Chapter 4
We didn’t say anything to each other on our way to Jade’s house, which I was thankful for, since I didn’t really know what to say to her. We arrived at her house and went straight to her room. I sat down on her red armchair as she started to look through her closet.
“Here, take this.” she said and threw an oversized t-shirt and sweatshorts at me.
“Thanks” I answered as I caught the clothes before they hit me in the face. She grabbed her own pajamas and started to change. I quickly turned around, I did not want to see her like that . I quickly put on the clothes she had handed me and turned back around to see Jade sitting on her bed.
“Come here” she told me and patted the spot on the bed next to her. I couldn’t help but smile a little and went over to sit down next to her. I rested my back against the headboard and played with the tshirt between my fingers, avoiding looking at Jade. I could feel her looking at me and I knew she was going to bring it up again. I still hadn’t figured out how I was going to give her an answer so she could leave it alone, without making up some sort of lie, and as she said before, I’m not a very good liar.
“So… Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” I could feel her eyes piercing my left cheek but I didn’t meet her eyes, instead I just gave her an awkward chuckle before I responded.
“I can’t really say no, can I?” I told her and I could see a smile form on her lips.
“No. So tell me.”
I let go of my T-shirt and looked up to the ceiling as I took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say. How could I survive until tomorrow without her eventually squeezing the truth out of me, and then me waking up with this friendship ruined
“I… I’ve had a lot on my mind. Just… I’ve just been in my own head you know? And so I needed some distance, and I should’ve told you instead of acting like a five year old. And for that, I’m sorry. I truly didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t want you around, cuz I do.. Want you around, I mean.” I blurted out before looking down at my hands again. Jade was silent for a moment causing my worst-case-scenario thoughts to come rushing back to me again.
“I want you around too…” she said quietly. I turned my head to look at her and as I did I could feel those thoughts quite down, replaced by warmth and hurt in my chest, because I knew she didn’t mean it in the way I wanted her to. She grabbed my arm and pulled me in to hug her and I hugged her back. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to force away my feelings for her, trying my hardest to not think about the fact I was in her bed with my head on her chest, as she just told me she wants me here.
“Are you okay?” she whispered as we hugged each other.
“Yeah” I whispered back.
“You have to tell me if not, okay? I will be so fucking mad at you if you keep something like that from me, and you don’t want me mad at you.” she told me as she let go of the hug and looked straight at me. I knew she was being serious, and so was I. I was okay, really. If it hadn’t been for the fact that I had feelings for one of my closest friends.
“I promise” I said and playfully rolled my eyes at her for threatening me. “Now, could we do something else instead of talking about me, please?” I asked her and she laughed.
“Sure, what?”
“Movie? I’ll even watch the scissoring to show you how sorry I am." I told her playfully.
“Wow, you really must be sorry, you should be that more often.” She smirked as she said it and I just rolled my eyes and layed down to watch the movie.
I must’ve fallen asleep halfway through the movie and when I woke up, Jade was fast asleep with one arm around me. I carefully turned to get my phone to check the time without waking her. Just as I got a hold of it she made a sound and I froze. She then turned around and continued to sleep and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I layed back down and looked at my phone: 9:23 am, two texts from Tori and one from Beck, all from last night. I first opened the text from Beck:
[11:16 pm] Beck : Take it easy ;)
Has he gone insane? Why is he telling me to ‘take it easy’ when me and Jade left? I’ve been alone with her plenty of times without him saying anything remotely close to this. I decided to not make anything of it, thinking that it’s probably just jealousy.
[09:25 am] You : lol
I then opened the texts from Tori.
[11:20 pm] Tori : did you guys get home okay?
[11:38 pm] Tori : ?
Okay that was pretty shitty of me not telling her we got home, but what to do, better late than never I guess.
[09:26 am] You : sorry! Yes we’re home
Just as I sent my response to Tori I felt Jade moving next to me. I looked at her and she glanced at me, not looking too happy about the fact she had to wake up.
“Good morning” I chuckled and she just groaned in response and propped herself up against the headboard. I felt my phone vibrate and I turned my head to look at it and Jade did the same.
“Why is Tori texting you?” Jade asked me, annoyed.
“Because we’re friends? Besides, she just texted to check if we got home okay last night.” I laughed a little at Jade since I knew she really didn’t like Tori, and a part of me liked it when she got possessive like this.
I unlocked my phone to see what Tori had texted me when Jade saw I had also responded to Beck before she woke up.
