Chapter 2
Being alone in the woods usually brought Lexa peace; it was the one thing that was guaranteed to bring her solace and clarity. This time it was different. As she walked silently through the woods today, she felt quite the opposite; she was on edge and anxious, her mind reeling with a million trains of thought, never silencing. She took no pleasure in her surroundings. She had come here with one aim, and one aim only; to find Clarke.
Lexa had travelled back to Polis with her decision weighing heavily on her heart, yet she couldn’t show it. She had to be the commander her people needed, the commander her people demanded. She was Heda; fearless and unforgiving, ruthless even. Yet underneath the mask she was Lexa; hurting and hating herself for the choice she had to make.
Love is weakness.
She had tried to remind herself that over and over in vain. She was Heda, commander of her people. She had no time for feelings, they made her weak and rash. She knew that. Yet for some reason unbeknown to her, Clarke had inched her way under Lexa’s skin without even trying. She had found her way into Lexa’s heart and affected her in ways only one other person had ever managed. After Costia Lexa had vowed she would never make the same mistake again, she would never let herself love, or be loved. But Clarke had arrived in her heart without warning, full of fire and passion, of purity and love.
When she was with Clarke it was hard to believe that love was a weakness. On her journey back to Polis, she promised herself that she would never do this again; she would never hurt Clarke in this way. She couldn’t. Like it or not she was falling for Clarke, and she couldn’t sleep with the thought of Clarke hating her.
Halfway back to Polis Indra had taken her aside after spending the night watching Lexa pace back and forth whilst her warriors slept. She had demanded to know what was bothering the Commander, and when Lexa told her she had scowled in displeasure. She had lectured the Commander on the weakness of love, but it was half-heartedly, for Indra knew that Lexa made her own decisions - she was strong willed and could not be reasoned with.
Lexa had made her mind up on the spot; she was going to find Clarke. See if she could reason with her, or at least explain why she did what she did. That it was her duty to her people.
Indra wanted to go with her, yet Lexa insisted she would go alone.
She had battled with Indra, until eventually they had reached a compromise; Lexa would be accompanied by Marcof, a fairly young yet very experienced warrior, and Indra would remain with the army and go back to Polis to watch over it until Lexa returned.
Lexa had gone straight to Arcadia, making the journey in record time. She had waited in the trees, blending into nature, until she spied Octavia leaving to hunt.
Octavia had been angry when Lexa startled her in the woods, and rightly so. Octavia would barely speak to her, only to say that Lexa was too late, and that Clarke had gone into the woods days ago and never returned. Octavia would say no more, no matter how many questions Lexa fired at her retreating figure. Lexa had retreated back into the woods and started tracking Clarke, perfectly in tune with nature. Lexa had reckoned that she couldn’t have gone far; she was tired and not used to the harshness of the woods.
So that was how Lexa found herself walking silently through the woods, stopping every now and then to take a closer look at a snapped twig, or a snag of material caught on a tree, and thinking about how she really should teach Clarke how to cover her tracks better.
Marcof signalled to her that he had found something, and as she got nearer she instantly saw it; footprints, fresh by the look of them. She felt her heart soar; they were close, soon she would be reunited with Clarke.
She dreaded to see what kind of a state Clarke would be in, she was certain the girl wouldn’t know the first thing about surviving in the woods, even if she’d wanted to survive. Lexa knew Clarke, she knew that what happened at the mountain would weigh heavily on her mind - the first one always does. Clarke was full of hope, and of visions of peace. Cruelty and murder were not a part of her, they did not sit easily with her. Lexa knew she would be hating herself, and it broke Lexa’s heart to think that she could have contributed to that suffering by betraying her.
Lexa understood.
She knew what it was to make hard decisions, she knew what it was like to be haunted by the faces of those you have killed. But she also knew how after a while you become desensitised to the death, how acts of cruelty harden a person, and it becomes easier.
She could not let Clarke die because she no longer wanted to live; she had to find a way to make her see that she had no choice, and that she did what she did for the good of her people, just as Lexa had done by leaving her at the mountain.
Marcof and Lexa followed Clarke’s tracks for a while, twisting and winding randomly. It was evident from her tracks that the girl was disorientated, and with no way of getting food Lexa guessed she was starving too. Lexa and Marcof exchanged no words, they had kept a thick layer of silence between them since they left the party heading towards Polis.
