Second Chances

Clarke was rushing around the hospital hearing the sirens from half a mile away. She made her way to the ER room as fast as she could knowing it was only a matter of time before she would be called down anyway. Upon reaching the floor everything had already been taken care of to her disappointment.

The day was a rather slow one. In the public's eye it was a good thing but she preferred to be busy. Clarke loved her job and she was good at it too. Always on her feet, her mind was always ahead of the game and her body managed to keep up with it. Keeping a level head was her biggest attribute not going unnoticed where she worked.

Before returning back to the cafeteria, her pager went off. Jumping in excitement she headed towards the nurses station on her floor.

“What's up?” Reaching the nurse who was on the phone she pointed over her shoulder to the answer.

Turning around she saw her wife leaning against the wall with a single flower. It was always a stunning sight to see her woman especially at work. The smirk on her face proved she was up to something suspicious and mischievous as always. Dressed in her suit with rolled up sleeves, Clarke made her way over with a shaking of her head.

“They paged me for this?”

“I'll have you know I’m in urgent need of a doctor.” Lexa removed herself from the wall where she held her smirk.

“Oh really what seems to be the problem?” Playing along she was interested to see what she had up her sleeve.

Lexa suddenly clutched onto her throat as she stumbled around. “Can’t breathe.”

Lexa held one hand out as the other grasped around her neck. Clarke reached out for the woman but missed her.

“Beautiful doctor.” Lexa croaked as she moved uncoordinatedly across the floor. “Taking my breathe away.” Clarke reached out in laughter again successfully grabbing the crazy woman to steady her out. Clutching onto her scrubs Lexa whispered, “I think I'm going to die.”

Lexa's legs were giving out as she became limp in Clarke's arm.

“I think I can help.” Clarke spoke as she cleared all the hair out of the girl's face.

“Save me doc!” Lexa shouted as her wife began to shut her up with a passionate kiss. Lexa reciprocated as she sighed in pleasure. There wasn't a care in the world if anyone was looking on. All that mattered was ‘saving’ Lexa and well getting her lady kisses in.

Clarke still holding her up felt Lexa pull away with a grin plastered on her face.

“I’m cured.” Lexa helped herself back up so that now she could wrap her arms around her.

“Sometimes I wonder how people would react if they knew what a dramatic romantic sap you are.”

“What can I say, you bring out the best in me.” Lexa kissed her once more before handing her the flower. Turning the rose around in her hand she took a sniff of the natural smell. “You also do bring that horny side with that lab coat.”
“Couldn’t help yourself there, could you?” Lexa shook her as she received another kiss from the blonde.

Pulling away with a smile from ear to ear, the adrenaline rushing through her was what she needed for the very slow day.“So is there a real reason you graced me with your presence?”

“They are opening up a park down the road and they asked if I would cut the ribbon considering how much I donated. I was hoping you could come with me and look like the awesome power couple we are.”

“You hate PDA, why the sudden change?”

“Titus thinks it will look good.”

“Titus has a lot of opinions.”

“He is just trying to do what's best for me.”

“If you say so.” Nodding her head she leaned forward closing all space between them. Clarke reciprocated the hug loving the smell that came off her wife. Lexa placed a kiss on the top of her head before she left the girl go back to work.

“Oh wait Clarke!” Turning back around Lexa jogged back over.

Raising her eyebrow in questioning she watched as Lexa held out a wad of money from her pocket.

“Buy yourself a dress for the event.”

“Lexa I don’t need a dress. I have plenty.”

“Yeah but I want you to have a new one.” Eyeing her suspiciously she scanned her hand refusing to take the money.

“If you want me to get a new dress just tell me you don't have to give me money for it.”

“I want to buy you one I’m just not sure which one you want Clarke.” Lexa tried to reason but something seemed different to Clarke. This was unlike Lexa to offer her money like this.

You would think dating a millionaire would mean money wouldn't be a problem. That was far from the case. As soon as Lexa became extremely wealthy paying for things was awkward. Lexa had constantly insisted on paying for everything even when they moved in together.

Clarke had to set boundaries as it wasn't as if she was a poor woman. Even if she was it came down to self respect and integrity. Ever since they last talked about it, the issue never came up again as Lexa understood where she was coming from. They paid everything equally and fairly.

