Waterloo

Carol stood in front of a pavilion at 20 rue Jacob. Shadowing her eyes with her hand, she was peering through a window, which made Therese curious. Wrapping her arms around Carol’s waist, she looked over her shoulder and tried to figure out what she was doing. “What is this place?” she asked kissing her neck gently. Carol let out a contented sigh and leaned her head against Therese.

“This is where Natalie Clifford Barney held her literary salon for over half a century until the late 1960s.” She nodded towards the window in front of her. “And there, behind the walls of this house, lies the famous La Temple à l'Amitié, The Temple of Friendship, the Sapphic centre of the western world…” Therese grinned at the thought. “Really? Dare I ask what it involved?” Laughing, Carol turned to face her. “Cavorting naked in the garden… secret, sacred rituals among past, present and future lovers.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “And a whole lot more… let’s just say Natalie was a busy girl. She bedded a legion of women, dividing her affairs into liaisons, demi-liaisons and adventures. Too bad we can’t get a closer look… I hear it’s pretty dilapidated these days.” Therese chuckled. “You seem to be awfully knowledgeable about this. How come you know so much?”

Carol gave her a deliciously devilish smile. “There’s a whole lot you don’t know about me… but you will,” she said pulling her even closer. “I wanted you to see this place because I think it’s special. I used to read a lot about Barney and her long-time lover, the painter Romaine Brooks while at college. About all the women who used to frequent the Amazon’s – that’s what Natalie was called – home. Colette, Dolly Wilde, Oscar’s niece, the poet Renée Vivien, Sylvia Beach, Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas, Radclyffe Hall, Djuna Barnes… pretty much everyone who was anyone.” She placed a tender kiss on Therese’s lips. “The London based painter Gluck – do you know her? There’s this portrait of hers in the National Portrait Gallery I truly love – belonged to the same coterie.” Therese couldn’t but stare at Carol rapturously. She did, after all, know the painting she had just referred to very well. “When Truman Capote saw Romaine’s portraits of their friends he called them the all-time ultimate gallery of famous dykes, an international daisy chain.”

“Why were you so interested?” Therese asked trying to sound innocent. She didn’t quite succeed. “You think I’m a first timer?” Carol replied amusedly. No, after last night Therese most certainly didn’t. “I’ve had a few affairs, experiments really, and a short relationship with a good friend…” Therese looked at her keenly. “With Abby.” Carol was eager to see her reaction. “Oh… okay,” Therese managed to say.

She had spoken with Abby on the phone that morning. It had been an amusing call, Abby asking whether she’d found everything satisfactory, and if her needs were being met.  And now she found out the woman who had so successfully played Cupid between them was actually Carol’s former lover.  “Are you okay?” Carol needed to know, “I know she’s your boss, but it was like twenty years ago…” Therese smiled a bit self-consciously. “Yeah, I am. I just had no idea…” She hugged Carol tightly and inhaled the intoxicating scent that was markedly her and no one else. “Could we go somewhere and have a cup of coffee or something? All this dyke talk makes me peckish.” 

“Aren’t you glad you get to spend a few more days here with me?” Carol asked when they were sitting comfortably at an outdoor table of the café L’Etoile Manquante on Rue Vieille du Temple at Le Marais. “Abby was very thoughtful to give you some time off, don’t you think?” she continued all smiles. “You were awfully sure of yourself, weren’t you?” Therese laughed good-naturedly. “Actually I wasn’t. Not at all. My return flight is about to take off… right now, as a matter of fact,” Carol replied glancing at her watch. Therese leaned in to take her hands on hers. She kissed her palms and fingers moved by her simple confession, her acknowledgement that she, Carol, had gone out on a limb for her fully aware she might not come out of it with flying colors.

Yet here they were now as lovers. All the implications and expectations the word entailed made a sweet mess of her. First of all, the obvious – the incredible physical connection they had experienced and established during the night – and secondly, the invisible and unknown – the reality they would have to face once back in London. Therese didn’t want to think about the latter, she would have plenty of time to deal with it later on, but she did want the former, right now she wanted it all the time. Just thinking about it made her grin endlessly.

