“Lex?” Clarke called quietly from the interior doorway to the garage.
Clarke had just gotten out of the shower after coming home from work.
The day has been quite long and she had been missing Lexa from the moment they left home in the morning. They always left for work before her and for the past few days, they came back home much later as well. Today though, their car was parked in the street when Clarke looked out the window after exiting the bathroom.
Lexa hadn’t heard their girlfriend come through the door; the garage was pretty-well soundproof and their heavy breaths from the workout drowned out just about everything else. Apart from their mind. That was something they could never ever escape...well almost never.
The blonde stood with her right ear to the door, both hands flat on each side of her head, listening quietly, trying to access what was happening in there. Lexa’s assault on the punching bag had definitely ended, all she could hear was heavy breathing and the low rumbling sound of the washing machine.
“Lexa, can I come in?” She called once again.
Silence, apart from the dryer again. The worry slowly took place in her chest. With the time, she had learnt to sense how Lexa was feeling, or not feeling at all, without any words, without even seeing them. Like a second nature, like a primal instinct. And right now, she was having that uncomfortable, almost painful, feeling settling deeply between her ribs.
“Lexa, I’m coming in, okay?” Clarke asked again, knowing that she wouldn’t get an answer anyway. She tried to control her voice to keep it calm, confident and reassuring. She knew they could start feeling guilty if they felt her worrying too much and she couldn’t risk that. All the evidences pointed to the idea that the brunette was having a particularly bad day.
Clarke’s suspicions were confirmed as she pushed the door open and laid her eyes on Lexa, who was standing in the middle of the garage and their equipment, probably staring at a point somewhere in front of them or at their feet. Lexa’s slightly sweaty form stood before her, unmoving even as she stepped closer and closer. The brunette’s boxers hung loosely around strong hips and thighs, just as her brown hair hung around and down their back. Their heavy breathing made their shoulders move significantly. Essentially, Lexa looked like a mess.
“Lexaa…” Clarke sighed as start walking toward them, making sure they knew she was approaching.
The last thing she wanted was to scared them by being too fast, too sudden, too close. After carefully taking those steps that were separating them, she stood in front of the brunette who took the energy to meet the blonde’s soft gaze. They stood there, unmoving, apparently unresponsive to Clarke’s apparition. She waited, standing in front of them long enough to make them adjust to her presence.
When she felt something imperceptible change in their eyes, like they were ready, she added “Okay baby, I’m going to come closer, alright?”.
The brunette’s chest still heaved under the constriction of a black sports bra. Clarke took a moment to reassure Lexa of her intent as she reached slowly forward, making sure they were seeing her coming to unzip the front halfway. Hoping that might help them breathing a little. But deep down, Clarke knew that Lexa needed some help right now and unzipping their sports-bra would not be enough tonight.
Lexa had still barely moved or said anything. They very rarely had days like this, days that drove them to almost being numb. Lexa prided themself on their ability to control their emotions and actions; sometimes that control just slipped away.
Clarke took a deep breath and slowly moved her hand down to take Lexa’s warm hand in hers, “Come on babe, let’s go get you cleaned up and put some food into that belly of yours.”
Smiling softly she pulled the brunette out of the garage and down the hall to their bathroom, never letting go of their hand, caressing their knuckles gently with her thumb. Lexa wanted to balk and not go any further, but they knew that they needed this. Clarke always took much better care of them than they could. It was both a gift and a curse.
Lexa had always liked to think that they don’t really need anyone, that they can fend for themself. When Clarke walked into their life a few years ago, she proved Lexa’s theory wrong. Very wrong. Love was not weakness; it is strength.
Many minutes Later, Lexa found that they were both very naked and in the shower. Lexa was so grateful in that moment for her lovely girlfriend, who was lovingly washing vanilla scented body wash over their back and sides. Gently washing away some of the tension in their body.
Lexa spoke just loud enough to be heard over the water hitting the tiles, “ Thankyou ”.
The smallest words, like this one, were a miracle on these days. Before Clarke came into Lexa’s life, there were times where they went days without speaking...those days didn’t exist anymore.
The blonde felt a kind of relief wash over her heart when she heard their soft voice and let a shy smile spread on her face. They were letting her in, and she was so thankful. She knew Lexa was allowing her to come even closer. As her own thank you, she pressed her body to the brunette’s back, wrapping her arms around Lexa. Squeezing just a little as she relished in the feeling of Lexa taking baby steps in coming back to their normal self. Lightly brushing their shoulder with her lips to make sure they knew they were not alone. And that they never would be anymore.
That is the feeling that Clarke hated Lexa having the most; even if she did understand those kinds of feelings on a personal level. Clarke has her bad days too, just like Lexa, and she would have done anything to keep them away from that.
Clarke went about washing all the sweat and daily dirt from the brunette’s body; kissing old scars, tense muscles and significant spots as she went. There was something sacred, solemn almost ritualized in her gestures and touches and in the way Lexa was letting Clarke’s hands and lips travel across their body. When they were clean and a little bit less tensed, she helped them out of the bathtub and wrapped them in a warm and fluffy towel.
