Don't Blink
“You were looking into artificial insemination?” Raven almost yelled adjusting herself in her seat.
The three tight friends we are all sitting on the couch of Octavia's home sipping away at their beers. Clarke immediately went to Octavia's unable to see Lexa after their last conversation.
“At some point in my life I want to move on. Even though officially we have been dating for twelve years I was seeing her almost a year before that. It was only ever Lexa so why not?” Taking another sip of her drink she shrugged her shoulders in defeat.
“What about marriage first?” Octavia had suggested still not knowing what they had done underneath the table.
“You know how Lexa is, she hates labels.” Clarke attempted knowing her friends would believe it. Lexa was a stickler for labels which meant those terms were avoided.
“So she just flat out said she didn't want kids?” Raven questioned. It was unlike her to say that especially if Clarke wanted something. She was positive if Clarke wanted the moon Lexa would get it for her.
“She always wanted kids. I was always the one so hesitant but now I want them and she doesn't.”
“I think I know why.” Both girls turned their heads toward Octavia with raised eyebrows.
“Clarke you come home and tell Lexa about what you do at work. You have a lot of child patients who don’t all make it. One day Lexa had talked to me about it telling me she was petrified of one your kids ending up like that.”
That idea had truly caught her off guard, having not thought about could have triggered the sudden change. So maybe this whole time Lexa was planning for their future. In fact she was so worried about it she was trying to avoid any possible pain in the future.
“She told you this? Why didn't she ever tell me?”
“You love your job she doesn't want you to stop sharing your excitement with her.”
“I should go home.” Now feeling guilty she needed to go back and apologize for overreacting.
“No, you two need a break from each other. Besides she never answered the question on being a trophy wife.” Raven declared as she stroked Clarke's hair. She rested her head on friends lap contemplating what was the right thing to do.
She didn’t really give her a chance either to explain brushing the issue off to the side. But Raven was right. They need their spaces. Being together 24/7 could be really unhealthy. And even though her friends don't know about their marriage it's best they reexamine that too.
The couple was not always with each other but every night was spent as much time together due to their hectic schedules. Seeing each other during the day was rare in itself which was they took advantages of their nights but at times it did causes them to shield away from their friends.
Though she was not holding a grudge with Lexa and should probably call her, she decided it was best to enjoy the night with her friends not having done it far too long.
-----
Two days without hearing or seeing Clarke proved a little more difficult than Lexa imagined. Normally it would be okay but the heaviness of their last talk was weighing on her. Afraid it would backfire, she had to hope Clarke was thinking about all this rationally as she did her best to do the same.
A part of Lexa was very tempted to pull out of the race for Mayor. However she wasn't a quitter and that was not what Clarke wanted her to think about. It was the surrounding factors that was clogging up her mind.
Titus was one of those people. His opinion mattered to her as he was very well experienced in his field but was he really doing everything in her best interest. Maybe it was time she clarified her priorities to him. Without a doubt she would do everything she could to become mayor and take this big step but if it endangered Clarke or her future family then it wouldn't be allowed.
Though so many thoughts had been running through her head since Clarke went to Octavia's right now only thing was on her mind. Where the hell was the dress she had to wear.
Today was the wedding and if she was even remotely close to being on time Octavia would have her head. If she told them 10 it actually meant 8 but getting up was not the issue. Clarke was the one who organized their room which meant Lexa had no idea where her clothing was.
It was moments like this where she swore her wife was sidekick as she received the first text from her in two days.
My Love: Black box in the closet floor behind the shoes. 8am don’t be late.
Lexa would happily admit that she loved how well Clarke knew her. She wouldn’t have to explain herself allowing her to be her without question. Following the instructions she pulled out the black box out. Opening it up she carefully removed the tissue paper to reveal the outfit she had been searching for.
As Octavia demanded all the bridesmaids were expected to wear dresses, however, that was not what was lying in the box. With the same pattern and colors of the wedding dress, there was suit especially designed just for her.
Lexa could not even imagine what Clarke had to do to get this. Octavia was hell bent on her decision and to get her to sway was seemingly impossible. Yet here Clarke was managing to move heaven and earth so that Lexa could wear her suit. She was damn lucky.
----
“Stop crying Raven.”
“But you look so beautiful.” Clarke whined as she too wiped away the tears that were falling.
“Who is going to go clubbing with me!” Raven cried out now crying even more as she plucked two more tissues from the box.