Now she couldn't tell why Lexa was suddenly offering her money and by the looks of it Clarke could buy herself ten expensive dresses and still have money left over.

“I appreciate the sentiment Lexa but I'll buy a new one on my own, don't worry. Okay?” Clarke didn't really give her a chance to respond as she spotted a chaste kiss on her lips and walked away. There was no response she really wanted to hear and not talking about it felt like the best thing to do. It was very random of the situation but Clarke decided to shrug it off and let it go.

--------

“Oh my god! Clarke your face is plastered on the front page of Sky!” Octavia was flipping through a magazine when she jumped off the couch to run into the kitchen where Clarke was cooking.

“That’s random. Why?” Clarke vocalized cutting up the vegetables. Grabbing the magazine out of her hands she noticed her and Lexa were all over the front page of the magazine. It was very rare of her to be on it mostly because Lexa’s publicists did everything to keep her face out of the media due to Lexa’s request.

It was expected she would see her face every once in awhile mostly because they were just caught walking together or doing something coupley. The only other time she really was in the media was when Lexa became a public advocate for an LGBT organization.

This magazine was different, having her face central alongside with Lexa. It didn’t take a long for Clarke to get angry because she finally understood what Titus was doing and what Lexa was failing to see.

The reason they kept Clarke’s face out of the media was because they didn’t want it to affect her career. She wanted people to want her because of her skill. One hospital who she interviewed a while back persistently asked about Lexa and their relationship. It wasn’t till later she discovered the hospital was in dire need of money and was hoping Lexa would help out.

This was not her fault but she also did not want people to want her because she was dating a millionaire who would do anything for her. Money was an issue and it once again proved to be the issue there. Boundaries were set and Lexa understood where she was coming from. Lexa’s publicist was always quick to remove anything she could about Clarke.

Lexa was coming home from a big meeting today and Clarke understood she would be back later than usual. So she took the time to annoy Octavia if she was being over dramatic.

“No, you guys talked about this before. She should respect that.”

“I know but what if she didn't really have any control over this? You know how the media can get.”

“Well then ask her. It’s not cool if this is what you think it is. After all she did offer you money.”

“I hope it’s not the case.”

Before they could talk anymore the door opened to the house with a smiling Lexa walking through the door. Dropping off her bag and taking off her coat she walked into the living room where the two girls quickly ended their conversation.

“Hello.”

“Hi Lex!” Lexa walked over placing a kiss on both cheeks of her friend in greeting. Octavia reciprocated the same turning the magazine over so she could not see.

Then walking over to Clarke she placed a small kiss on her lips having missed them all day. “So are you over for final wedding details?”

“Actually I was about to leave.” Octavia understood Clarke needed to slap some sense into her girlfriend. As Lexa undid her tie Clarke offered to walk her out.

“Don’t be too hard on her. She is just nervous.”

“I know.”

“Also Lincoln won’t be home because you know can’t see the bride on the special day so make sure you get to my place early.”

“Got it.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” Hugging goodbye she watched her friend leave a little nervous to go back to Lexa. She hated fighting with the girl knowing this argument was bound to happen.

Making her way back into the living room she found Lexa already looking through the magazine.

“So you are upset about this.” Lexa lifted the magazine barely bothering to even look up.

“How do you even know I’m upset?”

“Please Clarke I can tell your emotions just by taking one look at you. What’s wrong?”

“Why didn’t your publicist take down the photo?”

“Clarke you know they can’t always control the media.”

“Yeah but it was never like this.”

“It’s only one picture.”

“Fine, then answer this. Are you using me as your trophy wife?” They were a couple to never beat around the bush. Everything had always been laid out there making their relationship stronger and easier. For the most part it always worked to their benefit but this time may not be the case. Lexa jumped off the couch astound a comment like that came from Clarke.

“I’ve been with you even before I became rich. You seriously think I’m using you? What the fuck Clarke!”

“This isn’t you directly. This is Titus.”

“He is doing what is best for me.”

“Then how come you threw a wallad of money earlier this week? And now suddenly my face is the center of a magazine! How come we rushed into getting married and signing the papers? When we rarely did talk about getting married it was always supposed to be big and perfect! What did you think I would believe?” Running her hands through her hair she walked backed over to the kitchen to finish what she had started.