“What’s so funny?” Carol asked smiling curiously. “Nothing. I was just thinking about last night… and what I want to do to you once we get back to the hotel.” Her words seemed to have a direct effect on Carol. “Well, I’m definitely intrigued. Shall we go?” Therese got up so fast she knocked the table over.      

“What do you want to do tonight?” Carol’s voice was seriously out of breath. “This.” Therese smiled and let her hand glide slowly down Carol’s naked thigh. “Can’t we just call room service?” She placed a kiss on the soft curve of her right breast. “You know I want nothing more but we are after all in Paris… maybe we should do some sightseeing, don’t you think?” Carol shivered under her delicate touch. “I am… seeing… sights,” Therese murmured moving both downwards and on top of her.

“Darling…” Carol exhaled laboriously, “I so want to… but we’re in Paris and I’d like to make it up to you, the last trip, I mean… and we have the rest of our lives to –“ Therese froze and Carol shut up immediately. “Oh God, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way!” she hastened to correct. “It’s just a figure of speech, please believe me, I would never assume…” But Therese stopped her. “I know it is. It’s fine, believe me.” She looked straight into her eyes. “I’d be happy to know this will continue when we’re back… I want it and I’d settle for knowing just that.” Therese tried to interpret Carol’s frightened confusion. “For now.” Relieved, Carol gazed at her longingly and suddenly Therese needed no more words to convince her that it would indeed be so.

An hour and a half later they were ready to leave the room. “Let’s go to Montmartre, there’s a place I want to show to you.” Carol took Therese’s hand and led her up the Avenue George V all the way to the metro station by the same name. They rode the line 1 transferring at Concorde to line 12 which reached Abbesses in seven minutes. Therese had no idea what Carol wanted to show her though she had tried her best to pry it out of her. “You’ll see…” Carol had laughed grabbing her tickling hands in a desperate attempt to get her to stop.

“You said you love cinema…” Carol started once they’d made it to their destination. Therese was instantly smitten by what she found perched high up on Rue Tholozé.  Studio 28, the quintessential home of the French avant-garde film, welcomed them with its joyously red stairs and neon lights. “This place was founded in 1928, and it has seen a veritable cavalcade of cinema celebrities starting from Charlie Chaplin, Luis Buñuel and Frank Capra… the incredible light fixtures were designed by Jean Cocteau who frequented the place as well.” Therese was so taken by the place she could hardly contain herself. “This is so lovely! Thank you for bringing me here. Can we go and see a film as well?” Her excitement made Carol happy. “Of course, darling, but let’s go and see what’s playing first…”

Studio 28 was truly a sight to behold. Its walls held an impressive collection of signed pictures of stars from all eras of film history but what made it really stand out as original was the way it combined cinema with other forms of art, namely photography and painting.  The nostalgia it exuded seemed to render everything possible.

They had tea in the cinema’s covered interior courtyard which served not only as a salon du thé but also as a bar and a restaurant. A vast fresco of the characters most vividly associated with the myth of French cinema – Jean Gabin, Simone Signoret, Yves Montand, Alain Delon, Brigitte Bardot, Jean-Paul Belmondo, Fernandel and Jean Marais – added to the distinct Arabian Nights vibe of the bamboo and plant decorated summer terrace.

“Oh, they’re showing Brief Encounter  today!” Therese exclaimed enthusiastically. “I absolutely adore it – have you seen it?” Carol shook her head taking a bite of her gâteau au chocolat. “No, I don’t think so. What is it about?” Therese had a dreamy look in her eyes. “It’s this heart-wrenching story of two strangers, a doctor and a housewife, who meet by accident in a railway station and fall in love despite both being married already…” she couldn’t wait to continue, “…and it starts with this amazing scene where both of them are sitting at a café table, and the situation seems really strained and emotional, and all of a sudden they are rudely interrupted by this insensitive woman who joins them uninvited and ruins everything.” Therese let out a long sigh. “It’s all told in a series of flash backs, as the female protagonist’s recollection of how everything unfolded up to the moment we’ve already seen in the beginning.” Carol looked pensive. “Sounds really sad…” Therese nodded. “It is, but then again, the best films always are.”