“I make a great wing woman.”
“Clarke my grandmother could probably be a better wing woman.”
Octavia shook her head as she watched both girls from the mirror. Today was finally the day. Today was the day she would have her happy ending. Today was the end of her book and the sequel now following. Today she will finally tie the knot with the love of her life.
“There is something missing ladies.” They all turned towards the door where Abby stood.
“Oh I have the veil Mom!” Clarke went to grab it but Abby walked in continuing.
“No, not the veil.” Octavia watched as her hands sprouted open with an object wrapped inside. It was a silver bracelet with an oval clasp.
“Something old.” Octavia knew exactly what it was as she held her hand out so Abby could put it on.
“Aurora would have been so proud of you.” Within seconds Octavia threw her arms around Abby having been fighting the tears all day. Not a day went by where she didn't miss her mother.
Aurora was not always the best person but she loved her kids with everything inside her. They were her world and she would move the world herself she had to.
Finally after crying out the tears the officiant came to tell them they had a few minutes until it was time. Octavia ordered Clarke to gather all her bridesmaids and warn the men. That was where Clarke gave Lincoln the very stern talk. If he ever hurt her she was going to chop his legs off then kick him with it.
After doing so she looked to gather the rest of the bridal party. As she began to do so she caught sight of her wife having not seen her in two days.
Lexa smiled awkwardly before in seconds she was catching a flying Clarke. Her arms snaked around her waist closing her close. The intoxication that came with being this close to Clarke sent her to the moon. A feeling she would be more than happy to bask in for the rest of her life. Clarke sought out the soft lips having been far away for far too long.
Lexa didn't make any arguments against it as she reciprocated feeling the desperation. Not talking or seeing her just hyped their emotions as they ended their last sight on a sour note. When she pulled away she new their issues did not just disappear.
“We will talk later, neither of us are off the hook. I just really missed you.”
“I missed you more.” Smiling she quickly pecked her lips and began to do what Octavia sent her to do. No matter how bad a fight would get between the two they knew it would never tear them apart. They had to talk of course but nothing was strong enough to put a complete wedge between the two.
The wedding went flawless as everyone did their best to hold in their tears while they spoke their vows. Lexa realized in that moment how special a wedding was.
As they declared their love it was not just for themselves but for everyone else to know how much they want to spend their lives together. It was a moment of strength and power. The guilt consumed her with the realization of what she deprived her wife.
After the ‘I do’ was said the party began as everyone eventually made their way over to where the party was being held.
Twenty minutes into the reception Clarke found her way over to Lexa who suggested they talk outside. Agreeing they made their way to the balcony of the venue.
“Lexa,-”
“I want to go first.” Lexa cut in which Clarke let her do so.
“I called the doctor we have an appointment tomorrow.”
“What?”
“You were right. I've always wanted a family. I have just been scared about starting a new life. It scares me because a part of it feels like the beginning of the end.”
“You think I'll stop loving you if we have kids?”
“No, never. I just feel we won't have us time anymore. We are already caught up in our own lives and the only time we get is late at night.”
“Octavia told me what you told her once.” Lexa quirked her eyebrow in confusion unable to remember what she had told her.
“You were afraid of having a family because you didn't want to see us suffer.”
“Clarke.”
“It's okay to be afraid.”
“I don't want to.” Clarke snaked her arms around the girl's waist taking. Lexa always took pride in her own strength. She wanted to protect Clarke and not knowing what the future held for them scared her because she couldn't do what she wanted.
“I do want a family Clarke. I want one with you.” Lexa mumbled her desires into the blonde hair.
“No more fighting.”
“For now no. But we do need better communication Clarke.”
“I will try my best if you do.”
“I'll always do the best for you.” Clarke pulled away causing Lexa to worry for a second but then she saw the mischievous look on her face.
“The best?” Lexa knew exactly what was running through Clarke's mind and by the looks of it they had a few minutes before Octavia would come and drag her out.
“We could cross Octavia off the list.” Lexa suggested.
“Let's go quick.” Clarke carefully led Lexa back into the party where of course people tried to stop them to talk. Lexa politely excused themselves from any conversation. A mission needed to be filled as anticipation moving through the crowd built.
Clarke continued to lead them down the stairs where no one followed them. Opening the door to the room she called out to make sure no one was inside. When the ghost was cleared she locked the door and felt the front of her body being pressed against it.
