Imagine Your OTP's

I remember your bare feet, down the hallway
I remember your little laugh
Race cars on the kitchen floor, plastic dinosaurs
I love you to the moon and back

"Ow! Fuck. Ridge!" Raven Reyes growls as she leaps onto one foot while she holds the other in her hands and listens to the giggles of her four-year-old son. "Do you really think this is funny, space man?"

"I think it's super duper funny, Mama," Ridge Alexander Reyes snickers as he holds his plastic space ship in his hand while his eyes light up. "Mama, how comes you don't look where you're walkin'? Mommy says you always should."

"Um, I shouldn't have to look around my kitchen to avoid your alien toys." Raven scoffs as she sets her foot down and moves to scoop her son over her shoulder. "So, what are you up to this evening, goober butt?"

"I'm playin' space and grounders." Ridge replies with a small grunt as Raven moves to settle him on her hip while he begins to fly his space ship around her head. "Mama, the space ship is gonna land on planet Mars!"

Raven stares at her son's beautiful blue eyes and smiles softly as he rests the space ship on her head and makes a loud landing noise. The four-year-old scrunches his nose as he giggles and quickly lifts the toy off his mother's head to fly it around once more. A smile works itself across her face as she continues to watch him and she moves towards the fridge and scoots cars and alien figures to the side with her bare feet as she listens to him gibber on about space.

"You are so damn cute, dude. I love you so much." Raven chuckles.

"Mama, you said a bad word," Ridge scolds as he folds his brow slowly and taps the tip of his rocket ship against his mother's nose and then throws his arms around her neck. "I love you too, Mama. To the moon and back again!"

"To the moon and back?" Raven repeats with a loud gasp as she looks at him with shock on her face and the four-year-old widens his eyes as he bobs his head excitedly. "Wow, Ridge. That is so much love, space man."

"Whoa. What's with this love fest? I want some." Clarke Griffin-Reyes pouts as she patters into the kitchen and moves towards her two favorite people and presses kisses to both of their dark locks. "What's going on?"

"I love you, Mommy!" Ridge exclaims as he extends his arms to the blonde and Clarke laughs softly as she allows the little boy to slip easily into her tight hold. "I love you, Mommy. I love you to the moon and back."

"Wow, that's an awful lot of love."

"That's what I said." Raven scoffs as she shakes her head. "Our kid loves hard, Clarke."

"He does. He really, really does. He must get it from his mama." Clarke whispers against her son's head while she gazes at Raven with pure adoration while the dark-haired woman flashes her the same look.

"I think we just got lucky with having such an awesome kid." Raven smirks as she steps forward and presses a kiss to Clarke's lips while she glances at her son. "I mean, he's like one of the best kids ever. He's pretty cool."

"Oh yes." Clarke nods. "The coolest."

"Super duper ooper cool?" Ridge asks with a raise of his eyebrow.

"Super duper ooper cool." Raven and Clarke echo.

I remember your eyes looking into mine
Like we had our own secret club
I remember you dancing before bedtime
Then jumping on me, waking me up

"What are you doing in here, silly boy?" Clarke smiles as she hears the soft lull of the radio and she peeks her head into Ridge's room to watch as he dances in his Spiderman boxers. "Aren't you supposed to be putting your jammies on?"

"It's too much work, Mommy. I don't wanna." Ridge shrugs as he bounces happily on the tips of his toes and dances throughout the length of his superhero decorated room while his mother watches. "Mommy, come dance with me."

"But you're supposed to be getting ready for bed, handsome." Clarke sighs even as she scoops the little boy into her arms and gives him a quick twirl. "I don't want to keep you awake. You need to get some sleep."

"Sleep time is for babies. I'm a big boy." Ridge squeaks as he strings his arms around Clarke's neck and burrows his face in her shoulder while his legs tighten around her waist and he squeals loudly in her ear. "Spin me faster, Mommy!"