“Clarke.” Her voice was laced with sadness as she believed she was the cause of her lover's pain.

“Don’t Clarke me.” It had always been the way Lexa had said her name made her want to cave in her argument. Something about the way it just rolled off her tongue made her feel guilty when that was the reality.

Lexa never wanted to cause her pain, however, she knew Clarke would get stubborn in an argument and then shut down when they got to that touchy feely place. Because so Lexa couldn’t always tell what the root of the problem was. Though Lexa was afraid of labels, it was even harder when Clarke would be a brick wall refusing to let emotions seep.

There was always some deeper emotion behind everything. Knowing the blonde like the back of her hand she understood she was angry at her because of the wedding.

“What do you want me to say then? Apparently everything I am doing lately is pissing you off.”

“I don't know. I don't want to talk about it anymore.”

“Fine you don't want to talk about it? Then let's talk about this.” Lexa threw the pamphlets onto the counter. Looking away from the vegetables she noticed what Lexa had found. Only her eyes moved as they returned back center. She shut them for a moment to process what Lexa had just pulled out.

“You went through my draw?” Clarke spoke softly not wanting to let her anger and assumptions get the best of her.

“No, they were lying on the dresser. When were you going to tell me about this? We used to tell each other everything.”

“Because Lexa you are afraid of the future.”

“No, I'm not.”

“Then how come it took us this long to get married? We didn't even have a real fucking wedding.” There it was. The real reason she was angry. Clarke brushed passed Lexa and headed into the living room unable to focus on the task at hand.

“I asked if you wanted to do this and you said it was no big deal.”

“Of course it’s a big deal it's marriage! I was trying to do this for your sake!”

“Don't put the blame on me.”

“You should have realized how wrong it was and stopped the whole thing. You know I would do anything for you! I can’t think rationally.”

“And what about this!” Lexa picked up the pamphlet following her into the kitchen. She threw it on table letting them all fly in the air.

“I was just looking.”

“No one just looks.”

“Well I was.”

“I don't believe you.”

“We have been dating for almost twelve years Lexa. Twelve fucking years and we haven’t moved anywhere with it. We both have secure jobs and a home. Did you not expect me to plan for our future at some point in our lives?”

“We’ve been barely been married for two months.”

“Are you kidding me? We've pretty much been married since the moment I agreed to go on a date with you. I've never had eyes for anyone else.”

“And what if I did.”

“Well now you are just straight up lying and being an ass.”

“We can't do this right now Clarke. There is no way in hell we can pull this off!”

“I'm going to be thirty-five soon! I don't get to live forever Lexa! I watch people die for a living I don't want to take my own life for granted!”

“You work all day! I basically live in my office and now I'm running to be mayor. We won't have time.”

“When do we put our family first?” The words weighed like a ton of bricks. Their family. It's always something she imagined but never thought she would really have. Beside her cousin Anya, Clarke was her only family, the only thing she needed.

“I don't want kids.” Lexa spat. Suddenly Clarke felt her body tense up and tears swell in her eyes. This was not the woman she loves. It was not how she imagined this conversation would ever go. Not every relationship was perfect was it?

“Why are you being so difficult? You've always wanted a family.” Clarke had her back towards her now, knowing throughout college how much Lexa insisted on having a big family. Nothing was making sense as the brunette contradicted herself.

“We aren't ready for one.”

“I've been ready Lexa. I've been ready to move on with my life. It's you who hasn't.”

Suddenly her pager went off, so brushed past Lexa to check what the problem was. The message she got was not one she was fond of immediately felt her mind switch gears.

“I have to go.” Clarke began to move around to collect the necessary items before she headed out.

“See you are running off to work. What would happen if we had a kid what would you do now?”

Clarke rummaged through her purse looking for her keys. Then looking towards Lexa she walked over closing off any distance between their bodies. Speaking almost in a whisper created a powerful affect on the brunette.

“I hope you would be the parent your parents never were to you and help care for them.” Salt was poured all over the wound after the bandage was ripped open.

That was the thing. When someone knows you that well they know everything you love but they also know where it hurts. Clarke was no idiot using the exact words that would elicit the emotion of the girl.

Clarke turned her back as she made her way towards the door.