After the movie they took a leisurely walk along the winding streets of Montmartre. The neighborhood around Abbesses was pleasantly lively and far more to their liking than the touristy area right next to the Sacré Coeur Basilica.  The Abbesses quarter once inhabited by Picasso, Toulouse-Lautrec and their contemporaries still retained some of its authentic charm. Even locals seemed more charming than the rest of the Parisians, Carol pointed out quite correctly.

They decided to have dinner at La Mascotte on 52 Rue des Abbesses. The traditionally French brasserie and bar dating since 1889 had a definite art deco charm with huge mirrors to give the generous interior even more spacious look. While waiting for food, Carol touched Therese’s hand on the table. “How’s your friend… I mean your ex-girlfriend – is she alright?” She sounded a bit uncertain. “I suppose so,” Therese started hesitantly, “although I haven’t met her since our last trip”. Carol looked troubled.

“I wanted to but she never answered any of my calls or text messages. She wasn’t in the hospital when I got back, you see,” Therese added wanting to stress the effort she’d made. “I did write her a letter, though. Poured my heart out...” She desperately wanted Carol to understand the meaning of her gesture but couldn’t think of the right words to convey it. “I guess I’m trying to tell you that I’ve made my peace with it, with her and everything that had to do with our relationship.” Carol squeezed her hand softly. “We always look for closure, the full circle so to speak, yet in real life we rarely have it. We punish others for their lack of understanding by leaving them hanging in midair, or they punish us… either way, we must come to terms with our own past and try to make the best of it. And maybe in the future we won’t be quite as cruel with love or affection gone wrong, and we’ll have mercy on others as well as on ourselves.” Carol chose her words carefully, and what she managed to say impressed Therese a great deal.              

“Should we talk about what I mistakenly blurted out in the hotel room?” Carol asked abruptly while they were enjoying their Armagnac marinated goose breast. “Maybe. I don’t know,” Therese replied apprehensively. “I know you didn’t mean it that way.” Carol put her fork down and looked at her very gravely. “Well, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea either way,” she started. “I may have said earlier that I enjoy casual sex as much as anyone prone to it, but it’s not exactly true.” Now it was Therese’s turn to stop eating.

“What I mean is I don’t see you as someone I have casual sex with.” Sighing, Carol closed her eyes in desperation. “Good God, I just can’t get this right, can I…” Therese tried to keep her poker face. “So what do you mean then? Take your time, don’t mind me…” she was smiling by now. “You’re teasing me, right?” Carol noticed poking her hand playfully. “You’re actually enjoying this, aren’t you?” Biting her lip, she tried to suppress a laugh. “Babe,” Therese said winking at her, “I know I’m not just another lay for you…” by now she was already on the verge of some serious giggles, “but why worry defining everything at this point? I want to be with you and I’m not going anywhere.” Carol’s eyes seemed to grow hazy. “You’re sitting awfully far away from me,” she said tenderly. “I don’t like it one bit.”

“Tell me more about this Natalie person,” Therese requested halfway through her bucketful of mussels with Normandy cream and homemade fries. “Natalie Clifford Barney? Sure.” Carol’s smile widened. “She had a way with the words although she wasn’t much of a real poet. I love some of her quips like ‘people say it’s unnatural but it has always come naturally to me’ referring to homosexuality and ‘most virtue is a demand for greater seduction’.” Therese couldn’t believe how she hadn’t heard of her before.

“She had a fifty-year relationship with Romaine though it was far from monogamous. Both had a lot of affairs with other women,” Carol explained, “Natalie especially slept with every fancy French woman she could get her hands on. She’s been told to have hit on women even at the department stores… I mean who picks up girls at the sales floor?” she laughed heartily. Therese could somehow see it happen, though. “Natalie was still active when she was over eighty which Alice B. Toklas found miraculously wonderful.” Carol stopped to catch her breath. “But the really marvelous thing about her was the consistent support she showered the numerous artists and refugees with all those decades.” She smiled inwardly just the way Therese loved so very much.    