"I don't think so, bud. Mommy is getting really dizzy." Clarke chuckles as she drops onto his bed and the pair bounce on the mattress before Ridge cuddles into his mother's arms and scrunches his nose. "I take it you're getting sleepy."

"No." Ridge yawns as he flutters his lashes. "I'm not."

"I think the sandman is due for a visit soon." Clarke teases as she brushes a kiss over his forehead and stands from his bed. "So, rest your little eyes and maybe he'll come fill your head with good dreams."

Ridge whines as Clarke helps him into his night shirt, "Can we have fun 'morrow?"

"Of course we can. We're going to have so much fun." Clarke assures him as she helps him into his basketball shorts and watches as he lazily scrambles under his sheets. "What kind of fun are we going to have?"

"I dunno." Ridge mumbles. "Ask mama."

"Okay, I will do just that." Clarke laughs as she leans down to press a kiss to his forehead but her blue eyes dart to a small bruise on the underside of his jaw. "Ridge, where did you get this bruise from?"

"Hm?" Ridge mumbles.

"You have a bruise..." Clarke trails off as she notices that his eyes are closed, the woman shakes her head in amusement as she sweeps his hair from his forehead and drops a kiss to his pale skin. "Goodnight, baby."

Clarke grins at him one last time before she flips on his Superman nightlight and turns off his lamp before she slips from the blue room. The blonde smothers a yawn as she wonders into her bedroom and pulls her hair into a sloppy bun while her eyes blink slowly. Raven wonders out of the bathroom and Clarke flashes her a sleepy expression as she scans her eyes over Raven's long t-shirt and bare legs; the brunette smirks at her before she leans over the bedside table to grab her glasses.

"Did you already put Ridge to bed?" Raven asks with a small frown of disappointment and the look deepens as she catches sight of the faraway expression that appears on her wife's face as she bites her lower lip. "What's going on in your head, Dr. Griffin?"

"Ridge has a bruise on the underside of his jaw, I don't think it was there this morning." Clarke replies as she steps towards the bed and draws the covers back as she slides onto the cool mattress. "I think I saw one on his shoulder the other day..."

"I bet he got them playing with Una." Raven assures the woman with a small shrug as she continues to stare at the blonde. "You know how rough that kid gets sometimes, it is Lexa and Octavia's kid after all."

"Yeah." Clarke nods. "You're probably right."

"I promise that we'll keep an eye on it." Raven whispers as she rests her head on her fluffy pillow and Clarke nods slowly as she scoots down to curl into the brunette's arms while she nibbles at her lower lip. "Don't worry, it's probably nothing."

"Yeah." Clarke repeats. "You're probably right."

-

"Mama! Mommy!"

Clarke pops up in bed and releases a gasp of surprise as a small body eagerly collides with hers. The force of the form knocks her back against her pillows and a giggle bubbles in her throat as she stares up in blue orbs. She knows she'll never get tired of being woken up like this, she'll never tire of seeing her beautiful boy's face, and she sincerely can't wait for a mini version of Raven to jump on her sometime in the near future.

"Well, good morning to you too." Clarke whispers and Ridge simply snickers as he leans down to nuzzle their noses together. "What are you doing up so early, little man? It's not even nine o'clock yet."

"Yeah, space man. It's too early for you to be jumping on the bed." Raven whines, her voice stays muffled by the material of her pillow as she groans loudly. "Clarke, make our son go back to bed. I'm sleepy."

"Mama, Spongebob is on." Ridge whines. "And I want mommy's special space cakes."

"You do? Well, I guess that's what we're having for breakfast then. Space cakes and bacon for my favorite boy." Clarke grins as she sits up and curls her arms around her son only for him to wiggle as he pouts slightly. "What's wrong, bud? Did I hurt you?"

"No. I gots a color ouchie." Ridge explains as he reaches up with a frown as he presses his hand to his back while Clarke stares at him with wide eyes. "It's purple, Mommy. It doesn't hurt though. It's pretty."