“You knew how frustrated I would be without it for two days.” Lexa husked in her ear.
“Lexa.” Clarke whined as Lexa's hands began to outline her body. Tempting her without caving in.
“I should make you suffer the way you did to me.” Lexa began to suck at the soft spot behind Clarke's ear. Gripping onto the door Clarke had to hold herself feeling her legs starting to give.
“We don't have time for this.” That didn’t matter though as Lexa’s lips began to work down her shoulder grateful the dress was strapless. A moan slipped from the blonde as one of Lexa’s hands rested below her stomach under her dress. As she grabbed her crotch the moan quickly turned into a yelp.
“Stop playing games.” Clarke groaned. Though they had not seen each other in two days they actually had not had sex in a while due to their busy schedules and being exhausted by the end of the time. Clarke had enough build up in her already that teasing now just seemed to be unnecessary.
“You aren’t wearing any underwear.”
“Yes, I knew I was getting laid tonight. I swear to god Lexa if you don’t fuck me right now I am going to-” Before she could finish Lexa turned the girl and within seconds lifted her up so that her legs could wrap around her waist. Clarke sought out her lips as her hands began to rummage through the brunette hair.
Lexa moved her hand under the dress again seeking out what she desired most.
“Lexa.” Clarke drew out as she could feel the tingle between her thighs dying to be released.
“Clarke!” Octavia called out from behind the door. Both girls knew if it was going to get done it needed to be done now. Lexa lifted Clarke up more so that her legs were now on her shoulders. Her lips made her down her inner thigh.
“Fuck. Please Lexa.” Obeying to her command without protest her tongue began to do what it does best.
“Clarke!” Her name was being called out again but everything was becoming a blur as Lexa found a rhythm. Another moan escaped Clarke as she held onto the door knob for support. Arching her back, her head thud against the door as Lexa’s tongue ran over her slit.
“L-lexa” The words tumbled out as she felt her body starting to reach its peak. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head while Lexa never came up for air. Her wife’s stamina was pretty handy in times like this and was grateful for all those occasions she left her in the morning to run even if she hated it in the moment.
Soon she could feel her body release, reaching it’s climax, and giving out. Lexa caught the girl who was trembling in her arms. Part of her body had just been physically exhausted from the past few days and the release gave her body a chance to burn out. With a smile she cradled the girl in her arms who seemed to be in another world right now.
“You are forgiven Lex.” She murmured with complete bliss plastered on her face as the other girl laughed placing a small kiss to her temple.
“Clarke!” Octavia was screaming for her again but she was too busy being in cloud 9 having felt the build up in her body finally being released. The wait was excruciating difficult but make-up sex was her favorite. Lexa led them to the chair in the powder room where she sat and held Clarke close to her.
“We can cross one off now.” The two had made a decision to have sex at each one of their friend's wedding after watching a movie one night. It was completely random but they were determined to beat themselves in trying to do it as many times she could being the competitive people they are.
Clarke began to move her hands towards Lexa's pants, playing with the waistband. However, Lexa removed her hand placing it in her lap after kissing her knuckles softly.
“It’s about you tonight.” Clarke raised an eyebrow in questioning but Lexa was stern in her choice as she nodded her head. It was just as pleasing to see her wife get off and hopefully when they did talk more in depth later she wouldn’t be as in trouble as she was.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Clarke!” The door the bathroom began to jiggle and they knew they were found by the bride herself. “I know you two are in there! No make-up sex during my wedding!”
“Too late!” Lexa called out as she felt her body vibrate with Clarke’s laughter against her chest.
“Fuck you both! Now give me my goddamn maid of honor back I need her, you have her later!”
“I guess that is my cue to go.” Clarke groaned as she finally was able to feel her legs to lift herself up. Walking over to the door she unlocked it to see Octavia with a angry look on her face.
“I need to pee.”
“Do you want me to pee for you?”
“No you dumbass help me.”
“What’s the magic word?”
“You are the best.”
“Good. Let’s go.” Lexa rolled her eyes as Clarke helped Octavia into the bathroom stall to help her. Taking it as her cue to leave she left the girls to handle the business.
Lifting her dress, Clarke searched for her underwear under the ruffle to help pull it down. Holding up the dress, Octavia squated down finally feeling the relief that came with the release.
“So was the make-up sex good?”
Clarke glared at for her a second but quickly turned her head when she heard her begin to pee.