“She also used to say that ‘lovers should also have their days off’ which I think is quite brilliant.” Carol cast a meaningful glance at Therese. “Now why do I feel there’s a hidden message for me somewhere here?” Therese asked quirking her eyebrow. “Not really hidden, darling, since I’m telling you now. I think it’s important to remember right from the beginning to take time for yourself as well even though you’re in the first, madly passionate stages of a relationship.” She waited a while before continuing.

“It may feel odd and wrong and impossible even but it will eventually keep the flame alive instead of suffocating it altogether. And things do change in a relationship. It changes over time, and if one is not careful enough, one may notice – well, that she hasn’t noticed it soon enough.” Carol knotted her brow and looked at Therese. “Does this make any sense to you?” Therese thought about it for a while. “Yes, as a matter of fact it does.” She smiled remembering her own musings at Waterloo station. “It’s about minding the gap.” Carol looked at her somewhat surprised. “The gap? You mind elaborating on it a bit?” Therese told her all about it.    

“I’ll have the millefeuille with the vanilla cream and the hazelnut cake for her, s’il-vous-plaît…” Carol handed out the dessert menu. “I swear I have never met anyone with such an interest in food…” Therese laughed. “Is it a bad thing?” Carol almost purred. “No, I love it. I will forever associate food with you so whenever I’m eating, I’ll be thinking of you.” Therese eyed her bawdily. “Now there’s an association I doubt I’ll forget anytime soon…” Carol concluded rolling her eyes.     

“Talking about eating…” Therese continued, “I don’t know about you but I, for one, am not satisfied yet.” A suggestive smile lingered on her lips. “Oh really? I thought this has been quite a meal already… such a tender goose breast, wonderfully succulent mussels and all of it followed by this divine sweetness.” Carol looked suddenly very pleased with herself. “You want to talk about it now, darling? I’m game if you are but it will make the trip back to our hotel feel much longer than it is…”

Therese felt suddenly flushed but she wasn’t going to let her off the hook. “I talked to you last night and I recall it having quite an effect on you as well.” Remembering, Carol lost her composure for just a moment. Game on. “Fine, have it your way,” she smiled adoringly, “and you can bet your ass I will have mine. I have just the perfect spread for my personal indulgence in mind…” Therese could feel all blood escaping her brain and flooding towards her nether regions within a fraction of a second. “Could we get the check now ?”    

They hailed a taxi as soon as they got out of the brasserie. Once inside it was nearly impossible for Therese to keep her hands to herself. She unbuttoned her shirt just a little making sure Carol noticed it. Blushing, she did. “Please, I can hardly contain myself as it is…” Carol whispered acutely aware of the driver glancing every once in a while in the rear view mirror. Therese pressed her back against the side door and placed one arm on the window pane and the other on top of the bench seat. Parting her legs she opened her lap seductively just to make her lover even more uncomfortable during the short and far too long a ride back to their hotel.

While Carol paid the driver, Therese opened the door for her and finally pulled her up from the backseat. The movement was quick, commanding and left no room for misinterpretation, but when Carol reached out to hold her hand Therese avoided her touch deliberately. Maintaining eye contact she kept her wicked distance all the way through the lobby and into the elevator.

Inside the booth Therese approached Carol boldly and pressed her against the back wall. She took her time inhaling her fragrant nearness which seemed not only to fill her nostrils but the entire claustrophobic space as well. Hearing Carol breathe heavily against her she slipped her hands under her blouse finding the lacy surface of her bra. She could only hope the elevator wouldn’t stop between floors but even if it did she doubted if she would be able to stop herself now. Dropping her other hand to explore what was under Carol’s skirt Therese could feel her own arousal taking better of her.

The elevator blinged open suddenly and a couple waiting outside entered the booth. Carol withdrew immediately averting her eyes from the astonishment their behavior had caused in the new arrivals. Blushing, Therese gritted her teeth all the way to the top floor trying hard not to look at Carol who stood next to her arms folded. Her blonde curls were a delightful mess and noticing it from the corner of her eye was almost too much for Therese. The couple who rode with them all the way up had most likely intended to take an elevator down instead since they remained in the booth once Therese and Carol exited. Realizing they’d been caught anyway, Carol couldn’t help herself. Stepping out she grabbed Therese’s ass provocatively making the innocent bystanders gasp out of sheer shock.