"Well, why don't you let mommy take a look?" Clarke suggests in a calm tone and the child is quick to scramble so he can turn his back to her before the blonde reaches to slowly pull his shirt up. "Oh."

"Isn't it pretty, Mommy?" Ridge giggles.

"Sweetheart, does anything else hurt?" Clarke demands. "Do you have anymore ouchies?"

"Um, I have a ball on my armpit. Una likes to poke it." Ridge snickers as he quickly lifts his arm and Clarke's fingers brush over the small knot while her brow furrows. "And sometimes my head feels bad. Like mama's does when she goes out with Auntie O."

Clarke releases a breath as her heart jumps in her chest, "Raven..."

"It is way too early." Raven grumbles.

"Raven, please," Clarke whispers and the brunette sits up with a scowl that disappears as she sees the worry written across her wife's face. "Ridge was telling me that he has a colored ouchie on his back and a ball on his armpit."

"Mommy," Ridge sighs. "Can I have space cakes now?"

"Yeah, sweetie. We um we can go make blue space cakes." Clarke whispers with a nod of her head and the four-year-old beams before he scrambles off the bed and leaves his mothers behind. "Raven, we need to take him to the doctor..."

"Clarke." Raven murmurs as she looks at her wife with wide eyes. "Do you think...?"

"I'm not saying anything until we talk to his doctor, okay?" Clarke replies as she shakes her head and sweeps her hands through her bangs while Raven stares at her. "I'm making an appointment with Dr. Jones for tomorrow."

"Mommy, space cakes time!"

I can still feel you hold my hand, little man
And even the moment I knew
You fought it hard like an army guy
Remember I leaned in and whispered to you

"Clarke," Raven mumbles. "What does this all mean?"

The blonde flinches at the confusion in her wife's voice as she looks away from where Ridge lays on the bed. She stares at the woman beside her and shakes her head while she tries to ignore the way her eyes burn with building tears. The doctor's appointment they set up went from bad to worse when Dr. Jones caught sight of the bruises. Clarke clenches her jaw as she remembers his grave expression as he sent them to another hospital for another batch of tests.

"I don't understand." Raven whimpers. "What's going on?"

Clarke opens her mouth to comfort her wife, but Dr. Jones enters the room with another man close at his heels. Both women reach for each other as they see the somber, serious expression on their faces before they stop in front of them. They listen as the men explain the tests that they ran on Ridge, Clarke can feel the way Raven's hand slips further and further away from hers as the men swap looks every now and then while they glance towards Ridge.

Raven feels the air leave her as she listens to the doctors speak, each word feels like a knife through her heart and it only worsens when she hears the heartbreaking sob her wife releases as a word slips into the air. It filters around them and replays over and over in a loop as they feel their entire world shatter, as they feel the happiness they once have slowly slip from their hands.

Leukemia.

The one word manages to tear apart their entire world as they both look to Ridge's clueless face; his beautiful eyes widen in fear as he looks between his mothers and struggles to sit up on the bed as his lower lip pouts. Raven reaches for him, smooths a hand through his messy curls and winces as she feels the slight fever he sports; how could she not have noticed? How could this have happened?

"There are options, ladies. Treatments." Dr. Jones assures them as he crosses his arms over his chest and glances to the doctor beside him who nods slowly. "We're going to look into chemo and other forms of treatment. I think we might have caught it in time..."

The words just blur together and they fumble into one never-ending sentence as Raven opens and closes her mouth as she tries to figure out what to say; all she can feel is Clarke's hand as it grapples for her own. The men give them sympathetic half-smiles and Raven wants to hit them both, wants to shove the information they gave them down their throats. Wants their words to disappear. But the two men excuse themselves before she can even stand.

"It's alright. It's alright, right? I-It's alright." Raven assures them with a nod as she sucks in a breath and holds back the tears that push at the backs of her eyes as she turns to look at her four-year-old son. "It's going to be alright, my little space man."