Clarke’s tracks twisted suddenly, leading them to a lake. An unsettling feeling of dread settled low down in Lexa’s stomach. She hoped to God that Clarke hadn’t drunk from it, but at the same time she knew that she probably had. The seemingly harmless lake was one well known to the Trikru, it was known as dream lake, and had been so tainted with radiation that it caused vivid hallucinations. Grounder children were told stories of people drinking from the lake, and then wandering around the forest for days, hallucinating wildly until eventually for some reason or another they die; usually from dehydration or animal attacks. Lexa knew she had to find Clarke; the girl was likely even more disorientated, and in need of aid.
“yu go odon der. luk gon klark” Lexa whispered, pointing to where she wanted Marcof to go. He swiftly but silently moved further to the right, looking for any sign of Clarke as Lexa wandered further into the forest to her left.
She must have been walking for less that 10 minuted when she heard the voice. That painstakingly familiar voice; Clarke.
Just hearing the faint trace of her voice made Lexa want to run and sweep her Skai prinsa up in her arms and never let go. She realised that whether love was weakness or not, Clarke made her feel whole, and she wasn’t going to deny herself happiness any longer. She didn’t deserve Clarke, but she wasn’t going to deny herself happiness any longer.
Clarke came into sight, she was just ahead in a small clearing. She was stumbling around aimlessly, and she was…talking to somebody. Her face was contorted in pain and anguish, and it broke Lexa’s heart.
“She betrayed us, she left my people to die” Clarke said, presumably in response to something whoever she was hallucinating had said.
Lexa knew she was talking about how she had left her there at the mountain. She wanted to rush forwards and explain to Clarke, try and make her understand, but she restrained herself. She forced herself to sit and listen, she needed to hear what Clarke had to say.
“But what about me? She left me there to die. She left me.” Clarke’s voice broke, and Lexa realised that this was the root of Clarke’s anguish. Lexa had not only betrayed Clarke’s people, but betrayed her Skai prinsa.
“I needed her and she left me. I thought she cared, i thought we had something. But how could we if she could just leave me there to die? Leave me there to carry the guilt of all those lives lost because of me! If she’d been there maybe it would have been different!” Clarke’s voice was twisted in anguish, and Lexa couldn’t stand the fact that it was her fault. That she was the one who had caused such anguish in Clarke.
We did have something, we still do Clarke. I had to, please understand. I didn’t do it to hurt you, I did it because I had to save my people Clarke. I had no choice. Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did.
How Lexa wished she could say those words to Clarke, to her skai princess.
“What do i do?” Clarke asked, her voice broken. It tugged on Lexa’s heartstrings.
It’s simple, my skai prinsa, let me look after you. Let me love you. I will show you the way, I promise.
That was it, she’d had enough. Lexa couldn’t stay there any longer; she had to talk to Clarke, make sure she’s okay. Get her back to Polis.
Lexa began to move towards Clarke, moving quicker when she realised with a start that Clarke was stumbling blindly to a steep drop, a cliff of sorts. She shouted out a warning but it was too late, Clarke was falling. Her heart jumped into her mouth and she ran towards the drop, jumping down and landing softly, her years of being in the forest making her one with nature.
Clarke was bloodied, but conscious. She had a nasty scrape to her head, and a lump was already beginning to form on her forehead where she’d most likely hit it against something as she fell. The rest of her seemed relatively unscathed, with the exception of her arm. Her left arm had a deep gash and was bleeding heavily; it had been sliced open on something - a rock most probably. Lexa held a hand over the wound and used her teeth to rip a piece of fabric from the sleeves of her shirt, thankful that the design of the shirt meant it was already partially shredded.
“MARCOF” she shouted, panic in her voice “Hos op! Em Leik Laksen!”
Marcof was by her side in an instant, his rough hand replaced hers as he applied pressure to the wound. Lexa stuffed a strip of fabric into the wound, wincing as she heard Clarke cry out in pain
“Forgive me Clarke, I need to do this. Soon it will be over” she assured Clarke, wrapping the remaining strips around Clarke’s forearm tightly, replacing Marcof’s hands with the tightly bound fabric.
“That will have to do” Lexa said, stroking Clarke’s forehead.
She turned to Marcof
“Gyon au! Get the horses” She commanded, watching as he disappeared from view, running to where they had left their horses.
She willed him to be quicker; Clarke was bleeding. She needed to get her to Polis, and quickly.