“How many times?”
“Don’t make this more awkward than it is Octavia.” Clarke was avoiding eye contact with the girl who seemed to be shooting bullets at her. Laughing she blew a kiss at the girl receiving an eye roll in response.
“Why are you peeing a waterfall?”
“I am nervous!”
“The wedding is over, you already said your ‘I do’”
“I am nervous for our life afterwards. I’m done by the way.” Handing her the paper she lifted the dress more so Octavia could reach down and clean herself. After fixing her dress they left the stall where they were still alone in the bathroom.
“You and Lincoln are going to live a happy loving life. And you have all your friends and family who is going to support you through thick and thin. Okay?”
“I love you Clarke. Thanks for never leaving me that day.” She wrapped her arms around Clarke’s neck to show her gratitude for her friend.
Clarke remembered the reference to when they had first met. That moment changed all their lives forever. With the grace of a higher power she somehow found the courage to stand up for the girl who then swore to be her best friend till the end of dawn.
The party went just as flawless as the wedding itself. Clarke and Lexa faced much antagonization from the older couples of the party who persisted on asking when the two lovebirds were going to tie the knot. It didn’t help when everyone insisted she try to catch the bride’s bouquet and then actually caught it.
After much teasing from everyone and then cleaning up after Octavia and Lincoln left for their honeymoon, Lexa finally was able to drag her girl home who crashed the second her head hit the bed. Lexa then had to undress the girl in her sleepy and intoxicated state. Slowly removing her shoes followed by her pants and shirt with the replacing of her pajamas. Clarke began rambling unable to cohesively come up with a sentence.
Lexa only laughed as she turned off the lights to their room placing a small kiss on Clarke’s lip.
“Goodnight beautiful.”
-----
The next day as promised the couple made their way into the doctor’s office where they discussed possible options for the two of them. Lexa tried her best to keep up with the medical lingo but she was not doing so swell in the department. It was something she gave up on a while back after Clarke spent five hours trying to teach her anything.
The doctor informed them what the next step was when they decided to go through artificial insemination and that Clarke would carry. They would pick their sperm donor then return for the fertilization where they would have to wait two weeks before they found out any results.
It was exactly what they did. They decided to see how the process went and if all went well they would announce their marriage and pregnancy to their family and friends during Anya’s birthday party.
Though their marriage was to help with Lexa’s candidacy, they decided to wait to tell everyone the news considering how fast they rushed into everything. Lexa had felt guilty for everything thus far allowing Clarke to call a lot of the shots when it came to announcing their marriage. Titus of course was not pleased.
The two weeks after the insemination seemed to crawl by but the two kept themselves busy. In fact Lexa was dragging Clarke to the fire department where she would hopefully help get their support and signatures to get her name on the ballot.
Arriving at the fire station they were both immediately introduced to the Chief who began to show them around. Clarke had caught sight of fireman and quickly excused herself from the conversation.
Lexa continued to listen to the Chief as he explained what their station was in need of. The problem seemed to be with the exhausted site. Fire Station 2 was built in the middle of the fifties originally designed for a volunteer station. With only one bay to house a fire truck, inadequate work space, living quarters, and not enough accommodation for other fire service equipment, the small space was in desperate need of help to continue work.
“We have tried repeatedly to ask for renovations but we were constantly pushed aside.”
“Of course the issue that comes into play is funding, one that is very very limited.” Chief nodded in response understanding why they were not put ahead. He believed Lexa was going to be like most politicians they had until she entered her but.
“However, my girlfriend, is a doctor and tells me constantly of all the issues public services have but get brushed aside with what politicians believe is not as important as other issues. I understand our city is struggling economically but we need improvements and with that we can create more job opportunities.”
The Chief’s eyes grew wide with hope as he shook hand with Lexa. The real issue with the past mayors was their greed for money, putting the city’s money into bills that will eventually find its way back into their hands. “If you can provide these services the fire department is more than happy to support you in your campaign.”
“I will do as much in my power to improve the community.”
“Running your campaign on your sexuality will not go as well as you hope Miss.Woods. Polis is not as liberal as one would hope.”
“That is not my focus Chief. I run my campaign on the unique qualities I obtain that differs from other candidates. My sexuality is only a very small fraction of that.”
“Excuse me Chief.” They both turned around to find the young man with a stern look on his face. With his hands behind his back he stood unmoving providing the hint to Lexa that he may have been in the army once.