Ridge looks between his mother as he silently lays back on the bed and Clarke leans forward to brush her fingers through Ridge's messy dark curls until his tiny hand covers her as he whines for her to stop. Raven looks between them and blinks away her tears before they both climb into bed with their son and sandwich him between them. The four-year-old sighs happily as he keeps his hand on Clarke's and rests his head on Raven's chest.

"It's going to be okay, space man," Raven whispers into his ear. "Mommy and I are going to fix this. You're going to get better. You're going to be okay, it's all going to be okay. I promise, we're going to take care of you."

Come on, baby, with me we're gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years

The months that pass with chemo seem to work for their son; his smile never wavers and his jokes become goofier as he hops around the hospital rooms he spends most of his time in and laughs with nurses and doctors who know him well. Raven remembers the day that his dark curls had begun to fall out and Ridge was quick to ask for them to shave his head; after that, the four-year-old grew to love baseball caps and beanies and any other hats people gave to him.

He's taken his illness better than Raven and Clarke have, and he's been able to keep everyone's spirits up with his positive attitude and smiles; it amazes his mothers every day how strong their little boy is. Even with his bouncy curls gone and his dimmed blue eyes, it seems like things were going to get better...but they didn't. They had thought things were going to work, that he would be okay, but he wasn't.

The chemotherapy slows down after a while and before they can process it, all Raven and Clarke can do is sit back and watch their child slip from their fingers as his body becomes more frail every day. It's a Sunday afternoon and the rain patters against the windows of the hospital as Raven sits on the edge of Ridge's bed and runs her hand up and down his back while Clarke sits on the other side and whispers silly jokes in his ear.

It's one of his bad days, his bad days seem to be more frequent then ever and he's spent the majority of the morning sleeping and when he finally wakes both his mothers are quick to greet him with kisses and snuggles. He looks at them and something in Raven breaks, the doctor had prepared them for this day a week ago and she knows that their journey is coming to an end.

"Mommy, I'm so sleepy," Ridge whispers and his voice cracks as he squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. "Do you 'member how that doctor told me about Jesus? How it was okay to be scared to meet him?"

Raven feels her heart rip from her chest at her son's words as her hand freezes on his back while Clarke stares at him with wide blue eyes; this wasn't what they were expecting from their son, it was the last thing they were hoping for. They had been reading Ridge the Bible more often and a doctor had come to his room last week to talk to him about Heaven, but Raven and Clarke had pushed the idea to the back of their minds and chose to ignore it.

"Mommy, Mama I think...I think I wanna meet Jesus now."

"What? Ridge, no. Not yet, okay?" Clarke snaps as she shakes her head and grabs at his little hand, she turns his hand up and opens his hand to press soft kisses against his clammy palm. "Stay right here with me and mama, baby."

"But my body hurts, Mommy. I wanna go to sleep." Ridge murmurs as he locks eyes with Clarke and the blonde swallows hard at the emptiness she sees in her son's gaze. "I know you and mama will be okay."

Raven slides off the mattress and joins Clarke so they can both face their son and watch as his long lashes flutter slowly to cover his beautiful, blue eyes and they both feel their breath catch as a goofy smile slides across his lips for a short moment. They know, they know it's time to let their son go; and Raven knows she has a matter of minutes before the light in her life goes out and she tries to swallow around the lump in her throat as she brushes a hand over his forehead.

"Okay, baby." Raven nods. "Okay."

"We love you, Ridge." Clarke whispers. "We love you so, so much."

"I love you. To the moon and back."

Ridge stares at them with sleepy eyes as his mothers whisper how much they love him, over and over. He repeats it back to them until his words slur before his lashes flutter and his head lulls against the pillow. Clarke continues to press soft kisses to his palm while Raven brushes her fingers over his head till his hand goes limp. Clarke releases a scream as she listens to her son's heartbeat stop, the green line straightens across the screen and Raven cracks out a sob as nurses flood the room only to stop short and stare at the broken couple.

