then back up at me again. I nodded, trying to think of anything to say.
“I’m sorry.” I turned away from her, but she forced me to look at her. She was now so close to me that I could feel her breath on my skin. She cupped my face with both her hands, before leaning in to kiss me gently. Her lips were soft against mine, and as soon as the kiss ended, I longed for more.
“You have nothing to say sorry for.” All the stress, anxiety and guilt I’d been carrying just came at me and I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes again. Not because what was happening was a bad thing, not at all. But because I had kept it in for so long, I just became overwhelmed. She let go of me when she saw it and gave me a worried look.
“Did I do something wr-” I shook my head before wiping a few tears away and looking up, trying to stop any more from coming.
“No, It’s just been a lot. I never wanted you to find out, because I didn’t want to lose you as a friend, and then I kinda guessed you had some suspicions given everything, and so I figured if I just distanced myself from you it would go away and you’d just let it go or find someone else or whatever, but you didn’t, and I almost lost you as a friend because of that, and then I just thought I’d do what you do, but I couldn’t and it all just turned to shit and so now-” I couldn’t stop the tears from coming now and i just kept on telling her everything I’ve avoided telling her before.
“Stop!” Jade (thankfully) stopped my rambling. “You thought I wouldn’t be your friend anymore if I found out?” She sounded almost hurt by what I had told her.
“Well, yes. I thought that it would make everything weird, and you wouldn’t tell me things like you used to, and also that I wouldn’t be of any use to you when you and Beck broke up, and I just-”
“Slow down. Take a breath.” I did as I was told.
“Good.” She gave me a smile and nodded. “Now, look at me,” and I did. “First, it was never really a question of me ‘finding out’, I knew, and yes, I used it when I needed it, at first. Second, I will always tell you things, you’re like the only person here I actually want to spend time with.”
“At first?” I questioned.
“Do I have to spell everything out for you?” She raised an eyebrow at me. I wanted to say no, but I was not about to assume anything at this point. Instead I just sat there and looked stupid. Jade just rolled her eyes and moved closer to me again, telling me to look at her, so I did. She kissed me again, this time deepening the kiss. She put her hand on my hip and squeezed gently, making me hitch my breath. I could feel a smile forming on Jade’s lips against mine and she slowly pulled away.
“Come here.” She told me as she stretched out her arms, gesturing for me to come to her. I smiled and laid down next to her. Jade held both her arms around me as I rested my head on her chest.