“Miss.Woods, this is Jackson who will hopefully be soon part of our paramedic team here.” Lexa shook his hand responding with a firm nod.
“Take a message. I will take care of it later.” He turned on his heels to handle the instructions given to him.
Walking back to the entrance the Chief and Lexa began to talk more freely without the restrictions of politics put on them. As they reached the entrance they caught sight of a bunch of firefighters sitting in a circle where Clarke stood in the middle.
“I’d have sworn that with time thoughts of you would leave my head. I was wrong, now I find just one thing makes me forget.” Clarke sang as she strummed the guitar.
“Red, red wine. Stay close to me. Don’t let me be alone.” The whole crowd around her sang along as some laughed while others danced.
“I haven’t seen them this loud and happy in a while.” The Chief spoke as he watched his crew in complete bliss. The fire department had a rough year with the loss of two men and a woman during a rescue. It was one of the reasons why Lexa choose this station to offer her condolences.
While she always held a stern look wherever they went, a smile couldn’t help it self but grow as she watched Clarke interact with all the people. She had a way with her charm and easy talk people always just flocked towards her.
“She is a special one, Miss. Woods. You better not let her go.” Lexa knew he noticed the same thing she had. The way Clarke could lighten up the room and spark it with her personality. The way she carried herself with pride and modesty.
“I never plan on it.” Clarke turned around and made her way over encouraging her and the Chief to sing along.
Some of the other firefighters pushed them into their circle as the song continued. While the Chief caved in Lexa just held a small smile watching the interaction. Clarke knew if they were at home Lexa would have bursted into song a chorus ago but being in public meant upholding appearances.
Clarke threw her head back as laughing consumed her. Looking over to Lexa, the brunette swore she fell in love all over again, like every time she looked at Clarke. She would swear everyday till the day she died that time stopped because everything blurred out and the focus was only Clarke.
Her favorite blue eyes sparkled with a luminescent glow that surrounded her being. The blonde hair bounced up and down as her body swayed to the rhythm. With just as every moment she had with her she thanked her lucky stars for finding Clarke Griffin.
-----
“Lexa! Get up! Get up!” Lexa jolted forward when she felt the pillow smashed against her face.
Her head swirled back and forth as she became alert. Rubbing her eyes she tried to focus on what was going on. The light coming in from the window burned her eyes forcing them shut. Everything in her body was telling her to go back to bed but the loud noise coming from her wife told her different.
“We are late!” Those words clicked into Lexa's mind as she realized what today was. She quickly got up and looked for clothing as Clarke quickly ran around the room.
“Clothing is already laid out let's go!” Lexa grabbed the clothing on the top of the drawer quickly shoving her body parts into all the right holes. Clarke quickly thumped down the stairs with Lexa still trying to find hole in her arm shirt following her wife.
Clarke grabbed the keys and two bagels one in which she handed, more like threw across the room, to Lexa and the other taking a bite in it for herself. Still in a sleepy state the brunette did her best to follow along, listening to all the directions being yelled at her.
Finally getting everything ready they jumped into the car and headed over to the appointment. They had overslept, something they rarely ever do, and was now going to be late, something Clarke hated.
“I told you we should have set an alarm.” Her hands gripped tightly to the wheel feeling frustrated she decided to listen to Lexa.
“Clarke it's going to be fine. So we are a few minutes late, no big deal.”
“This is not how we should start the next part our next journey.”
“Babe you are just nervous. We are only a few minutes later, please just relax.”
“Sighing she shrugged it off and maneuvered the car as fast as she could down the road.
“I know. I’m sorry.” Being late never made her happy but they arrived when they did and there wasn't much they could do at this point.
Clarke had decided not to take a pregnancy test feeling she could not rely on them. She preferred her doctor to confirm anything and not get her hopes up for nothing. Her becoming fertile on the first try was going to be hard but Lexa had faith it would work.
“Would you stop fidgeting Clarke.”
Giving her a growl in response Lexa threw her hands up in defense afraid she was going to be attacked for just speaking.
They were both so nervous but Lexa had to remind them both this was going to work. Clarke was just an emotional wreck which Lexa knew she had to step up and be the rational one today in their relationship. The emotional wreck probably had to be due to the extra hormones she had to take required by their doctor.
“This won't work.”
“I'm positive it will.”