"Call it." A blonde-haired nurse whispers.

I remember the drive home
When the blind hope turned to crying and screaming why
Flowers pile up in the worst way
No one knows what to say about a beautiful boy who died

"Are you going to talk to me?" Raven mutters as she throws a quick glance to her wife, the blonde sits silently in the passenger seat as they drive away from the grave site. "I haven't heard your voice all day."

"What do you want me to say?" Clarke demands as she releases a loud scoff. "Do you want me to start talking about how everything is going to be okay? How everything will get better with time? Is that what you want to hear?"

"I..." Raven trails off as she shakes her head. "I don't know."

"I don't understand this, Raven." Clarke confesses as her voice rises in pitch and she slams her hand down on the dashboard. "How in the hell did this happen? Why in the hell did this happen? Why our little boy? It's not fair!"

"I know it's not, Clarke." Raven sighs as she flashes a glance towards her wife and tightens her grip on the steering wheel. "I wish with everything inside of me that this wasn't happening, that we still had Ridge..."

"Yeah," Clarke snorts. "But we don't."

Raven flinches at the anger behind her wife's words and she simply gives a firm nod and turns her gaze back to stare at the windshield. Her mind churns with memories of her little boy who occupies every sense and space of her mind. She remembers his hugs, the way his arms used to wrap so tightly around her. She remembers his gentle kisses, how his wet lips fluttered over her face. And she remembers his light, how it led her through the darkness so many times.

Today was the hardest day of her life, she burns with horror as she remembers the image of the tiny coffin that was lowered into the ground. She swallows hard as she remembers the sobs and sniffles of their family and friends, the people who had watched Ridge grow. But Clarke breaking is still the worst part of the day; Raven isn't sure she's ever seen her wife so distressed from the way she had clutched tightly to Ridge's favorite beanie to the way she had muttered for her baby to come back.

The couple is silent as they pull up to their house, she winces as she watches multiple people filter into their home. The pair share a small look as they climb from the car and intertwine their fingers as they stumble up the walkway; this is all they have now, each other. Both women hold onto that knowledge when the space grows between them, they cling to each other because they know if they don't they'll both float of into the unknown.

"Hey." Octavia mutters as the pair walk into their house, the brunette flashes the pair the smallest of smiles as she looks to the side to see Lexa as she comfort their daughter who sobs into her shoulder. "Una is taking this pretty hard."

"I'm sorry." Raven mumbles.

Octavia smacks a hand to her forehead as she releases a long breath, "I am so sorry. That was such a fucking stupid thing to say. Of course you don't want to hear about someone else's kid right now. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, O. Really." Clarke assures her.

The rest of the afternoon is spent with hugs and condolences and apologizes and Raven hates every minute of it; Clarke eventually gives up and retreats to the kitchen after she hugs her sobbing mother for the fourth time. Raven follows behind her wife after a moment and she brushes into the kitchen and bites her lip at the sight of her wife as she scrubs at dirty plates. The brunette leans against the island of the kitchen and taps her blunt nails against the cool granite.

"Here's uh here's another bouquet." Bellamy mutters as he enters the kitchen with a pot of flowers and Raven glances up from the counter in time to see Clarke turn away from the sink with soapy hands.

"Those are really beautiful." Clarke whispers, but her eyes hold the truth of the raw pain and built up anger as she wipes her hands across her black gown before she steps towards her friend. "Who are these from?"

"I think Niylah sent them. I can throw them out if you want." Bellamy suggests as he moves towards the trashcan, but the blonde shakes her head as she reaches out to finger one of the red petals. "What?"

"Red roses. Ridge hates red roses." Clarke explains with a shake of her head as she shoots a quick glance towards her wife. "But maybe we should put them in Ridge's room, freshen it up just a little bit."

"I'll do it."