Despite the situation, Clarke and Lexa had always seemed to enjoy the closeness that came with drying each-other’s body after a shower or bath...or even after a water gun fight in the backyard.
When Clarke ushered her naked brunette through the door to their bedroom and to the side of their bed, she whispered “You’re alright Lex, I’ve got you. It’s all okay. I promise.”
She didn’t wanted to break the spell that seemed to envelope them both by being too loud. That was the kind of whisper she used at night, when everything was dark and sleep was about to claim them, but she still wanted to talk. That was the kind of whisper that said “ I am here ”.
Clarke was the first to sit on the bed, letting go of Lexa’s hand only to settle herself against a mountain of pillows, propping up her upper body. The brunette snuggled up beside her girlfriend and rested her head on the blonde’s bare chest. They lay down like that carefully, pulling the sheets back to cover their bodies that were still warm from the shower. Usually Lexa would be the one holding Clarke, but not today. Just for good measure and to make sure that Clarke didn't try to wiggle out of bed, Lexa wrapped a leg over Clarke’s thighs and an arm around her waist. Clarke couldn’t help herself, she chuckled softly at how her big tough Commander had just turned into a koala. A very big koala. Her very big koala.
Despite the relaxed position, Clarke could still feel the tension in Lexa’s body. In the way they controlled their breathing. In the way that their thoughts were still so very loud. In the way that their muscles were still twitching and tensing.
They weren’t relaxed at all.
After a moment listening to their breathing, Clarke kissed the top of Lexa’s head, “Would you like to tell me what happened today...or did it just happen?” , she spoke quietly but firmly.
Like a child, they just shook their head and mumbled into the side of Clarke’s boob.
Clarke huffed at how cute the little commander was getting, even in their mental distress.
The blonde tipped Lexa’s chin up with her fingers so their gazes met, “It just happened today, didn’t it?” , she moved her hand to cup the brunette’s cheek and neck, stroking lightly at their cheekbone with her thumb.
Lexa nodded slowly.
“It’s okay, baby. I do understand. You have had a particularly stressful week, and on top of that you work way too hard. You don’t need to overexert yourself, Lex. Which is why I’m banning you from your computer for the rest of the evening and night. We are going to take some time for us, tonight. Just us. Alright?”
Internally, Lexa wanted to argue. But they also knew that Clarke’s words were very true and they needed time. Clarke was always right. So Lexa nodded, the slightest of smiles playing at the corners of their lips. That made Clarke smile so widely, it was infectious enough for the brunette to smile so hard they went back to hiding next to their girlfriend’s boob.
Clarke felt the almost instantaneous change in the demeanor of the brunette. “ Lexi? ” She asked expectantly, her voice going just a single tone higher.
Lexa’s eyes slowly popped up above the curve of Clarke’s breast.
Clarke continued, “Would you like to watch a movie? Or something to eat? ”
Lexa brought her chin up to rest on their girlfriend’s chest softly while they chewed on their words. They knew what they wanted, but were nervous about asking for it. After much deliberation and without saying anything, Lexa let go of Clarke and allowed the blonde to go out and pick three different movies and grab some little snacks.
What Clarke came back with though, shocked Lexa.
Clarke walked back in with the movies and the snacks. That part was fine, but it was what they were. Clarke set three movies on the comforter and the snacks at the foot of the bed. The movies were: Nemo, Madagascar and Big Hero 6. The snacks were a small mountain of dinosaur shaped cookies, some grapes and some little cubes of cheese. And of course, the juice came in a cup with a straw.
Lexa looked up at Clarke who was still standing beside the bed. The blonde had such a loving smile on her face.
“How did you know?” Lexa asked, doing their absolute best not to jump out of their skin and attack Clarke with kisses and cuddles.
A small laugh escaped Clarke’s lips as she sat down imperceptibly behind Lexa and ran her hand through their slightly damp hair, “ I know you baby, you don’t need words ”.
Lexa blushed furiously as Clarke’s deft fingers made their way behind their ear and began to scratch and rub gently. The brunette pushed her head further into Clarke’s hand.
Clarke spoke again as she went further behind Lexa, “ Ever since I learnt of your...little tendencies I have been doing some research and reading of my own. I have learnt a lot, especially from your leftovers on your days off .”, they both laughed, “I mean how could I not know from the fact that we go through a whole box of dinosaur nuggets and tiny teddies each week. And that a certain green sippy cup has made its way into our glass cupboard.”
“Well I guess I haven’t been very sneaky about it...well at least not as much as i thought.”
Clarke laughed, “No, angel, you definitely haven’t been sneaky. But you don’t need to be. I love little Lexi, who likes cartoons and sippy cups just as much as I love Commander Lexa, who tries to save our environment and the earth.”
Clarke wrapped her arms around the still blushing and giggling brunette and pulled them back into the throne of pillows, “Come here now, we both deserve cuddles”.
********
The pair had been happily and peacefully watching Madagascar for the last 45 minutes, Lexa assumed the position of the koala once again and had been gently nuzzling into Clarke’s boob whilst still trying to watch the movie too.