“You are just saying that so I will stop fidgeting.” Lexa placed her hands on the girl’s knees looking dead into the blue eyes with confidence and assertiveness.
“I would never lie to you Clarke Griffin. You have been walking around with this glow to you. I am sure of this, we are going to be parents.”
Grabbing onto her wrists it was all the reassurance she needed from her love.
The doctor swung the door open with papers in hand. He had already done the examination and was now giving them their results.
Clarke sat on the examination table with Lexa holding her hand. Closing her eyes she took a few deep breaths holding the last one in as he began to speak.
“As we discussed we said the probability of you getting pregnant especially on the first try was highly unlikely.”
Yes, it was something they had discussed in depth with this being probably the only try they could go at. Despite Clarke waiting to hear the but, it never came.
“You are not pregnant Clarke.”
No emotions poured out of her as she tried to take in the response. Nothing. That was what consumed her in that moment. No thought, no emotion, no words, no nothing filled her being as the words spoke. She was positive the world had a vendetta against them as the doctor continued.
“Unfortunately your egg count is very low and I do not think you will ever be able to get pregnant. As we discussed after the age of thirty, which you are, your chances of getting pregnant go down by five percent. Additionally, Lexa we ran the fertility test you both requested.”
For precautionary reasons they had decided to check Lexa's fertility in case Clarke was unable to produce their results.
“You are infertile as well.” The doctor continued to explain the next process the couple could take. His words were drowned out by the blonde after he had spoken those words. Her speciality may not be in gynecology but she was very much aware of the options they in front of them now. His words meant nothing to her as she zoned out.
Neither her wife nor her were fertile enough to have their own child. If hearts could physically break then there had to be one hell of a crack in hers right now. Between two women you would think there would be enough eggs for at least one of them to produce their own child. That was not the case here.
Silence filled between the two of them with the ending of the appointment. Lexa took the keys from Clarke and started the car knowing the blonde was not in the mood to talk.
The plan was to go to the appointment get good news then go to Anya's party and announce their new member of their family and marriage, unfortunately there was no good news. Lexa slowly drove around unable to comprehend what was in her own mind due to focusing on what Clarke was thinking.
It was the first in her life where she felt unsure of what Clarke was thinking. There was no gauge on her emotions as the blonde looked out the window with her chin resting on her palm.
They were five minutes to the location and Lexa knew they had to talk about this sooner or later. Going into the party angry or sad was not the smartest idea. The party was one they had to attend and going in with heightened emotions was just never healthy. Which was why Lexa pulled over around the corner before pulling up to the house.
“We need to talk about this Clarke.”
The girl did not remove her eyes from the window unable to process anything they had just been told. Any words spoken to her just constantly went over her head as she preferred to pretend it never happened. That would be easier and that’s all she wanted right now, easy.
“Clarke.” Lexa tried again but Clarke’s silence spoke for her. She just needed to see her face, just once to get a feel on what Clarke was thinking. It was taking everything in her power to stay strong and hopeful for the both of them as Clarke was trying to do the same.
It made sense now to Clarke why Lexa was so hesitant on having children. It was news like the one they had just gotten that caused them more pain that could have been easily avoided if they did not just try.
“Please.” Lexa almost cried out the words a third time and thought of Lexa’s heart breaking just as bad as hers was caused the girl to finally turn around bringing her out of whatever world she had been previously trapped in.
Both their eyes were filled to the brim with water trying make sure their damn stayed steady. They stared at each other for a while unable to bring any words to surface. How was it possible that they were both just that unlucky?
Of course there were other methods which Lexa was positive they would explore. However, there was nothing more self-deprecating in this world than being unable to do something as simple as reproducing. It was human nature and nothing that required any thought yet here they were both just as unable as the other.
“Why?” Finally the words caught in Clarke’s throat came out rough and sour as it was never meant to be spoken. The words has triggered Lexa as she jumped out of the car and came around opening the door to the passenger side. Immediately Clarke launched herself into her arms letting the damn finally be taken down.
She wasn’t the only one to let the water fall as Lexa felt her world crumble around her too. It was one thing to not have what you wanted but to see someone you love in so much pain makes everything ten times harder.
Feeling the shaking of Lexa’s body against her own was just further breaking heart as the stoic Lexa the whole world knew was breaking in her arms. Clarke was told she would have somewhat of a chance but Lexa had been completely deprived of that chance.