Raven is up and hurries to take the flowers from Bellamy before she scurries from the kitchen and tumbles up the stairs. She makes her way down the hall and pauses at Ridge's bedroom door, her eyes widen as she stares. She stares at the cherry wood and takes in the multicolored foam letters that spells out her son's name. She chuckles as she reaches out to trace a space ship and little glowing stars that are sprinkled around his name.

They have avoided this room, both women hadn't bothered to spare it a glance since they had lost their little boy; all it holds is memories, painful ones that they both desperately try to escape from. They don't want to step into the room and hear the echo of his laughter, they don't want to have to see the messy room and look at the bed that they once tucked their whole world into.

"Would you like me to open the door for you?" A voice suggests and Raven glances over to see Octavia as she patters towards her with a sad smile on her face. "I figured you wouldn't want to go in there alone."

"I can go in my son's room alone." Raven snarls.

To prove her point, Raven twists the doorknob and steps into the room only to pause as she gets hit with the smell of playdough and innocence. She pauses in the doorway and blinks, stares at a room that hosts so much dust. The layers cling to toys that Raven used to get annoyed with, it rests on picture frames with photos of Ridge smiling back at her; the room is empty and Raven knows she is too.

"Come on, Raven." Octavia orders as she enters the room.

"He never did clean up his room." Raven notes as she enters the dark blue room, she sets the flowers aside and looks around the cluttered area. "Clarke kept getting on to him about it, but he refused. He said he liked it this way."

"He's four. Of course he loves messes." Octavia smirks.

"Was." Raven corrects with a slow shrug and she glances up to catch sight of the confusion in Octavia's green eyes as she slowly tilts her head. "You uh you said he is a four-year-old. He was a four-year-old."

"Oh." Octavia mutters.

"He was uh he was coloring this one for Una." Raven smiles as she leans down to scoop up a half colored picture, she runs her fingers over the dragon and chuckles under her breath. "He was worried she wouldn't like it."

"She would've loved it, she loved everything that he did." Octavia assures her with a small nod before her gaze falls to her feet. "Una hasn't really been sleeping since...since everything happened. She's been wetting the bed."

"I'm sorry." Raven mumbles as she sets the coloring page back on his little table before she moves to her bed and runs her hand over his Batman decorated bedspread. "I'm sure she'll be okay, she'll bounce back."

"Rae, don't shut me out," Octavia pleads as she shakes her head. "You've been so strong for Clarke and you haven't even had a chance to break. Let it out, Raven. You know that I'm always here to listen to you, just let me in."

"What do you want me to say?" Raven sneers as she turns to face her best friend. "Would you like me to scream and cry? Would you like me to punch a wall? Honestly, I would love to do both of those things."

"Raven..."

"He was four, Octavia!" Raven yells as she runs her hands through her dark locks and clutches at it as tears trail down her face. "He had his whole life ahead of him and now he's just gone. I'm never going to see my son again."

Octavia watches her best friend with tears in her eyes, "I am so sorry."

"I'm so fucking tired of hearing that." Raven snaps as she rolls her eyes and glances towards the younger woman. "You can stop acting like you know how to handle any of this, O. I know you're uncomfortable with it."

"Of course I am," Octavia admits with a shrug as she moves closer to Raven. "I look at my daughter and I feel so fucking selfish because I'm so glad it wasn't her. I wouldn't know how to handle this, how to handle losing her."

"You forget a lot." Raven whispers as she nibbles at her lower lip. "You wake up and for a split second you forget. You call his name and he doesn't answer and you remember. You pick up a toy and go to yell at him and you remember. You look at your wife and you remember."

"Raven..."

"It's the worst feeling in the world." Raven whispers and winces as her voice cracks. "I literally feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest, like I can't breathe anymore. I keep wondering if I can live anymore, if I deserve to live."

"Fuck, Rae." Octavia mutters.

"Don't let her go, O." Raven cuts in as she lifts her watery brown eyes to lock with her best friend's as she watches Octavia nod. "Cherish every minute with her because you never know when you're going to lose it all. Promise me, alright?"