Clarke was trying to not react and control her breathing as much as she could to not disturb the brunette. After resisting a few minutes, she spoke just loud enough and with enough firmness to be heard over the shenanigans of the Alex the Lion and Gloria the Hippo, “Angel, if you keep doing that i’m not going to be able to focus on the movie much longer.”.
She immediately felt the pout spread across Lexa’s face, looking down that’s exactly what she saw. Pouty Lexi. Sometimes it still amazed Clarke that Pouty Lexi was also the same person that can send daggers at someone across the boardroom table and shut them up in seconds.
The realisation is instant.
“ Lexi, do you want something? ” Clarke asked knowingly, raising an eyebrow playfully.
The brunette’s cheeks redden once again; Clarke’s hand comes back to cup the brunette’s jaw line, her thumb gently playing with Lexa’s lower lip. Pulling it down gently before allowing it to slip and come back up… The motions relaxed Lexa enough to let them be a little surprised when they felt Clarke’s thumb gently pressing on their teeth, asking for entrance.
Lexa parted their teeth and let Clarke’s thumb in as the girl spoke reassuringly.
“It’s okay, Lexi. You are safe here.” , with that the brunette sealed their lips around the blonde’s thumb but didn’t go any further than that.
Clarke huffed, Lexa’s mantra of ‘consent is sexy’ never seemed to go away, “Lexi, you can suck my thumb. It‘s okay” , she reassured by gently stroking the underside of the brunette’s chin and pressing her thumb against Lexa’s warm tongue.
Clarke hummed contently when she felt Lexa almost immediately began to suck her thumb, gently soothing their tongue around it as she closed their eyes and leaned into Clarke’s warmth. Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa in a more possessive and protective manner, drawing little circles on the brunette’s hip as she surrendered herself to feeling Lexa. Clarke pressed a soft kiss to the brunette’s forehead,
“There baby, you can rest, I’m looking out for you. You are safe in my arms”.
Minutes passed by too quickly as the pair shared this moment of closeness and almost innocent intimacy. Lexa humming contently in the back of their throat, occasionally wiggling closer to the blonde...as if that were possible. Until Clarke withdrew her thumb from Lexa’s mouth, earning a pitiful whine from the brunette as they looked longingly into her eyes.
“No no baby, it’s okay. I thought you might want something...else ” Clarke said quietly, moving her thumb to brush it over a prominent pink nipple.
Lexa’s eyes widened in realisation. And utter joy. Though they wouldn’t let Clarke know that, they shuffled down a bit and gently nuzzled the slightly wet nipple, and kissed around it gently. Their own saliva catching on their nose.
It seemed to Lexa that the blonde had grown a little impatient with Lexa’s ‘nerves’ - even if she understood, this was the first time for this kind of thing. The blonde pulled Lexa’s mouth to her nipple by the back of their neck.
“It’s okay Lexa, you can nurse from me” .
Lexa’s eyes lit up with happiness at the words Clarke used; they were on the same page, so to speak. Lexa leant in and pulled the pert nipple between their lips and into their mouth as their eyes closed in content. Clarke sighed into the touch; it was much more enjoyable than she thought it would be.
Lexa began to suck rhythmically as they found a comfortable place to rest their head; Clarke had pulled a pillow into cradle Lexa’s head. There was no doubt that this was the safest and realest Lexa had felt in little space since they discovered it.
It was so close and intimate; both of them so vulnerable and open. Both of them happy and at peace.
********
Lexa had fallen asleep about 10 minutes after the sun had decided to set and darken the room apart from the lamp light beside their bed, but Clarke couldn't. Not when she had to commit this gorgeous sight to memory. The brunette had let go of Clarke’s nipple and was now laying on their back with their belly exposed like a small puppy asking for a belly rub. Clarke couldn't help herself, she slid her hand down and gently drew little patterns in line with the slight creases of the brunette’s abdominal muscles.
The touch seemed to rouse the brunette from their light sleep. The brunette hummed and pulled their girlfriend closer, Clarke rested her head on the brunette’s shoulder, “Had a good sleep Lex?”.
********
They pulled the remaining food from the bedside table and polished off the plate, leaving their bellies full.
Clarke snickered at a thought. Recently they had discussed the possibility of a kid or two in future and had agreed that their cat would enjoy a friend. Even if it was their furbaby, the wanted a human baby.
Lexa looked at Clarke, a worried expression, “What kind of evil plan did you just dream up, hmm?”.
“You are going to get jealous when we have kids and those little mouths steal my boobs, aren’t you Lex?”
Lexa deadpanned as they sat up and ruffled their hair, “They will only be borrowing what is mine” , lexa turned around and smiled devilishly, “besides, I will still be getting boob time.”
Lexa stood and walked up to the TV and turned it off before returning to the bedside and taking Clarke’s lips in a chaste kiss before walking off to the bathroom to clean up their mess from earlier.
Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle to herself once the brunette had left the room, “Yep, Commander Lexa is back.”