Even if your love was perfect the world would do anything in it’s power to take that away and Clarke could have not been more sure of that.
“This isn’t fair Lex.” Lexa pulled away to wipe away the tears that fell from the blonde’s cheek.
“We are going to get through this.”
“I know but any family we have won’t be our own.”
“Yes they will be. Any child we raise will forever be our own and no one will be able to take that from us.”
“Maybe you were right. We aren’t ready for a family.”
“I could not have been more wrong Clarke. We have never been more ready. We are going to try this again. We are going to see more doctors. This is not the end of this chapter, not if we have a say in it.”
Clarke reciprocated the motion when she saw another tear escape the green eyes. She still thought Lexa was wrong but thinking anymore about this might cause her to slip into that world again where everything around her did not exist. Swallowing down the rest of her emotions Clarke began to fix Lexa’s collar and clear out any wrinkles on her shirt.
“Let’s just get through this party and we can talk about this later.” Lexa nodded her head in agreement knowing this was not a conversation they would ever be able to avoid.
“Can we tell them about the marriage another time? I’m not sure I can handle any more celebration than what we are heading into.”
“Whatever you want, my love.” With a tender kiss the couple walked over to the house hand in hand where the party was being held, doing everything in their power to push aside the recent events from their mind.
“You two are late.” Echo drew out as she swung the door open. The intoxicated breathe greeted them both with a smirk on her face.
“Sorry we were busy.” Lexa spoke as she followed Clarke into the house where the party was full in swing.
It didn't go unnoticed by Clarke how formal Lexa had gotten when greeting a few people. It didn't surprise her though as when after a big emotional build up like that she returned to what most people knew her as, impassive.
People bombarded the couple with hugs, kisses, and a bunch of questions having not seen some of them in very long time. Anya had invited a lot of her college friends and a few of her co-workers.
Many of them knew the fame Lexa had but while most of them were fairly indifferent about it there was one or two people that would always jump in excitement to meet her.
Finally when all the introductions were over, Clarke went to her friends as Lexa went out back to where Gustus was barbecuing. Placing a kiss on his cheek she then plopped herself on the chair watching him flip the burgers.
“So who is your dealer?” Lexa raised an eyebrow unsure of the joke Gustus had made.
“Your eyes are red. Either you have crying or you have allergies. You don’t do either so I am assuming drugs.”
“I wish it was.” Lexa took a sip of her drink she found on the way over.
“Do you want to tell me what's up?”
“Or you can tell me!” Anya chimed in as she walked into the backyard.
“Happy birthday.” Giving her a tight hug the other girl then joined her on the chairs sprawled out on the deck. The evening was warm with a small breeze making it the perfect weather for a party. She tried her best to keep engaged in most conversations but she clearly had her mind elsewhere.
“So what's up?” Lexa sighed knowing Clarke did not want to tell anyone yet but she needed to tell her friends, her family,someone.
“You can't tell Clarke I told you yet but I'm infertile.”
“Wait you were looking to get pregnant!” Anya shouted quickly lowering her voice when she received the glare.
“We were looking into the possibility.”
“And Clarke?” Gustus enquired but she only shook her head. Anya responded with a soft hug understanding now why the girl seemed to be so out of it. Clarke too seemed to be out of her grove as she moped around the party.
“There are other options Lexa. Clarke knows that she is a doctor.”
“It won’t be the same. None of it will be the same.” Taking another sip from her drink she hoped that maybe they could give this another try and maybe the possibility of having their own children was not forever written off.
The couple’s moodiness continued but the party had not stopped. Raven and Anya were going at it in game of beer pong as Octavia, in excruciating detail, talked about her honeymoon. Clarke curled into Lexa who wrapped one arm around to keep her close as they watched the game unfold.
“Hell no Grounder Princess, you cannot move the cups like that, it’s cheating.”
“I call it a strategical move.”
“Yo, other Princess tell her she can’t do that!” Raven nodded towards Clarke who just looked up at Lexa to motion her head towards the problem in hopes she could respond for her.
“Princess says it’s legal.” Lexa spoke for her as Raven smashed her hand on the table and Anya cheered.
“I know where you live Princess!” Lexa looked down again to make sure she could respond for her receiving a grumbling from the blonde.
“She says she doesn’t give a fuck.”
“How can you even understand her! You could be misinterpreting her words!” Raven argued again hoping to sway the blonde back to her direction as they had declared her earlier the reff.