“Excuse me?!” she burst out and snatched my phone from my hands.
“Hey! What the fuck, Jade?” I reached over to take my phone back but gave up just as quickly since I knew this was a battle I was going to lose. She opened the conversation and saw what he had texted me last night when we left together.
“OH, he’s dead.” she said quietly and handed the phone back to me.
“What?” I asked her. “Why did he send that to me?” Jade just shook her head.
“He's being a dick, okay? Don’t worry about it.” She then got up and left the room to get ready. “And Tori just sent some stupid emoji” Jade continued as she walked out. When she left my stupid mind started thinking again. Had she said something? Did she actually know how I felt, told him, and he then being a little drunk decided to make fun of me? If that was true, this really was a shitty situation and embarrassing, like really embarrassing. I wanted to get away from Jade again, but I couldn’t just get up and leave. Not after last night, I couldn’t act like that towards her again. I just had to find something to distract myself with, the same way she had used me before to distract herself from beck. I decided to text Emily. I knew it wasn’t right, but at the same time, I didn’t know if she’d actually respond.
[09:42 am] You : hi
[09:42 am] You : you wanted me to text you so here u go <3
[09:44 am] Emily 💛 : good to see you’re a woman of your words
[09:44 am] You : that’s me lmao
[09:45 am] You : how r u?
[09:46 am] Emily 💛: good, u?
[09:46 am] You : same
[09:48 am] Emily 💛: I miss you
To be honest I did not see that coming, but I did miss her too. Not necessarily as a girlfriend, but I did miss having her as a friend. But who knows, maybe this could turn into more than friends and I could really need that.
[09:48 am] You : I miss you too
[09:49 am] You : wanna do something some time?
[09:50 am] Emily 💛: u got any plans today?
[09:50 am] You : not really
[09:52 am] Emily 💛: Come over if u want, I’ll be home all day anyway <3
[09:53 am] You : Maybe i will
I caught myself shaking my head at her message, knowing her, I knew what she was hinting at. That’s when I heard Jade's voice from across the room.
“Who are you texting?” I hadn’t heard her come back and I had no idea how long she had been standing there.
“It doesn’t matter” I knew that was a bad answer but I didn’t want to lie and I hadn’t really gotten the feeling that Jade liked Emily. Jade just raised an eyebrow at me to tell me to say who it really is.
“Fine, it was Emily” I stood up from the bed to go grab my clothes.
“That was fast.” she said, crossing her arms.
I just rolled my eyes at her as I walked to the bathroom to get ready. I put on my clothes from yesterday, washed my face and put my hair up. I felt my phone vibrate again and it was Emily sending me her address and I caught myself smiling at that. I put my phone back in my pocket and walked back to Jade’s room, putting the clothes I had borrowed from her down on her bed. Jade was on her phone texting someone, not a happy conversation from the look on her face, she looked pretty pissed.
“Jade?” I spoke up carefully, not to shift her anger towards me.
“Mhm?”
“Could you maybe take me home?” She put her phone down and thought for a moment.
“Yeah, sure, I have somewhere I need to be anyway.” She got up and grabbed her bag.
“Oh, really? Where do you ‘need to be’ on a saturday?” I asked her jokingly as we started walking towards the door.
“Beck. I need to talk to him.” I really should stop asking questions I don’t want the answers to.
“That was fast” I said with air quotes to imitate her when I told her I texted Emily. She then turned her head and looked at me with furrowed brows and I just raised mine back at her.
“No, I need to taaaalk to him, do you think we’re incapable of having a conversation?”
“I’m not gonna answer that” I told her as i got in her car. She put some music on and drove me home.
“Thank you, for you know, all of it” I said awkwardly as she stopped the car outside my house and she just squeezed my hand. “And good luck!” I said quickly before getting out of the car and I saw her rolling her eyes at me before driving off.
When I got inside my mom wasn’t home, probably at work and she worked a lot. She wasn’t a bad mom in any way, she just wasn’t always as present as one might wish for their mother to be. So I was alone quite a lot, she did check in on me and always made sure I was okay, but we didn’t exactly spend a lot of quality time together.
I sat down on the couch contemplating if I should go over to Emily’s or not. I decided on ‘fuck it’ if Jade was going back to Beck before this day was over, I might as well try and move on too. I went upstairs to have a shower and put on some new clothes before I texted Emily. I asked her if she was still home and she was. I told her I’d be there in 20.