“Clarke, I’m sorry.” Lexa knew she had fucked up with saying those words. It was wrong to use her job against her because she knew how much it meant to her. As well with the fact that she had more leniency with her job it was expected she would be able to do more. Without turning back around Clarke spoke up again, hoping to end their fight a little less brutal.

“Listen, Octavia’s wedding is in two days. I’m going to stay with her till then. I need you to figure out if this mayor thing is getting to your head and what it is doing to you unconsciously. I love you Lex but right now you are not acting like the woman I fell in love with.”

Clarke grabbed her bag and left the house leaving Lexa at the front the door hands gripping to the magazine tightly.

-------

Turns out one of her patients had tried killing herself and though it was taken care of they wanted her to check in. Clarke had very personal relationships with her long-term patients. It was a never a good idea to get attached but with what she sees on a daily basis she couldn’t help but want to offer that emotional support as well.

“Hello Maddie.” Clarke stood at the door waiting for her presence to be acknowledged.

“Doctor Griff?” She immediately sat up from her bed knowing she was about to be scolded.

Clarke plopped her body on the chair to stare at the window. Night was falling and it was only matter of minutes before the sky went dark. She didn't say anything because she knew her patient better. Silence was her weakness. And just like that after a few minutes she spoken up.

“I'm sorry.”

“For what?”

“For trying to kill myself.”

“And why are you apologizing to me?”

“I don't know.” Sighing Clarke made her way over where she now sat at the edge of the bed.

“Care to tell me why?”

“I hate being here. People suck. This hospital sucks. I just want to go home.”

“Come here.” Clarke moved closer as her patient cuddled in with her. Clarke had been with her since she first been diagnosed. After a while friends visited her less and less. Family became distant as well as her support system started to slip.

Patients with these severe illness not only had their bodies attacked by it but as well as their relationships. Clarke took up the responsibility of being there for her never wanting anyone to feel that alone.

“I don't know if it gets better Mads but I see patients here who would do anything to take one more breathe. Once it's gone you'll never know how lucky you were to have been able to have that breathe.” Nodding against her chest the girls laid there in silence letting the words linger in the room.

“Life sucks, there's not much we can do.”

There was only so much you could say to someone who was totally distraught and fed up with life. How could she tell them it got better? She couldn’t tell them it would get worse either because the truth was she had no idea what was in the future. She just hoped one day Maddie would realize how important she was.

“Is there something wrong with you and Miss.Lexa.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Your motivational speak wasn't as uplifting as usual.”

“Sorry kido.”

“Well if you need someone to talk to I'm here!” Maddie had suggested with a weak smile.

“Honestly I would to love Maddie.” So Clarke held onto the child telling her a small part of their argument. Letting it off her chest she sorted through her own emotions and mostly to entertain the girl who had declared they were here otp or whatever that means.

After an hour of talking Clarke looked down and smiled to the girl who was falling asleep. Her arms had been bandage up pretty tightly looking like they needed to be rewrapped.

“Can you sing to me?”

“Of course.” Stroking her hair she hummed the tune slowly carrying out the words. “Go to sleep you little baby. Way down yonder, down in the meadow there's a poor little lamby. Bees and butterflies flitting round his eyes he's crying out for his mammy.”

She sang the song all the way through until the little girl she assumed was fast asleep. Clarke whispered the words she had no idea Maddie would hear and remember for the rest of her life.

“See Maddie I really needed you tonight.” She kissed the girl’s arm after covering her up the blanket. It wasn’t a lie because talking to Maddie helped calmed her down. The girl did not respond or comment but only listen to build up inside her.

What Maddie did not know was how badly Clarke wanted to be a mother now. She hadn't been entirely sure. In fact she accidentally stumbled across the pamphlets Lexa found, toying with the idea of motherhood.

Being able to help Maddie today and see her smile she knew she wanted to have a child to smile up to her every night like that. After she read them a bedtime story and tuck them to sleep she wanted to curl up with her wife knowing her family was all there. She wanted a family, her own family.

Clarke would spend the days watching families reunite or hug and cry together. She wouldn't admit it aloud but she was jealous because she wanted that too. She wanted her own family and now it finally felt time.

“I'll see you tomorrow Maddie.”