“Please, I speak fluent Clarke. I even know what she is thinking.”
Raven let out a rumbling laugh not believing the brunette and putting her up to the challenge. “Clarke say what you are thinking and Lexa say what she is thinking at the same time. Fifty bucks, loser pays up.”
Rolling her eyes the blonde caved in curious herself to see if the brunette really had it in her. Staying in the same position both the girls spoke the sentence in unison.
“I hate you all.” Lexa smiled proudly acquiring a victory kiss from the girl curled into her.
“Ohhhh” Octavia belted watching Raven pay up and lose the battle. She could not physically believe Lexa had actually gotten right. It was all about science in which she spent the next fifteen minutes trying to figure out how that was scientifically possible.
“I’m impressed Miss.Woods.” Clarke whispered knowing how gidy the girl truly was inside. Winning was her love, it would be her true love if she didn’t have Clarke. Another kiss was shared between the two lingering longer than everyone wanted to see. After the news Clarke had felt her body just become lazy and unfocused but the party had done a decent job at keeping her from thinking about it.
The game continued having gotten pretty intense at this point as most people of the party had left, leaving only the core of their friends to carry the party on. Midnight was fastly approaching but that never stopped the group of friends from having fun.
“Oh my god the beach’s water was beautiful! I think Lincoln and I might go again just for the scenery and actually get a better look of the town.”
“Not everyone is interested in your sex life Octavia.”
“Don’t be jealous Echo you aren’t getting any.” With a loud groan Echo made her ways towards Anya and wrapped her arms around her waist.
Raven had quickly tensed but just as fast removed any emotion off her face, however, it did not go unnoticed by the couple curled up together. Anya was quick as well to get out of the hold and clean up the cups to distract herself.
“You saw that too right?” Clarke whispered receiving laughter from the brunette as the hint of jealousy had been vanished in a mere blink. Now that was an interesting idea right there.
“So when are you going to ditch Lincoln and become a single woman again?” Raven now done with the game plopped down by the chair trying to avoid Echo’s heart eyes towards Anya.
“Go find yourself someone steady already. Don’t you ever want to settle down?”
“Can’t tie down the wings of a raven.”
“I have to disagree.” Anya smirked knowing she was about to push Raven to her edge. The glare shot across the room could have killed but Anya kept her composure ignoring her to piss her off more.
“I don’t know Anya. Raven is pretty adventurous she gets the job done then moves on.”
The engineer smiled brightly to have Octavia on her side for this battle.
“Raven has a soft spot. Just keeping poking at her you will find it.” Clarke spoke up removing herself from her very comfortable position. She knew Raven like the back of her hand and exactly what made the girl soft.
“I do not!” Lexa took Clarke hand and lifted her up.
“Thank you for the evening everyone but I have to work tomorrow so Clexa out!”
“Booooo you old ladies! I’m the married one here you all suck.” Though Octavia voiced her complaint she reluctantly got up to hug her friends goodbye. After all the hugs and kisses were exchanged the couple grasped each other's hand and headed back to the car.
Walking back to the car Clarke kissed the back of Lexa’s hand still intertwined with hers. The smile came up on her face seeing the blonde affectionate as she was. With the rough day they had she was happy to see some tension had been released through the party tonight.
She had made idle conversation needing to hear her wife’s voice. Silence was easy between the two but Lexa’s voice came with tranquility.
“Did you feed Casper?”
“I did as you rushed me out this morning.” Getting into the car Lexa took the keys and began to make their way home.
“Your mother called.”
“Don’t tell me you answered it Clarke.”
“I wasn’t going to be rude.”
“What did she want?”
“To talk to you. I told her you were unavailable until you wanted to be available.” The sass that came from the blonde was always too good to be true. It made her happy she could be that audacious at times despite the person she was talking to.
“Did you grab the leftovers?” Lexa remarked remembering Anya demanding they take some food home with them. Clarke quickly checked around her unable to recall if she had gotten the food that Lexa asked. Quickly unbuckling her seatbelt she turned around to see if she left it in the back.
Lexa looked on the floor to help Clarke but a mistake it was. The honking brought both their attentions back to the road. Lexa attempted to swerve the car as her hands quickly gripped tighter to the wheel but the opposing headlights kept her from seeing anything else. Nonetheless, Lexa’s reaction was not fast enough.
The only noise that followed Lexa’s question was the loud crash of the two vehicles.