Octavia nods silently before she steps forward to gather Raven in her arms and the older woman feels her knees go slack as she collapses against the brunette and allows the sobs to come from the depths of her heart, "I promise, Rae. I promise."

And it's about to be Halloween
You could be anything you wanted if you were still here

Clarke runs a hand through her greasy hair as she tightens her cardigan around her small form and moves to step into her closet. The woman flicks on the light as she glances around for the shirt Lexa asked to borrow. With a sigh, Clarke scoots further into the large space and winces as her pinky toe knocks against something solid. Clarke frowns as her gaze drops to the brown box in the back of the closet and she can feel her heart stop as she leans down to scoop it up.

The woman cradles the box to her chest with care as her feet carry her out of the closet and towards the bed. The mattress squeaks as she plops down and stares at the brown box, bites her lip as she thinks of throwing it away. It's been two months since they lost Ridge and every day seems to hurt a little less, but as she stares at the brown box all the feelings that were slowly beginning to vanish come back to hit her all at once.

"How about a cowboy, bud? You can be Woody." Clarke suggests as she scrolls down on the computer, the child in her lap pouts for a moment before he shakes his head and continues to stare. "You love cowboys, Ridge. Why not?"

"I was a cowboy last year, Mommy." Ridge reminds her as he rolls his eyes and Clarke chuckles at the way it resembles Raven. "Mommy, I think I wanna be a big super scary dinosaur so I can scare mama."

"A dinosaur?" Clarke repeats.

The blonde laughs as her son bobs his head happily and she wraps an arm around his waist to keep him steady while she uses her empty hands to type the word into the search boy; the boy gasps as an array of costumes pop onto the screen. For a moment, his little blue eyes widen and she can see the clear awe in them before he squeaks happily and begins to bounce in her lap.

"Whoa, Mommy!" Ridge squeals as he eagerly leans forward, his nose is only inches away from the bright screen as his blue eyes roll over each costume set before him. "There's so many, Mommy. Which one do you like?"

"Hm, I think I like this one." Clarke grins as she points at a little green costume with yellow spikes down the back and Ridge goes silent before he quickly shakes his head. "And why don't you like that one, little man?"

"Mama doesn't like green." Ridge reminds her with a shrug.

"Oh yes, how could I forget? You're a mama's boy." Clarke grumbles with a roll of her eyes before she watches as Ridge gasps and mashes his finger against the screen with a bright beam. "So, that's the one you want?"

"Yeah!" Ridge squeals.

Clarke giggles as she clicks on the costume and she feels the way Ridge eagerly squirms in her lap as he watches her hands type. The blonde is quick to type in the information before she sends for the little dinosaur costume. The second Clarke alerts him of the purchase, the four-year-old squirms from her lap and plops on the floor with a huff. Clarke rolls her eyes as she hears his tiny feet pound against the hardwood floor as he runs through the house.

"Mama, I'm gonna be a T-Wex!"

"Clarke?"

The blonde jumps as she looks up with a frown, Raven stands before her with tired eyes and her arms crossed as she stares at the woman on the bed and watches the way her broken eyes stare at the box in her lap. They've both changed so much, lost so much weight, and Clarke takes a moment to see the sadness that shines through dark orbs before Raven clears her throat and silently nods towards the box.

"I found Ridge's Halloween costume." Clarke explains in a soft whisper as she glances up to see the way her wife's breath catches as she widens her eyes. "I really can't find it in myself to even open it."

"He was so excited to be a dinosaur this year. Part of me thinks Murphy was more excited than he was though." Raven whispers as she releases a watery laugh and moves to sit down beside her wife.

"Oh yeah, I forgot he asked to take him trick-or-treating." Clarke mutters as she runs her hands over the top of the sealed box before she nibbles at her lower lip nervously. "Do you think we should open it?"

Raven was silent before she releases a long sigh, "Part of me wants to throw it out..."

"But a bigger part of you knows that we shouldn't." Clarke finishes as she peels the tape slowly and pulls the flaps to look down at the little T-Rex costume inside. "He would've looked so cute in this, Rae."

"Yeah." Raven chuckles. "Our little space man."

Clarke releases a watery sigh as she shakes her head and looks back down at the costume, she feels like her heart is slowly splintering in her chest as she realizes she'll never see her son dressed in this. He wasn't going to come running through the house and he wasn't going to kiss her cheeks and tell her how beautiful she was when she had paint all over her face, he wasn't going to come back.

He was gone.

And she knew it was time to accept it.

What if I'm standing in your closet trying to talk to you
And what if I kept the hand-me-downs you won't grow into
And what if I really thought some miracle would see us through
But what if the miracle was even getting one moment with you

Raven bites her lower lip as she opens the door slowly, she slips her hand along the wall till she finds the light switch and carefully flicks it on. Brown eyes turn sad as her gaze roams freely over the walk-in closet that houses her son's clothes. She fingers a sleeve of a shirt and remembers the day she bought it for her son, remembers how happy he was when she had given it to him over ice cream after dinner.

"Oh, Ridge," Raven whispers as she stands in the doorway and feels her brown eyes fill with tears as she reaches out to run her finger over a jelly stained t-shirt. "I don't know if I can do this. Clean out all your stuff."

Raven sighs heavily as she lifts the tiny shirt sleeve to her nose and inhales deeply as she breathes in the smell of long gone innocence. A lone tear slides down the length of her cheek only to splatter on the shirt. She stays like that for a moment and pretends she has her son in her arms, pretends that it's more than just his shirt that she's currently smelling; she tries to pretend that when she opens her eyes, he'll be there with his goofy smile and messy curls.

"Raven, what are you doing?" Clarke questions in a soft voice as she steps into the closet and rests her hands on her wife's hips, the blonde freezes as she sees the tiny t-shirt and clears her throat. "Oh. That was his favorite shirt."

"Yeah. It was." Raven mutters with a bitter smile as she swallow hard and raises her gaze to look around at the multiple shirts and little jeans that hang neatly in the closet, organized perfectly by Clarke. "Where should we uh where should we start?"

"Um," Clarke frowns as she steps around her wife and moves forward to run a finger along a row of neatly hung button up shirts, her eyes close briefly as she recalls the many fights she had with Ridge about these shirts. "Here. I guess."

Raven gives a firm nod as she steps forward and begins to silently fold each t-shirt. The women work in silence as they pull a large brown box into the closet, the sides are decorated with space ships and their son's name. The couple works slowly to fold small shirts and grass stained jeans, and the two swap memories as they fold while soft laughter leaves them; it's been months since either of them have really laughed.

They're down to the last few shirts when Clarke sighs and glances over to Raven, the older woman's brow furrows slightly as she carefully folds a blue t-shirt and sets it in the box that is stacked with clothes. She pauses and watches her wife, she sees the smallest hint of a smile on Raven's face and it warms her heart in a way that hasn't happened since the day Ridge had passed.

"I thought he was going to be okay." Clarke confesses and she swallows hard as brown eyes dart to lock on her face. "I really believed that somehow they would find something to fix it, that Ridge would go into remission."

Raven is silent before she gives a bitter smile, "Me too."

"How could this happen to us, Raven?" Clarke mutters as she glances down at the t-shirt in her lap, she runs her fingers over the soft material and sniffles. "How are we supposed to just move on from this?"

"We don't really move on, Clarke," Raven replies in a soft voice as she furrows her brow and scoots closer to her wife. "We live our lives, but we never ever forget him. We'll never forget our little space man, alright?"

"Yeah." Clarke sniffles. "Alright."

Raven rests her lips against Clarke's forehead for a moment, "I love you."

"To the moon and back?" Clarke smiles.

"To the moon and back." Raven nods.

I remember your bare feet down the hallway
I love you to the moon and back